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I think it's time for another BAD JOKES thread

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Posts

  • SantaSanta Registered User

    Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    Spoiler:

    And I use it well.

    HO HO HO!!

    I know when you are sleeping.
    Write a letter to Santa
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Spoiler:

    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
  • DarmakDarmak Godking of the Shitwizards CUNTINGFUCKSHITASSRegistered User regular
    Santa wrote:

    Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    Spoiler:

    And I use it well.

    HO HO HO!!

    Oh my god

    VMkxq9E.png
  • GoatmonGoatmon Registered User regular
    What did the guy from Scarborough Fair say when he found himself in a world with no parsley, sage, or rosemary?
    Spoiler:

    GeneralGuyandStiltGuys_zpsf382f684.jpg
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2012
    Ahem.

    organic_fuel.png

    facetious on
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • ToxTox I kill threads Let Piggy Chimp decideRegistered User regular
    One of my favorite xkcd's

    3h5Wc.png
    Secret Satans! Post | D&D Wishlist | General Wishlist
    Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    Tox wrote:
    One of my favorite xkcd's

    You set that bar any lower, it'll roll away.

    Rock Band DLC | Gamertag: PrimusD | WLD - Thortar
  • ToxTox I kill threads Let Piggy Chimp decideRegistered User regular
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    Tox wrote:
    One of my favorite xkcd's

    You set that bar any lower, it'll roll away.

    I read CAD

    what bar?

    3h5Wc.png
    Secret Satans! Post | D&D Wishlist | General Wishlist
    Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    We're in a bad jokes thread and you're talking about a bar?

    A tourist walks into a Scottish pub over in Scotland. He orders whatever's popular and take a seat. A couple of minute later a Scotsman sits down next to him and starts rambling. "Hey, did ya know, I built this building." "Really, that's wonderful" says the tourist, "it looks well build". "Aye, that it is. But do they call me Connor the carpenter? No..." "I also built that bridge over there you see, but do they call me Connor the bridge builder? No... In fact, I built just about every thing you see around this town! But do they call me Connor the builder? No..."
    Spoiler:

    Syphyre on
  • DudBoltDudBolt Registered User regular
    How did they come up with Canada's name?
    Spoiler:

    Gather the faithful and prepose a toast. To an epoch of indifference. - In Flames: Ordinary Story
    http://beta.humugus.com/index.php/auth/register/inv/1966
  • Lt Muffin360Lt Muffin360 Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    :rotate: Haha, I haven't had that good of a laugh in awhile. Thank you for all the jokes.

    Sign on the door of an internet hacker. 'Gone Phishing'.

    Lt Muffin360 on
    steam_sig.png
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Darth Vader says to Luke Skywalker, "I know what you are getting for Christmas."

    Luke says "No! That's impossible!"

    Darth Vader says "But it is true, Luke, I have felt your presence."

    "Advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice."
    "Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process."
    Imagine all of my posts being spoken by Alec Baldwin
    GamerTag: MunkusBeaver ||||| Steam: munkus
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    Syphyre wrote:
    We're in a bad jokes thread and you're talking about a bar?

    A tourist walks into a Scottish pub over in Scotland. He orders whatever's popular and take a seat. A couple of minute later a Scotsman sits down next to him and starts rambling. "Hey, did ya know, I built this building." "Really, that's wonderful" says the tourist, "it looks well build". "Aye, that it is. But do they call me Connor the carpenter? No..." "I also built that bridge over there you see, but do they call me Connor the bridge builder? No... In fact, I built just about every thing you see around this town! But do they call me Connor the builder? No..."
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:

    facebook.pngsteam.pngyoutube.pnglinkedin.jpgxbox.pngminepick.png
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    Syphyre wrote:
    We're in a bad jokes thread and you're talking about a bar?

    A tourist walks into a Scottish pub over in Scotland. He orders whatever's popular and take a seat. A couple of minute later a Scotsman sits down next to him and starts rambling. "Hey, did ya know, I built this building." "Really, that's wonderful" says the tourist, "it looks well build". "Aye, that it is. But do they call me Connor the carpenter? No..." "I also built that bridge over there you see, but do they call me Connor the bridge builder? No... In fact, I built just about every thing you see around this town! But do they call me Connor the builder? No..."
    Spoiler:

  • MadpoetMadpoet Registered User regular
    A priest puts out a wanted ad, looking for a new hire to ring the church's large bell.
    The next day, a gent showed up and said he was perfect for the job. Without introducing himself, he charged up the bell tower steps, with the priest following behind.
    Instead of pulling the rope to ring the bell, the man backed up to the wall of the tower, put his head down, and charged like a bull at the bell. The bell rang out louder than ever before. The man shook the cobwebs out of his head, backed up, and ran at the bell and rang it a second time.
    The priest was impressed, but asked the man if he could do it repeatedly, because at noon, he'd have to ring the bell 12 times.
    The man backed up, put his head down, and ran at the bell a third time. Unfortunately, he hit off center, glancing off the bell, and fell forward, stubling out the portico in the tower - down 100 feet to the street below.
    The priest ran down the stairs and out to the street in a panic, and said to the crowd gathered around, "Does anyone know this man?"
    Spoiler:

    A week later another man approached the priest. "My brother was here not too long ago, to inquire about the bellringer position. Do you know what became of him?"
    The priest explained the first man's odd behavior while the stranger sadly nodded. "That was my brother all right. We live in the valley below, and every day my brother would listen to the ringing of the church bells. They gave him hope and comfort in his hard life. It was his greatest desire to ring those bells, so the job you offered was a dream come true."
    The priest was taken aback by the sad story, so when the man asked to ring the bells just one time, in honor of his brother, he nodded his assent.
    The man quickly ran to the top of the tower and replicated his brother's strange bell ringing technique, until he too made the 100 ft drop.
    The priest rushed to where the man's body lay. The crowd had already gathered around, chattering about the horrible situation. One man approached the priest and said "Father, who is this man?"
    And the priest replied,
    Spoiler:

  • chromdomchromdom Registered User regular
    I thought this one up last night

    How do you make a Belgian waffle?
    Spoiler:

    That's some grade-A stuff right there!
    Spoiler:

    Darmak wrote: »
    You haven't lived until you've fucked a hole in the ground till you died.
  • ThreeCubedThreeCubed Registered User
    Ha ha ha ha! Thats good.

    EyQGd.jpg
  • Crimson KingCrimson King the freedom of birds is an insult to me i'd have them all in zoosRegistered User regular
    chromdom wrote:
    I thought this one up last night

    How do you make a Belgian waffle?
    Spoiler:

    That's some grade-A stuff right there!
    Spoiler:

    yes

    this is a thing of beauty

    Skull Man wrote:
    BB gently vomiting silk into BFL's antennae

    BFL just gigglin' like crazy while his thorax heaves, heavy with eggs and promise
  • BersheliBersheli Registered User
    So three nuns are waiting at the pearly gates to get into heaven, when St. Peter makes a special offer to them.

    "Since you have all devoted your whole lives to God, I will give you the opportunity to go back to earth and live as whoever you like.

    The first nun says, "I would like to live as Mother Theresa." Naturally, St. Peter says, "no problem," and makes it so.

    The second nun says, "I would like to live as Princess Diana." "Of course," says St. Peter.

    The third nun says, "I want to be Sarah Pippilini."

    "I'm sorry," says St. Peter, "but I don't know who that is, sister."

    The nun holds up a newspaper and points to it.

    St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister. That says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days."

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    Bersheli wrote:
    So three nuns are waiting at the pearly gates to get into heaven, when St. Peter makes a special offer to them.

    "Since you have all devoted your whole lives to God, I will give you the opportunity to go back to earth and live as whoever you like.

    The first nun says, "I would like to live as Mother Theresa." Naturally, St. Peter says, "no problem," and makes it so.

    The second nun says, "I would like to live as Princess Diana." "Of course," says St. Peter.

    The third nun says, "I want to be Sarah Pippilini."

    "I'm sorry," says St. Peter, "but I don't know who that is, sister."

    The nun holds up a newspaper and points to it.

    St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister. That says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days."

    http://www.hiyoooo.com/

    www.facebook.com/itgetsworseska
    Spoiler:
  • SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    chromdom wrote:
    I thought this one up last night

    How do you make a Belgian waffle?
    Spoiler:

    That's some grade-A stuff right there!
    Spoiler:

    I have used this twice since it was posted. Thank you.

  • FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    Syphyre wrote:
    I have used this twice since it was posted. Thank you.

    You're under arrest for crimes against humanity.

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