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Awesome: 'My friend is getting whipped by his girl [Bros before hoes thread]' by Fishman

FishmanFishman I find your lack ofimperial stormtroopers disturbingRegistered User regular
  Centipede Damascus likes this Post written by Fishman
about three years ago
"I don't know whether to pity him or envy him."
Although this thread is technically about boys and the girls who whip them (:winky:), I would like to share this tale of the converse: when a boy pays not enough attention to a girl to the detriment of both parties (a totally true story of one man's apparently incomprehensible decision to not put the girl first).

So yesterday I was sitting at the PC while my wife had a spa bath, flicking through some game design articles and catching up on the forums when I hear my wife behind me say "I think it's time for bed" and I turn and see her standing there in a lacy g-string and see-through baby doll that ribbons up at the front.

As my jaw hits the floor, she simply turns and walks away saucily, every signal she's making sending signals straight past my higher-function cognitive centers and into that deeply primal part of the brain that short cuts all logical thought.

When I get to the bedroom, it's lit by a soft light. She is lying back on some pillows, and the bedside table is littered with a selection of toys, lube and massage butter. Restraints have been attached to the corners of the bed, but, most importantly, the expression on her face is most definitely an angry scowl.

"You made me wait" she says, "You never make a girl wait".

Because on my way to the bedroom, I thought to myself 'where's the dog? I better put the dog away', so went back and got the dog and put her on her mat in the laundry. Then, seeing as I put the dog away, I thought I'd better turn out the lights and lock up the house, so I wandered around the doors doing that. Then, on the way down to the bedroom, I passed the bathroom, and thought I'd better make a stop there. And while I was doing so, I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and realised I had forgotten to shave, so started up the hot water and got rid of my two days worth of stubble. All of which is vaguely humourous if it wasn't so completely and utterly not what I should be doing.

Like, what was I even thinking? When a girl invites you to a bedroom with intent, who the fuck stops to shave? Looking back on my evening, it's like some bizarre outtake of a Steve Carrell movie: when it all goes horribly wrong and it's all your fault.

So, who's got two thumbs and completely screwed up his chance for a wild night of lascivious ecstasy yesterday?

Feel free to point out how stupid I am. And learn this moral of the story: sometimes bros before hoes, but there are definitely times hoes need to come before other things. Know the difference, and preserve your chance for wild, uninhibited body-butter-and-cuffs sex.

X-Com LP Thread I, II, III, IV, V
That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
Hail to thee, Lightbringer.

Posts

  • ToxTox I kill threads Pharezon's human garbage heapRegistered User regular
    Fishman's life is tragically awesome.

    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    James Dean was the actor, Jimmy Dean was in the sausage business.

    James Deen is both an actor AND in the sausage business.
    Secret Satans! Post | Gaming Wishlist | General Wishlist
    Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • ToxTox I kill threads Pharezon's human garbage heapRegistered User regular
    Oh, cool. So, if you report a post for Awesome, and it's already been reported for awesome, it just adds your "reason/explanation" as a post in the Awesome thread.

    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    James Dean was the actor, Jimmy Dean was in the sausage business.

    James Deen is both an actor AND in the sausage business.
    Secret Satans! Post | Gaming Wishlist | General Wishlist
    Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    It already did that, but in a way that pointed out your shameful slowness a bit more (it kept the reason in a quote).

  • GatsbyGatsby You come at the Nidoking You best not missRegistered User regular
    I am going to slap you next time we meet.

    I may even slap someone over my mic on Xbox Live if we ever get a chance to play.

    Goddammit man!

    nidosig_zps0735f1a4.png
    Steam ID
    Friend Code: 2766 - 9202 - 0140
  • HyperBalladHyperBallad Behind every Nidoking There's a better NidoqueenRegistered User regular
    I have never heard so many incredulous "GodDAMNs" from @Gatsby in a skype conversation. Ever.

    nidoqsig_zpsfa0d625a.png

    Steam: poetic_gecko. 2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
  • RonaldoTheGypsyRonaldoTheGypsy I'm da BEST! Registered User regular
    Why would she say something so demonstrably false? "You never make a girl wait"

    He just did. People do it all the time. Looks like she has a lot of things to ponder or someone gave her some bad information.

    toadsig.jpg
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot P'burg, MTRegistered User regular
    Fishgrease wore the cuffs that night, didn't he.

    Spoiler:
  • FishmanFishman I find your lack of imperial stormtroopers disturbingRegistered User regular
    I'm not certain you people understand the definition of 'awesome'. This is like the opposite of awesome. It's nega-awesome.

    One star.
    Spoiler:

    X-Com LP Thread I, II, III, IV, V
    That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
    Hail to thee, Lightbringer.
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    bitches before hos


    you can feel great about still think about the dog =D>

    Alegis on
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