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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions
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Worst part is that lots of these visitors are more interesting than the women in my area, who don't even visit my profile that often in the first place.
Life is sweet at the moment!
Make sure you're updating your profile often. Even if it's just to change a word here and there. It moves you up on the match lists I believe.
Any thoughts, or observed trends?
Wait, you can add a title in OKC? I only see a body for text, then it previews the first line in the inbox.
What do you think it is that makes it not work for you? If you're planning on trying again later, maybe figuring out what it is that rubs you the wrong way will help you the next time?
Maybe my pictures aren't good enough, maybe whatever I tried in the messages didn't work, maybe I just failed to stick out in the crapload of messages the girls got - I am fed up with this now. Starting fresh in a few months seems like the best option. Get new photos, approach my profile completely fresh, things like that.
Today I got a Groupon deal for a 6 week dance course for beginners - maybe that'll help me in the "socializing with the other sex" department a little.
It is pretty big over here as well. Lots of sites, lots of advertising and supposedly some people found some success. But I am always baffled at how easily people in this thread seem to line up dates and stuff. Maybe I am more inapt at talking to women then I realize, but I never got anything out of this, I never even got a conversation going, let alone a date.
I do wonder how that's working out though. Last time he mentioned it seemed things were going real well?
That is the worst cosmic joke.
I'm fairly quiet, so almost all of my past relationships have been with really outgoing girls, not because that's what I was after, but because they were the ones who'd make the first move.
This girl is way, way more chill, and it's kind of scary how similar we are. Well, except that she doesn't like Frasier...
Follow me on Twitter??
Now I've been paranoid the whole time because of how smoothly its gone with her, until today. Got a message saying she couldnt make tonight for coffee and was sorry because her week had gotten so busy, and wants to reschedule later. Shes mentioned looking for a new apartment and volunteering before, so her excuse makes sense. I doubt I'm being strung along, but I'm curious if other people see it the same way.
Internet dating thread, correct me if I am wrong, but I seem to recall an OkCupid Trends blog post about tan versus pale skin, and how many more messages were sent to people (read:females) with pale skin.
I'm having trouble finding this post.
Did I imagine it or is it real and you want to give me the link?
I'm a girl who recently started using OKC. Pretty big gamer nerd, kinda looking for a nerd. Thought I'd post my perspective since it seems like there are a fair number of good/confused guys in this thread who are having a disappointing time on the site.
I was really surprised/flattered when I signed up on OKC, to get a lot of messages, very quickly. I'm late 20's, not super hot. I'm not obese, but not thin either (top of "average" BMI for reference). It's a little overwhelming. I haven't responded to a lot of them just because I can't figure out how to possibly carry on a conversation with 30 different guys I don't know and keep them straight. It's no reflection on any of the guys - I haven't even had a chance to look at all of their profiles. I signed up less than 48 hours ago. Not getting a response doesn't mean ANYTHING personal at all.
Simply because of the volume, there has to be some really quick "weeding out". So if I get a one-line message like "you're beautiful" or "you have a great smile", that is really sweet, and there's nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't give me much to respond to or tell me anything about them... so I'm probably not going to respond.
If I do look at their profile and any of my "important" match questions aren't matches - there's a good chance I won't respond. For example, I'm an atheist but have gotten a couple messages from strongly Christian guys. I can just about guarantee that's not going to work out. And that they probably didn't bother to read my profile. Again this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them - they just don't seem like a good match for me.
Also, being the internet nerd I am, I googled OKCupid forum discussions (how I ended up here, though I am an on-off reader of the comic). And there is a SCARY number of forums out there with guys just talking about how to game OKC to get laid ("ONS"'s as they call them) and then immediately dump the 'chick'. This has made me extremely paranoid about shorter messages, messages that don't reference something in my profile, and messages that seem like any part of them is form-lettery. Am I one of 500 girls he just sent that to?
To top it off, half my RL friends start talking about the Craigslist Killer every time I mention online dating. So even the guys I'm talking to, I'm pretty hesitant to hop out and meet up with immediately. I really want to chat a little bit (via IM) and get a feel for them - this also works in their favor as it gives us more to talk about when we eventually meet up. AND it helps me convince myself that, if they're willing to put a little effort into just chatting, they're probably not just out trolling for the fastest ONS they can get (see above paragraph). Not being willing to meet after 15 min of chatting doesn't mean I'm not interested - it means I'm trying to avoid getting serial murdered or into a situation where a guy is only interested in short-term sex.
I'm sure I'm coming off as an angsty/overthinking/crazy chick... but I felt motivated to post this just to say overall the guys in this thread seem sweet/smart and you give me hope after reading some of the d-bag forums.
My internet is at dial up levels at the moment so I can't search for you, but I think you're referring to the Okcupid write up about race--where asian women get shit loads of messages and black women get scraps.
Sounds like you're taking exactly the right approach. About two emails back and forth (that is, 2 from each), around 45 minutes-2 hours of IM conversation (which really isn't all that long), a phone conversation if that's your thing, and then some sort of low-pressure in public meeting that you're careful to leave SOME information about with someone. Use common sense, be safe, etc. It's not really paranoia when it's backed up by both statistics and anecdotal evidence. You'd only be crazy/angsty if you thought ALL guys were thinly veiled rapists trying to bypass your defenses with false personas. It's only some: and any guys who aren't understanding of the minefield you have to traverse need to take out a loan and acquire some empathy.
Anyone that wants to bully/rush the pace isn't worth it. The beauty of online dating is, you will never lack for new people to meet/sift through. As long as you're patient, open-minded, and have some idea what you're looking for, you'll do alright.
I mean, girls like to hear about hobbies, so why *wouldn't* anyone want to hear about my rusty knife collection and box of skin scraps? I think stuff like that shows dedication.
This happened to me, didn't see it until I was 3/4's finished my coffee.
"Oh shit."
"She looks like my mom would have looked at 24 but with darker hair!"
D:
Would it be considered rude to ask the girl if she indeed does suffer from dyslexia? It is a question out of pure curiosity and not so much a conversation hook (though if it turns into one, I wouldn't mind).
I am very straight forward about what I believe and what I say. Too often have I discovered afterwards that I had offended or cause a slight harm with my statements because people are not accustomed to a person being so blunt about his beliefs or feelings. No soft wrapping.
But okay, I'll ask her
Except it's intentional.
Because I am a jerk.
don't do that
That's why you shouldn't message her. And not just because she "looks cute."
"Excuse me, miss? I noticed that your profile was written with some grammatical and spelling errors. In fact, there were so many that I believe a mentally sound person could not have written it. I fancy myself a bit of an amateur psychologist (it's a hobby, really), so would you care to confirm my suspicion that you suffer from dyslexia?
Sincerely,
Dr. Yogo House"
My way of saying: Yes, it would be rude to ask that.