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You are all the dumb ones for drinking regular water

joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Parental UnitRemulakRegistered User regular
edited November 2011 in Social Entropy++
_wsb_566x424_KANGEN+WATER+DEFINED.jpg

Let's just talk about what happens when you turn on the tap and drink some water. Taste good to you? Well I hope you like that taste, because it's the taste of Satan's tonsils, which you've all been playing hockey with since you were born. Satan, the government (all of them), The Illuminati, and Y2K all want you to keep drinking tap water so that you will die from oxidants.

But surely there is one among your number who has the intelligence to see past this grand conspiracy. I won't bore you with the details (yes I will) but here are some of the details!

Kangen is a Japanese word, which means that whatever it is, it is good for you. In this case, Kangen means "Return to Origin". We've all forgotten that back in the good old days when we used to get our wives by clubbing them over the head and dragging them back to our caves for a tender romance, we still couldn't even get to second base without highly alkaline water to purify and cleanse our man-parts. So every self-respecting caveman had a water ionizer ready to go. We need to get back to our roots here, people. This is how everything began.

scanhc.jpg

ACID BAD! ALKALINE GOOOOD!

Here's some other factual information that should make you pay for Kangen Water (R) all from the pamphlet I have here in my hand:

Clean, Refreshing & Tastes Great

Kangen water is the best tasting water you can drink. It is smooth and refreshing. It will also enhance the taste of foods and beverages.

Detoxifying and Cleansing

When you have a buildup of acidic waste in the body, eventually you will need to have some sort of detox to cleanse yourself. Drinking Kangen Water (R) is a siimple and natural way to detoxify your body of impurities.

MicroClustered to Increase Hydration

Kangen Water (R) is microclustered which means the actual water moldecules are reduced in size allowing them to be easily absorbed by your body and deeply hydrate your cells.

Neutralize Free Radicals

Kangen Water (R) has a very high negative ORP (Oxidation Reduction Potential) which makes it a powerful anti-oxidant. When consumed on a regular basis, the extra electrons in Kangen Water (R) neutralize free radicals in the body.

Balance Body pH Over Time

Kangen Water (R) helps raise the body's alkalinity and fights against free-radicals that damage healthy cells. An Alkaline body is a healthy body.

Reduce Pain

Pain is something that many people deal with on a daily basis. Muscle soreness, joint pain and stiffness are the most common. Kangen Water (R) can reduce pain by helping the body become properly hydrated and allowing the acidic waste to be removed.

Improve Energy & Reduce Fatigue

Fatigue is a sign of your body being overly acidic. When your body dumps acidic and metabolic waste into your interstitial fluids, you have to be able to eliminate the buildup. If consumed on a regular basis, Kangen Water (R) will help clean up the waste and improve your energy levels.

Improve Overall Health

Kangen Water (R) is produced by Enagic Ionizers. They are approved as medical devices in Japan (!!!) and are used in numerous hospitals and clinics because of the health benefits.



I don't know guys! This seems pretty legit. My water can take your water.

What are some non-scams that you guys want to share with me so I can be sure and keep those goddamn free radicals away from me. Always trying to infiltrate my body and poison my precious bodily fluids.

ElJeffe wrote: »
I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
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Posts

  • LockoutLockout I am still searching Registered User regular
    edited November 2011
    fucking bottled water

    fun infographic that has probably been posted around here before
    Spoiler:

    makes me love the world a little bit more every day

    Lockout on
    f24GSaF.jpg
  • godmodegodmode Nooo-ooo-ooo... That ain't dancin', SallyRegistered User regular
    I am awaiting my check from Nigeria. I needed a way to support @Sassori's drinking habit.

  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Parental Unit RemulakRegistered User regular
    godmode wrote:
    I am awaiting my check from Nigeria. I needed a way to support @Sassori's drinking habit.

    It has probably been intercepted by the Stassi or KGB by now

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • godmodegodmode Nooo-ooo-ooo... That ain't dancin', SallyRegistered User regular
    godmode wrote:
    I am awaiting my check from Nigeria. I needed a way to support @Sassori's drinking habit.

    It has probably been intercepted by the Stassi or KGB by now

    Rats! Foiled again!

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    H30

    the wettest water you ever tasted

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    I bought a Brita pitcher and then just drank tap water because the chemicals made it taste better

  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I use a Brita filter. It's pretty good.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    I only drink

    Purple drank

    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    More alkaline equals more health!

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    I just boil my water. I probably don't have to, but I do it anyway.

    mosesupposes.gif
  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    I like the taste of bathroom tap water best

  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
  • LockoutLockout I am still searching Registered User regular
    I found out don't mind the tap water taste after a while. could be colder, but oh well

    though people who've toured the municipal water facility for this town talk about how gross it is

    f24GSaF.jpg
  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    Drinking tap water is something I've abandoned a long time ago. And out here in East Texas, the water fucking SMELLS and is awful. I don't even use it for cooking. I've been buying jugs of water to use for cooking.

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Keith wrote:
    I like the taste of bathroom tap water best

    Right out of the back of the toilet, am I right?

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    all I get from the op is that I should eat more batteries

  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    Keith wrote:
    I like the taste of bathroom tap water best

    Right out of the back of the toilet, am I right?

    Don't be gross; there's probably mold back there

    Gotta go from the front where I know my urine sterilizes it

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Keith wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    I like the taste of bathroom tap water best

    Right out of the back of the toilet, am I right?

    Don't be gross; there's probably mold back there

    Gotta go from the front where I know my urine sterilizes it

    Are you getting you recommended daily allowance of fecal matter?

  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    Henroid wrote:
    Drinking tap water is something I've abandoned a long time ago. And out here in East Texas, the water fucking SMELLS and is awful. I don't even use it for cooking. I've been buying jugs of water to use for cooking.

    I've always seen bottled water as a extravagance. Tap water is fine you pampered dandies.

    Except you Henroid, your tap water sounds nasty.

    Spoiler:
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    Keith wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    I like the taste of bathroom tap water best

    Right out of the back of the toilet, am I right?

    Don't be gross; there's probably mold back there

    Gotta go from the front where I know my urine sterilizes it

    Are you getting you recommended daily allowance of fecal matter?

    I get that from when the dogs lick me

  • LarlarLarlar Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    iwantanswers3.png
  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
    although yeah that diagram kind of takes the fact that certain areas do have carcinogens in the water out of the equation.

    tap water is supposed to be regulated. That doesn't mean it always is.

  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    Changing filters and then rinsing through them before being able to use them was just too much work to drink water

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

  • Mr. ButtonsMr. Buttons Registered User regular
    Henroid wrote:
    Drinking tap water is something I've abandoned a long time ago. And out here in East Texas, the water fucking SMELLS and is awful. I don't even use it for cooking. I've been buying jugs of water to use for cooking.


    mmmm, well water.... have you tried lighting it on fire yet? (if it doesn't explode, running it through a brita should make it a hell of a lot better)

  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    In high school, my earth science teacher told us that tap water is regulated more than bottled water. She said that bottled water just has to say where the water came from on the label and they're good to go

    I don't know if that's true, though.

  • LarlarLarlar Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    iwantanswers3.png
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Look, if I'm not drinking water from the tap then where am I supposed to get my daily amounts of zinc, copper, chromium, and plutonium?

  • LarlarLarlar Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited November 2011
    Look, if I'm not drinking water from the tap then where am I supposed to get my daily amounts of zinc, copper, chromium, and plutonium?

    Larlar on
    iwantanswers3.png
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.

  • LarlarLarlar Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.

    But then I won't need to sanitize my water any more, saving me the cost of 3-6 Brita filters per year.

    iwantanswers3.png
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.

    But then I won't need to sanitize my water any more, saving me the cost of 3-6 Brita filters per year.

    A small price to pay to avoid the destruction of all mankind at the hands of bacteria men...and ladies :winky:

  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    Karl wrote:
    Henroid wrote:
    Drinking tap water is something I've abandoned a long time ago. And out here in East Texas, the water fucking SMELLS and is awful. I don't even use it for cooking. I've been buying jugs of water to use for cooking.

    I've always seen bottled water as a extravagance. Tap water is fine you pampered dandies.

    Except you Henroid, your tap water sounds nasty.

    Doc Hammer agrees with me on this by the way. That the water in Texas is bad. Only he's been around the whole country and specifically said it's the worst out of every state.

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • LockoutLockout I am still searching Registered User regular
    edited November 2011
    Langly wrote:
    although yeah that diagram kind of takes the fact that certain areas do have carcinogens in the water out of the equation.

    tap water is supposed to be regulated. That doesn't mean it always is.

    because maybe there aren't a significant amount of those areas in the U.S.?

    I mean, I don't know for sure. I know the municipal water in my home town often comes out of the faucet brown, and I'd never blame someone for not drinking that, carcinogens or no

    the point is that overall bottled water is immensely wasteful and fuck whoever supports that industry when they don't have to. even if someone's tap water is shit, just buying the water in larger quantities, like gallon jugs or something, is way better than buying individual bottles or packs of individual bottles

    which I used to do when I lived in the dorms, before I realized how incredibly fucking stupid that is

    Lockout on
    f24GSaF.jpg
  • LarlarLarlar Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.

    But then I won't need to sanitize my water any more, saving me the cost of 3-6 Brita filters per year.

    A small price to pay to avoid the destruction of all mankind at the hands of bacteria men...and ladies :winky:

    Bacteria ladies are nothing new. Vaginas have always been breeding grounds.

    iwantanswers3.png
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase It's all in the game though, right?Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    Larlar wrote:
    I used to use a Brita filter but I got tired of buying them. I actually like the taste of the tap water here in Minnesota...and it's nice and cold out of the sink.

    I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.

    I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.

    What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.

    Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.

    But then I won't need to sanitize my water any more, saving me the cost of 3-6 Brita filters per year.

    A small price to pay to avoid the destruction of all mankind at the hands of bacteria men...and ladies :winky:

    Bacteria ladies are nothing new. Vaginas have always been breeding grounds.

    Now imagine that vagina smell and texture...but all over the place. That's a bacteria lady. :winky:

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