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11/19/11, 5:00 EST - The Republican Social Values [Debate], now with 600% more Wingnut!

KanaKana Registered User regular
edited November 2011 in Debate and/or Discourse
Welcome to the 579th republican debate thread at Penny Arcade. Tonight it's the "Thanksgiving Family Forum – A Family Discussion with the Republican Candidates” the candidates are debating in the First Federated Church, at Des Moines, Iowa, over social values. Well, supposedly it's not a debate, it's a "discussion", but obviously it's a debate.
Yes, that's right, they're in a church, in Iowa, in a debate sponsored by CitizenLink (the family advocacy arm of Focus on the Family) and the National Organization for Marriage. But wait, there's more! The moderator will be Frank Luntz, Republican establishment pollster and Fox News contributor. I hope you like your red meat, because this one's gonna be straight off the bone and bloody.

But wait, you say! I do enjoy listening to republicans blaming gay people for their own lack of monogamy, but I'm still not sure if this debate is going to be quite crazy enough! Please, isn't there anything else?

Of course! Tonight there will be no Huntsman or Romney! Romney because he probably doesn't want to alienate general election voters, and Huntsman because he hasn't yet sold his basic human dignity. So it's gonna be all wingnut all night! 100% pure, unadulterated crazypants!

Defending the sanctity of marriage tonight are:

Bachmanns.jpg
Michelle Bachmann. Her husband has mentioned the natural curiosity that all male teens have about homosexuality, and that we simply have to repress those fabulous desires and marry a beard instead. Or, err, open a gay-rehabilitation clinic. Right. Repress repress repress. Please don't point out to Mrs. Bachmann that her husband is totally gay.

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Herman Cain has been accused of sexual misconduct by 6 different women! Tonight we find out why it's all part of the homosexual conspiracy against former pizza magnates.

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Rick Perry married his elementary school(!) sweetheart and they've been married for almost 30 years. Unfortunately he's probably going to forget her name in this debate. He's also executed a couple dudes in Texas who were probably innocent, which is not going to be mentioned tonight.

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Rick Santorum is an a-hole, and I have no idea what's going on in this picture. He's been voted "most likely to get arrested picking up a gay prostitute" for the last 10 years running.

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Newt Gingrich loves heterosexual marriage so much he's been married 3 times. And he's an admitted adulterer. He's also a converted Roman Catholic. Supposedly.

Gosh, you're probably saying, this debate sounds like a giant orgy of hypocrisy! Why would I willingly subject myself to this?
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This is Ron Paul. He's gonna be at the debates too. Everyone is going to hate him and he doesn't give a shit.
He may look like a garden gnome, he may not understand how the Fed works, and he would wreck the economy if he were ever elected.
But he's still television gold. Expect the moderator to try to pretend he doesn't exist.

There's a couple ways to watch:
It'll supposedly show up on the front page of citizenlink.com
It'll also get streamed from Facebook.com/CitizenLink
And the audio will be streamed on http://www.bottradionetwork.com/

Kana on
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Posts

  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    Kana wrote:
    There's a couple ways to watch:
    It'll supposedly show up on the front page of citizenlink.com
    It'll also get streamed from Facebook.com/CitizenLink
    And the audio will be streamed on http://www.bottradionetwork.com/
    The drinking game will be played by many.

  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot P'burg, MTRegistered User regular
    The Santorum picture is from his press conference after losing 58-42 in 2006, which beat Mike DeWine of Ohio by 4 points for the biggest losing margin for an incumbent Senator that year.

    Spoiler:
  • HenroidHenroid Gibberish Cold white sand!Registered User regular
    Ah shit, I have to go to work during this.

    All because I had to switch days with someone too. fffffff

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit." - @Ludious
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  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy Registered User regular
    The Santorum picture is from his press conference after losing 58-42 in 2006, which beat Mike DeWine of Ohio by 4 points for the biggest losing margin for an incumbent Senator that year.

    it also showcases his strange and frumpy looking family

  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    The Santorum picture is from his press conference after losing 58-42 in 2006, which beat Mike DeWine of Ohio by 4 points for the biggest losing margin for an incumbent Senator that year.

    it also showcases his strange and frumpy looking family

    Seriously, they look like the cast of a SNL skit

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • dbrock270dbrock270 Registered User regular
    I promised myself to not watch any debates until primary season kicks up for the sake of my sanity.

  • DoctorArchDoctorArch Curmudgeon Registered User regular
    I'm excited to the see the end result of "Race to the Crazy!"

    steam_sig.png
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    DoctorArch wrote:
    I'm excited to the see the end result of "Race to the Crazy!"

    I'm excited to see Newt Gingrich talk about religion and try to keep a straight face. But honestly I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stand this debate, it may well be TOO crazy for me to stomach.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • DeebaserDeebaser At the corporate garage sale This is cheap and plentifulRegistered User regular
    edited November 2011
    The Santorum picture is from his press conference after losing 58-42 in 2006, which beat Mike DeWine of Ohio by 4 points for the biggest losing margin for an incumbent Senator that year.

    it also showcases his strange and frumpy looking family

    Are you kidding me? His son caught the golden snitch for Griffindor. That kid is awesome!

    Deebaser on
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    VIdeo stream http://www.citizenlink.com/: Crazy guy talking right now.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    "There's a reason Iowa goes first"

    Yeah right, you people SO didn't go 300 miles.

    Oh man I'm already getting creeped out.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    No gotcha questions to make people look bad! Yaaaaaay!

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    Holy Shit, did he just call out Perry?

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Oh lord, he's already doing the pollster thing

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    That quality of life question would be more meaningful if the average age in that church wasn't 65.

    GASP, not occupy wall street!

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    He's calling up a protestor or something. huh

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    edited November 2011
    ....What the fuck is going on?

    Oh great, he's not even an OWS protester, he's a Ron Paulie

    EDIT: Yeup, a Paulie. I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW

    Kana on
    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    A Paul guy is talking.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    I wasn't listening, he just said Nevada and Fedreal Reserve. SO I have no idea what hesaid.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    Haha, Bachmann is serving the men. This is going great.

  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    Oh yeesh, Frank Luntz? Prepare your fluffiest of softballs!

  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Michelle Bachmann is pouring water for all the other candidates.

    And we're starting out with Ron Paul. This is weird.

    Ron Paul immediately switches to talking about the constitution. These are so not his people.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    The first question is about So help me god. This is going to be hilarious.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    The George Washington thing is apparently a myth.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    That George Washington story about "so help me god" is a myth, btw.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    Ron Paul: God loves the Constitution.

    Cain: Man, I could have used God's help during that Libya question, but he'll totally help me out as President.

    Bachmann: KISS THE BIBLE!

  • emnmnmeemnmnme Heard about this on conservative radio:Registered User regular
    Kana wrote:
    That George Washington story about "so help me god" is a myth, btw.

    This is America. Don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

    Angryspider2_zps663851d1.jpg
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Perry's showing up high again.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    edited November 2011
    Ahahahaha Perry just said he's been "driven to his knees multiple times as Governor"

    Yes, I am 12 years old.

    Fencingsax on
    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    Perry: God wanted me to kill those innocent dudes.

  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    So god gives us rights but we can't do what we want with those rights because he has law.

    So what's the point of rights if they are not....right?

  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    Santorum: Unlike Islam, where civil law has to agree with religious law, in America, civil law has to agree with religious law.

  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Santorum says that Islam has only religious law, and then his followup implies that he thinks that's really the way to go.

    As long as abortion is legal in this country we shall have no rest.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • FencingsaxFencingsax Registered User regular
    Hahahah. Moderator asked Santorum where god was when he lost.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    You know, when I say that God told me to whip my dick out on the subway, I'm called crazy.

  • Magus`Magus` Registered User regular
    I've said it before but as far as missing the whole 'Separation of Church and State' thing goes, this whole 'discussion' is meta. as. fuck.

  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Lawndart wrote:
    Santorum: Unlike Islam, where civil law has to agree with religious law, in America, civil law has to agree with religious law.

    I love when the fundies try to hate on Islam for being fundamentalist.

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
  • DoctorArchDoctorArch Curmudgeon Registered User regular
    emnmnme wrote:
    Kana wrote:
    That George Washington story about "so help me god" is a myth, btw.

    This is America. Don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

    Works for religion as well, as evidenced by the current GOP crop. God damn parallels.

    steam_sig.png
  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    Gingrich wants religious loyalty tests for teachers. Oh, that's so Constitutional.

  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Gingrich: all teachers must be religious and love jesus

    So Gingrich, how do you square the old-school religious schooling with, y'know, Jim Crow?

    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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