Who marries people in a secular wedding?

THEPAIN73

THIS IS NOT A GOD DEBATE SO PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT ONE

I am getting married in August of next year to @kirbith. I am an Atheist and she is Pagan. In addition to that my grandparents are Jehovah's Witnesses so they don't want a ceremony with God in it either which I respect because frankly it makes it easier to explain to people when they ask why we aren't having it at a church.

So my basic question is this: Who marries people who aren't religious?

Echo

Noone is married until papers are signed. Typically done with some clerky type at city hall or something.

Church stuff is just a ceremony for show that happens to be important for some people.

edit: so the answer would be "the same persons who marry people in a religious wedding".

Deebaser

Yeah, the officiant can literally be anyone. It's just for show.

Nobody

Depending on where you are located, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-uniting_marriage could be an option. The wife and I went this route.

jefe414

In CT it's quite common for a Justice of the Peace to perform the ceremony.

Peccavi

My sister and cousin were both married by Justices of the Peace (not to each other).

Kistra

It depends on the state. My husband and I also did self-uniting and loved it, but not all states have that option.

You can also do the internet clergyperson thing for a friend and have them officiate in some states.

In other states your only option are actual minister type people or a justice of the peace. There are minister type people that do secular weddings, not sure how easy they are to find.

And for the record, it depends on your state, but we didn't have to sign the papers at city hall, we just picked up the license there a few weeks ahead of time and signed it right after the ceremony with two witnesses.

SatanIsMyMotor

You can also just bring a lawyer in to do it.

Janson

Kistra wrote:

And for the record, it depends on your state, but we didn't have to sign the papers at city hall, we just picked up the license there a few weeks ahead of time and signed it right after the ceremony with two witnesses.

This is what we did, and for the ceremony (non-religious) we had a licensed officiant; any internet search should turn up a number in your area.

CyberJackal

I was going to suggest a ship's captain, but apparently that's just a myth. Stupid sitcoms giving me false information!

Elin

Basically, every state has different rules. I believe you can call your county clerk for the rules in your state. In Colorado it takes $10 (cash) and the county clerk has to recite the rules, then you sign the licence.

naporeon

Congratulations, @THEPAIN73!

With that out of the way, let's get down to business. As @Elin says, every state has different rules. The good news is that you should be able to find a secular officiant that can perform your actual, legally binding wedding ceremony at the location of your choosing. In fact, I'm an atheist that has performed several weddings, so I can help point you in the right direction.

Should you want a friend or relative to perform the ceremony, there are many free, easy ordination services online that will allow that person to legally perform weddings. I was ordained through the Universal Life Church, which takes literally moments (as the Conan O'Brien video on their site demonstrates), and is legally recognized in most states.

Even if this isn't the route for you, they do have an excellent tool on their site, which details wedding laws by state: Wedding Laws.

I hope that helps, and again, congratulations!

Lord Palington

If your state is pretty strict, you might bee able to find a Unitarian Universalist minister to take care of things. I have been to a few gay civil union ceremonies in Texas, and one was presided over by an atheist UU minister.

I also went to a wedding done by an internet card priest who was the guy who introduced the couple, and it was a beautiful ceremony.

musanman

I got married in the chapel of the bellagio. The guy was a priest or something, we just told him before the ceremony to take out all references to god / religion. It doesn't really matter who does it.

Tekko

When we got married we had a judge do the ceremony. Same deal, no religion involved. Judge was a great guy and we were able to have some what of a traditional ceremony for our families.

mare_imbrium

I'll echo most people here, your best bet is a judge/justice of the peace - some of them put themselves out there to do weddings, you'll probably have to look in some kind of local directory/wedding magazine. Or a Unitarian Universalist minister. The place I got married (where I also happened to work, nice resort, gave me a discount) had a UU minister they recommended to brides and he seemed like a nice guy. We told him we were atheists and it was fine. I did ask him just to wear a suit and he accidentally wore his robes. Oh well. Otherwise it was fine.

illig

it needs to be someone licensed in your state/locality to perform weddings.

we used a licensed officiant - so the ceremony was 'real' (i.e. that's when we actually got married rather than getting fake-married and then doing it again legally at the court )

Lachrymite

My wife and I were married by a Justice of the Peace in a very small secular ceremony in Rhode Island.

SeñorAmor

I am an atheist and my wife is a Catholic, so getting married in a Catholic church was out of the question. Instead, we got married in a United Church of Christ, as they're very tolerant of religious beliefs. I would think a UCC pastor would marry you (possibly outside the church) and leave all religious references out. It doesn't hurt to ask.

Other than that, I would also echo the Justice of Peace option.

zepherin

Really though you can have anyone hold the ceremony and read the vows too, but it always has to get registered with the courts. So your going to have to go to the county courts to get your marriage license.

CyberJackal wrote:

I was going to suggest a ship's captain, but apparently that's just a myth. Stupid sitcoms giving me false information!

Yeah it's usually the chaplain that does it in the navy. There is actually a military code that tells ship captains they are not allowed to marry people.

Kistra

zepherin wrote:

Really though you can have anyone hold the ceremony and read the vows too, but it always has to get registered with the courts. So your going to have to go to the county courts to get your marriage license.

The part about getting a marriage license from the courts is completely true.

However, the second part about it not mattering who officiates varies widely by state - check the laws of whatever state you want to get married in. It might be anyone can do it, it might be a very specific list of people or it might not need to be anybody at all (self-uniting option). As long as you follow the laws of your state your wedding can be "real" and not just a ceremony before you go to the courthouse even without a religious person up there with you.

Gilbert0

Getting married in BC, Canada, you actually don't have someone religious do it at all. They have to be an official recognized by the province. Yes lots of religious heads (pastors, etc) are ALSO marriage commissioners but that is not the primary source of it.

Best bet, find out who does it locally / your state.

zilo

We got married at Planet Hollywood in Vegas (formerly the Aladdin, where Elvis got married). It was pretty cool, cheap, and religion-free. They stream some weddings on their website if you want to see what it's like.

The person performing the ceremony mostly just acts as a notary or witness. You do all the real marriage stuff the day before at the county courthouse.

DaltonCarl

----

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

It's pretty easy for pretty much anybody to get licensed to perform marriages. Lots of states empower any minister or other clergymember to conduct the service and send the paperwork to the state.

SteevL

Yeah, my brother and his wife got married last month in a completely nonreligious ceremony. The person who married them was a good friend of theirs who got his license to do that sort of thing a while back.

Maguano

universal life church. my buddy got the card on a lark years ago, and performed my ceremony. easy-peasy.

Feral

What most of my friends have done is they'll get the legal papers officiated by a judge, and then sometime afterward they'll have a ceremony that is just for show, where a particularly well-spoken and trusted friend or family member officiates.

DarkPrimus

Getting someone to perform a marriage is easy, the hard part is deciding who you pick to sign as witnesses.

Kirbith

Thanks for all the input everyone! I know you can get things done officially at the courthouse and then just have the ceremony for show, but I'd really like the ceremony to be the legit thing, where we just need to file the papers later or whatever. We're in Indiana, which is where we'll be getting married as well. I'm pretty cool with Unitarian Universalist people, but I think we'd prefer that it not be done by anyone from any church.

MulysaSempronius

Elin wrote:

Basically, every state has different rules. I believe you can call your county clerk for the rules in your state. In Colorado it takes $10 (cash) and the county clerk has to recite the rules, then you sign the licence.

It's actually easier than that, since Colorado is a common-law state. You can just say you're married and live as husband+wife. The licence is just if you want paperwork.

If the ceremony is for show, you can even just saw your vows to each other without an officiator. My husbad and I did that.

Rohan

A lot of people getting married in Ireland are atheist, but they're still getting married in churches.

zilo

Kirbith wrote:

Thanks for all the input everyone! I know you can get things done officially at the courthouse and then just have the ceremony for show, but I'd really like the ceremony to be the legit thing, where we just need to file the papers later or whatever. We're in Indiana, which is where we'll be getting married as well. I'm pretty cool with Unitarian Universalist people, but I think we'd prefer that it not be done by anyone from any church.

I think you may be misunderstanding- the ceremony is always just for show. Priests, rabbis, and ministers just act as the officiant. You go through a little ceremony when you get married at the courthouse too, which can be performed by anyone but they have people on staff if you don't care who does it.

You always get your marriage license before the ceremony, not after. It varies state to state but I think it's usually at least one day beforehand. You, a witness, and the officiant sign it after the ceremony (or before, or whenever you want) and then you're legally married. Anyone can be an officiant, it just requires a bit of work on their part to get licensed.