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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions

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Posts

  • UltimanecatUltimanecat Registered User regular
    I occasionally get random visitors to my profile from far off lands - like Sweden, today, for example. More often its just women (and the occasional guy) from different states.

    Worst part is that lots of these visitors are more interesting than the women in my area, who don't even visit my profile that often in the first place.

    SteamID : same as my PA forum name
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    And with that, I am now officially in a relationship with an awesome girl thanks to OKCupid.

    Life is sweet at the moment!

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  • SkyCaptainSkyCaptain Registered User regular
    I occasionally get random visitors to my profile from far off lands - like Sweden, today, for example. More often its just women (and the occasional guy) from different states.

    Worst part is that lots of these visitors are more interesting than the women in my area, who don't even visit my profile that often in the first place.

    Make sure you're updating your profile often. Even if it's just to change a word here and there. It moves you up on the match lists I believe.

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  • MattitudeMattitude Livin' On A Razor's Edge Balancin' On A LedgeRegistered User regular
    In people's experience of OKC, does it tend to be that men send more first messages than women? I'm getting no responses at the moment, from any of the messages I've sent out, bar one. I've got plenty of profile visits, but not much contact from them. I'm wondering if there's a gender stereotype at play here, or if I've just not had many visitors who are interested?

    Any thoughts, or observed trends?

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  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Mattitude wrote: »
    In people's experience of OKC, does it tend to be that men send more first messages than women? I'm getting no responses at the moment, from any of the messages I've sent out, bar one. I've got plenty of profile visits, but not much contact from them. I'm wondering if there's a gender stereotype at play here, or if I've just not had many visitors who are interested?

    Any thoughts, or observed trends?
    Anecdotally, lot of visits, very few messages. I ended up having to message a lot of people. But I found success. So did Klyka. Goooo Klyka. Send them messages. If someone favorites you and you're interested at all, send them a message. Etc.

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  • Lux782Lux782 Registered User regular
    I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. We met on OKC. It took me god... nearly 4 years on OKC. I would message everyone I found remotely interesting. Sometimes people I didn't find interesting just to see how different people respond to different things (like content, titles, following the OKC Trend articles and seeing if they actually work). The title of your first message is very important I found. My first message with my current girlfriend was titled "I couldn't think of anything witty..." which apparently worked because she enjoyed it.

  • PlushyCthulhuPlushyCthulhu Registered User regular
    Lux782 wrote: »
    I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. We met on OKC. It took me god... nearly 4 years on OKC. I would message everyone I found remotely interesting. Sometimes people I didn't find interesting just to see how different people respond to different things (like content, titles, following the OKC Trend articles and seeing if they actually work). The title of your first message is very important I found. My first message with my current girlfriend was titled "I couldn't think of anything witty..." which apparently worked because she enjoyed it.

    Wait, you can add a title in OKC? I only see a body for text, then it previews the first line in the inbox.

    Steam/LoL: plushycthulhu
  • TheBigEasyTheBigEasy Registered User regular
    I think I'll take a break from this whole online dating thing - it just doesn't work for me. I'll probably delete all my profiles and start over with new nicknames and photos in a few months. Maybe then I'll have more luck.

  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    TheBigEasy wrote: »
    I think I'll take a break from this whole online dating thing - it just doesn't work for me. I'll probably delete all my profiles and start over with new nicknames and photos in a few months. Maybe then I'll have more luck.

    What do you think it is that makes it not work for you? If you're planning on trying again later, maybe figuring out what it is that rubs you the wrong way will help you the next time?

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  • TheBigEasyTheBigEasy Registered User regular
    What doesn't work for me is the low response rate. I have tried 2 different sites, one paysite, one free site. On both I have messaged girls extensively - to absolutely no result. The farthest I got was exchanging 3-4 very short messages with one girl - that's it. No dates, let alone more. I got a first message from a girl once - alas, I wasn't interested. Other than that, a big, fat nothing.

    Maybe my pictures aren't good enough, maybe whatever I tried in the messages didn't work, maybe I just failed to stick out in the crapload of messages the girls got - I am fed up with this now. Starting fresh in a few months seems like the best option. Get new photos, approach my profile completely fresh, things like that.

    Today I got a Groupon deal for a 6 week dance course for beginners - maybe that'll help me in the "socializing with the other sex" department a little.

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    Lux782 wrote: »
    I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. We met on OKC. It took me god... nearly 4 years on OKC. I would message everyone I found remotely interesting. Sometimes people I didn't find interesting just to see how different people respond to different things (like content, titles, following the OKC Trend articles and seeing if they actually work). The title of your first message is very important I found. My first message with my current girlfriend was titled "I couldn't think of anything witty..." which apparently worked because she enjoyed it.

    Wait, you can add a title in OKC? I only see a body for text, then it previews the first line in the inbox.
    Not anymore. They got rid of that feature a while ago.

    forty on
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  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    Yeah, if your problem with online dating is that "no one seems interested in my profile," taking a break or pursuing other avenues may be better. I'm not sure how well-received online dating is in Europe in general, as well. It's popular in the US due to a lot of advertising and success, but it's still more popular in big cities here compared to smaller towns. But yes, when things aren't working for a site like that, I'm an advocate of the "nuke from orbit" strategy. Something wasn't working, and rather than trying to fidget with it, get all new pictures and start fresh.

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  • TheBigEasyTheBigEasy Registered User regular
    EggyToast wrote: »
    Yeah, if your problem with online dating is that "no one seems interested in my profile," taking a break or pursuing other avenues may be better. I'm not sure how well-received online dating is in Europe in general, as well. It's popular in the US due to a lot of advertising and success, but it's still more popular in big cities here compared to smaller towns. But yes, when things aren't working for a site like that, I'm an advocate of the "nuke from orbit" strategy. Something wasn't working, and rather than trying to fidget with it, get all new pictures and start fresh.

    It is pretty big over here as well. Lots of sites, lots of advertising and supposedly some people found some success. But I am always baffled at how easily people in this thread seem to line up dates and stuff. Maybe I am more inapt at talking to women then I realize, but I never got anything out of this, I never even got a conversation going, let alone a date.

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Don't worry, TBE, you're not the only dating site failure here. I've gotten next to nothing out of OKC as well.

    Patch 5.4 wrote:
    First win of the day now awards 150 Conquest Points (up from 100).
    Subsequent wins now awards 75 Conquest Points (up from 50).
    YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!
  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    I found someone that has a picture of them an tycho. I feel like I should message them just for that, but they are in an open relationship which sounds like it could get awkward pretty fast.

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Jars wrote: »
    I found someone that has a picture of them an tycho. I feel like I should message them just for that, but they are in an open relationship which sounds like it could get awkward pretty fast.
    An open relationship with Tycho? <3

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  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    Speaking of open relationships... Is there a betting pool on what happened to Skoalcat?

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  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    Hospitalized due to an orgy-related injury.

    I do wonder how that's working out though. Last time he mentioned it seemed things were going real well?

    JAEF on
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  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Things always seem like they're going real well right before you end up murdered.

    Patch 5.4 wrote:
    First win of the day now awards 150 Conquest Points (up from 100).
    Subsequent wins now awards 75 Conquest Points (up from 50).
    YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!
  • NewtronNewtron Registered User regular
    There is nothing worse than coming across a girl that sounds really cool in her profile, but looks pretty much like your mom did when she was young.

    That is the worst cosmic joke.

  • ScudoScudo Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    I uh, I've been dating a girl I met on OKC for almost 3 weeks now. It's going really, really well.

    I'm fairly quiet, so almost all of my past relationships have been with really outgoing girls, not because that's what I was after, but because they were the ones who'd make the first move.

    This girl is way, way more chill, and it's kind of scary how similar we are. Well, except that she doesn't like Frasier...

    Scudo on
  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    More for you, then.

    3DS Friend Code: 4398-9974-9558
  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Newtron wrote: »
    There is nothing worse than coming across a girl that sounds really cool in her profile, but looks pretty much like your mom did when she was young.

    That is the worst cosmic joke.
    Never let this happen

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
  • phillerphiller Registered User regular
    Hey everyone, been lurking this thread a little while now and wanted to post how my okc experience has been going so far. I went back to my account last week with some revisions and sent a few messages. I got a few replies, especially one where we hit it off with okc messages. Asked her out for coffee and she agreed.

    Now I've been paranoid the whole time because of how smoothly its gone with her, until today. Got a message saying she couldnt make tonight for coffee and was sorry because her week had gotten so busy, and wants to reschedule later. Shes mentioned looking for a new apartment and volunteering before, so her excuse makes sense. I doubt I'm being strung along, but I'm curious if other people see it the same way.

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  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    Sounds like she was excited to meet you but real life came up. She puts her other priorities ahead of "meeting a guy I don't know," but she keeps herself active. Get on her schedule and see how it goes -- it sounds like if it goes well, she'll be interesting and engaged.

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  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    Yeah, philler, she sounds like someone who would have plenty to talk about on a date. Chill out and just try to make it work with the schedules.

  • BurtletoyBurtletoy Registered User regular
    Help!

    Internet dating thread, correct me if I am wrong, but I seem to recall an OkCupid Trends blog post about tan versus pale skin, and how many more messages were sent to people (read:females) with pale skin.


    I'm having trouble finding this post.

    Did I imagine it or is it real and you want to give me the link?

  • pennyposterpennyposter Registered User
    edited April 2012
    New poster here.. I lurked and read quite a bit of this thread (and the last one).

    I'm a girl who recently started using OKC. Pretty big gamer nerd, kinda looking for a nerd. Thought I'd post my perspective since it seems like there are a fair number of good/confused guys in this thread who are having a disappointing time on the site.

    I was really surprised/flattered when I signed up on OKC, to get a lot of messages, very quickly. I'm late 20's, not super hot. I'm not obese, but not thin either (top of "average" BMI for reference). It's a little overwhelming. I haven't responded to a lot of them just because I can't figure out how to possibly carry on a conversation with 30 different guys I don't know and keep them straight. It's no reflection on any of the guys - I haven't even had a chance to look at all of their profiles. I signed up less than 48 hours ago. Not getting a response doesn't mean ANYTHING personal at all.

    Simply because of the volume, there has to be some really quick "weeding out". So if I get a one-line message like "you're beautiful" or "you have a great smile", that is really sweet, and there's nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't give me much to respond to or tell me anything about them... so I'm probably not going to respond.

    If I do look at their profile and any of my "important" match questions aren't matches - there's a good chance I won't respond. For example, I'm an atheist but have gotten a couple messages from strongly Christian guys. I can just about guarantee that's not going to work out. And that they probably didn't bother to read my profile. Again this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them - they just don't seem like a good match for me.

    Also, being the internet nerd I am, I googled OKCupid forum discussions (how I ended up here, though I am an on-off reader of the comic). And there is a SCARY number of forums out there with guys just talking about how to game OKC to get laid ("ONS"'s as they call them) and then immediately dump the 'chick'. This has made me extremely paranoid about shorter messages, messages that don't reference something in my profile, and messages that seem like any part of them is form-lettery. Am I one of 500 girls he just sent that to?

    To top it off, half my RL friends start talking about the Craigslist Killer every time I mention online dating. So even the guys I'm talking to, I'm pretty hesitant to hop out and meet up with immediately. I really want to chat a little bit (via IM) and get a feel for them - this also works in their favor as it gives us more to talk about when we eventually meet up. AND it helps me convince myself that, if they're willing to put a little effort into just chatting, they're probably not just out trolling for the fastest ONS they can get (see above paragraph). Not being willing to meet after 15 min of chatting doesn't mean I'm not interested - it means I'm trying to avoid getting serial murdered or into a situation where a guy is only interested in short-term sex.

    I'm sure I'm coming off as an angsty/overthinking/crazy chick... but I felt motivated to post this just to say overall the guys in this thread seem sweet/smart and you give me hope after reading some of the d-bag forums. :)

    pennyposter on
  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    Burtletoy wrote: »
    Help!

    Internet dating thread, correct me if I am wrong, but I seem to recall an OkCupid Trends blog post about tan versus pale skin, and how many more messages were sent to people (read:females) with pale skin.


    I'm having trouble finding this post.

    Did I imagine it or is it real and you want to give me the link?

    My internet is at dial up levels at the moment so I can't search for you, but I think you're referring to the Okcupid write up about race--where asian women get shit loads of messages and black women get scraps.

  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    New poster here.. I lurked and read quite a bit of this thread (and the last one).

    I'm a girl who recently started using OKC. Pretty big gamer nerd, kinda looking for a nerd. Thought I'd post my perspective since it seems like there are a fair number of good/confused guys in this thread who are having a disappointing time on the site.

    I was really surprised/flattered when I signed up on OKC, to get a lot of messages, very quickly. I'm late 20's, not super hot. I'm not obese, but not thin either (top of "average" BMI for reference). It's a little overwhelming. I haven't responded to a lot of them just because I can't figure out how to possibly carry on a conversation with 30 different guys I don't know and keep them straight. It's no reflection on any of the guys - I haven't even had a chance to look at all of their profiles. I signed up less than 48 hours ago. Not getting a response doesn't mean ANYTHING personal at all.

    Simply because of the volume, there has to be some really quick "weeding out". So if I get a one-line message like "you're beautiful" or "you have a great smile", that is really sweet, and there's nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't give me much to respond to or tell me anything about them... so I'm probably not going to respond.

    If I do look at their profile and any of my "important" match questions aren't matches - there's a good chance I won't respond. For example, I'm an atheist but have gotten a couple messages from strongly Christian guys. I can just about guarantee that's not going to work out. And that they probably didn't bother to read my profile. Again this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them - they just don't seem like a good match for me.

    Also, being the internet nerd I am, I googled OKCupid forum discussions (how I ended up here, though I am an on-off reader of the comic). And there is a SCARY number of forums out there with guys just talking about how to game OKC to get laid ("ONS"'s as they call them) and then immediately dump the 'chick'. This has made me extremely paranoid about shorter messages, messages that don't reference something in my profile, and messages that seem like any part of them is form-lettery. Am I one of 500 girls he just sent that to?

    To top it off, half my RL friends start talking about the Craigslist Killer every time I mention online dating. So even the guys I'm talking to, I'm pretty hesitant to hop out and meet up with immediately. I really want to chat a little bit (via IM) and get a feel for them - this also works in their favor as it gives us more to talk about when we eventually meet up. AND it helps me convince myself that, if they're willing to put a little effort into just chatting, they're probably not just out trolling for the fastest ONS they can get (see above paragraph). Not being willing to meet after 15 min of chatting doesn't mean I'm not interested - it means I'm trying to avoid getting serial murdered or into a situation where a guy is only interested in short-term sex.

    I'm sure I'm coming off as an angsty/overthinking/crazy chick... but I felt motivated to post this just to say overall the guys in this thread seem sweet/smart and you give me hope after reading some of the d-bag forums. :)

    Sounds like you're taking exactly the right approach. About two emails back and forth (that is, 2 from each), around 45 minutes-2 hours of IM conversation (which really isn't all that long), a phone conversation if that's your thing, and then some sort of low-pressure in public meeting that you're careful to leave SOME information about with someone. Use common sense, be safe, etc. It's not really paranoia when it's backed up by both statistics and anecdotal evidence. You'd only be crazy/angsty if you thought ALL guys were thinly veiled rapists trying to bypass your defenses with false personas. It's only some: and any guys who aren't understanding of the minefield you have to traverse need to take out a loan and acquire some empathy.

    Anyone that wants to bully/rush the pace isn't worth it. The beauty of online dating is, you will never lack for new people to meet/sift through. As long as you're patient, open-minded, and have some idea what you're looking for, you'll do alright.

  • MaverickEXMaverickEX Registered User
    I gotta admit, I've been a bit frustrated lately. I wasn't getting any reaction from my messages and profiles earlier, so I took a break and came back a year later, but still nothing. My messages get read, and occasionally I get profile views, but only once every few years do I get any results – and I realize how bad that sounds. The thing is, I am pretty sure I don't come off as some kind of illiterate mutant, but unless there's something I'm doing wrong, I feel like I'm under some kind of voodoo curse or something.

    I mean, girls like to hear about hobbies, so why *wouldn't* anyone want to hear about my rusty knife collection and box of skin scraps? I think stuff like that shows dedication.

  • Caveman PawsCaveman Paws Registered User regular
    JAEF wrote: »
    Newtron wrote: »
    There is nothing worse than coming across a girl that sounds really cool in her profile, but looks pretty much like your mom did when she was young.

    That is the worst cosmic joke.
    Never let this happen

    This happened to me, didn't see it until I was 3/4's finished my coffee.

    "Oh shit."

    "She looks like my mom would have looked at 24 but with darker hair!"

    D:

  • YogoYogo Registered User regular
    So I stumbled across a profile of a girl. Looks cute, but our criterion don't match. When I first read her profile in the "about me" section, I stumbled across a few spelling mistakes. Nothing big, might have been a bit too fast on the keyboard while writing it. However, when I read the "I'm looking for" section, spelling errors were abundant to such a degree that one would either assume it is a scam or the girl is suffering from dyslexia. I have a colleague who suffers from dyslexia so I know what he has to deal with.

    Would it be considered rude to ask the girl if she indeed does suffer from dyslexia? It is a question out of pure curiosity and not so much a conversation hook (though if it turns into one, I wouldn't mind).

  • SicariiSicarii The Roose is Loose Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    No man. How could someone possibly be offended by that?

    Sicarii on
    gotsig.jpg
  • YogoYogo Registered User regular
    Sicarii wrote: »
    No man. How could someone possibly be offended by that?

    I am very straight forward about what I believe and what I say. Too often have I discovered afterwards that I had offended or cause a slight harm with my statements because people are not accustomed to a person being so blunt about his beliefs or feelings. No soft wrapping.

    But okay, I'll ask her :)

  • SicariiSicarii The Roose is Loose Registered User regular
    See I do this too.

    Except it's intentional.

    Because I am a jerk.

    gotsig.jpg
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Um. I'm pretty sure there are lots of people who would be insulted by a first message like that. Maybe she's just not a great speller.

  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    yeah don't uh

    don't do that

    1JM7Sqi.jpg
  • RenaissanceDanRenaissanceDan Registered User
    Yogo wrote: »
    So I stumbled across a profile of a girl. Looks cute, but our criterion don't match.

    That's why you shouldn't message her. And not just because she "looks cute."

  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    Carthage wrote: »
    Um. I'm pretty sure there are lots of people who would be insulted by a first message like that. Maybe she's just not a great speller.

    "Excuse me, miss? I noticed that your profile was written with some grammatical and spelling errors. In fact, there were so many that I believe a mentally sound person could not have written it. I fancy myself a bit of an amateur psychologist (it's a hobby, really), so would you care to confirm my suspicion that you suffer from dyslexia?
    Sincerely,
    Dr. Yogo House"

    My way of saying: Yes, it would be rude to ask that.

This discussion has been closed.