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Chewing with mouth open(solved)

JusticeforPlutoJusticeforPluto Registered User regular
edited December 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
So, this year I was assigned to a dorm room with four people. Two rooms with two people each, plus a common room, bathroom, and shower room. I'm relatively okay with my roommate, but we don’t have much in common. The two guys in the other room and I do however share a common interest in video games. I spend a lot of time in their room hanging out with them and playing Xbox. However, one of them must always eat inside his room. This becomes a problem as always chews with his mouth open. Every time he does so I must leave the room because it makes me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t a problem until recently, but now the sound of it and the smell of his food makes me sick. I don’t know how to bring it up with him, as it is his room and I feel it would be rude to begin with. If anyone has any helpful advice, than I would love to hear it. If you feel like it’s none of my business and I should stay out of their room if I don’t like it, well I feel that way too. That’s why I’m asking for help. Also, I like this guy. I feel as if me and the two other roommates are friends of sorts. I would hate to see him go out on a date only to gross out his date.
Tl;dr, how can I politely tell someone that they chew with their mouth open?

JusticeforPluto on

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  • LewieP's MummyLewieP's Mummy Registered User regular
    You can't, really, cos you're not his mum. He clearly doesn't have a problem with it, so you'll probably just have to either get used to it, or leave the room when he grosses you out.

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  • JusticeforPlutoJusticeforPluto Registered User regular
    Well I said I felt the same way, and was asking if there was a way to bring it up politely. But thanks for reading the whole thing.

  • DraygoDraygo Registered User regular
    You are rooming together, does he know it makes you uncomfortable? Is he willing to change his behavior so you are comfortable?

    It is best to bring it up I think, but be tactful. Do it 1 on 1, dont do it infront of a group, even if other people also have a problem with it then it will seem to him that you all are ganging up on him and that can make him defensive.

    You can go up to them one on one, maybe admit how awkward you feel to ask tell him this, complement him first about something to get yourself going, and eventually end with a "yanno when you eat with your mouth open around me it makes me feel uncomfortable, how do you think we can improve this situation?"

    Alternatively you can look for a way to switch your rooming assignment with someone else. You cant make him change, but you can find out if he wants to change. If he doesn't there is pretty much nothing you can do but move out or get used to it.

  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu PIGEON Registered User regular
    Well I said I felt the same way, and was asking if there was a way to bring it up politely. But thanks for reading the whole thing.
    One polite way to bring it up would not be through this kind of sarcasm :P

    Draygo's basically right. Just tell him that you don't feel super comfortable when people chew with their mouth open and ask if it would be a big deal if he were to stop. It's true that he might feel like you've been rude, but just asking isn't rude, and plenty of people are fine with stuff like that. If you're worried that he's going to overreact and get offended, then in my opinion the best thing to do is offend him, because what's the worst that can happen? As long as you're respectful it's not like you've done anything wrong.

  • SerpentSerpent Sometimes Vancouver, BC, sometimes Brisbane, QLDRegistered User regular
    Not all cultures find this rude.

    It's very normal in some cultures to chew with the mouth open, and this guy may have been doing this for a few decades. He's unlikely to change his behaviour and bringing it up will likely make him feel uncomfortable.

    Should you be accomodating of his culture or should he be accomodating of yours?!?

  • JusticeforPlutoJusticeforPluto Registered User regular
    Thanks for the advice everyone. Also, were both the same culture (American). I know its probably rude to ask him to stop, but I do have something a friendship going on with him. Leaving the room every time he eats fells rude in a way also.

  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    That seems like an incredible over reaction on your part. Its just chewing with his mouth open. Is it slight, or is he doing a full extension with every mastication?

  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    it's probably lip-smacky, and I agree that it can be hard to bring up. You can't really "fix" him, but you can say something like "I'm not saying this to be a dick, but do you know you chew with your mouth open? it's really obvious and loud, and I mean, we're roomies so I'm cool with it, but I know some people are particular about that."

    It's a little lie, but is probably the only non-sarcastic way to bring it up. I mean, you could grab some food of your own and smack your own lips at him really obnoxiously. Or you could say "Dude, did you learn to eat on a farm? close your mouth!" But that's a good way to get him pissed at you or, at the very least, hurt his feelings.

    You're not in the wrong to bring it up, though. Just try to downplay it and spin it in a "The More You Know" way.

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  • Inquisitor77Inquisitor77 2 x Penny Arcade Fight Club Champion A fixed point in space and timeRegistered User regular
    Bringing it up isn't a big deal - it's how you bring it up that is important. As long as you aren't accusing him of being YE DAMNED LIP SMACKER, it should be fine. I'm not sure why everyone seems to be treating this like a big black and white issue when it's clearly just "one of those things" that happens when you put more than one person in the same living situation.

    Find a time when you guys are alone and say something like the following:

    "Hey man this is a bit awkward for me to bring up, and I'm really sorry, but lately it's been making me very uncomfortable when you eat because of how loud it can be. I realize that this is a bit weird and part of it may be sensitivity on my part, but I would really appreciate it if you could try to find ways to eat more quietly. It would really suck if I had to leave every time you wanted to eat in our room, or you felt like you couldn't eat in here just because I react so poorly to it?"

    Make it about both of you, not just him. Because clearly there wouldn't be a problem if you weren't there, so it's not just "his issue". Also, taking the time to ask him if there's anything you do which really bothers him that you can try to mitigate will probably go a long way. Do that afterwards though, hopefully after he's made the appropriate nice-sounding noises - doing it up front just makes you look like a scheming douchebag.

  • y2jake215y2jake215 certified Flat Birther theorist the Last Good Boy onlineRegistered User regular
    it sounds like it's not his roommate - it's one of the guys in the other room. i'd say he shouldn't make it about the both of them.. make it about himself, because he's the only one with a problem here - the other guy should be able to do whatever he wants in his own room.

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  • cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    Skoal Cat wrote:
    That seems like an incredible over reaction on your part. Its just chewing with his mouth open. Is it slight, or is he doing a full extension with every mastication?

    I have a friend that chews with his mouth open, and it sounds like feeding a steak covered in peanut butter to a rottweiler. It is to the point where when we eat together my food is always cold by the time I get to eat because I have to talk continuously while he eats or I get nauseous. Unfortunately I can't think of a polite way to tell someone they chew so loud that it makes me feel like I sat down to dinner with a large breed dog, so my solution is just to carry on a conversation with myself very loudly until he's done eating.

  • KarrmerKarrmer Registered User regular
    There really isn't anything impolite about telling someone that they chew with their mouth open. If a person likes to just fart around you constantly and you find it gross, is it impolite to ask that behavior to stop also? Chewing with your mouth open is disgusting and anyone that does it shouldn't be upset at being told so.

    Letting the guy know might make him defensive but... he really needs to know. You're doing him a favor.

  • Aurora BorealisAurora Borealis runs and runs and runs away BrooklynRegistered User regular
    I have a coworker who chews with his mouth open. I and several others have publicly called him on it. (He is not well liked.) He insists that he has to do it because his jaw is out of alignment. I don't necessarily believe him but there's that.

  • mtsmts Dr. Robot King Registered User regular
    I don't blame the reaction.I get the same way with loud eaters
    guhhh

    You could just outright say that he is gross. It shouldn't be taken too badly if you are friends.

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  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    Seriously, just tell him like an adult. This falls in the "basic communication between adults" range. Just tell him. "Dude, I don't mean to be a dick but the racket you're making with your face right now is awful. Can you close your mouth while you eat, please? Yes, for real."

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Well I said I felt the same way, and was asking if there was a way to bring it up politely. But thanks for reading the whole thing.

    This is not at all necessary, and it's actually pretty rude and unappreciated in this forum. She was directly answering your query and it was not an inappropriate answer.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    Honestly, I think the long drawn out, over polite confrontations make the situation so much worse.

    Just be like "dude, stop smakin' your chops" and be done with it. He'll either be a turd about it, or he'll be like "oh, my bad" and then stop.

  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited December 2011
    Serpent wrote:
    Not all cultures find this rude.

    It's very normal in some cultures to chew with the mouth open, and this guy may have been doing this for a few decades. He's unlikely to change his behaviour and bringing it up will likely make him feel uncomfortable.

    Should you be accomodating of his culture or should he be accomodating of yours?!?

    Culture? It's a matter of manners, and it has nothing to do with accommodating someone's culture.
    Honestly, I think the long drawn out, over polite confrontations make the situation so much worse.

    Just be like "dude, stop smakin' your chops" and be done with it. He'll either be a turd about it, or he'll be like "oh, my bad" and then stop.

    This. My brother in law smacks his mouth as he eats, but after he has swallowed. When it got too much for me to handle one day, this is how I handled it:

    "Hey, that's really, really annoying."

    "What is?"

    "You keep smacking your lips."

    "Oh, sorry."

    It stopped for a while, but he started doing it again a few hours later:

    "You're doing it again."


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  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    If you bring it up, just don't expect him to be like "okay" and not get a little annoyed with you telling him what to do.

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  • SerpentSerpent Sometimes Vancouver, BC, sometimes Brisbane, QLDRegistered User regular
    Figgy wrote:
    Serpent wrote:
    Not all cultures find this rude.

    It's very normal in some cultures to chew with the mouth open, and this guy may have been doing this for a few decades. He's unlikely to change his behaviour and bringing it up will likely make him feel uncomfortable.

    Should you be accomodating of his culture or should he be accomodating of yours?!?

    Culture? It's a matter of manners, and it has nothing to do with accommodating someone's culture.


    Different cultures have different manners.

  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    You should try pulling the other roomates aside one on one and asking them what they think. That way if you wanted to bring it up you could do it in a group setting.

    Otherwise the best thing would be to bring it up politly, though dont expect him to change at all just because you dont like it.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Here's what you do. Next time he's eating around you say "Hey, can you chew with your mouth shut? It's really gross."

    Don't do it like this though.
    Find a time when you guys are alone and say something like the following:

    "Hey man this is a bit awkward for me to bring up, and I'm really sorry, but lately it's been making me very uncomfortable when you eat because of how loud it can be. I realize that this is a bit weird and part of it may be sensitivity on my part, but I would really appreciate it if you could try to find ways to eat more quietly. It would really suck if I had to leave every time you wanted to eat in our room, or you felt like you couldn't eat in here just because I react so poorly to it?"

    It's completely over the top, passive aggressive, and unnecessary. Just keep it short and sweet. I guarantee he's grossing other people out as well and you have every right to ask someone to stop doing that. It'd be like if someone was burping or farting at the dinner table.

  • NoquarNoquar Registered User regular
    My unpopular opinion is that it is his room and you are visiting it knowing this is how he eats. Bring up directly - if he isn't receptive to it then you need to make a choice to get over it and continue hanging out, or stop going into his room. Manners or not I think we all have more things to worry about than loud eaters. I am a noodle slurper though so take it how you like.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited December 2011
    Noquar wrote:
    My unpopular opinion is that it is his room and you are visiting it knowing this is how he eats. Bring up directly - if he isn't receptive to it then you need to make a choice to get over it and continue hanging out, or stop going into his room. Manners or not I think we all have more things to worry about than loud eaters. I am a noodle slurper though so take it how you like.

    Oh, I didn't realize this only happens in his room. Yeah, not your business. Unless he's doing it in common areas, I'd keep my mouth shut to keep harmony. Grin and bear it, and if it's that bad, request a different room next term.

    Esh on
  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    You can also bring it up when you are eating with him when he is not in his room.

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  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Serpent wrote:
    Figgy wrote:
    Serpent wrote:
    Not all cultures find this rude.

    It's very normal in some cultures to chew with the mouth open, and this guy may have been doing this for a few decades. He's unlikely to change his behaviour and bringing it up will likely make him feel uncomfortable.

    Should you be accomodating of his culture or should he be accomodating of yours?!?

    Culture? It's a matter of manners, and it has nothing to do with accommodating someone's culture.


    Different cultures have different manners.

    I agree that it was a silly statement to make, but it's off-topic anyway as the guy is American, so let's move past it.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • BloodfartBloodfart Registered User regular
    I have the same problem but on a much larger scale.

    I live in China where it seems the majority of people, especially lower class, eat with their mouths open, splatter food everywhere, and get sauces and bits on their hands. I was brought up with some serious codes of etiquette and try as hard as I can I can't help but be seriously annoyed by their table manners.

    My wife is Chinese but she went to university so picked up manners and some common sense decency, but I can't stand eating with her family because of this. Really its my problem as they aren't harming me in any way.

    What I do is I usually have a book to read while I eat and it helps me ignore the smack gobble slurp burp crunches.

  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    I find as long as I'm eating, I really don't give a shit about people smacking their lips and shit eating. When I'm not eating, it bugs me to no end.

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  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    On what level are you friends? Are you actually friends? If so, just say "yo dude, quit chewing with your mouth open, its gross as fuck".

    If you are merely friendly, and not necessarily friends, I'd keep in mind that you are in his room, not the other way around.

  • ShogunShogun Hair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get along Registered User regular
    The next time you're in the guy's room and he's smacking away at some kraft easy mac just leer at him and ask, "Do you do that when you go out to a restaurant?"

    Also keep in mind it is his room. For some people 'home' is sanctuary. He feels safe there, he can do no wrong there, etc. If he does it out in public as well he is either socially inept or has something wrong with his jaw/teeth.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    You don't walk into someone's house and start making smart ass comments about their habits, nor should you do that in someone's room, their "castle".

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    "Dude, you chew like Mr Ed. Quit dat shit."

  • ZeromusZeromus Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    Bring it up simply and directly or grin and bear it. How long have you been living with roomies in dorms? You'll be a lot less miserable moving forward if you learn to do either of those things. Rest assured "problems" like this will spring up with pretty much anyone you live with.

    Edit: For the record, I agree that this is hideously irritating, though.

    Zeromus on
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  • mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    You know, bringing it up now might be a big help to him. That kind of behavior isn't going to win him any friends in the job market when he gets done with college.

    If it were me I'd probably just make a mild joke about it. If I were the mouth smacker that would be less intrusive than some sort of 1 on 1 sit down intervention where you tell him how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel. Just gently rib him about it, once, and see how he reacts. If he doesn't give a shit, well, there you go. If he blows his top, well, you learned somethign there too. If he apologizes then you can make a Mr. Serious comment about how he might want to get that particular habit under control.

    mellestad on
  • JusticeforPlutoJusticeforPluto Registered User regular
    Thanks everyone for the advice. I'll just try to ingore the behavior for now, but will keep you suggestions in mind.

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