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How to make friends and not creep out people [Socializing]

PROXPROX Registered User regular
edited October 2011 in Debate and/or Discourse
I think I creep people out a lot. How do I not creep people out? I find myself slipping further and further into depression as my community becomes estranged to me. I need advice. And possibly therapy.

ElJeffe on

Posts

  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    You could start by not having a throbbing clown penis as your avatar.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • LaOsLaOs Registered User regular
    It's a carrot, but now I can't unsee it.

    Thanks, Feral. :P

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited October 2011
    I think you're probably looking for more specific advice, so I sent this to H/A, Holy Land of Advice and Stuff.

    edit: Not sure how to redirects in these new forums, so I'll leave it in D&D lest it be lost forever.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    If this is gonna be an H/A thread you're gonna have to be a lot more specific.

    twitter, github, resume/portfolio, if you like to play or host boardgames online, check out handtracker
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    Shoot I forgot about H/A. Yeah how do i prevent myself from doing that kind of stuff. Like posting in the wrong threads and forgetting about rules.
    I dont have specifics because I dont know what is wrong. I guess Im not familiar with people's boundaries.

  • DeebaserDeebaser Alpha Teemo Fake Board GamerRegistered User regular
    BREAK UP WITH HER!

    oh wait, this isn't H/A yet.

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    PROX wrote:
    Shoot I forgot about H/A. Yeah how do i prevent myself from doing that kind of stuff. Like posting in the wrong threads and forgetting about rules.
    I dont have specifics because I dont know what is wrong. I guess Im not familiar with people's boundaries.

    If you would like to have this discussion in H/A, you can remake it over there. I can move it there myself, but you really should add some more specifics if you want targeted advice, so redoing the OP wouldn't hurt.

    Or we can leave it here. Your call, home-skizzle.

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • TL DRTL DR Registered User regular
    I imagine we could have a good general discussion on social awkwardness and how it can be conquered.

    eokNV.jpg
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    PROX wrote:
    Shoot I forgot about H/A. Yeah how do i prevent myself from doing that kind of stuff. Like posting in the wrong threads and forgetting about rules.
    I dont have specifics because I dont know what is wrong. I guess Im not familiar with people's boundaries.

    Impulse control to start. :) Forgetting rules and social mores is often, for those without a specific impairment, just a question of learning to focus your attention and actually notice things around you. Get out of your head, and listen to what is said around you. See people and how they interact with you and each other.

    This isn't really a skill that comes naturally to everyone, and is often trained out of you at a pretty young age. It might take some effort, but it's worth the work. Observation is a very useful skill.

    Also, orange penis avatar is not a great icebreaker. :)

  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    spool32 wrote:
    Impulse control to start.

    Unless he's already too shy.

    spool32 wrote:
    Forgetting rules and social mores is often, for those without a specific impairment, just a question of learning to focus your attention and actually notice things around you.

    Unless he's already hypervigilant (as is common in people with social anxiety).

    That's kind of the problem with these sorts of general advice threads. There's a balance to be found and it's easy to give people advice that, while generally good, is inappropriate to the particulars of their situation.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Great now I can't unsee it. I kind of want to leave this here. We can have a discussion.
    People are recommending i seek therapy. Probably should.

    PROX on
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    Feral wrote:
    spool32 wrote:
    Impulse control to start.

    Unless he's already too shy.

    spool32 wrote:
    Forgetting rules and social mores is often, for those without a specific impairment, just a question of learning to focus your attention and actually notice things around you.

    Unless he's already hypervigilant (as is common in people with social anxiety).

    That's kind of the problem with these sorts of general advice threads. There's a balance to be found and it's easy to give people advice that, while generally good, is inappropriate to the particulars of their situation.

    Feral speaks da troof. With no more details, we're all just farting in a windstorm here.

  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    Okay um specifics: There's this popular artist whom I took one of her characters and made a maquette with 3D modeling. I spent about two weeks on it and $80. Significant amount of time and money. She's an artist who inspires me a lot and I wanted to help get the word out about her independent project. So I started tagging my facebook photos of the maquette at Blizzcon with her name on it. She sent me a message to stop tagging her in my pictures and to stop trying to be so personable.

  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    Okay, so, do you not see why someone may have an issue with being tagging in things they don't really have a part in?
    If you can see why someone might have a problem, then you are likely fine and just made a mistake. If you can't, then there may be some boundary issues you need to work on.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    Then I guess I have boundary issues to work on. It's her character, and I made fanart.

  • adytumadytum Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Not just tagged, but tagged as a 3D scale model of a character that was carried around..

    adytum on
    etxvv5.jpg
  • DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    I find that getting drunk helps.

    YRMV.

    steam_sig.png
  • Modern ManModern Man Registered User regular
    I assume you don't know this person, but are just a fan of her work? Tagging strangers on your Facebook page is not really appropriate.

    Aetian Jupiter - 41 Gunslinger - The Old Republic
    Rigorous Scholarship

  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    PROX wrote:
    Then I guess I have boundary issues to work on. It's her character, and I made fanart.

    Right. And if you had just sent it to her, that would be one thing. But you plastered it over Facebook and tagged her all over it, which is basically forcing her to either make you stop or having everyone think you have her approval for what you did, which she may or may not want to give. Either way, you didn't really give her a choice.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • rockmonkeyrockmonkey Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    A lot of times people who are artists of even just professionals don't want their name affliated with something they have no control over and don't promote or that could damage their name or image if it's not in line with their goals.

    I can see how if I was an up and coming artist I wouldn't want what is or isn't my work muddled or the tone she is trying to set with her persona altered by a random fan trying too hard and who might be doing more damage than good.

    rockmonkey on
    NEWrockzomb80.jpg
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    She's not an up and coming artist but rather a well known extremely popular artist. You guys are right though, I should have asked.

  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    Well she did treat me to lunch and asked to meet up after meeting at one of her book signings. But then she never messaged me back.

  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Right. The problem wasn't in the fan art you created, but in the relationship you tried to define out of it. You took fan art, which is a tributary relationship, and turned it into Facebook tagging, which is a personal relationship.

    (edit: if she treated you to lunch that's slightly different, but you still escalated in a way that wasn't supported by the current definition.)

    admanb on
    twitter, github, resume/portfolio, if you like to play or host boardgames online, check out handtracker
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    I see. Alright i understand now.

  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    One thing that helps with socialization is realizing that your intentions do not always equal others perceptions. You can get upset by the fact that someone sets boundaries, like this artist did (although maybe not as nicely as she could have) or use that to take a look and see just where the disconnect between intent and perception occurred, like you are doing. Actually, you're kind of doing both, but still, forward progress!

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Did she ask you to make this 3D model of her character?

    Edit: never mind, admanb nailed it.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • bowenbowen Registered User regular
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    Right now I'm feeling really crestfallen. Everyone loved it Blizzcon. I have picture of it being held by Sam Didier! I was doing a lot of networking.

  • LaOsLaOs Registered User regular
    Making the fanart may not have been that bad, but taking that and then assuming a personal relationship with the original artist was likely a step too far.

  • InvisibleInvisible Registered User regular
    It's just a life lesson. If you're going to use someone else's work get their permission first. It's really not something to get worked up over, and if it's something they liked doing something original in the same style may be even more beneficial for you.

    steam_sig.png
  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    PROX wrote:
    Right now I'm feeling really crestfallen. Everyone loved it Blizzcon. I have picture of it being held by Sam Didier! I was doing a lot of networking.

    Did you pull all the tags and apologize? You're not completely sunk here, but you need to step back and not try to push anything.

    twitter, github, resume/portfolio, if you like to play or host boardgames online, check out handtracker
  • acadiaacadia Registered User regular
    Put down the knife.

    eN3tbFm.png
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
    I did pull all the tags and apologized.

  • TL DRTL DR Registered User regular
    Really this sounds like more of a Facebook faux pas than anything. 'Tagging' means that the images would show if someone was looking at her profile pictures, while 'sharing' or even just a wall post would fit in more with what it seems you were trying to do.

    Live and learn, no big deal.

    eokNV.jpg
  • KalTorakKalTorak Registered User regular
    Seems like more appropriate netiquette would have been to tweet pictures of them and include her twitter name so she would see them. Less of an association implied there.

  • surrealitychecksurrealitycheck NONSTOP INFINITE CLIMAX POSTING you must go on i cant go on ill go onRegistered User regular
    don't worry prox you are a beast

    shit will work out

    obF2Wuw.png
  • PROXPROX Registered User regular
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