i should've made my resignation one long back to the future reference
i wish i could go back in time and do that
If my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw me flipping you the bird. First, let me assure you that I am alive and well. I've been living happily these past eight months in the year 1885. The lightning bolt that hit me immediately after I left the office caused a gigawatt overload which scrambled the time circuits, activated the flux capacitor, and sent me back to 1885. The overload shorted out the time circuits and destroyed the flying circuits. Unfortunately, I will never fly again.
I set myself up as a blacksmith as a front while I attempted to repair the damage to the time circuits. Unfortunately, this proved impossible because suitable replacement parts will not be invented until 1947. However, I've gotten quite adept at shoeing horses and fixing wagons.
I have buried a bag full of my poop in the abandoned Delgado Mine, adjacent to the Old Boot Hill Cemetery, as shown on the enclosed map. Hopefully, it should remain undisturbed and preserved until you uncover it in [year]. Inside you will find one of my finest steaming logs. My [year] counterpart should have no problem delivering it so that you can stick it up your ass. Once you have been properly disgusted, destroy the bag of poop.
Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to come back here to get me. I am perfectly happy living in the fresh air and the wide-open spaces, and I fear that unnecessary working for you only risks further disruption of my sanity. And please take care of your mom for me. I know that you will give her a good home. Remember to walk her twice a day, and that she only likes canned dog food. These are my wishes; please respect them and follow them.
And so [employer], I now say farewell and wish you Godspeed. You've been bad, mean, and a constant irritation to me. You've made a real difference in my life. I will always wake up in sweats when I have nightmares about our relationship and think on you with bottomless loathing, open disgust, and a brown spot in my underwear.
Your nemesis in time,
September 1st, 1885.