It's already been stated, but I'll make another futile effort to get it through to you again. I don't think you'll listen, I think you'll probably skip right on over this because it's not what you want to hear, but it's worth repeating anyway, even if only for the slim chance that it may edge you away from the clusterfuck of pain you're heading for.
This girl IS going to cheat on you.
You are going to experience one of the worst relationship crotch kicks - being on the losing side of her next upgrade.
You've already been on the positive side of this process - congratulations - nice wasn't it?. Feels great to get that girl and to know she chose you.
That last BF wasn't making her happy - wasn't fulfilling her needs, so she clearly had no choice but to look for other options, put out feelers and entertain the attentions of anyone who would give it. Sure, it probably put a strain on her relationship, but that was his problem, right?, he was the problem, right?
Yup, good thing she doesn't need to do that anymore. She only had to do that because her last relationship wasn't.. enough. Her last BF couldn't offer her what you can and his issues (probably had a few issues with window shopping) were clearly intolerable.
..
..
Welcome to the flipside chump. All it's going to take is a better offer and the chance for another clean jump and you'll have a whole new understanding of the word "disposable".
You don't need that. This is your first relationship and you're going to take a negative hit like that away with you.
If she just cheats on you, you're probably going to develop an insecurity (or worse - paranoia) in your next relationship, which may well ruin something good.
Worse, if you're on the losing side of another upgrade, you're going to have even less confidence than you do now, plus the above.
You know it's coming, or at least that it's likely - that's why you keep coming back here for advice. You've got a choice, and you will have other options.
She just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that if you love someone, you don't flirt with people. Why did it even get to the point where a guy would offer to fly down to meet her if she wasn't flirting with him? If she wasn't talking about problems you guys were having.
Winnar.
When someone says "You wish I'd stalk you" (It was probably "u wish id stlk u" but that's another story) there are two correct responses.
Response 1)
(for those not paying attention response one was not saying shit and ignoring it)
Response 2) Don't say that.
She may not be flirting with him, but she isn't stopping it either, she is passivly encouraging it. She needs to knuckle down on these WoWers who crave womanly contact and not give them what they want.
Also more importantly you need to tell her this that the following actions make you uncomftable and you would appreciating if you would not encourage their actions by either using response A) or .
Yeah, seriously. Saying "lol shut up!" is like saying "Oh you! :>" to something like that. If you have a boyfriend that you truly love, then you don't encourage that behavior. You don't invite a stranger from the intarnetz to stay at your house. Whether she canceled it or not...she still wanted/wants him over. Hence why she agreed to have him fly over in the first place. This guy has an ulterior motive.
Also, in a healthy relationship, when you're away from her you shouldn't feel sick to your stomach, and ultimately question the relationship. You obviously feel this way. You're not in a healthy relationship by any means, and there's obviously not a lot of trust going on. She's taking advantage of you, it seems.
You yourself said that you two aren't compatible. Good luck, man.
She's the one who should be telling these guys to take a hike. When you have to do it, you enter that death spiral where she'll eventualy feel like you're trying to control her life, her friends, etc etc.
Try talking to her, telling her your feelings about all this. How it makes you really uncomfortable and you wish she'd make them stop (and not with the "lol shut up" garbage) See how far you get with that before you committ to the idea of breaking up with her.
I'm hoping this functions as a form of therapy. Maybe after enough people tell him, he'll get the message enough where it doesn't fly out the window the moment she touches his penis.
Or perhaps he'll never get it with this one. But after the collective advice of the forum is borne out, he might think better during future relationships.
Congrats on choosing to lead on a miserable life with a leech of a girl.
But, wait!
There's a good chance that the other mister who is flying in just to see your girl might get his meat packaged, and finally, after feeling like a dick, you'll see this bitch for who she really is. Or, you could just dump her now. Why wait? Because I assure you, yes, you will feel lonely, miserable and sexually frustrated for couple of weeks, even months. But, see, there are things called "friends" and "actual hobbies" that you could pick up on.
Through friends, you can meet other nice ladies.
Through actual hobbies, you will grow some self-confidence if you have the right mentality, which in effect, will make you more attractive.
Sadly his next H/A topic will be "My girl is preggers how do I be a better father to a child that isn't mine?"
I was thinking it was going to be:
"My girlfriend dumped me for another guy on WoW. How can I win her back?"
Seriously, the next time I see a thread about this girl there will be some private conversation involved to make sure the "don't ask for advice if you're just looking for yes-men" rule isn't being ignored. Pheezer already issued a stronger ultimatum in the last thread and I'm simply too soft to act on it. Make sure you're prepared for that, tuscloud, because I'm not even fucking kidding, this is a real warning.
This is just something that you're going to have to do, like ripping off a band aid. My first girlfriend and I were in the same spot (sans WoW), and it took us ages to end it. She was emotionally dependent and I was new to the whole matter, and thought that it actually did matter.
I've also described about 90% of first-time relationships, sparing a few details (like who's dependent on who, who's unhappy, etc). Everyone goes through this--you had the unfortunate, but not uncommon, luck of going through it at 20 instead of 15, but the situation and results are the same. It's going to end. Period. Welcome to the world of dating.
It's not all bad, though. Think of when you learned to ride a bike. You fell your first time, and it hurt, but you did a little better the next time you got on. And even better the next.
I know your situation seems unique and special, but it's not. Not by a very long shot--this is one of those things, like death and taxes, that's a part of life. And the reason that everyone here is telling you to kick her ass to the curb in no uncertain terms is because we've all been through it. And no one's impressed by your claims of it being different, since we were all making those claims when we were crying to our buddies back in our first attempts with the fairer sex.
So H/A knows because H/A has been there. We're giving you everything you need to hear, not what you want to hear, because that's what the forum is for. However, words can only do so much. You're going to have to take action, and soon. The longer you prolong this, the worse it's going to be when it ends, and the ultimate insult is that you'll have done it to yourself through your reluctance to act. You need to make the move, and stick with it. That is the only way you are going to find happiness.
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Apothe0sisHave you ever questioned the nature of your reality?Registered Userregular
edited March 2007
The path is clear.
You need to tell her exactly how you feel, no sugar-coating, no beating around the bush, no omissions to spare her feelings. no worrying about being a dick.
Her reaction will light the way for you either she gets it, sorts herself out, gets a job, kicks this fucking ridiculous WoW bullshit - she hates sinking time into it? Then fucking stop playing it! - and stops attention whoring with every Tom, Dick and Trogdor the destoryer out there.
Everyone else seems firmly set on what to do, you seem to reject their advice, but there's really no questions here. If someone is doing something to make you miserable, and you can't even talk to about it, or on the other hand, you talk to her and she doesn't respond as she should, then everything really needs to be seriously re-evaluated.
tuscloud, would it maybe help if someone talked to you about this through PM? Email? IM? WoW? Phone?
Because this is what is happening: Something goes on between you two that you're not happy with, but you wonder if it is her fault or not (IT IS!). You're "nice", (See White Knight syndrome) so you let it go. Every once in a while, frustration builds up, and you post. But then you don't listen.
Maybe if you had someone to tell about this stuff soon after it happens, they could talk to you, tell you their opinion, and have a discussion (hint: you posting every 2 pages is not a discussion you are deeply involved in.) We all need to vent to someone 1 on 1 every once in a while. Just pick one: relative, friend, forumer, therapist.
Just remember, if you don't become more open-minded about this, whoever you're talking to will give up.
You seem like a valuable human being, so I really don't want to see "tuscloud Thread VI: My gf likes another guy, I thought she loved me", "tuscloud Thread VII: My fiance acts like she's still single around other men, do I expect too much?", and "tuscloud Thread VIII: I think my wife is sleeping with my neighbor; what's wrong with me?" There won't be a tuscloud thread IX, because you won't be able to afford internet after your divorce.
MARRY THIS GIRL! SHE'S A KEEPER!!! She's only pulling all this bs because she loves you. Love is complicated! That's what you wanted to hear, so there, I said it.
Posts
This girl IS going to cheat on you.
You are going to experience one of the worst relationship crotch kicks - being on the losing side of her next upgrade.
You've already been on the positive side of this process - congratulations - nice wasn't it?. Feels great to get that girl and to know she chose you.
That last BF wasn't making her happy - wasn't fulfilling her needs, so she clearly had no choice but to look for other options, put out feelers and entertain the attentions of anyone who would give it. Sure, it probably put a strain on her relationship, but that was his problem, right?, he was the problem, right?
Yup, good thing she doesn't need to do that anymore. She only had to do that because her last relationship wasn't.. enough. Her last BF couldn't offer her what you can and his issues (probably had a few issues with window shopping) were clearly intolerable.
..
..
Welcome to the flipside chump. All it's going to take is a better offer and the chance for another clean jump and you'll have a whole new understanding of the word "disposable".
You don't need that. This is your first relationship and you're going to take a negative hit like that away with you.
If she just cheats on you, you're probably going to develop an insecurity (or worse - paranoia) in your next relationship, which may well ruin something good.
Worse, if you're on the losing side of another upgrade, you're going to have even less confidence than you do now, plus the above.
You know it's coming, or at least that it's likely - that's why you keep coming back here for advice. You've got a choice, and you will have other options.
Don't be a doormat.
Yeah, seriously. Saying "lol shut up!" is like saying "Oh you! :>" to something like that. If you have a boyfriend that you truly love, then you don't encourage that behavior. You don't invite a stranger from the intarnetz to stay at your house. Whether she canceled it or not...she still wanted/wants him over. Hence why she agreed to have him fly over in the first place. This guy has an ulterior motive.
Also, in a healthy relationship, when you're away from her you shouldn't feel sick to your stomach, and ultimately question the relationship. You obviously feel this way. You're not in a healthy relationship by any means, and there's obviously not a lot of trust going on. She's taking advantage of you, it seems.
You yourself said that you two aren't compatible. Good luck, man.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
Oh man... seriously, stop it.
Try talking to her, telling her your feelings about all this. How it makes you really uncomfortable and you wish she'd make them stop (and not with the "lol shut up" garbage) See how far you get with that before you committ to the idea of breaking up with her.
Why ask for advice if you won't listen to everyone, even just to consider thier idea or even consider it with a grain of salt.
Yar!
There is always hope.
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I was thinking it was going to be:
"My girlfriend dumped me for another guy on WoW. How can I win her back?"
more fat lewts
Unofficial PA IRC chat: #paforums at irc.slashnet.org
Congrats on choosing to lead on a miserable life with a leech of a girl.
But, wait!
There's a good chance that the other mister who is flying in just to see your girl might get his meat packaged, and finally, after feeling like a dick, you'll see this bitch for who she really is. Or, you could just dump her now. Why wait? Because I assure you, yes, you will feel lonely, miserable and sexually frustrated for couple of weeks, even months. But, see, there are things called "friends" and "actual hobbies" that you could pick up on.
Through friends, you can meet other nice ladies.
Through actual hobbies, you will grow some self-confidence if you have the right mentality, which in effect, will make you more attractive.
Seriously, the next time I see a thread about this girl there will be some private conversation involved to make sure the "don't ask for advice if you're just looking for yes-men" rule isn't being ignored. Pheezer already issued a stronger ultimatum in the last thread and I'm simply too soft to act on it. Make sure you're prepared for that, tuscloud, because I'm not even fucking kidding, this is a real warning.
I've also described about 90% of first-time relationships, sparing a few details (like who's dependent on who, who's unhappy, etc). Everyone goes through this--you had the unfortunate, but not uncommon, luck of going through it at 20 instead of 15, but the situation and results are the same. It's going to end. Period. Welcome to the world of dating.
It's not all bad, though. Think of when you learned to ride a bike. You fell your first time, and it hurt, but you did a little better the next time you got on. And even better the next.
I know your situation seems unique and special, but it's not. Not by a very long shot--this is one of those things, like death and taxes, that's a part of life. And the reason that everyone here is telling you to kick her ass to the curb in no uncertain terms is because we've all been through it. And no one's impressed by your claims of it being different, since we were all making those claims when we were crying to our buddies back in our first attempts with the fairer sex.
So H/A knows because H/A has been there. We're giving you everything you need to hear, not what you want to hear, because that's what the forum is for. However, words can only do so much. You're going to have to take action, and soon. The longer you prolong this, the worse it's going to be when it ends, and the ultimate insult is that you'll have done it to yourself through your reluctance to act. You need to make the move, and stick with it. That is the only way you are going to find happiness.
You need to tell her exactly how you feel, no sugar-coating, no beating around the bush, no omissions to spare her feelings. no worrying about being a dick.
Her reaction will light the way for you either she gets it, sorts herself out, gets a job, kicks this fucking ridiculous WoW bullshit - she hates sinking time into it? Then fucking stop playing it! - and stops attention whoring with every Tom, Dick and Trogdor the destoryer out there.
Everyone else seems firmly set on what to do, you seem to reject their advice, but there's really no questions here. If someone is doing something to make you miserable, and you can't even talk to about it, or on the other hand, you talk to her and she doesn't respond as she should, then everything really needs to be seriously re-evaluated.
Not all women are psycho . . . However, your girlfriend obviously is. You need to get rid of her.
Look how everyone in the thread is saying the same thing.
Because this is what is happening: Something goes on between you two that you're not happy with, but you wonder if it is her fault or not (IT IS!). You're "nice", (See White Knight syndrome) so you let it go. Every once in a while, frustration builds up, and you post. But then you don't listen.
Maybe if you had someone to tell about this stuff soon after it happens, they could talk to you, tell you their opinion, and have a discussion (hint: you posting every 2 pages is not a discussion you are deeply involved in.) We all need to vent to someone 1 on 1 every once in a while. Just pick one: relative, friend, forumer, therapist.
Just remember, if you don't become more open-minded about this, whoever you're talking to will give up.
You seem like a valuable human being, so I really don't want to see "tuscloud Thread VI: My gf likes another guy, I thought she loved me", "tuscloud Thread VII: My fiance acts like she's still single around other men, do I expect too much?", and "tuscloud Thread VIII: I think my wife is sleeping with my neighbor; what's wrong with me?" There won't be a tuscloud thread IX, because you won't be able to afford internet after your divorce.
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx