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Awesome: 'Skyrim - Dr. Dovahkiin or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Lo...' by Pharezon
It's been five days now and he's still chasing me. It was so simple: Track down a few documents, steal a horse and ride off into the sunset. At least, that's what I thought.
But Louis Letrush, fucking Louis fucking Letrush. What a dick. He's marked as essential, therefore cannot be killed by any normal means. Not by stabbing or exploding or a legion of guards swarming him with axes and swords and a million arrows.
And that's fine until the quest he gives you allows you to steal his horse, making him hostile. I thought there would be no problem, so I stole it. It's a cool white stallion, super fast with an awesome name. I like unique things in these games. Anything unique I crave, so a unique horse is like crack.
'Haha, motherfucker' I screamed as I hopped into the saddle and disappeared into the Riften countryside, leaving Letrush in my dust, dagger drawn and blood crazed. Stupid Louis Letrush, what an asshole. Doesn't he know I'm the Dragonborn? That basically means I can do whatever I want.
Two days pass, and I'm hauling back an ungodly amount of loot from a couple of dungeons, selling up in Whiterun and storing the best gear in the various chests around my Breezehome. As I leave the building and turn toward the blacksmith to smelt some orichalcum ores, there he is. Louis Letrush. What the fuck? And he's hostile. And he's rushing right at me!
I mean, his blows bounce harmlessly off my Plus Five Daedric Armor of Fuck You, but now he's aggro'd the entire goddamn hold. And a dozen guards burst out of their clown car barracks and the whole game starts to chug a little but Letrush, that smiling cunt, he's tanking the lot and not dying. Down to his knees is the best they can manage. He's essential.
So I wail on him with my enormous hammer, get bored and leave. A couple of days later, I'm sorting through my stuff outside a nordic ruin in the far north on some island, trying to do the inventory fandango by dropping piles of loot and picking them up in order of priority. And there he fucking is! What the flying moses? Louis Letrush comes running over a snow capped hill at full tilt, dagger drawn, hair flowing in the breeze with the soulless eyes of a madman. I swear, it actually made me jump because, as you know, all the northern islands in the sea are basically completely empty and boring.
Well I've had enough of that bullshit. I hit tilde, click on him and type disable. Haha, Louis Letrush vanishes into the ether and I can't even be bothered to invent some ingame explanation. I simply used godlike developer power to remove him from all existence.
Then, I'm not even kidding, I fast travel back to Whiterun to get my horse so that I can haul more loot (you can fast travel when encumbered if you're on a horse) and as soon as the zone loads, three fucking Louis Letrushes come sprinting at me, shouting in anger in a chorus of doom. Motherfuckers.
Now I'm the victim of a game breaking bug. He's permanently hostile. Every time I disable him and his clones, he pulls some Agent Smith bullshit and spawns two more versions. Now everytime I load Whiterun stables, there are two dozen Letrush assholes standing there who immediately aggro me and an entire zone of guards. The sudden and rig-breaking overload of AI routines crashes my game to desktop. When I'm in another part of the game, he sometimes appears out of nowhere, flanked by his identical cronies causing another CTD. Every load screen is fraught with anxiety and fear. Could this dungeon be the one where he shows up? There's no discernible pattern. I can only imagine he actually treks across the entire game world and if I'm in one place for long enough, he shows up. Killing not me, but my computer.
I guess Louis Letrush won Skyrim. What a dick.
I went through his full questline and northeast of Windhelm, as I was walking, I spied Letrush running away from a mercenary who then proceeded to slam his axe into him. Then I killed the mercenary and looted both of their corpses.