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Trenches comic: Thursday February 2, 2012 - Translation

BrogeyBrogey Aca-awesome!Santa Monica, CASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
edited February 2012 in The Penny Arcade Hub
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Presented to you without edit or comment.
02/02/2012 - Anonymous

I was testing this great game that I couldn’t tell anyone about cause it’s super confidential and I’d get in a lot of trouble, but then I was like “shit, I can’t believe these poor bastards are trusting me with this kind of knowledge.” Because you see, if a game leaks outside of our “secure” area it could conceivably destroy the testing company’s reputation and no game developers would hire them anymore and like a large amount of people would be out of a job… then I thought WOW they must be paying me a shit load of money to keep this big ass important secret to myself, oh no wait, such is not the case in fact they’re only paying me a dollar over the minimum wage… fucking bullshit man, A DOLLAR OVER MINIMUM WAGE!!!!

I know testers that can’t afford to go to the dentist, OK? I mean their teeth are literally disintegrating and falling out of their little gamer mouths daily while they brush like rabid dogs desperately trying to keep a few chompers to eat their cat food with, but I’m sad to say they’re losing the war man. If this shit is really all that important shouldn’t we be making like international spy money and shit? I mean sometimes I feel kind of like a spy… like a really poor and out of shape spy that doesn’t have any cool gear or gadgets and lives at home with his parents.

Like, for instance, what would happen if I were to get kidnapped after work on my way home and I was forced to tell them everything I’ve been up to… or be tortured?! There’s no way I’m getting tortured for a dollar over the minimum wage. I’d crack in a heartbeat.

Just sticking to a diet is like impossible for me, let me make this clear. I literally have no will power which is why I ended up as a tester in the first place. The second these guys whip out so much as a comb or anything they could possibly poke or prod me with, that’s it for me. “Sorry boys, I gave her all I could but this time the terrorists have won.”

That’s a lot of shit to put on a guys shoulders for a dollar over the minimum wage, I could be flipping burgers and not have to worry about getting snatched up like a kid who never says no to candy. In fact I probably would be flipping burgers if I wasn’t the lazy disgusting fuck I’ve turned into. I still vaguely remember what manual labor feels like… I used to work in a kitchen. It’s hot, there’s all kinds of crap piling up, people constantly asking you for crap, “where’s my salad, where’s my chicken fingers, my table has been waiting for over an hour.”

HEY MAN I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN OK, I’M SWEATING LIKE A GODDAMN STUFFED PIG BACK HERE. That shit just ain’t for me.

People always complain about being a games tester and that the job’s too boring or repetitive. See the thing is we always get asked, “Do they actually pay you guys to play video games?” but the thing is, we aren’t playing the games… we’re testing them. And there’s a huge difference, like running into walls for 8 hours straight, then when you’re about to leave they ask you to stay for a double and you’re like “another 8 hours, huh? Same task, huh? Well then I’ll just get back to it then… unless of course you want to tell me where they keep the loaded gun in this office so I can blow my GODDAMN BRAINS OUT.”

But the sickest thing is for most of us that still seems a hell of a lot better then having to break a sweat doing any job that requires moving. We will accept poor wages, constant boredom and endless sea of bullshit just as long as we don’t have to move.

And that my friends is the life of a tester, sign your kids up now and they send you a lousy $15 dollars with the referral program yippeeee.

XBox LIVE: Bogestrom
PSN: Bogestrom

R.I.P. Wampa Milk
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Posts

  • jackaljackal Registered User regular
    That is one mess of a story.

  • BerserkisBerserkis Registered User regular
    I loved the story.

  • pirateluigipirateluigi Registered User regular
    I am so confused by the story. Is it satire? Is it making fun of other people that complain about testing? I honestly can't tell.

    The comic, however, has inspired me to design a game that re-creates that exact scenario.

    http://www.danreviewstheworld.com
    Nintendo Network ID - PirateLuigi 3DS: 3136-6586-7691
    G&T Grass Type Pokemon Gym Leader, In-Game Name: Dan
  • HicksHicks Registered User
    Your teeth shouldn't be falling out of your mouth if you are that dilegent in your oral hygiene practices. Which, of course.. the majority of low level testers are not.

  • Jam WarriorJam Warrior Registered User regular
    I am so confused by the story. Is it satire? Is it making fun of other people that complain about testing? I honestly can't tell.

    The comic, however, has inspired me to design a game that re-creates that exact scenario.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-deprecation

    TingleSigBar.gif
    WiiU: JamWarrior Dear Secret Santa...
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray the swamp, always the swampRegistered User regular
    The secrets they entrust to people who make minimum wage... it's certainly not limited to game testing.

    --

    Also, if these are the kind of stories that are published, I wonder how shoddy the ones who get trashed are. This guy is all over the place.

    Elendil wrote: »
    said Aldo hazily, before clop-clop-clopping out of the room
  • jhericojherico Registered User new member
    You know, if you think your compensation should depend in any way on how much you could screw over your company, as opposed to the skills required to do your job and how well you do it, you're not an adult and you deserve to be flipping burgers (but not allowed near the deep fryer)

  • GaslightGaslight Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    No "tales" at all would be better than these days when they just seem to punt and throw whatever the happen to have handy on the site. Well, actually in this case my guess is they were so shocked and bemused by this one that they felt it worth sharing. Can't say I agree, but I guess I can see how somebody...might...think it's funny?

    Gaslight on
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  • CroakerBCCroakerBC YorkRegistered User regular
    I can't speak for the actual tale, which was...odd, I guess.
    But the comic itself promptly got shared around my team at work (much as the one about the Test Plan did) and I don't think one of us:
    a) disagreed
    b) was able to stop laughing

    Looks like Dev-speak is universal the world over, and I can safely say Trenches has at least one dedicated QA team in determined audience.

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  • jackaljackal Registered User regular
    Sounds like the beginning of a Abbot and Costello bit.

    What does it mean?

    "Fuck off."

    You fuck off. I'm just asking a question...

  • pirateluigipirateluigi Registered User regular
    I am so confused by the story. Is it satire? Is it making fun of other people that complain about testing? I honestly can't tell.

    The comic, however, has inspired me to design a game that re-creates that exact scenario.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-deprecation

    That was my first guess but he whines about everything else too much to be self-deprecation. It's not enough "I suck and here's why." Instead it's more "Everything sucks (including me)" It's not so much funny as it is a look into the mind of someone with severe anti-social disorder. And that's why I thought it might be satire.

    I'm over-thinking it.

    http://www.danreviewstheworld.com
    Nintendo Network ID - PirateLuigi 3DS: 3136-6586-7691
    G&T Grass Type Pokemon Gym Leader, In-Game Name: Dan
  • HeadCreepsHeadCreeps Somnambulist SocietyRegistered User regular
    I got through the first two paragraphs of the tale and just couldn't go any further

    steammini.php?id=Brain-Dead&pngimg=normal&tborder=0
  • marsiliesmarsilies Registered User regular
    Regarding the tale and not disclosing company secrets:

    This is why they have testers sign an NDA. The developers prefer the stick (i.e. "we'll sue you into the stone age if you leak anything") over the carrot ("we'll pay you well enough that it's not worth disclosing secrets").

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    Yeah, buddy. You're going to be kidnapped and tortured because you know about a game in development that hasn't been revealed to the press yet.

    Patch 5.4 wrote:
    First win of the day now awards 150 Conquest Points (up from 100).
    Subsequent wins now awards 75 Conquest Points (up from 50).
    YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!
  • mRahmanimRahmani Registered User regular
    Half Life 3 fanboys?

  • emskadittleemskadittle Registered User
    wow, that guys life is a mess. I do love the cartoon, I really hate when a bug comes back works for me

    I am not criticising your work, I am testing it!
  • vsovevsove ....also yes. Registered User regular
    Sometimes, 'Works as Designed' is a valid state to send a bug back, though. Yes, it's not perfect. But fixing it so it was perfect would break thing X and Y, which are far more important and which would cause a significantly larger impact on the game as a whole.

    Of course, the comic is an example of the other use of Works as Designed. But still. Sometimes, it really does work as designed.

    WATCH THIS SPACE.
  • AurichAurich Registered User regular
    mRahmani wrote:
    Half Life 3 fanboys?
    Uhm.... yeah. I might kidnap someone to get some inside info on HL3.

    But re: the Tale. I worked for flat minimum wage at a call center. They hired kids right out of high school like the dang military, in batches, and dumped us on the work floor where we handled stuff like people's Social Security Numbers and all that.

  • TriskTrisk Registered User regular
    Is anyone happy being a game tester? I'd like to see a happy story.

  • Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    As a tester, the comic is disturbingly accurate.

  • foodlefoodle Registered User regular
    Good comic.

    Awful story. The writer is trying way too hard to be funny and failing miserably.

  • foodlefoodle Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    HeadCreeps wrote:
    I got through the first two paragraphs of the tale and just couldn't go any further

    Don't worry, you didn't miss anything.

    foodle on
  • ArandmoorArandmoor Registered User
    jherico wrote:
    You know, if you think your compensation should depend in any way on how much you could screw over your company, as opposed to the skills required to do your job and how well you do it, you're not an adult and you deserve to be flipping burgers (but not allowed near the deep fryer)

    Tell that to banks. If you're protecting valuable company secrets, you better f***ing well believe that your silence is something your company should be buying from you.

  • ArandmoorArandmoor Registered User
    vsove wrote:
    Sometimes, 'Works as Designed' is a valid state to send a bug back, though. Yes, it's not perfect. But fixing it so it was perfect would break thing X and Y, which are far more important and which would cause a significantly larger impact on the game as a whole.

    Of course, the comic is an example of the other use of Works as Designed. But still. Sometimes, it really does work as designed.

    Yeah no. "Working as Designed" is what you send back when the bug described by the tester is the damn design. If fixing A breaks B and C, that's poor implementation. Not "working as designed".

    Unless your design is fail (which it could totally be).

  • JucJuc Registered User
    Trisk wrote:
    Is anyone happy being a game tester? I'd like to see a happy story.
    If they're happy as game testers they've gone insane.

  • ScooterScooter Registered User regular
    Arandmoor wrote:
    vsove wrote:
    Sometimes, 'Works as Designed' is a valid state to send a bug back, though. Yes, it's not perfect. But fixing it so it was perfect would break thing X and Y, which are far more important and which would cause a significantly larger impact on the game as a whole.

    Of course, the comic is an example of the other use of Works as Designed. But still. Sometimes, it really does work as designed.

    Yeah no. "Working as Designed" is what you send back when the bug described by the tester is the damn design. If fixing A breaks B and C, that's poor implementation. Not "working as designed".

    Unless your design is fail (which it could totally be).

    Yea, the proper status for something you're just not going to fix is probably gonna be "Won't Fix".

    Also, I possess a security clearance. Yet, somehow, I have yet to have a single Chinese superagent drive up to me with a briefcase full of money or a honeypot scheme to steal my secrets. It's like they aren't even trying sometimes.

  • OptyOpty Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Juc wrote:
    Trisk wrote:
    Is anyone happy being a game tester? I'd like to see a happy story.
    If they're happy as game testers they've gone insane.
    I think the people who enjoy(ed) it don't send in stories because they respect their NDAs and/or former/current employers too much to do so. I have tons of happy stories from my days as a tester I'd love to tell but I don't because of those very reasons.

    Also every person in the chain of trust can potentially spill the beans and a majority don't not due to pay but due to common decency. Contractors are at the bottom of that chain and are exposed to a small slice of the development so they have a proportionally smaller amount of time/material to spill the beans compared to anyone else.

    Opty on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    I think there was one a few weeks back that was fairly positive.

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  • mt_headmt_head Registered User
    I loved the comic, and wanted to share it on (insert name of asocial notworking site here). However, instead of a thumbnail of the comic (or, you know, NOTHING) I get to present to the world, as a preview, the first paragraph of this story. Needless to say, I deleted my post ASAP and hope that nobody I know saw it.

    Y'all produce a high-quality product here, and I don't have a problem with the fact that you run anonymously-submitted prose of widely varying quality alongside it. I confess to some irritation, however, that you choose to present the random crap as the thumbnail or preview. Not the best promotion I could have devised.

  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    Gaslight wrote:
    No "tales" at all would be better than these days when they just seem to punt and throw whatever the happen to have handy on the site. Well, actually in this case my guess is they were so shocked and bemused by this one that they felt it worth sharing. Can't say I agree, but I guess I can see how somebody...might...think it's funny?
    The title they put on the tale
    Presented to you without edit or comment.
    seems to support that theory.

    steam_sig.png
  • KoopahTroopahKoopahTroopah Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    I posted this comic on some Blizzard and Valve forums. Maybe a couple others.

    I get tired of hearing that phrase from Game Mods.

    KoopahTroopah on
  • Sea-SaltSea-Salt Registered User
    Heh, definitely alot of truth to both the comic and the story. I'm a tester myself, though thankfully I haven't had anything like some of the horror stories posted here. Guess that means I wouldn't have anything worthy of a submission, at least not yet. : p
    Really liking the comic so far; it's funny that my job started around the same time as the comic did, so I get where they're coming from.

  • nayr2012nayr2012 Registered User
    Presented to you without edit or comment.
    02/02/2012 - Anonymous

    I was testing this great game that I couldn’t tell anyone about cause it’s super confidential and I’d get in a lot of trouble, but then I was like “shit...

    poorly written.

  • IncenjucarIncenjucar QA Tester -> Game Producer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    Game testing jobs have one heck of a wide quality range. Some testing jobs actively violate health codes, while others are bad only because testing jobs simply do not pay well and testing is inherently rough on your brain. The comic is absolutely spot on.

    Also, I agree with Opty. The better testing jobs aren't going to have many stories that get leaked, if partly because the better testing jobs tend to hire the better testers with more professional attitudes. I have lots and lots of amusing anecdotes I'd love to share, but I'm respecting my NDA.

    freefallagentad_zps635a83ed.png
  • GyralGyral Registered User regular
    If you read the "tale" in the voice of Dennis Hopper, it is soooo much better.

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  • vsovevsove ....also yes. Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Arandmoor wrote:
    vsove wrote:
    Sometimes, 'Works as Designed' is a valid state to send a bug back, though. Yes, it's not perfect. But fixing it so it was perfect would break thing X and Y, which are far more important and which would cause a significantly larger impact on the game as a whole.

    Of course, the comic is an example of the other use of Works as Designed. But still. Sometimes, it really does work as designed.

    Yeah no. "Working as Designed" is what you send back when the bug described by the tester is the damn design. If fixing A breaks B and C, that's poor implementation. Not "working as designed".

    Unless your design is fail (which it could totally be).

    Yeah, no, 'working as designed' is what you send back when it's working as you designed it to avoid breaking something else.

    'Will Not Fix' is what you send back when it's a bug where the time spent to fix it would be vastly unequal to the severity of the bug.

    You're entitled to disagree, and maybe it's different where you are, but I've been doing this for five years (three as QA), and it's worked for me thus far.

    EDIT: And, I mean, yeah, in an ideal world changing one thing wouldn't have the possibility of breaking something else. But when you're talking about non-critical bugs, particularly minor art and content issues, then it is entirely valid to say something 'Works as designed'. Yes, the character goes off-frame in a kind of weird way, but that is to hide the fact that there is a giant pop if that doesn't happen.

    That is the definition of 'works as designed'. It may, technically, be a bug, but it's there to fix a much larger and more noticeable bug.

    vsove on
    WATCH THIS SPACE.
  • JucJuc Registered User
    I always figured worked as designed was what it meant when something was designed to be a certain way.
    And will not fix is when it is a bug but there is some reason to not fix it.

    Unless it was triage time and someone is writing annoying bugs, like crouching 40 times in a corner while spinning at 2 degrees a second will make you fall through the floor. It's a bug but will not fix means "congrats you broke it but we're not going to spend time on this" and works as designed means "fuck off".

    Sometimes I wish you could just send a bug back as f off just outright, one of the dumbest ones I heard of was a bug written saying something happened by the place with the stuff, and after much deciphering it was realized the guy was complaining about grass bending in the wind.
    Wasn't on one of my projects but it was pretty silly.

    Or my second favourite, which said the developers needed to make a bad guy's face 20% more evil.

  • agilemaniaagilemania Registered User regular
    I'm a software developer. In our bug tracker we have a "rejected" status. It's my favorite :twisted:

  • jwalkjwalk frosty Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    "not a bug" covers most of these situations.

    "ISV" or "in shipping version" means "yes it's a bug, no it's not gonna be fixed in time"
    basically saves QA from regressing it.
    though there are certainly times I just send these back as "no repro" just to fuck with a particuarly shitty tester.

    jwalk on
  • MuddBuddMuddBudd Registered User regular
    My favorite is when a dev sends it back as 'Cannot Reproduce' or 'Not a Bug' and then it miraculously disappears the next build, because they are trying to make the bug count look lower in their reports.

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