Should we just break up now and get it over with?

ceres

The Glorious Edict does not apply to exactly two people who have posted in this thread. Most of you are not one of them.

This debate along with any further name-calling is now over. The term "breeder" is meant to be derogatory, and shame on anyone who just tried to pass it off as merely "descriptive".

EggyToast

My ex-wife was adamant about not having children ever, and I have always been ambivalent. So, with her, I was OK with not having kids, and I told her so. I said in some ways I wondered how things would be different for me in my life because of the decision, but it was not a way for me to say "I'm telling you this because I actually do really want kids."

Now I have a girlfriend who very much wants a child (not in the surprise sense but in the "yes I want a family" sense), and my opinion remains -- I'm ambivalent.

In both situations, I have been open about my opinion and used it to talk about what it meant for the rest of the relationship. For my ex-wife, it made is re-evaluate our relationship and look to really depend on one another, since it would be just the two of us until we died, which in an ironic twist led to us splitting up. With my current girlfriend, despite it being relatively early in the relationship, I've been open in saying "If you want a kid, I'm cool with that, and I'm not saying it's entirely your decision and that I don't want one, but my ambivalence means that if you said you *didn't* want a kid, I'd be cool with that too."

I think kids are fun. I think not having kids are fun, too. The point is that you need to talk to your partner about this, because there are two things that are pretty exclusive in a serious, loving relationship -- sex, and the byproducts of sex (children, not STDs). As such, you should be talking about sex -- and you should be talking about children. If you seriously do not want children ever, you don't owe it to US to say so -- you owe it to your partner. That doesn't mean you need to dump her, because it's like dumping somoene because you think their parents might hate you. Bring it up and have a talk about it.

If you dump her without having the talk, you'll hurt her and won't have any resolution in your own life about the decision. If you talk to her, you can be honest about your feelings and let her know what you're feeling. And if you both feel that you can't compromise, then you'll *know.* And that's better.