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[Let's Play] Leisure Suit Larry 1: In the Land of the Lounge Lizards
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Registered User regular
Due to popular mild three guys' request, I'm doing a Let's Play of Leisure Suit Larry I: In the Land of the Lounge Lizards, a Sierra adventure game designed by Al Lowe and released in 1987.
However, I'm going to be playing the "enhanced" version with VGA graphics and a mouse-based interface, which came out in 1991. Why? Well, it looks better, and the interface is less finicky than the original version's text parser.
You may balk, but then you've probably never spent an hour trying to figure out the exact word choice a game wants in order for you to not get killed by an evil witch for the 78th time today. Besides, if you want a text-based game, I could just do a Let's Play of the game LSL is based on, Softporn Adventure:
By the way, the lady on the right is Roberta Williams, creator of King's Quest, Laura Bow, Phantasmagoria, and many other adventure games, not to mention Sierra's co-founder. Get a good, long look.
WARNING: THIS GAME IS ABOUT FUCKING. A LOT OF THE CONTENT IS SEXUAL IN NATURE. THERE WILL BE SOME IMAGES AND A LOT OF TEXT WHICH IS NSFW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
However, I'm going to be playing the "enhanced" version with VGA graphics and a mouse-based interface, which came out in 1991. Why? Well, it looks better, and the interface is less finicky than the original version's text parser.
You may balk, but then you've probably never spent an hour trying to figure out the exact word choice a game wants in order for you to not get killed by an evil witch for the 78th time today. Besides, if you want a text-based game, I could just do a Let's Play of the game LSL is based on, Softporn Adventure:
By the way, the lady on the right is Roberta Williams, creator of King's Quest, Laura Bow, Phantasmagoria, and many other adventure games, not to mention Sierra's co-founder. Get a good, long look.
WARNING: THIS GAME IS ABOUT FUCKING. A LOT OF THE CONTENT IS SEXUAL IN NATURE. THERE WILL BE SOME IMAGES AND A LOT OF TEXT WHICH IS NSFW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
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Because this game has "adult content", it asks for your age and some questions to make sure you're of age, like...
yeah, there's a timely reference.
You may be wondering what the plot of this game is. Well, basically, you play a guy who's just gotten to the city of Lost Wages (it's like Las Vegas, but punnier) and is determined to lose his virginity before he turns forty. So in other words...
However, unlike Steve Carrell, Larry is an ugly fucker with all the charm of a yak in heat. Only without the hair.
Like most of these games, we've got a move icon, a touch icon, a look icon, a talk icon, and inventory. However, LSL also has a zipper icon... eww... and a smell/taste icon. Let's hope we don't have to use those too often. The two buttons on the right are just for help and saving games and whatnot, so we don't have to worry about those.
Let's check our inventory.
Okay, we've got a wallet, a watch, and... what looks like an opened condom, but it's actually breath spray. In the wallet we've got 94 bucks and credit cards which can't be used in the game. I wonder why?
...uh-huh.
Let's get started already. I wonder what's across the str--
...well that was unexpected.
Look both ways, Larry! DEATH COUNT: 1
Yeah, you wouldn't guess that a game about finding a woman to fuck would involve a lot of death, but hoo boy, we're just getting started.
Let's try that again. This time we'll go in the bar.
Classy place. I wonder where that door on the right leads?
I don't know the password, so it looks like I'm stuck. Oh well. Let's check out the back.
There's a drunk guy here who wants you to get him a drink. He's too drunk to get back to the bar, I guess. Don't feed his addiction, Larry!
You also notice a rose on a table, which you can take.
I like carnations, myself. SCORE: 1/222.
Now let's go to the restroom.
Well, I've seen worse.
Besides the obvious, you can read the graffiti here. After clicking on it a few times, you get this:
Ken refers to Ken Williams, co-founder of Sierra. Considering where this is going to lead, that seems more like a dig at him than anything else.
My email password is on a restroom wall at Fuddrucker's. SCORE: 3/222.
Obviously, this is the password to the mysterious door on the right side of the bar, but before we try that again, let's get a drink.
For some reason, if you buy anything else, you'll drink it, but not the whiskey. Then again, Larry is the biggest lightweight you've ever seen; one drink and he starts moonwalking.
I prefer my whiskey in a jar. SCORE: 4/222.
Anyway, you go give the drink to the guy in the back, and he gives you a TV remote.
Hey, don't look at me like that. I didn't make this shit up!
I'm not remotely interested in why he had that on him. SCORE: 6/222.
Now let's check out that door.
We're in! Time to meet...
...Huggy Bear?
So yeah, apparently there's a pimp operating out of Lefty's storage closet. And it seemed like such a nice place, too!
Also, note the moose.
Huggy wants $200 up front for a lay with a prostitute I haven't even seen. I call shenanigans. Besides, after buying two drinks from Lucky's, I'm down to $84. Looks like I need to make some quick cash if I want to get any whoring in tonight. Time to head to the casino!
But first, let's see what's over to the lef--
Great, I'm dead again.
Wait, what?
What the fuck is going on?
Maybe if you guys hadn't inserted so many pointless deaths into your games, you wouldn't have so much work!
Larry got punk'd. DEATH COUNT: 2.
Okay, since it was so much fun the first time, let's try the right alley.
Huh. Perfectly safe. How 'bout that. It's almost like that warning about alleys was pointless and actually counterintuitive. Especially since you NEED to go here to win the game.
You can see something up in the window on the right, but there's no way to get to it right now.
See?
The only thing we can do anything with here, at least at the moment, is the dumpster. Let's dig through there. That oughta help us attract women.
Why would Lefty throw out a perfectly good hammer?
Hammer time! SCORE: 9/222.
Okay, that's all we can do here for now. Let's go call a cab.
That was prompt.
As you can see, Lost Wages is a booming metropolis, boasting one casino, one bar, and a disco somehow still operating in the 90s. Since I need some money, I'm off to the casino.
Ah, here we are. And we apparently got a point for not getting killed by the cabbie.
No, really. SCORE: 10/222.
Interesting sculpture.
...I'm sure I'd find that hilarious if I knew who either of those people are. Let's just go inside.
Wow, this place is jumpin'! I haven't seen a casino this busy since I was at the Sahara last week.
For the time being, let's go exploring.
Who builds an elevator in the shape of a double helix?
Anyway, there's a couple things of interest here. First and foremost, it appears someone has left some sort of card in the ashtray.
Do I lie?
Larry is such a card. SCORE: 11/222.
It's apparently a pass to the local discotech. Well, I'm dressed for it at least.Let's take a look at the phone.
I blame the hooker above Lefty's. Well, maybe we can get it out of there.
Guess not. Oh well. Let's look at the cabaret sign.
...Larry is not exactly the sophisticated man-of-the-world he'd like people to see him as.
Let's check out the cabaret.
You'd think they'd get tired of that, but they'll just keep dancing the can-can until you leave. Maybe they're secretly animatronic.
Anyway, there's nothing to do here, so let's give Jessica Rabbit's clones a break and go somewhere else. In fact, let's take that elevator up to the eighth floor. And let's pretend I remembered to take a screenshot of the elevator in operation.
Nice place. For some reason, though, all the rooms are empty. There's an elevator up to the penthouse suite, too.
Apparently your breath is so bad it can be smelled from like five feet away with your mouth CLOSED. Time for some breath spray.
...well that's just frightening. So who is this chick, anyway?
Hah! Yeah, right. Look, I've worked as a security guard for longer than I care to admit. "Beautiful" and "security guard" are mutually exclusive terms. I mean, how good could she possibly lo--
....damn. Too bad about the cross, though.
Good point, Larry! Maybe it's a family heirloom or something.
Of course it is.
Talking gets you nowhere with Faith, so I thought I'd try the caveman approach: Hit her on the head with a blunt object.
Get it? It's a double entendre! Because in the 80s and 90s, "weapons" was a euphemism for breasts! And she also has pistols! Do ya get it???
...okay, let's try the romantic angle. How about a rose?
Come on, that was just mean. The game finally throws you a bone:
I'm not sure how Preparation-H is going to help us get into this girl's panties, but what the hey.
Incidentally, you do NOT want to show her your disco pass. I tried it on a lark, and this is what happened:
Keep in mind the disco isn't even on the casino's property. I think she just wanted to spare the women there your presence. Unfortunately, this makes the game unwinnable. Of course, it doesn't tell you that. No, it's more than happy to just let you keep playing for hours, trying to figure out how the fuck to proceed. Sierra adventure games were like that.
Anyway, there's nothing more we can do here. Let's go downstairs and do some gambling.
There are two games, video blackjack and video slots. I prefer blackjack because it's a quicker way to make money, and it actually has gameplay value.
This works like any other blackjack game you've ever played, with the important exception that you can save or restore your game at any time. So I just keep betting everything. If I win, I double my money. If I lose, I just restore my game. Repeat until you've got enough cash to take you through to the end of the game.
As for the slots, well, here they are:
Me, I've had enough gambling. Let's go outside and call a cab again.
Wait, who's that?
Steve Wozniak?
Way to hit a sore spot, Larry.
Anyway, you can buy an apple from Steve here for the low, low price of ten bucks. And I do.
I just hope those apples weren't touching his banana. SCORE: 14/222.
Anyway, time to take the taxi back to Lefty's. Same cabbie, too, but he has the gall charge me over twice what he did for the trip FROM Lefty's. Fuck that noise. I may be roling in cash now, but that doesn't mean you can cheat me, Robert DeNiro! I'm leaving!
That's right, I am stepping outside!
What the--
JESUS CHRIST! ROBERT DENIRO IS POSSESSED BY SATAN!
Next time I'm renting a car. DEATH COUNT: 3.
Okay, so I pay the cabbie this time. Go to the pimp, pay him.
Yeah, yeah. She better be worth it, man.
Well okay, she looks pretty good actual--
OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAcE?!
This is what happens when you constantly chew gum, kids.
Naturally the first thing Larry does when he enters a hooker's room is... steal her candy.
I wonder if HER name is Candy. SCORE: 16/222.
And then go out on the fire escape. You DO know you paid good money for this, right Larry?
I guess we're out here to get that mystery item in the other window. I don't know how, though. Maybe we could get one of the claw thingies to pick it up with.
...or we could hang off the rails like we're the fucking Prince of Persia!
And then fall and die. Just like in Prince of Persia! (screenshot missing because I'm a dork)
No, wait, that didn't happen. I didn't fall. DEATH COUNT: 4.
Okay, let's just get down to business, shall we?
Oh god, I'm not going to have to watch this, am I?
Okay, this is FAR more of Larry than I wanted to see, game.
Oh thank fucking christ.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! SCORE: 27/222.
Well, I guess that's it. I lost my virginity. Guess I can go back to my hotel and catch some Zs before my flight.
That can't be good.
Like a lagniappe? Cool!
okay, you can't tell from the screenshot because I was a little slow on the draw, but Larry's dick just exploded. And not in a good way, either.
I'm going to call that a "little death". DEATH COUNT: 4 1/2.
Guess I should've gotten some rubbers.
I think this is as good a place as any to stop for now. Let me know what you think.
(And yeah, I know the screenshots are small. That's the resolution of the game. SMF accepted width/height parameters for images, but apparently Vanilla doesn't. I'll try to fix it in later updates.)
I just want to see how you'll do.
Have you played this or any LSL games before?
I've played all of them to some extent. This first game is the only one I've beaten before.
We tried so hard to guess those opening questions to get the proper game. It usually didn't work...
Good reading so far!
Even worse, there was at least one item that would kill you if you DID have it at a certain point!
Wait, seriously? Well then the next one might be worth playing, but they've drug the series name through the worst sort of mud.
Yep, the first one they do is also going to be a HD Remake of the this one (first game). New Devs too.
http://www.gameinformer.com/b/news/archive/2011/10/10/leisure-suit-larry-returns-with-al-lowe-39-s-support.aspx
Its like a dream.....
1) Some English
2) What hookers are
3) What condoms are and why you should wear them
Truly, my childhood would not have been complete without this game.
Anyways, you can actually pay the pimp to get past him? I always figured he'd just take your money and laugh in your face. Turning the TV on is so much easier. Cheaper, too.
To be honest, I wish he'd make a Torin's Passage sequel instead. It was supposed o be a trilogy, but it didn't sell well enough.
Would depend on who has the license.
Well, obviously. But if Al Lowe managed to get the LSL license (when it's actually been in use in the past decade), getting the license to a 16-year-old game shouldn't be hard.
I wonder how he managed to get the Larry license though...
Wonder if it has to do that Al's using Larry Laffer and Sierra/Activision used a different Larry in the last two.
You only need money for:
Cab faire
The apple
Wine
Marriage license
The condom
1st good job the LP, looking good so far, watching the ways you could die was part of the appeal, death traps and what not
Admittedly the sophomoric remakes of LSL without lowe have been awful (i havent played them awful but i know people who have)
Still it was a different pixelated genital era, now people who are excited about jagged polygons and pixelated messes have japanese porn, im not sure their is a market for a new LSL
(reads the article kindly posted by c2b)
well remakes, god i wish more companies would re-release old games on the new platform
imagine if oblivion also had a DLC that was elderscrolls III in the new engine
gta VC on the gta IV engine and so on
fallout 1&2 with new vegas etc
It's okay, I do that later when I need to get up there again.
In fairness, while Magna Cum Laude wasn't good, its dialogue system was pretty fun, almost justifying the game's existence.
There's no excuse for Box Office Bust, though.
In my 'multiple nekkid ladies in a small jacuzzi' fantasy I'm fairly certain I'd like my fully clothed mustachioed wine waiter to be outside the jacuzzi.
But hey, maybe he isn't fully clothed and they are just trying to cater to all tastes?
When we last left our hero, he had fallen victim to the rare but debilitating Exploding Penis Disorder. Thanks to the miracle of medical science, he's now good as new, although his dick is no longer the same color as the rest of his body.
In order to prevent another such incident, let's go to the convenience store and get some condoms.
...but first, let's take a look at this pay phone.
Man, Al Lowe sure knows how to appeal to the seventh-grader in me.
Right above the number it says, "For a good time, call Roberta." SCORE:28/222.
Well, I guess we can use that number to see if this phone works.
A phone survey, huh?
This whole conversation takes up a lot of screens and has zero to do with the game's overall plot (such as it is), so I'm going to put it behind a spoiler tag.
What? That thing's gotta be twice the size of his schlong. If he runs into that chick from The Big O (the novel, not the anime) he's got it made.
I don't think I've ever heard "urbane" used to describe a body part until now.
It makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!
Wait... there's no lesbian scene in Backdoor Sluts 9! You're a phony! HEY EVERYONE! THIS LADY'S A BIG FAT PHONY! YEAH, HER, ON THE PHONE! SHE'S A PHONY!
Like there's any other answer you could give here.
Lady, if you could, you'd be moaning for entirely different reasons.
I was going to say Lefty, but I don't want that getting back to the bar.
I'm just assuming by the way he's always groping it.
This was in the days before internet porn, remember.
Okay, that was funny.
Hey, looks like we got the famous No-Prize! Thanks, Stan Lee!
How anti-climactic. SCORE: 30/222.
What say we go into the convenience store now, huh?
Wow. Sure are a lot of cameras in this place. I think ADT scammed you guys. For a store this size you need five, tops.
He's not even wearing a turban, you racist prick. Not unless it's the same color as his goddamned skull.
Just because he's brown doesn't mean he can't speak English, dumbass.
...okay, you win this round.
Looking at that little sign on the counter, you see that it reads "Ask About Lubbers". You presume that means "rubbers".
Aye aye, matey!
The clerk asks you a jillion questions about what kind of "lubbers" you want, culminating in this:
Wah wah waaaaaaah! (Seriously. They play the wah-wah music. Also, no matter what size you choose, the clerk always says you bought "small-sized".)
Man, can you pick a stereotype and stick with it? There aren't a lot of turban-wearing dudes in Iraq.
Oh well. Let's take a look at the magazines.
You know, I've been in a LOT of convenience stores, and I don't think I've ever seen one where the nudie mags were just sitting out for anyone to grab.
Er, not that I've had any reason to check...
Won't Larry be disappointed when it turns out to be about water containers. SCORE: 31/222.
Hey, I think I hear the phone outside ringing! I'll be right back, okay?
Dude, I'm just checking the phone! Chill! I'll set the magazine down right here and--
HOLY FUCKBALLS!
Down I go.
Look, I don't care what the camera shows. That clerk is going to jail for manslaughter at the very least.
Those condoms aren't the only magnums he's got behind the counter. DEATH COUNT: 5 1/2.
OKAY. So this time I paid for the stupid porno mag. Let's take a look at it.
Great! Do we get to see it?
Guess not.
Hell, I've got the mag's entire 38-year-run on my hard drive anyhow. SCORE: 32/222.
Time to go back outside.
Who are you, Dr. Livingston? You smell like the inside of a yak. Get the fuck away from me.
Hey, I knew I heard the phone ring! Answer it already, Larry!
So apparently Larry's right hand is (1) sentient and (2) detached from his body. Does that mean he's wearing a prosthesis right now, or... you know what, I don't even want to think about it. MOVING ON!
Larry's got some weird sexual hang-ups. SCORE: 37/222.
Let's head back to Lefty's.
....and I forgot to take a screenshot of Larry putting on the condom. Thankfully, his back is to us when he does this.
My sex-ed teacher would be so proud of me. SCORE: 47/222.
So, game over?
...of course not.
Well, we still haven't used that disco pass. Let's check that out next.
Look out, Larry! It's... the clown from IT dressed as a cop?
Is this the same Vegas I live in? The Vegas where there's an entire army of people on the streets who give out fliers for prostitutes?
This is bullshit! It's like a $200 fine! I should be right back out and dancing the night away!
Unzipped flies cause jailed guys! DEATH COUNT: 6 1/2.
What I really want to know is why nobody in the bar mentioned to me that I was walking around with my dick out and a used condom hanging off it. I guess they were all just too polite to say anything.
Anyway.
Thanks, game. I really needed to simulate the feeling of disgust you get while peeling a semen-filled piece of latex off your sweaty, flaccid penis.
It's a water-lubber now. SCORE: 48/222.
Whie washing our hands, we notice a diamond ring in the sink.
Yeah, that's the Larry we all know and grudgingly tolerate.
I've heard of people leaving rings around the drain, but this is ridiculous. SCORE: 51/222.
Okay, NOW let's go to the disco.
And astute viewers may note that you can see the same art gallery to the left side of the disco that's on the right side of the convenience store. So yeah, they're right next to each other. Won't stop the cabbie from charging you twenty bucks if you're stupid enough to ask him to drive you from one to the other, though.
Anyway, it's time to GET DOWN!
...or not.
And I'm sorry that you appear to have been drawn by Rob Liefeld. How the fuck do those puny pipecleaner legs hold up the rest of your body? I feel like I should shoot you and put you out of your misery. But I don't have a gun, and you'd probably throttle me first anyhow.
Maybe he'll be more amenable if we show him our totally legit disco pass that totally belongs to us and everything.
He gets right out of the way and apologizes. Now that's the kind of respect you can only get with disco club card!
Let's bounce. SCORE: 56/222.
Man, what kind of disco IS this? No dancing, no mirror ball, and no John Travolta! If I'd paid money for this I'd be demanding it back.
Hey, I think I know that guy in the upper left corner.
Yukkity yuk. But seriously, all the guys in this scene are caricatures of actual Sierra employees. Not that anyone but a fellow employee or some kind of creepy Sierra fanboy would recognize any of them. *cough*
There's also a blonde woman who's sitting all alone. Let's go talk to her, shall we?
Everyone's a comedienne. Except the dudes, I mean.
You know, she doesn't look that great to me. Kinda plastic-looking. Maybe I should take a closer look.
Yowza.
OH! Sorry.
Smooth as sandpaper, Larry.
What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
Wait, yes I do. It's a disco. It's the one place Larry DOES belong.
With those doe eyes, I shoulda known.
Okay, that's good, Larry. Talk about HER.
Oh goddammit. Run away, Larry!
No? Alright. How about a flower? Those are cheap. Especially when you find thm laying around bars.
Me too. They're the only thing with a smaller prick than mine.
Well, they ARE a girl's best friend. 2nd and 3rd being her vibrator and her mother, respectively. Try not to get those confused.
Guess that wasn't enough. Let's give her the sweets we swiped.
Yeah, I loved Candy too. She gave me an infection.
Wait, if she knows Candy... hmm... I wonder if she recognizes the password.
Now I ain't saying she's a golddigger, but... yeah, she's a golddigger. Sure you don't want to try elsewhere, Larry?
Oh woe to the wallets of those who woo such women. SCORE: 73/222.
Well, she still won't budge, but Larry's got one more trick up his sleeve: Disco dancing!
Mere screenshots cannot do this scene justice. You must witness it for yourself.
John Travolta, eat your heart out. And your liver, and your spleen. In that order. SCORE: 78/222.
Time to sit down with Fawn again.
It's about fucking time!
...no, really. It's just about time to fuck.
This is a little sudden. I don't even know your last name!
*sigh* Oh, alright.
I'll bet you do.
Money, it's a gas. By which I mean it evaporates. SCORE: 80/222.
Okay, so we're off to the Wedding Chapel, I guess.
Nice place. I wonder if it's run by the same guy as the Quiki-Mart down the road.
I think they both are, Larry. SCORE: 81/222.
And just like McDonald's hamburgers, most of those marriages lasted about half an hour before ending up in the shitter.
And now, cue Wedding March.
Even more special than when you married that Canadian girl so she could get her Green Card. What was her name? Ann Coulter?
It was the best ring I could find in a sleazy bar's bathroom on such short notice.
Something tells me Father Mulcahy does not have the zest for his job that he once had.
I better get to do more than that!
Oh baby!
Like chlamydia!
This is certainly not the level of service I expected from a place called "Quiki-Wed".
Oh my god.
She's Batman!
...I think I'll just let you mull that revelation for awhile.
NEXT TIME: Falling for Fawn CONCLUDED!