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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions
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Even though I had definitely messaged one of them.
Follow me on Twitter??
I wouldn't use it verbatim, but yes, that's why I post here -- to help people and discuss online dating practices. A two or three sentence message where you say, basically, "I've read your profile, I find you interesting, and I also find you attractive, so let's do something" is usually engaging enough to get a response. It's not going to make someone who doesn't find you attractive suddenly want to sleep with you, but it makes your intentions clear.
The catch is to do it without being creepy. Most women are OK being told, in a dating situation, that you personally find them pretty. Those same women are generally sick of being told they're objectively beautiful and being propositioned for sex.
This drives me insane.
I specifically mention in my profile that I spend a lot of time in the gym. I am really, really passionate about weightlifting. Not just doing it, but the science behind it and everything involved in it. Ultimately, I place a high amount of importance on taking care of your physical well-being, in some form. I explicitly state this.
If the last time you saw the inside of a gym was physical education class in high school, why bother? Of course I'm basing my judgement of that on photographs and a person certainly could be trying to get in shape, but clearly if they have pictures indicating they currently aren't, then they weren't too attentive to it up until this point.
Boom, problem solved.
Ritchmeister has it right to some degree. If you're only interested in women with bodies you consider fit, then be explicit or else you'll get messages from people who find you interesting for other reasons (that have nothing to do with how much time you spend in the gym or rock climbing).
If faith is just a silent tribute, mine is just a desperate act.
Also, we've come full circle!
I'm a very active guy and I'm looking for a woman who can keep up.
?
Haha, yes it would probably be wise to use a variation of your sentence. I usually have 3/4 of your points but I lacked the final "let's do something" finisher. But, success! Had a response almost immediately but that was probably due to us being night owls.
i don't see them as entirely divorced.
but what i'm saying, i guess, is that you should maybe stop and think about how your mind tends to sort and categorize and articulate things. i generally don't date women who are very overweight (though there are exceptions). but i think it's psychologically damaging and injurious to basic human empathy to allow yourself to Other fat women in your thoughts. i understand you're not aggressive or externally hurtful about it- that you don't say mean and cutting things to these women. i get that, and it's good.
but by allowing that to be your thought process- 'ugh, fat, gross woman friended me, just great'- i think you're doing your basic decency a disservice. that sort of depersonalization is pretty insensitive to one of the core truths of this whole endeavor (which is that we are all fundamentally unsure who wants us and what that means). i believe that thinking more gently and civilly translates to a more social and kind person... which, incidentally, translates to a person who we as a society generally regard as, uh, fuckable.
It's not like I just barged into the thread and made an "another goddamn fatty, /eyeroll" bitchpost while we were discussing ducks or something.
My post also would have been different if she had just sent me a decent message -- probably more along the lines of "just one, and it was someone I'm not interested in at all." I never use the Favorites thing, and I don't really understand the point of adding someone to your Favorites with a notification to them without bothering to send a message. To me, it's like saying, "I'm interested in you but am too lazy/uncreative/uninteresting/apathetic/etc. to bother composing a one sentence message, so I'll just do this, let you get a generic system message about it, and then you can figure out what you want to do about it."
i suggest tracking her down and splashing water in her face
Maybe some of these unattractive ladies are doing the same thing, just sending out a bunch of messages and seeing who bites.
Yes, they may have not read your profile, but from what I hear from lady land, men don't read the profiles about 99% of the time.
Like I said, I didn't even get a message. Just a generic "Favorited" message from the system. Should I reply with "thanks!"?
Also, I read profiles, so I guess that makes me a 1%er. And we hate those 1%ers!
Would one of you fine folk critique my profile on okcupid, my first foray into this online dating thing and trying to get it right
username is Seanron5000
That was me and it was actually extremely successful. Granted while I used a standard message it wasn't a one liner and based on the feedback and my somewhat mediocre attractiveness it was probably fairly decent. I also stayed away from favourites, that's just plain lazy.
Anyways I'm probably single again so after I get caught up on some stuff I'm going to have to make a decision between going back to crafted messages or continuing with the shot gun approach. Both have their merits.
Right now OKC is showing me a demographic outside of what I am interested. Also appears to be an increase of self-deprecating profiles lately.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Now he doesn't talk to his family though / doesn't come home for holidays. But that's another story.
In recent news, my coffee date went swimmingly. Second date confirmed (not a time, but that there will be one), this time at an actual restaurant.
My Steam profile | My TF2 items
On another note. I am doing something wrong on my second dates, It's a shame I can't have someone doing a play by play for review. I do fine on the first date then there is some sort of mood change. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it. Oh well next one up.
You may not be doing anything wrong. If I feel a first date/meet-up goes well and there's a little spark, I'll agree to a second date to find out for sure. A lot of times, the second date just shows that the spark wasn't really a thing. So what may be happening is that there's enough clicking for a second date, but the second date is just revealing that not enough clicks for more than that, not that you're bungling things. If that makes sense.
Pics > Tests > Personality > Profile
I can usually gleam more about a person from the tests and personality section than the usual trite stuff written in the profile.
I'm just going to keep it cool, relax, make small talk, be myself.
E: In other good news, I've been talking to two girls, neither especially local, but hey, it's correspondence! That's better than nothing!
I know my pics are just the tres chic bathroom mirror since I am usually up at night I really don't want to come across as a vampire
As for the tests I remember doing a few got bored because I figured out how I can change one or two answers and get a different outcome
Personality o boy mine looks like I will leave you tastefully displayed in a ditch somewhere
And profile I just wrote things without a care, no sense of order, But all of it is true.
My order of weeding is basically
Are you interesting? The fine line between fun and crazy? are you not short? are you obvious about your baggage?
I really have not meet anyone I have chatted with online for a date. the last couple of women I have dated I personally talked to in public. Part of me just gave up on dating because of what I was running into and seeing all the interesting ones so far out of reach.
That's the accepted advice. Although if you want to turn up dressed in a dinosaur outfit while singing show tunes please do so and report back!
I'm also with you on the correspondence is better than nothing front. I'm currently in a fantastic email conversation with a girl in another country. She keeps talking about sorting her visa out and organising a date for when she gets here but I don't really care if she does or not. I just enjoy exchanging mini essays with her on whatever random topics seem to keep coming up. Been a while since I had a conversation this intelligent with anybody to be honest.
Coffee girl seems to have fizzled out. Despite what I felt was a good first date and some positive signs from her afterwards she seems to be making precisely zero effort in regards organising a second date. She said something about perhaps organising one for this coming weekend but it felt more like a "don't hold your breath" rather than a "keep your diary clear" statement.
This. I've never added someone to favorites, so I'm not sure how overt the warning is that you're about to notify the other person... I like to think maybe they just don't realize/care and are saving you to look or message later? But it's more likely what you said. Similarly the old "wink" function.
I use the favorites as a "to-message" list. You can add someone without having OKC send them an email, so I mostly just use it as a placeholder for people I want to message eventually.
Same here. I usually build up a list of about 5 to 10 people and then spend the next week coming up with opening messages for each of them. As I send off the messages I remove them from the list.
In part because I'm coming at this from the other direction - I'm already married, but still looking to see people, which obviously cuts down on my options a lot. Which means a good profile and photos is even more important, since I can actually reasonable exhaust the supply of people who might be interested, locally, if I'm not more cautious than I used to be. (I met my wife off okcupid. Admittedly, she did most of the work.) I'm having some luck, but not much, and in all honesty I'm pretty out of practice.
So yeah - critiques and suggestions welcome:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MackinBanana
It's actually... pretty terrible right now, in my opinion. Only been half-assing it. Gonna rewrite the whole thing soon, I think.
Just a movie? Seems like you two won't talk or you will talk and piss off the other people at the movie.