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New Comic and Newspost: Friday August 19th 2011

TubeTube Says some shitAdministrator, ClubPA admin
edited August 2011 in The Penny Arcade Hub
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Writing the backstory for Mojang’s Scrolls has been the most fun I’ve ever had

QUALIFACTORS:

- as an adult
- with all my clothes on
- while not eating chicken satay.
Bethesda is uncomfortable with how scrolly they’re getting over there with all the scroll scrolls. Bethsoft has the Elder Scrolls, which are much, much older in the scroll department, and they believe that the age of these scrolls grants them primacy.

Notch, who may also be called Mr. Minecraft, challenged Bethesda to a Quake 3 Deathmatch as a means of resolving the issue, but no word has been forthcoming because this isn’t how we resolve legal disputes in this dimension even though it would be totally sweet. I think this is how you should solve all problems.

My reaction to legal challenges is typically to run away, run awayi from the pain, yeah hah yeah ah heah yeah. We once had to pay someone thirty-five thousand dollars because they didn’t pay us. That is a real thing, and it happened. Once lawyers get involved all certainties cease. It’s no skin off my nose, in any event; I can fix this kind of thing on my end.

Here is something I’ve never entirely understood; maybe someone can explain the structure here.

Alright.

So, if we’re playing a game, and you defeat me, I’m a gay noob. I mean, this is dumb, but I understand what you’re trying to say, which is that I lack the true vigor of an actual man. Also, my inexperience at the game - as opposed to my experience at having sex with men, which is encyclopedic - renders me unable to repel your onslaught, which is sure to be savage indeed. Let’s set aside the fact that these assertions are made well before the first encounter, when you have no index of my prowess on any conceivable axis, when everyone is situated in a realm of inexhaustible life and couldn’t die even if they wanted to.

When we emerge from the round, though, in the twilight phase between active rounds, your body broken clean in half by my noble order, with your last gulp of rancid air you still call me a gay noob? How does that square with your other shit? Where do you fall in the hierarchy, then? Did I defeat you with all my delicate homomancy? Call me not noob, call me Anoobis; you have entered the realm of the defeated, and you are mine.

(CW)TB out.

nobody believes me

Tube on

Posts

  • AumniAumni Registered User regular
    On thursday I was thinking about this and then they go turn it into a comic. MINDREADERS.

    Tycho's little rant about 'gay noob' is fantastic.

    And they really need to fight Notch in Quake 3. I would pay to see that. (And IGN offered to stream it too!)

    http://steamcommunity.com/id/aumni/ Battlenet: Aumni#1978 GW2: Aumni.1425
  • SmokeStacksSmokeStacks I see the footbathRegistered User regular
    In the future, all disputes (legal, military, economic, etc) will be settled by Quake III DM.

  • EddyEddy pale Gengars I loved beside Cerulean CaveRegistered User regular
    In the future, all disputes (legal, military, economic, etc) will be settled by Quake III DM.

    With real weapons, of course. And multiple combatants on each side.

  • Maz-Maz- World's waiting for you, kid. Registered User regular
    I, for one, welcome our new Penny Arcade Hub overlords.

    That Scrolls™ business is so incredibly silly. I just hope people realise that's not the Bethesda developers who are suing but rather the evil, corporate masterminds at the head company.
    Blaming people is fun, just be sure to blame the right ones.

    Steam | Origin: MazPA | 3DS: 1848-2888-3654 | Nintendo Network ID: Maz_PA
  • CambiataCambiata I'm an alchemist and the beat is my base metal Registered User regular
    I wonder if JC Penny can legally sue someone for having 'penny' in the name of their store or product.

    -Tal wrote:
    If you don't develop Stockholm Syndrome, it's not a real RPG.
    Steam
    Origin ID: jazzmess
    Wishlist
  • exisexis Registered User regular
    Maz- wrote:
    I, for one, welcome our new Penny Arcade Hub overlords.

    That Scrolls™ business is so incredibly silly. I just hope people realise that's not the Bethesda developers who are suing but rather the evil, corporate masterminds at the head company.
    Blaming people is fun, just be sure to blame the right ones.
    I liked Notch's tweet about the whole thing: "I still <3 Bethesda. This is hopefully just lawyers being lawyers."

    Classy dude. I think a lot of people would take this personally and try to incite some sort of internet fan rage.

    XBL: ecksys | LoL: deyur | Path of Exile: deyur | Check out our Kiwi games podcast
    camo_sig2.png
  • GaslightGaslight Registered User regular
    Maz- wrote:
    I, for one, welcome our new Penny Arcade Hub overlords.

    That Scrolls™ business is so incredibly silly. I just hope people realise that's not the Bethesda developers who are suing but rather the evil, corporate masterminds at the head company.
    Blaming people is fun, just be sure to blame the right ones.

    I actually haven't seen as much OMG BOYCOTT BETHESDA raging as I sortof expected. But I'm probably not traveling in the right net-circles.

    Nobody needs to link me to the "right" net-circles. I'm okay.

    1Slimus.jpg
  • dbrock270dbrock270 Registered User regular
    edited August 2011
    Note to Notch: Finish Minecraft before starting work on another game.

    dbrock270 on
  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 Registered User regular
    dbrock270 wrote:
    Note to Notch: Finish Minecraft before starting work on another game.

    Or, you know, get started on a new game while finishing up the first one, so your fans have less of a wait and can give you more of their money sooner than they otherwise would have. Because it's not like you're the only programmer in the company still.

  • Cilla BlackCilla Black Registered User regular
    Yeah, it's not even the Bethesda company that said any of these things, but ZeniMax. They own Bethesda and the Elder Scrolls license, but it's still a step removed. Notch is challenging the wrong dudes to Quake 3.

  • I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell UpI'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up Registered User regular
    Does anyone know what happened with the "We once had to pay someone thirty-five thousand dollars because they didn’t pay us. That is a real thing, and it happened" incident? It seems like I missed something big here...

    In the words of the ancients, one should make his decision within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break through to the other side
  • faitsfaits a panda eating cake seattleRegistered User regular
    Pretty sure it's just the story that was recounted about three times in the previous incarnation of this thread

    1) signed over the book rights to kiwi press
    2) never got any money from him plus he moved to alaska
    3) paid $35,000 either in legal fees or to buy back the rights

    faits.png
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