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Awesome: 'SWTOR Webcomic- Failhunter: Any writers out there?' by amateurhour
likes this Post written by amateurhour
about a year ago
"Took a lot of time out to critique my work in great detail, give this man a round of a plause!"
You art is FANTASTIC! I love the facial expressions.
You need to simplify your writing, a lot. It's so wordy that I thought I was actually reading a Lucas approved Star Wars comic by Dark Horse once it's gotten about 40 issues in, and you don't want that : )
I'm by no means a professional writer, but here's my .02
- in panel 1 the friend should just be saying "hey, don't forget to see the trainer before you head out" or something.
- in panel 2 the main hero should stop after wax on, wax off. That was the punchline in that panel, that was a funny bit. Everything after "wax off" was unnecessary.
- panel 4 could go a couple directions. Personally I think a cool idea would be to have a "dark side points gained" kind of red shadowing on a closeup of the main character giving an evil grin, and then do another comic where he's like stealing money from old ladies and knocking over star wars liquor stores to pay for training.
- panel 3 doesn't need the text. we get the idea...
- panel 4 should just be the girl talking, just saying "i've got a bad feeling about this" (the heh heh heh is fine)
this should just be a 3 panel comic. They don't all have to be zingers in panel 4. make the "forever" in panel 3 this doom ridden font or something... It's a good setup
this is a good comic, but it requires stepping outside the box and thinking about episode 2 instead of TOR so it kind of blends different groups within the same genre. I like it though. This one can be wordy because those giant clone kamino (sp?) guys like to talk a lot so it makes sense.