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Kris/Scott vs. Mike/Jerry Rap Battle Winner!

Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
edited October 2011 in The Penny Arcade Hub
I know we're a bit late on announcing this - some things got in the way, but we're happy to announce the winner to the rap battle contest posted back in July. If you don't remember, the winner was to receive:

- A signed pair of the PA/Tweak Shoes
- The Blamimation Season 1 DVD, signed by Kris and Scott
- An autographed copy of Book 7, Be Good Little Puppy

So without further delay, I present to you our winning entry, penned by Xero Reynolds!

Straight out of '98
Rollin, trollin, keep those comics goin' blessed
Perhaps not the first but certainly the goddamned best
Update five times a week, s'right even in China
You're only three times bitch, got sand in your vagina?
Mike's got about as much skill as old Mark Kistler's cred
The gleam off my awards brighter than the one off Jerry's head
Kurtz's ark of snark HARK the benchmark and park
Your asses down and read 'cause PVP's the true lark.
Sup, Kris?

I'm feelin' it Scott, I'm droppin verse-laden citation
Convene the webcomics scene, and still have time for Blamimation
Six comic titles to credit motherfucker my wit always blossoms
I've broken more records than poor Mike's broken condoms
And Jerry wassamatta, is writing too scary?
Have some whine with your cheese when you choke down the dictionary
P.A.'s so damn easy to write, here's the formulaic clause;
...awwwwwwwwwkwaaaaaarrrrd paaaaaaaauuuuuuse?

Cleanup in aisle douchebag.
You want to do cartoons so we'll hold you in awe
Jump back, seriously son, even my dick can draw - Better,
Take down your Straubman argument, all joking aside,
Sorry Mr Kurtz you gotta be this THIN to ride.
Styles for miles, CON-artists, I'm Photoshoppin' straight through you
Aw poor babies gonna run home/start a blog/hate on me too?
Scott and Kris bring the brag 'cause they think they're crucial
Yeah like lens-flare filter and about just as useful.
Make it sick, Jerry.

Here comes the verbose monstrosity inflating animosity
Piqued your curiosity at terminal vocabulary velocity
With my dynamic lyric viscosity shows my generosity
Nailed to the lexicon cross influenced your religiosity
Scott and Kris think they're writers kids, shit they love to quote it
Better save that gag Blamimation, 'cause I already wrote it.
I'm a wordsmith poundin' out ill literary bait n' switch

Thank you everyone for participating. We literally read through hundreds of submissions, and the final 20-30 were all just so great.. all of you really came out for it. Thanks again!

Robert Khoo on
Some guy.


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