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What would you do? *Lock Please*
Grimm
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I had a friend who unexpectedly cut off all contact last fall. Out of nowhere, he just stopped answering phone calls, texts, etc. I tried for a couple months to contact him with no luck. At the time both our jobs were selling t shirts for the current projects and we agreed to buy each other one (10$ each) and call it even. I got mine from him but he wouldn't even respond to messages about getting his shirt from me. A little later on, someone scratched my truck at work and i decided to ask his sister who also works on the site if she knew anything about buffing it out since their whole family is full of car nuts. She tells me her brother would be the one to ask and she'll have him call me. Weeks go by and the sister asks me if he ever got in touch with me since she told him to. I tell her no and she just says that's weird and doesn't understand why he didn't.
Now here is the problem. For the past three years, this guy rents a boat and has a party on one of the local lakes. I've gone every year and had a good time. Out of nowhere, i get a text from him last Saturday saying the boat party is this coming Saturday and he asks if i'm coming. This is the first time i've heard from him since last fall. He informs me that there are four people going right now and his sister (8 months pregnant) is out. I responded that i would go and ask who the four people are and he doesn't respond.
The more i got to thinking about this, the more i decided that i shouldn't go. I think its really weird how he cut off contact with me then invites me to the party. I've asked a few friends and with the exception of one, they all agree that i shouldn't go. Tonight, i sent him a text saying somethings come up and i'm unable to make it. He responded that he's sorry to hear that and "we'll do it again next year".
Basically what i'm asking here is, what would you do? Did i do the right thing in backing out? A couple friends suggested i let him know why i wouldn't be attending but i decided to be nice.
Now here is the problem. For the past three years, this guy rents a boat and has a party on one of the local lakes. I've gone every year and had a good time. Out of nowhere, i get a text from him last Saturday saying the boat party is this coming Saturday and he asks if i'm coming. This is the first time i've heard from him since last fall. He informs me that there are four people going right now and his sister (8 months pregnant) is out. I responded that i would go and ask who the four people are and he doesn't respond.
The more i got to thinking about this, the more i decided that i shouldn't go. I think its really weird how he cut off contact with me then invites me to the party. I've asked a few friends and with the exception of one, they all agree that i shouldn't go. Tonight, i sent him a text saying somethings come up and i'm unable to make it. He responded that he's sorry to hear that and "we'll do it again next year".
Basically what i'm asking here is, what would you do? Did i do the right thing in backing out? A couple friends suggested i let him know why i wouldn't be attending but i decided to be nice.
Grimm on
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I suppose it depends on how much you really want to know why this happened. He doesn't seem to concerned about it, so ball is in your court really. Are you curious enough to expend the effort? How good of a friend was he?
Ceres, Pretty much what i said above. I also think that if i did go, it would be weird. I mean, what are we going to talk about? We have no idea what the other has been up to for almost a year. I really don't think sitting in the middle of a lake during a party is the place to ask why he seems to have cut off contact. To answer your question, yes and yes.
I can relate a little, but from his side. I have a habit of just dropping contact with people. Not close, close friends (but that doesn't sound exactly like what you two were, even though you say "good friends"), but people who I see here and there and occasionally make plans with. I don't know why, I just don't really think about them any more and I can't even be bothered to put forth the effort if they contact me to do things. I know it's not exactly a healthy habit, and I recognize it, but that's just how it is.
I wouldn't read much into it and I wouldn't say you've been taken advantage of by any means. People are just strange ducks. The less time you spend stressing out about them and trying to figure them out, the better off you'll be.
Well, if you did go, you could just pretend like nothing had happened and catch up with him that way. "Hey, what've you been up to? Blah blah blah blah.". Don't even bring up the absence of contact. Hell, he might even apologize for being so distant.
You could always ask him what happened, though. It could be that he just disappeared and only family really heard from him. Did you get in touch with the other people going? Maybe they're wondering the same thing.
I'm not really frustrated. Like i said before, i just have a hard time dealing with people. I wanted a second opinion so i could see if i'm reading too much into things and being a jack ass or if i'm in the right.
EDIT: I really don't know if he did this with other people or just me. He stopped coming out the the Wednesday night gatherings. Other then that, i really only know his sister and anther woman from work that might talk to him on a regular basis.
I don't think he thinks you should "do" anything. People drop in and out of other people's lives without explanation all the time. I'd say he's just being friendly. If you want to know what's going on, go, catch up with him, be a friend. If not, don't go, but don't end up calling him or texting him and drilling him about what's been happening either.
Like I said, earlier, it sounds like you were friends, but not bosom buddies, but you know better than I.
EDIT: Just saw your edit about the Wednesday nights. Sounds like something came up in his life. I wouldn't take it personally.
One of my buddies got married. His wife hated all of us, and made him move halfway across the country to be near her family. Basically, the day after the wedding I never heard from or saw him until about a year ago when he showed up on my door step, like nothing had happened, wanting to hang out. (He had gotten divorced and come back to the east coast where his friends/family were)
It could be job related though. Maybe he's got a new job or different hours that are messing with him. Buddy of mine just changed jobs and I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks as a result. Thats not uncommon though. Between his g/f, his Job, and my Job, time to hang out is scarce beyond an hour or two of some game on Live once in a while.
Basically, unless you can find out it's directly related to you, I wouldn't let it bother you. If you're not sure, you could ask other mutual friends if there's something going on, or in the worst case scenario, family.
I'm not trying to argue with what anyone here is saying. I'm just trying to explain the way my brain see this. If you guys feel i'm wrong please tell me. I don't want it look like i'm asking for your advice then not listening when you offer it. As i said before, i am not a big people person. I just worry that maybe i am reading too much into it and i should go.
If you want to go, go. But only if you feel like you can go and not make a scene or confront him about it. It's a little weird what he did, sure, but things happen. You sound like you want to go and see him, so do it.
but they're listening to every word I say