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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions

dnaericdnaeric Registered User regular
edited October 2011 in Debate and/or Discourse
Internet Dating


This thread is built to help you avoid this:
internetdating128626283803314890.jpg

Now that the old thread has reached one hundred pages, here is a new thread so we can share more hilarious and heartwarming tales of dating on the internet.

Our friendly and helpful forum-goers have put together a lot of advice since these threads began, I've copy-pasted most of it from Richy's old OP.

Your Profile
Wherein we discuss dating profile advice.
Spoiler:

Charts!
Wherein number are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
Spoiler:

Advice
Wherein we're wise men and women. Single, sad, lonely wise men and women.
Spoiler:

Also, remember if you want more specific advice to post your profile link in the thread. Four or five people will usually jump right on and begin tearing it to shreds (in a good way) so you can be more successful.[/quote]



ETA: The above will be updated by dnaeric asap.

dnaeric on
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Posts

  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    I must have missed it last thread

    but what's the deal with ducks?

    1JM7Sqi.jpg
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    Joolander wrote:
    I must have missed it last thread

    but what's the deal with ducks?
    Its a great example of an interesting and uncommon question to ask someone, both during conversation and to start one.

    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • kfroosterkfrooster Registered User regular
    @dnaeric made up a way of breaking the ice on okcupid by sending messages to people with the question: "Who is your favourite duck?"

    We've had one or two people try it out so far with like a 50% success rate.

  • dnaericdnaeric Registered User regular
    If you ask "Who is your favorite duck" (and this can work in RL as well), its an off the beaten path question that they probably won't have a 'pat' answer to.

    Keys are:
    1. Know your answer and have an explanation for why you chose yours.
    2. Have an expectation or foreknowledge of what ducks she might choose so you can say "ahh yes, Daffy, I remember him well", or whatever you're going to say about her choice.

    For example, if a girl says she likes Donald Duck, I know I'm not going to like this girl.

    If a girl says she likes Darkwing Duck, I'm going to get dangerous with her.

    And if she says mallards, she either misheard the question or is just stupid and should burn. BURN.

  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    edited October 2011
    I disagree with it being used to break the ice, but rather something to use later in conversation. First messages should at least show you read their profile.

    edit: Mallards are awesome and is a perfectly valid question, but does show how the person interprets the world.

    Skoal Cat on
    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    interesting. I'll have to try this

    1JM7Sqi.jpg
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Since it got buried at the end of a page in the last thread, I'll try again:
    Carthage wrote:
    Alright dating thread. I'm ready. I've reactived my account after moving to a new city and taking a few months off, revamped it a bit and uploaded a new picture or two.

    Bad pictures? Boring prose? Get rid of that goatee(probably not going to happen)?
    TEAR ME APART!

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Copperworth

  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    Maybe my profile should read.

    I have a job, don't live with my parents and for fun I like games of all sort and if you don't like it fuck off.

  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    edited October 2011
    Carthage wrote:
    Since it got buried at the end of a page in the last thread, I'll try again:
    Carthage wrote:
    Alright dating thread. I'm ready. I've reactived my account after moving to a new city and taking a few months off, revamped it a bit and uploaded a new picture or two.

    Bad pictures? Boring prose? Get rid of that goatee(probably not going to happen)?
    TEAR ME APART!

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Copperworth

    Honestly? Its pretty damned solid. The only part I hate is your "message me if" section. There is too much that makes me think "god, he is really going to judge me badly based on X". Your photos are good, but there are too many that are simply "here is me someplace interesting." They give us the same vibe and, even though you're in a neat place, are kind of repetitive that way.
    Be careful with giving the implication that you might not have time to date, or that you wouldn't date someone who specifically has your interests in grammar, politics, and exercise (Oxford comma, go go go).
    Remove the date from the Prague photo. If its not recent, don't date it.
    I'd also say be aware of how disjointed your profile is. You have a lot of info, maybe too much actually, that doesn't really flow into the next section well. Also, removing stuff means you'll have interesting things to talk about on your date.

    Approach your profile thinking this, "Does this comment specifically increase the chance that someone would want to date me?" If not, toss it.
    Example: "Oh my god, hes bad at bowling? <3throb up in here"

    Skoal Cat on
    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    Example: "Oh my god, hes bad at bowling? <3throb up in here"

    So we know you two won't be a match.

    Profile looked good, liked the casual but focused writing style.

    Excision wrote: »
    My girlfriend is going down tonight!

    Steam:MichaelLC
  • babypp2babypp2 Registered User
  • HadjiQuestHadjiQuest Registered User regular
    My last OKC relationship lasted two years, and although it had some pretty serious rocky moments, it was incredibly fulfilling.

    Unfortunately, two weeks after we moved in together in a new city, she left me for my best friend. I spent two weeks trying to work shit out, then just to figure shit out, and then to move out and back home.

    When is it time to get back on the internet dating horse?

    I probably could've posted this in a non e-dating thread, but I wanted to guys to see the blissful success and ultimate horror that OKC can be, just like any other form of meeting people and falling in love!

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    HadjiQuest wrote:
    When is it time to get back on the internet dating horse?
    When you're ready. Only you can answer that question man.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    ok i just updated my profile, just broke up with a girl i was casually seeing so hit me with your best shot

  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    So I went on a coffee date with a girl two weeks ago, and suggested doing something the following weekend but she seemed sort of disinterested so I didn't end up getting back in touch with her. Today she texted me with "Hey, how's it going?" which I assume means she wants to meet up again - I'm up for it, but should I acknowledge why I didn't text her last time?

  • Gandalf_the_CrazedGandalf_the_Crazed Vigilo ConfidoRegistered User regular
    Tell her you're a lawyer and got super busy with an important case. Obviously.

    PEUsig_zps56da03ec.jpg
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    Carthage wrote:
    Since it got buried at the end of a page in the last thread, I'll try again:
    Carthage wrote:
    Alright dating thread. I'm ready. I've reactived my account after moving to a new city and taking a few months off, revamped it a bit and uploaded a new picture or two.

    Bad pictures? Boring prose? Get rid of that goatee(probably not going to happen)?
    TEAR ME APART!

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Copperworth

    Honestly? Its pretty damned solid. The only part I hate is your "message me if" section. There is too much that makes me think "god, he is really going to judge me badly based on X". Your photos are good, but there are too many that are simply "here is me someplace interesting." They give us the same vibe and, even though you're in a neat place, are kind of repetitive that way.
    Be careful with giving the implication that you might not have time to date, or that you wouldn't date someone who specifically has your interests in grammar, politics, and exercise (Oxford comma, go go go).
    Remove the date from the Prague photo. If its not recent, don't date it.
    I'd also say be aware of how disjointed your profile is. You have a lot of info, maybe too much actually, that doesn't really flow into the next section well. Also, removing stuff means you'll have interesting things to talk about on your date.

    Approach your profile thinking this, "Does this comment specifically increase the chance that someone would want to date me?" If not, toss it.
    Example: "Oh my god, hes bad at bowling? <3throb up in here"

    Thanks for the feedback. I've been told the 'message me' part is a little off-putting before (here, actually), so I made it a little friendlier. Made a few adjustments elsewhere as well - I see what you mean about the different sections not really flowing together, but I think I'd have to start from scratch to make it really cohesive.

    Other people's thoughts are certainly welcome as well.

  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Beasteh wrote:
    ok i just updated my profile, just broke up with a girl i was casually seeing so hit me with your best shot

    Pictures: Mostly good, but I'd take one of you and your cousin out of the top three, and maybe remove the one with your best friend. Pictures of you with the opposite sex are not the best idea.

    The 'generous as hell' part of your profile makes you sound like a pushover. Not sure I'd leave that in there.

    You've got a fun, high energy, somewhat nerdy vibe to your profile, which I think works pretty well, but shyer girls may be a little put off. Or not. Time to send some messages and find out.

  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Zek wrote:
    So I went on a coffee date with a girl two weeks ago, and suggested doing something the following weekend but she seemed sort of disinterested so I didn't end up getting back in touch with her. Today she texted me with "Hey, how's it going?" which I assume means she wants to meet up again - I'm up for it, but should I acknowledge why I didn't text her last time?

    There's nothing to gain from bringing it up. If you're actually interested, text her back, try to set another date up, maybe something more active than coffee this time.

  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    Carthage wrote:
    Beasteh wrote:
    ok i just updated my profile, just broke up with a girl i was casually seeing so hit me with your best shot

    Pictures: Mostly good, but I'd take one of you and your cousin out of the top three, and maybe remove the one with your best friend. Pictures of you with the opposite sex are not the best idea.

    The 'generous as hell' part of your profile makes you sound like a pushover. Not sure I'd leave that in there.

    You've got a fun, high energy, somewhat nerdy vibe to your profile, which I think works pretty well, but shyer girls may be a little put off. Or not. Time to send some messages and find out.

    alright, changes made (i really need to get some new recent photos)

    thanks!

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    For whomever was discussing age restrictions on OKC with me in the last thread, long after I changed my age ranges I've had 2 people outside my specified age range (below, by 1 year) visit my profile because I fit into their age ranges.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Whoops. Accidentally clicked 'save and notify' instead of just save on someone's profile. Motivation to sent a message sooner rather than later!

  • BadboyHidoBadboyHido Registered User
    JAEF wrote:
    For whomever was discussing age restrictions on OKC with me in the last thread, long after I changed my age ranges I've had 2 people outside my specified age range (below, by 1 year) visit my profile because I fit into their age ranges.

    Yeah, but were these women who either:

    a) Sent you a message

    of

    b) You were even remotely interested in

    I mean, if you're in your 20s, don't even have a minimum age. It's not weird to date somebody who's, let's say, 22 even when you're 29. But once you're 30, things get a lot more difficult. Women in their early or mid 20s sometimes even late 20s will not be interested. I've seen this just by looking at the age ranges that women put down.

    I can say from experience that things were a lot easier when I was in my 20s. As soon as I turned 30, my options limited drastically. It's surprising.

    Obviously, the older you get (past 25 or so), the fewer single women there are. They get married.

    You also start seeing more women with children. Same principle. As people get older, they tend to get married and/or have children.

    So there's an increasingly smaller pool as the years go on. And a lot of women in their 20s just use 30 as an arbitrary cut off point.

    You have to look at women in their 30s then. These women fall into exactly two groups:

    1. Those who have children.

    2. Those who don't have children.

    Those with children -- I need not explain the added difficulty here.

    Those without children -- why not? They got to 30 without children? What were they doing for all this time? Ignoring medical reasons, why couldn't they have any children? They couldn't get something going with some dude in all this time. Why not? What's up with them?

    Could be nothing. They could be real catches. But it could be something else (lunatics, very unattractive, whatever).

    Also, women in their 30s who want children really want children. Because time's awasting. If you want children straight away with some random chick off the internet, great. If not, you don't want to waste their time.

    So it's bad news all around. I didn't really care about dating while I was younger. Now I see that I was in error.

    That said, I was looking at my phone messages this morning. I saw a message from exactly a year ago from a girl I met up with. That was the last date I had. I just haven't been putting any effort in. So I didn't learn any lesson. Maybe things start improving when you're 40 and these women are divorced and have grown children.

  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Harrisonburg, VARegistered User regular
    Those without children -- why not? They got to 30 without children? What were they doing for all this time? Ignoring medical reasons, why couldn't they have any children? They couldn't get something going with some dude in all this time. Why not? What's up with them?
    Of course, you could say the exact same things about guys.

  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    I'm about ready to cut one of the ladies I met online loose. We've never met, and she doesn't respond to my messages that are an attempt to try to get the ball rolling on getting together...

    ...and then she'll send a message a day or two later asking how I'm doing and what I've been up to. I respond with a message or two and then ask when she'd like to meet, she falls silent, and the process repeats. I think she's actually afraid to meet or something but I don't really have the patience to play whatever game we're playing.

    What is the least-dickish way to figuratively tell her to put out or get out (again, not sexually, but just to meet in person).

    Ultimanecat on
    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • EshEsh Tending bar. Eating out. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    I'm about ready to cut one of the ladies I met online loose. We've never met, and she doesn't respond to my messages that are an attempt to try to get the ball rolling on getting together...

    ...and then she'll send a message a day or two later asking how I'm doing and what I've been up to. I respond with a message or two and then ask when she'd like to meet, she falls silent, and the process repeats. I think she's actually afraid to meet or something but I don't really have the patience to play whatever game we're playing.

    What is the least-dickish way to figuratively tell her to put out or get out (again, not sexually, but just to meet in person).

    You've never met in person, she's not a friend. Just stop responding to her.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • EshEsh Tending bar. Eating out. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    BadboyHido wrote:
    But once you're 30, things get a lot more difficult. Women in their early or mid 20s sometimes even late 20s will not be interested. I've seen this just by looking at the age ranges that women put down.

    I can say from experience that things were a lot easier when I was in my 20s. As soon as I turned 30, my options limited drastically. It's surprising.

    I haven't seen this at all. In fact, just the opposite. Women prefer older men, and as they get older they don't want to deal with guys in their early 20s.

    This from an almost 35 year old. Caveat here is that I look about 24-25 though, so women get the best of both worlds, young looking but with mental maturity.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    Esh wrote:
    I'm about ready to cut one of the ladies I met online loose. We've never met, and she doesn't respond to my messages that are an attempt to try to get the ball rolling on getting together...

    ...and then she'll send a message a day or two later asking how I'm doing and what I've been up to. I respond with a message or two and then ask when she'd like to meet, she falls silent, and the process repeats. I think she's actually afraid to meet or something but I don't really have the patience to play whatever game we're playing.

    What is the least-dickish way to figuratively tell her to put out or get out (again, not sexually, but just to meet in person).

    You've never met in person, she's not a friend. Just stop responding to her.

    Well, I'm about to. I just was wondering if there is a potential way to figure out what the hell is going on. Oh well, I'll move on then.

    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    BadboyHido wrote:
    JAEF wrote:
    For whomever was discussing age restrictions on OKC with me in the last thread, long after I changed my age ranges I've had 2 people outside my specified age range (below, by 1 year) visit my profile because I fit into their age ranges.

    Yeah, but were these women who either:

    a) Sent you a message

    of

    b) You were even remotely interested in
    One sent me a message, I wasn't particularly interested in either outside of some casual chatting.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
  • N1tSt4lkerN1tSt4lker Registered User regular
    Those without children -- why not? They got to 30 without children? What were they doing for all this time? Ignoring medical reasons, why couldn't they have any children? They couldn't get something going with some dude in all this time. Why not? What's up with them?
    Of course, you could say the exact same things about guys.

    Pretty much. Life happens to people. There are a myriad of reasons for a person to be 30, single, and childless. It's silly goosery to approach it with this attitude.

  • OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Never got around to telling about my lunch date from Saturday.

    It went okay. We got lunch and talked for about an hour. She's got a few more pounds than her pictures let on, particularly in the face/neck. And I now know that she's got a high school prom picture up on her profile, because there's no way the girl in that picture was the same person I met Saturday. I'm not sure I'll go out with her again, though. For one I'm just not feeling her, but there are a few other things. For one, she gave off the impression she was in law school in her profile, came to my city to goto college from Alabama, so I ask her if she wants to be a lawyer. She answers that law school is actually kind of hard and she's not very good at it, so she may have to drop out and might pursue teaching instead. Not sure how you make it all the way to graduate school just to figure that out (she's from Virginia, went to Alabama for college, and came to Knoxville TN to drop out of graduate school...random).

    By the way, I thought it was kind of funny since we were just talking about pretending to be a lawyer recently.

    I think I'm gonna bump up my age range to 24-28. I'm 25, and this girl was 22. I'd like to think a year or two more would get me a little more of what I'm looking for...perhaps.

    Omeks on
    Online Info (Click Spoiler for More):
    |Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
    |PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
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  • dnaericdnaeric Registered User regular
    Esh wrote:
    I'm about ready to cut one of the ladies I met online loose. We've never met, and she doesn't respond to my messages that are an attempt to try to get the ball rolling on getting together...

    ...and then she'll send a message a day or two later asking how I'm doing and what I've been up to. I respond with a message or two and then ask when she'd like to meet, she falls silent, and the process repeats. I think she's actually afraid to meet or something but I don't really have the patience to play whatever game we're playing.

    What is the least-dickish way to figuratively tell her to put out or get out (again, not sexually, but just to meet in person).

    You've never met in person, she's not a friend. Just stop responding to her.

    Well, I'm about to. I just was wondering if there is a potential way to figure out what the hell is going on. Oh well, I'll move on then.

    If you feel like she is interesting (besides this not meeting thing), just be incredibly direct. Just make the next message something along the lines of:

    Hey Jan123,

    Got your message, my weekend was good. I'd like to move forward from just online chatting and meet with you real life so we can spend some time getting to know each other face to face. I'm free either Thursday or Saturday evening this week and would enjoy getting together for a drink or maybe catch some dinner. Let me know which day works best for you and we can set up a time/place.

    Ultimanecat


    So, with the message above, you aren't asking her any questions. Its a 'this is what we're doing'. You're taking the reins and driving, and for someone that is clearly being passive (or potentially trying to avoid), then this will get you there. If she can't commit after being direct like this, she isn't going to OR she is going to explain herself.

    In my experience, women like the guy to drive (figuratively). Its nature at work. Girls don't need an asshole hitting them, but they do want the guys to be the one leading in the dance. So, don't pussy foot. Wallflowers plant roots.

  • dnaericdnaeric Registered User regular
    Omeks wrote:
    Never got around to telling about my lunch date from Saturday.

    Super-clingy girl didn't work out. Who woulda guessed.

    I think after reading your profile again, its obvious that you're at a place in your life that is serious and set. You want that out of someone else as well. Just know you're coming from that place, project that, and it should reflect back.

    Also, I have no doubt the key to your personal victory is a goatee. I'm just sayin.

  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    dnaeric wrote:
    If you feel like she is interesting (besides this not meeting thing), just be incredibly direct. Just make the next message something along the lines of:

    Hey Jan123,

    Got your message, my weekend was good. I'd like to move forward from just online chatting and meet with you real life so we can spend some time getting to know each other face to face. I'm free either Thursday or Saturday evening this week and would enjoy getting together for a drink or maybe catch some dinner. Let me know which day works best for you and we can set up a time/place.

    Ultimanecat


    So, with the message above, you aren't asking her any questions. Its a 'this is what we're doing'. You're taking the reins and driving, and for someone that is clearly being passive (or potentially trying to avoid), then this will get you there. If she can't commit after being direct like this, she isn't going to OR she is going to explain herself.

    In my experience, women like the guy to drive (figuratively). Its nature at work. Girls don't need an asshole hitting them, but they do want the guys to be the one leading in the dance. So, don't pussy foot. Wallflowers plant roots.

    Yeah, I'm about that direct as it is but she's just stonewalling at this point. It's weird to me because she's chatty as hell so long as I don't ask her out - fair enough, but why bother with the song and dance routine?

    She's definitely not interesting enough to keep this up, soooooo...back into the ocean she goes.

    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • Peeps ChickenPeeps Chicken Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    So, that girl I took out on the third date last Monday, who I liked but felt wasn't attracted to me? I never called her again, figuring to just write it off as a loss. But I get out of training this Monday, and there's a voicemail from her, wanting to talk. That's a good sign, her calling me, right? I sure thought so.

    Negative. I call her, and she gives me the "I'm not interested in dating you, but I'd like to stay friends" speech. She does at least apologize for how awkward she left things on the last date (I knew I wasn't imagining things!).

    Ugh. I purposefully didn't call originally because I saw the writing on the wall, and I still get Shanghaied into rejection anyway.

    Peeps Chicken on
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    edited October 2011
    I managed to bring up in conversation last night with the woman I've been dating that, "hey, I'm not really interested in dating anyone else, you're amazing"... turns out she's polyamorous and is in a two year relationship with someone else.
    Huh.

    My heads swimming with this. She's amazing and she cares about me and wants to be in a relationship with me (just not with only me). This doesn't make her a bad person, I respect her current relationship, I have my fears and misgivings about what this means, and I'm having a hard time understanding how I feel. I think I need to make a H/A thread.

    Fun side note here, my absolute horror story of the agoraphobic whale came up. Turns out, poly girl used to be agoraphobic! She's better now. What are the odds?

    Skoal Cat on
    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • Peeps ChickenPeeps Chicken Registered User regular
    Yeah, I'm about that direct as it is but she's just stonewalling at this point. It's weird to me because she's chatty as hell so long as I don't ask her out - fair enough, but why bother with the song and dance routine?

    There's a good chance she's already in a relationship that's dying. I've seen that before. The girl starts lining up her options before ending her relationship, but she won't fully take the plunge until that relationship is over.

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    turns out she's polyamorous and is in a two year relationship with someone else.
    Well that's... something. Hope things work out for you whatever way you go with this.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    I decided that before I decide anything, I'm going to meet her boyfriend first. I have a lot of concerns all up in here.

    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • TheBigEasyTheBigEasy Registered User regular
    wow .. how'd that even work? One day she is with you, the next day with the other guy?

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