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. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
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Awesome: 'what's the most embarrassingly sexual thing you've ever done' by DrZiplock
It was my senior year of high school and I was making out with this girl on her back-porch one night. Nobody was home, all the lights were out and it was a moonless, cloudy night. Perfectly dark and great for making out on a back deck.
We're starting to get into it and my pants end up around my ankles and high school me is trying to keep cool as this is the greatest thing ever. It was about that moment that we see a set of headlights pull into the driveway.
She freaks the fuck out and starts screaming that I can't be here and that I need to flee. Now.
I'm scrambling like a guy who is about to get caught with his dick hanging out and get my boxers up and holy shit now she's really flipping out and starting to cry and why are you still here you can't be here you've got to go..run run run.
Turns out her folks are about to walk up the back path and onto the porch. Car doors open and close and she shoves me in one direction and with my pants still around my ankles I shuffle run.....right into nothingness.
As it so happens, they were building an extension on the deck that summer and the direction that I was herded in was where there were going to be stairs...but weren't stairs at the present time.
I cry out as I fall between 9-10 feet to the ground below. I then scream out as I have just destroyed my knee.
Her mother is now apparently running onto the back deck while her old man is circling it to catch the intruder...me.
She's crying and I'm found by her father laying helpless on his lawn with my pants around my ankles and a knee that is swelling to the size of a softball.
"zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. like, a puma or something. you'd make a good mountain lion."