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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions

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Posts

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Klyka wrote: »
    So 10 days ago I suddenly got a message on my OKC account which I haven't checked in about 2 years.
    It was an American girl who is moving to a town 40 minutes away from where I live. She's moving there this week.
    Her message said "You cocky fuck. I did enjoy reading your profile though!". This intrigued me and we started writing. Now we have a date sometime in the next 2 weeks.
    She plays video games and we seem to have quite a few things in common.
    I am pretty weirded out because I have never had a girl do the initial messaging/talking.

    Let's see how it works out!
    Awwww yeah, go Klyka. That German accent will win her over in no time.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef -- League VODS: Twitch or YouTube
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  • FiatilFiatil Registered User regular
    edited March 2012
    Today's profile that's probably fake but I really want to be real:

    About Me
    "I work at Olive Garden. But I want to be a veterynarean cause I love kids."

    Fiatil on
    Cronyx wrote:
    Also, it isn't representative of "my actual self" either. That's technically my LARP character.
    PSN: Fiatil
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Hello internet dating thread!

    Dusting off my profile after being inactive for six months or so. If people want to take a look and tell me how terrible or awesome my profile is, that'd be fantastic. If anyone wants some feedback on their profile as well, I'd be happy to tear it to pieces offer feedback in exchange.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Copperworth

  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    Carthage wrote: »
    Hello internet dating thread!

    Dusting off my profile after being inactive for six months or so. If people want to take a look and tell me how terrible or awesome my profile is, that'd be fantastic. If anyone wants some feedback on their profile as well, I'd be happy to tear it to pieces offer feedback in exchange.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Copperworth

    Don't change a thing. Continue being awesome. Everyone who's been asking for profile advice, this guy does it incredibly well.

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    edited March 2012
    Apparently there is no double post protection on the forums now T_T

    JAEF on
    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef -- League VODS: Twitch or YouTube
    check.php?c=Jaefster ~~ Live Stream
  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    That's a solid profile. Even the pictures are good.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef -- League VODS: Twitch or YouTube
    check.php?c=Jaefster ~~ Live Stream
  • VariableVariable Ted Hitler Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    I picked the wrong time to need to ask the same question.

    doing this just makes me feel really un interesting. I don't do all that much so I'm not sure what to put down.

    I don't need a full review here, I know I don't even have pictures yet, but am I doing anything terrible as of now? this is the first actual time I've put into this (it was literally a blank profile until about a half hour ago)

    profile

    BNet-Vari#1998 | WiiU-Variable | 3DS-3866-8105-7478 | Steam | Twitch
    Sig%20-%20Hearthstone%20DoA.png
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    Hey, you live like 10 minutes from me.

    The main thing you're doing wrong is not having pictures. Still, there's nothing wrong with waiting until you're happy with the text, and have a good set of pictures, to put them all up. You'll get the most activity once you get pictures up, so making sure the profile is attractive is fine.

    The second thing you're doing wrong is that your opening is too vague. You say you like talking and such, which makes you basically human. Yet your job/interests include: "I'm a film student working part time as a singer. I intend to be a teacher in the future. " That's interesting!

    Anyway, despite the word choice, you're not doing anything "wrong." You're just being too vague. Rather than saying "I like movies," say what kinds of movies you like, WHY you like them, and then also what movies you don't like. Having opinions is good, and it's a gateway into your personality -- which is what people want to learn about.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • VariableVariable Ted Hitler Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    thank you. I'm not done with all the parts and I don't have any pictures yet (I can't put old stuff up because I've lost a lot of weight, I just don't really have anything recent) but that's exactly the general advice I'm looking for, thanks.

    BNet-Vari#1998 | WiiU-Variable | 3DS-3866-8105-7478 | Steam | Twitch
    Sig%20-%20Hearthstone%20DoA.png
  • kaliyamakaliyama Registered User regular
    No point in courting anybody until you have pictures - just go out w/friends and take a few photos. Two operating principles:
    1) writing too much is a huge turn-off. my theory is that it makes you look desperate or vulnerable but whatever it is keep it short. no problems here.

    2) directly at odds with point #1 - show, don't tell. don't say you're positive - show how you're positive by talking enthusiastically about the things you enjoy. i would consider mentioning fewer things in your likes section but offering some texture on why you like them. have you seen any profiles where the girl says "i'm good-hearted" - i'm betting you wondered wtf that even meant, unless her profile photo was an EKG chart or an x-ray showing her strong ventricles. but she could convey something like that in her description of herself.

    fwKS7.png?1
  • VariableVariable Ted Hitler Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    yeah I'm not doing anything with it yet, certainly not without pictures. just getting it set up at the moment.

    thanks for the advice.

    BNet-Vari#1998 | WiiU-Variable | 3DS-3866-8105-7478 | Steam | Twitch
    Sig%20-%20Hearthstone%20DoA.png
  • Mr RayMr Ray Sarcasm sphereRegistered User regular
    Alright, so what do people think about sending messages that are just something like "Hi, how are you?" as a first message?

    I ask because the main thing that puts me off using the "shotgun" approach is I like to put a little effort into my first messages, and typically they go un-noticed. I'm currently in a conversation with a so far not crazy girl which started with hermessaging me "Hi, how are you?", so I just wanted to ask if anyone else (male) does that, and what sort of success they've gotten.

    I mean logically a first message is just registering your interest, and if you get a response then a conversation can follow; so maybe I'm putting a bit too much effort into my first messages.

    Anyway... if I'm lucky I might have a date with above mentioned girl; rock climbing. Yay!

    Spoiler:
  • thatassemblyguythatassemblyguy Registered User regular
    Mr Ray wrote: »
    Alright, so what do people think about sending messages that are just something like "Hi, how are you?" as a first message?

    I ask because the main thing that puts me off using the "shotgun" approach is I like to put a little effort into my first messages, and typically they go un-noticed. I'm currently in a conversation with a so far not crazy girl which started with hermessaging me "Hi, how are you?", so I just wanted to ask if anyone else (male) does that, and what sort of success they've gotten.

    I mean logically a first message is just registering your interest, and if you get a response then a conversation can follow; so maybe I'm putting a bit too much effort into my first messages.

    Anyway... if I'm lucky I might have a date with above mentioned girl; rock climbing. Yay!

    Personally, I would avoid just "Hi, how are you?". Just find something that you have in common with the person from a brief scan of reading their profile (You are reading the profile, right?). Like if they're interested in Aquariums, and you are too, be like, "Hi, how are you? Noticed you like aquariums, so do I, do you prefer Fresh Water or Salt Water/Reef?" Something short, and simple, but shows that you're putting some effort into making contact.

  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    Mr Ray wrote: »
    Alright, so what do people think about sending messages that are just something like "Hi, how are you?" as a first message?

    I ask because the main thing that puts me off using the "shotgun" approach is I like to put a little effort into my first messages, and typically they go un-noticed. I'm currently in a conversation with a so far not crazy girl which started with hermessaging me "Hi, how are you?", so I just wanted to ask if anyone else (male) does that, and what sort of success they've gotten.

    I mean logically a first message is just registering your interest, and if you get a response then a conversation can follow; so maybe I'm putting a bit too much effort into my first messages.

    Anyway... if I'm lucky I might have a date with above mentioned girl; rock climbing. Yay!

    Towards the end, I just assembled a favorites list. And messaged the ones who showed up online. And if they never seemed to (or didn't use messenger) then I'd craft a paragraph or so. Try and give them openings/ask a couple questions. Don't send something that can be answered in one word.

  • kfroosterkfrooster Registered User regular
    Hey guys, so I've finally filled in my pof profile and was hoping for a read through.

    I was wondering if I'm missing anything. Do I come off as too serious in my profile?

  • thatassemblyguythatassemblyguy Registered User regular
    kfrooster wrote: »
    Hey guys, so I've finally filled in my pof profile and was hoping for a read through.

    I was wondering if I'm missing anything. Do I come off as too serious in my profile?

    Noticed the following typo,
    Just keep the celery away from.

    When I think you wanted to say,
    Just keep the celery away from me.

    Otherwise, I have no nits to pick. Good formatting, and some good succinct paragraphs.

    If you're worried about the profile being too serious, view other profiles in the same area/demographic that you're competing against to see how 'serious' they are; as well as try to match the tone of the profiles of partners that interest you. Just don't betray who you are when making those adjustments.

  • kfroosterkfrooster Registered User regular
    Thanks tag. Now to send off some messages!

  • NewblarNewblar Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    Mr Ray wrote: »
    Alright, so what do people think about sending messages that are just something like "Hi, how are you?" as a first message?

    I ask because the main thing that puts me off using the "shotgun" approach is I like to put a little effort into my first messages, and typically they go un-noticed. I'm currently in a conversation with a so far not crazy girl which started with hermessaging me "Hi, how are you?", so I just wanted to ask if anyone else (male) does that, and what sort of success they've gotten.

    I mean logically a first message is just registering your interest, and if you get a response then a conversation can follow; so maybe I'm putting a bit too much effort into my first messages.

    Anyway... if I'm lucky I might have a date with above mentioned girl; rock climbing. Yay!

    As someone that successfully used the shotgun approach I can say that there is a big difference between putting in little effort and appearing to put in little effort. "Hi, how are you?" makes it pretty obvious that you aren't putting in any effort so unless you're incredibly good looking it's probably a waste of time. Using a standard message can require little effort on your part while not appearing so.

    I used a fairly brief paragraph mentioning that I was new to the city, why I had moved there and some fun things I had done since arriving. I followed that with a question about any suggestions they had for places I should visit/things I should do. Once in awhile if something really stood out in someone's profile I might add something about it in my initial message. My first message was designed to help pique enough interest in me to get them to my profile and give them an easy topic for a response.

    Personally I've found it's better to talk about yourself in a first message showing someone why they should want to date you than it is to send a first message talking about everything you think is awesome about them showing why you want to date them.

    Newblar on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    Newblar wrote: »
    Mr Ray wrote: »
    Alright, so what do people think about sending messages that are just something like "Hi, how are you?" as a first message?

    I ask because the main thing that puts me off using the "shotgun" approach is I like to put a little effort into my first messages, and typically they go un-noticed. I'm currently in a conversation with a so far not crazy girl which started with hermessaging me "Hi, how are you?", so I just wanted to ask if anyone else (male) does that, and what sort of success they've gotten.

    I mean logically a first message is just registering your interest, and if you get a response then a conversation can follow; so maybe I'm putting a bit too much effort into my first messages.

    Anyway... if I'm lucky I might have a date with above mentioned girl; rock climbing. Yay!

    As someone that successfully used the shotgun approach I can say that there is a big difference between putting in little effort and appearing to put in little effort. "Hi, how are you?" makes it pretty obvious that you aren't putting in any effort so unless you're incredibly good looking it's probably a waste of time. Using a standard message can require little effort on your part while not appearing so.

    I used a fairly brief paragraph mentioning that I was new to the city, why I had moved there and some fun things I had done since arriving. I followed that with a question about any suggestions they had for places I should visit/things I should do. Once in awhile if something really stood out in someone's profile I might add something about it in my initial message. My first message was designed to help pique enough interest in me to get them to my profile and give them an easy topic for a response.

    Personally I've found it's better to talk about yourself in a first message showing someone why they should want to date you than it is to send a first message talking about everything you think is awesome about them showing why you want to date them.

    Yeah, that's about right. There should be some meat on your profile. First message is to get them to look at your profile (which OKCupid at least will handily show you has happened). A successful first message leaves them an opening to respond, and has enough from you to get them to check you out.

    "Hey how are you?" will get them to look at your main profile picture, make a snap decision, and probably just delete it without even reading your profile (unless you're an Adonis).

  • PixelMonkeyPixelMonkey Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/inked_01

    So tempted to not include my height in the profile.

    PixelMonkey on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Mojo_JojoMojo_Jojo When life gives you lemons... ...eat your delicious lemonsRegistered User regular
    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/inked_01

    So tempted to not include my height in the profile.

    You just seem so unhappy :(

    I wouldn't start by launching into a "trying to find work, may have to move" thing. That's really no attractive.

    (And you need photos)

    Homogeneous distribution of your varieties of amuse-gueule
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    So, tomorrow is my date with the mystery German-American girl.
    I am actually a bit nervous, I haven't been on a date in....hmm.....3+ years.

    SC2 EU ID Klyka.110
    lTDyp.jpg
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    Well I gave up on the area I live in because I just got tired of hearing "I am so tired of the bar scene" conversation and various other things. Like safety people on first dates, gold diggers, women at thier wits end and so much more


    I do find it funny I read about last week that WOW had more of a success rate than most of the online dating

    A.jpg
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/inked_01

    So tempted to not include my height in the profile.
    What is your height anyway (OKC blocked at work)?

    Patch 5.4 wrote:
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  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    PixelMonkey, I'm only two inches taller than you, and I've been completely bald since about 20-22. I make it work. There's no reason you can't.

    That said, I think you should definitely keep your height in there. There are women who will care about it, and you don't want to date those women anyway- far better to filter them out early.

    More specifically on your profile, you most importantly need pictures, and then need to fill out the rest of your profile - it's way too sparse at the moment. Don't be afraid to look through guy's profiles to get some ideas on how to do that.

  • dracos3442dracos3442 Registered User
    I'm diving into this dating ocean after reading through this thread and trying to heed its advice. I'll be looking at some of the other profiles listed earlier to compare and contrast with my own. I would really appreciate any critiques and suggestions y'all might have in regards to my profile.

    okcupid.com/profile/UFGamer01

    I also just want to say "Thanks" to all of you for the advice and encouragement that I've seen you give throughout this thread.

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Klyka wrote: »
    So, tomorrow is my date with the mystery German-American girl.
    I am actually a bit nervous, I haven't been on a date in....hmm.....3+ years.
    That's not true. We went out on a bro-date. Totally counts.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef -- League VODS: Twitch or YouTube
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  • PixelMonkeyPixelMonkey Registered User regular
    Mojo_Jojo wrote: »
    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/inked_01

    So tempted to not include my height in the profile.

    You just seem so unhappy :(
    Yeah still working on building it keep on getting distacted by the my portfolio as for the moving thing it's just a fact the vast majority of work in my field is over in the eastern states.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • KruiteKruite Registered User regular
    well its about damn time I got a date from this thing. Friday night dinner in Baton Rouge ;P

  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    dracos3442 wrote: »
    okcupid.com/profile/UFGamer01

    I also just want to say "Thanks" to all of you for the advice and encouragement that I've seen you give throughout this thread.

    Regarding the profile: It's not bad. I feel like it gives me a pretty good sense of who you are. However, I feel like you're approaching the profile as a way to say "Here's some information about me" instead of "This is why I'm an awesome guy and why I'd be an awesome date". You're also a little heavier than I think you need to be on the gaming side of things. It's an important part of your life, even part of your user name, that's all fine, but I don't think you need to mention it multiple times throughout the profile (for example, it's in the first section, then RIGHT THERE AGAIN in the second section, and then again later on!). There's going to be a LOT of guys with profiles that talk about their love for gaming and sports, and while you don't need to hide what your interests are, you do need to somehow stand out against that crowd. In the same way, don't feel the need to fill out every section of profile. If you've already mentioned it, or don't have anything to say, you can leave it blank and that section of the profile won't show up to visitors.

    There's a couple of grammatical nitpicks as well, as your profile is written more conversationally than in standard sentences. That's fine if you want, but be aware of it.

    Two things I'm not crazy about: mentioning that you play video games every Friday night. It's a great example of "information about me" instead of "why I'm awesome". Is there anything wrong with it? No. Are some women going to read it as you being asocial? Yeah. Second thing, I don't really like the first line of your "you should message me if" section. It sounds like you've been burned in the past and may still be distrusting because of it. I might be totally wrong, but I think other people are going to read it the same way.

    Regarding everyone in this thread: I'd like to echo Dracos' thanks. You guys mentioned I had an awesome profile earlier on the page, but that's only because I've been reading this thread for a long time now and have taken a lot of the advice to heart. I received three unsolicited messages on Sunday alone, for a total of 5 since I reactived my account about a week ago, and as I mentioned, I'm a somewhat short bald guy. Stay awesome, everyone.

  • PixelMonkeyPixelMonkey Registered User regular
    forty wrote: »
    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/inked_01

    So tempted to not include my height in the profile.
    What is your height anyway (OKC blocked at work)?
    5 foot 4

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    I do find it funny when Ok cupid compares my profile to others in the area it's not much of a suprise of why i get little to no messages
    as the first 25 have things like more attentive or more compassonite and more loving

    A.jpg
  • dracos3442dracos3442 Registered User
    Carthage wrote: »
    Regarding the profile: It's not bad. I feel like it gives me a pretty good sense of who you are. However, I feel like you're approaching the profile as a way to say "Here's some information about me" instead of "This is why I'm an awesome guy and why I'd be an awesome date". You're also a little heavier than I think you need to be on the gaming side of things. It's an important part of your life, even part of your user name, that's all fine, but I don't think you need to mention it multiple times throughout the profile (for example, it's in the first section, then RIGHT THERE AGAIN in the second section, and then again later on!). There's going to be a LOT of guys with profiles that talk about their love for gaming and sports, and while you don't need to hide what your interests are, you do need to somehow stand out against that crowd. In the same way, don't feel the need to fill out every section of profile. If you've already mentioned it, or don't have anything to say, you can leave it blank and that section of the profile won't show up to visitors.

    There's a couple of grammatical nitpicks as well, as your profile is written more conversationally than in standard sentences. That's fine if you want, but be aware of it.

    Two things I'm not crazy about: mentioning that you play video games every Friday night. It's a great example of "information about me" instead of "why I'm awesome". Is there anything wrong with it? No. Are some women going to read it as you being asocial? Yeah. Second thing, I don't really like the first line of your "you should message me if" section. It sounds like you've been burned in the past and may still be distrusting because of it. I might be totally wrong, but I think other people are going to read it the same way.

    Regarding everyone in this thread: I'd like to echo Dracos' thanks. You guys mentioned I had an awesome profile earlier on the page, but that's only because I've been reading this thread for a long time now and have taken a lot of the advice to heart. I received three unsolicited messages on Sunday alone, for a total of 5 since I reactived my account about a week ago, and as I mentioned, I'm a somewhat short bald guy. Stay awesome, everyone.

    @Carthage - Thanks for the suggestions! That's why I appreciate what you and the others here do for everyone that posts. I doubt I would have realized how my profile read to others, especially with the repetition in regards to gaming. It's funny, too, since I really don't game much anymore.

    One question in regards to making yourself stand out, i.e., "This is why I am awesome!" How do you keep it from crossing over from being confident/awesome/interesting/etc. to cocky/jerk/self-absorbed?

  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    dracos3442 wrote: »
    One question in regards to making yourself stand out, i.e., "This is why I am awesome!" How do you keep it from crossing over from being confident/awesome/interesting/etc. to cocky/jerk/self-absorbed?

    You state plainly what you've done/are doing without giving any metrics as far as performance is concerned.

    Confident: I am a proud homeowner!

    Cocky: I am a proud homeowner of a 3000+ SQ foot home. And the property is over 150 acres. It's pretty nice.

    Confident: I like to bike on the weekends, and would love to have someone join me!

    Cocky: I bike over 40 miles most weekends. Hope you can keep up.

    Confident: I'm in decent shape, but I'm always working on improving myself.

    Cocky: [Insert Date Here] - NEW BENCH RECORD OF XXXLBS OOOOOH YEAH HOW YOU LIKE IT?!?!

    Also, don't channel Macho Man Randy Savage's ghost when you're doing your profile.

  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    Also, don't channel Macho Man Randy Savage's ghost when you're doing your profile.

    Certainly not. A Gentleman saves the Macho Man for later, after a few dates.

  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    You might as well keep Macho Man-ing in your profile. There are women who will care about it, and you don't want to date those women anyway- far better to filter them out early.

    3DS Friend Code: 4398-9974-9558
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    dracos3442 wrote: »
    One question in regards to making yourself stand out, i.e., "This is why I am awesome!" How do you keep it from crossing over from being confident/awesome/interesting/etc. to cocky/jerk/self-absorbed?

    Earnestness. If you say things like "I found that I'm naturally good at rock climbing, which makes sense since everything comes easy to me," you'll be cocky and a dick. If you say "I found that I'm naturally good at rock climbing, and it's become a new favorite sport. I also use it as a good excuse to explore new areas outside and do some hiking, too," then you're coming across as awesome and interesting.

    It's the same with music. "I like band but not otherband, because if you like otherband you're a terrible person." That's being a dick. "I like [band]." Eh, simple but effective. There's always a dickish way to say something and a "normal" way, so just err on the side of normal. Assume, though, that someone asked "why" whenever you mention something you feel is important to you.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Bobble wrote: »
    Also, don't channel Macho Man Randy Savage's ghost when you're doing your profile.

    Certainly not. A Gentleman saves the Macho Man for later, after a few dates.
    So you're saying I should remove this from my profile?
    Snap into a Slim Jim*!

    *Slim Jim is what I call my penis.

    Patch 5.4 wrote:
    First win of the day now awards 150 Conquest Points (up from 100).
    Subsequent wins now awards 75 Conquest Points (up from 50).
    YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!
  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    forty wrote: »
    Bobble wrote: »
    Also, don't channel Macho Man Randy Savage's ghost when you're doing your profile.

    Certainly not. A Gentleman saves the Macho Man for later, after a few dates.
    So you're saying I should remove this from my profile?
    Snap into a Slim Jim*!

    *Slim Jim is what I call my penis.

    I think I would remove anything describing my penis as Slim, or suggesting others should snap it.

  • dracos3442dracos3442 Registered User
    Bobble wrote: »
    Also, don't channel Macho Man Randy Savage's ghost when you're doing your profile.

    Certainly not. A Gentleman saves the Macho Man for later, after a few dates.
    Damn, there goes my idea to quote Ric Flair for my first impression. “Girls, you can't be the first, but you can be next.”

This discussion has been closed.