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It's neat how you contain a factory for making more of you.
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As someone who is lucky enough to be married to someone who totally and 100 percent shares my preference for not having children, ( in fact she was the first to bring it up that she didn't want any) and i can tell you that unless you both agree on this, the relaionship will not work. If you want kids and he does not, then either you'll end up having them and he might come to resent them or you, or you won't have them, and you may come to resent him.
The two biggest things that can easily destroy the most perfect relationship is arguments over money and arguments over children. Approach this very, very carefully.
I don't think that's the case here. I don't hear her saying he's opposed to the idea of having a kid, I think she is trying to convince him that the many stereotypes of parenthood such as no free time, no money, etc aren't as bad as people/movies/tv portray them. I don't think he's saying "I have no interest in kids", he's instead saying that he doesn't want to lose his hobbies and lifestyle.
I agree if he said "I never want children" that is potentially a deal breaker - but I don't think there are many guys out there that want children in the same way women feel that drive. In general I think us guys do take some convincing that it's not the end of our lives when we have kids. Our society seems to have this image of having kids ending all fun in life that doesn't involve the kids, but that really isn't the case anymore.
The idea that "oh, men just need a little convincing, they'll come around," is anectodal at best, and incredibly dangerous at worst. It's essentially gambling with the lives and future stability/happiness of children. For every guy that this has "worked" on, there are several who are miserable or straight up gone. Just look at single parent family statistics.
Again, thank you all for the responses, they've been great
http://thesorter.wordpress.com
my biological clock, however, hates you all because you're sending it into an overtime type action.
You have to fight through some bad days, to earn the best days of your life.
Every positive thing about a pet is magnified by 100x when its a child, including all the love, fun, laughter, happiness. But all the difficult/negative things about a pet are magnified by 100x when its a child, including responsibilites, discipline, and finances.
Now, here is the harsh truth . . . Some people have kids (planned or not) and find them to be a burden and "not worth it."
You will never hear from those people because saying "I wish my kids had never been born" is about as socially acceptable as saying "Hey, you know what I like doing in my spare time? Killing puppy dogs!"
I worked for a guy who was going through a divorce; I overheard him on the phone to a friend. He said that if his wife got custody of the kids, "I'm going to be a deadbeat dad; I'm not going to pay for anything, I'm not going to see them. Why should I, when they're living with her?" It shocked the hell out of me. His oldest kid was 12 years old; how do you live with someone for twelve years and have so little attachment to them??
I'm sure that guy never went around saying, "I hate my kids". He probably never even thought it. But this story serves as a counterpoint to every "Oh, once you have kids you'll just love them, everyone does!" story out there. No, not everyone does. For some people the connection to their kids is very tenuous.
I'm not saying your boyfriend is going to be a kid-hater or lukewarm if you two have kids, I am just saying . . . don't listen when people tell you that EVERYONE just loooooves their kids after they're born and EVERYONE finds the emotional benefits outweigh what you have to give up. Because that is not always the case.
1. Why did you decide to have kids, if it's a decision you actually chose?
I didn't have kids yet, in fact I don't even have a girlfriend. People have children "when the time is right", that means it can be a combination of their own parent's suggestion, guilt-tripping their significant other to marry them, having their friends spawning horrible monstrosities of their own and keep shoving pics of them to you saying how adorable they are, biological clock ticking, getting to the next phase of life, wanting to bear the fruits of love, afraid of having no one to take care of themselves when they get old, etc.
I would say having children is a heavy responsibility. They are not pets and I even consider sending a pet to an animal shelter when it's no longer wanted a horrible and cruel thing. You need to be financial and emotionally ready for it. You don't want to be the family that got like so many kids but can't afford to raise them, or worst raising a kid but spoiling them so they grow up either collecting EI, or being lead into a life of crime. You want to raise your kids the proper way and want them to grow up being the best instead of repeating your own past mistakes. (don't worry, they will. It's all a part of life.)
2. Are you able to juggle your games/hobbies/etc while taking care of kids? How do you manage this?
I'm not going to fool you on this. It takes a lot of time to properly raise a child especially the first year. It's so bad the women gets 1 year maternity leave and even the male gets 3 months off! Either one of you will have to get to change diapers at like 4:30 in the morning or just to check why is your precious crying. about 9-12 months you need to go to sleep with him/her crying because you don't want to condition your child to cry just to seek attention.
Your boyfriend has to be on board to help with a lot of this stuff. It's insane to take care of a newborn alone, and that's why I have so much profound respect for single parents. Especially if the guy just walks after knowing he knocks the girl up instead of accepting responsibilities and even dogging child support.
You can go out once in a while if you find a sitter (cost money & hard to find a good babysitter), dumping your child to your own mother... but you are not going to be able to WoW and raid for 4 hours a day. Hell, you probably can't even be casually playing WoW. You might be able to D&D every weekend if you are a scheduling genius.
3. What is the worst thing about raising children?
When you grew up, have you ever wonder why your parents are so lame and never kept with the trend? Why aren't your parents cool and seem to be stuck in the last decade? Well you only have to look in the mirror to find out. Once you have a child, a huge chunk of your social life is gone. Your conversation mostly converts from what's hot and what's the latest fashion to how to raise your child, i.e. formula milk, schooling, children activities, etc. By the time your kids can dress themselves not miss the school bus, you are already so disconnect with that part of society.
Also, just the physical aspect of carrying a baby aged a women by 5 years. Your hips widen, your bones more brittle as the child you carry suck the nutrients out of your body to fuel his/her growth. And then there's the 24 hour labour after you break water. Being in labour is a pain! C-section makes it easier but it'll be more difficult when you have your next child birth. Drink a lot of milk and take a lot of vitamins. Did I mention no smoking of alcohol during pregnancy?
4. What is the best thing about raising children?
A mother's live is unconditional.
I'd agree that if someone doesn't want kids, convincing them would be wrong and lead to horribleness. If, however, someone knows that they do want kids (IE he said hed regret not having them) but are just worried about the consequences and how that would effect their lives, educating them isn't remotely harmful. I was the latter, and I was absolutely wrecked to find out my wife was preggers, I did not want a kid for at least another 3 years.
But the downsides are not as bad as I thought and the upsides are way better. It helps I have parents who live close and have been willing to watch my daughter while we work, because the financial aspect of either my wife not working or paying for daycare would have been absolutely crushing. And I hear from everyone that watches her that she is the happiest, least needy baby ever, so, maybe I just got super lucky? But either way, having her has been awesome.
A: This made me laugh out loud.
B: Don't have kids!
C: Did you not read the posts by people that actually do have kids? A scheduling genius just to play an evening of D&D on the weekend? With one kid? I'm giggling again just thinking of the hyperbole.
1. Why did you decide to have kids, if it's a decision you actually chose?
Well, I got my fiance knocked up so... but a big part of the reason is we stopped being super careful since we both knew where we were going. We wanted kids because we love each other, and we love our family, and we wanted more family to love.
2. Are you able to juggle your games/hobbies/etc while taking care of kids? How do you manage this?
Yeah, absolutely. Your time for hobbies certainly gets cut, but an hour or two on most weeknights or four or five on a weekend night is perfectly doable, and you certainly get more out of the time you do spend recreating. And I've got twins.
3. What is the worst thing about raising children?
I was amazed at how I just acclimated to getting less sleep, but there are times when the combination of sleep deprivation and a baby crying for no reason you can figure out can make you more frustrated than you've ever been in your life. And there are times when I really want to get something accomplished, and the babes just absolutely will not let me. That can be annoying. Although like I said; twins.
4. What is the best thing about raising children?
Getting to know them. They develop their personalities slowly, but discovering new things about them is amazing.
--LeVar Burton