TychoCelchuuu has been kind enough to provide peeks at Commander Shepard's facebook page:
curly haired boy has been kind enough to provide us a brief history of Mass Effect:
Spoiler:
The Batarian Who Stole Christmas
Every Human Down in the Milky Way Liked Christmas a lot…
But the Batarian, Who lived just north of The Terminus Systems, Did NOT!
The Batarian hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be their slaving isn't right.
It could be, perhaps, that his jump suits too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that he has eyes, two more then normal!
Whatever the reason, his suits or eyes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Humans,
Staring down from his ship with a sadistic, Batarian frown,
At the warm lighted windows below on the planet.
For he knew every human down on Earth bellow,
Was busy now, hanging biotic mistletoes.
“And they’re hanging their ez-zo!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his brown Batarian fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Earth girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their consoles!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Humans, young and old, would sit down to a play.
And they’d play! And they’d play! And they’d play!
play! play! play!
They would play M-E-1 and play M-E-2.
Which was something the Batarian couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all!
Every Human down on Earth, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Humans would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Batarian thought of this Human Christmas Sing,
The more the Batarian thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for Twenty-Three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE BATARIAN GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Batarian laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Space Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Batarian trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” The Batarian looked around.
But, since reindeer are extinct, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Batarian? No! The Batarian simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his Varren, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Batarian said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Humans Lay asnooze in their homes.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Humans were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Batarian Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Batarian.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Human stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
shotguns! And spaceships! hammerheads! guns!
Mattocks! Locusts! Omni-Gel! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Batarian, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Humans’ feast!
He took the Human-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of human-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Batarian, “I will stuff up the tree!”
And the Batarian grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a Human!
Little Commander Shepard, who was not more than two.
The Batarian had been caught by this tiny Human,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
He stared at the Batarian and said, “Santy Claus, why,”
“Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Batarian was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my ship, my friend.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head,
And he got him a drink and he sent him to bed.
And when Commander Shepard went to bed with his cup,
The Batarian went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Humans’ houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Humans’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Humans, still a-bed,
All the Humans, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their Cains! The Helmets! The Trophy Bots!
The DLC! And the Amps! The Launchers! The Heat Sinks!
30 million feet up! Up earth atmosphere,
He rode with his load to the ship to dump it!
“PoohPooh to the Humans!” he was humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Humans down on Earth will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Batarian, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Batarian put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the lands.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Earth! The Batarian popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Human down on Earth, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Batarian, with his feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out guns! It came without flames!”
“It came without mattocks, locusts or cains!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Batarian thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well... on Earth they say,
That the Batarians top eyes fell out that day!
And the minute his eyes didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the guns! And the amps for the fights!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Batarian was carved up and burned with roast beast!
By little Commander Shepard who sold his testes
Bobble Mad wrote an ode to the death of Batarians to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan
Truth is elusiveIt's nowhere to be foundRegistered User regular
Posts
i feel good about myself now.
PA D3 Battletags Form
PA D3 Battletags List
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
Regarding the spoilers..
mass effect 3 profile
Because it's femshep.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
and while the trailer isn't bad it doesn't really convey what I thought the me series was about, i.e. reapers vs. everyone else. It really needed some aliens in it.
Asari Adept, walking casually through the map executing stationary targets all day. Why yes, I'm an AWESOME shot with my gold headshots medal! I swear, they were all really really difficult shots!
i was on palaven, and the turians are all "shepard! we need you to take out the reapers single handily!" and im smoking a cigar and im like "why me?" and then a voice from behind a smokey half closed curtain shouts out "because someone told them you were the best!" he walks out and im like "GARRUS! you son of a bitch!" and then we do this
the rest of the turians shit themselves in awe.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
I know EVERYTHING.
I've seen it all.
It was the first alien I unlocked (after two great Silver games, thanks Athracht!) and since I've been playing Human Soldier all the time, I had loads of points to spend.
So I spec him and hop into some random Bronze game to try him out..and who is that game with me? Two other Krogan Soldiers and some Turian.
It was absolutely hilarious. All the time you would just hear "WUAAAAH..AAAAAH...AAAAAAARGH..WUAAAAAAH..JAAAAAAH!" while some Cerberus fools were being headbutted and pimpslapped around.
Between waves me and the other 2 Krogans would gather and spam the basic melee attack, screaming and headbutting all day err' day.
I think I found my favorite class once the game is released <3
Steam | Origin: MazPA | 3DS: 1848-2888-3654
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
(was actually pretty fun. Lock everything dangerous down, watch a mess of Krogans storm through a room)
But how reliable is Best Buy with pre-orders? I was able to pre-order the CE from their website, with in-store pickup, last week when it was out of stock elsewhere. Then it immediately went out of stock again, to the cue of internet folks saying they did the same thing during Christmas and lots of people had orders cancelled the day before release.
I'm aware nobody can know for sure, but I want to know if my searching for a CE should go from "relaxed" to "panic panic".
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
Then a renegade crazy ass Femshep.
ChaosHat.com - Twitter - Twitch Stream - Steam: ChaosHat - SC2: ChaosHat.444 ggtracker
Been that way for awhile. Pre-ordering the CE was a money crunch decision around the holidays I put off, and then as I finally got out of my Skyrim haze they were gone... but who knows, maybe my local Best Buy will come through and have enough CE's to honor my pre-order.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
One thing I noticed was that Shadow Broker and Arrival offer very few actual choices. This is because the DLC is designed so ME3 can assume they happened either way with no major story ramifications! I dawned upon this realization when I was arguing with one of my friends who says "Paid DLC is dumb I shouldn't have to pay for things that are integral to the plot." Well, you're not paying for things that are necessary for the plot, you're paying for backstory, like an interactive novel, since it will happen no matter what.
So, what I'm saying is, I think they'll be accounting for the content of the Shadow Broker DLC.
ChaosHat.com - Twitter - Twitch Stream - Steam: ChaosHat - SC2: ChaosHat.444 ggtracker
Loving the multiplayer.
OVERLOAD.
Liara's actually the protagonist in ME3. The first mission after you escape Earth is her recruiting you.
So totally this. It's just drone and overload spam. And it's oh-so satisfying. I think I found out that if I was part of the Milgram experiment, I would have tried cranking the voltage until it started arcing around the room.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
If we get to play as Liara in her snazzy new suit, I'm down.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
After which she spends 20 minutes sorting the reapers out as it's only a sidequest.
No no no. Liara needs to find a way to defeat the Reapers and by god she's going to do it the only way she knows how. With archaeology.
Zynga presents Mass Effect 3: Archaeologyville.
ChaosHat.com - Twitter - Twitch Stream - Steam: ChaosHat - SC2: ChaosHat.444 ggtracker
You get 50% DR and can melee phantoms with impunity. It's great.
Only one (so-so) skill that uses a cooldown as well, so you can rock as many weapons as you want. I have a bladed shotty, an avenger, and a mantis for atlases.
EDIT: Can't wait to get the Krogun and the Widow.
fixed
I thought that was a given.
The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
Anyway; the extended trailer is awesome. I can see why they trimmed it down, but I did like the moments of soldiers fighting back while being overrun. The huskification was suitibly horrifying.
Good rounds with various PA'ers last night. I imagine I'll probably save Bronze for random pubs while I level up lower classes.
Silver and Gold? That shit is Forumer work.
Liara casts Survey.
Liara casts Survey.
Liara casts Survey.
Liara recieves 5x[Reaper Fragment].
Liara recieves 2x[Reaper Beta Code].
Liara casts Secret Reaper Weakness.
Liara recieves [Secret Reaper Weakness].
Boredom hits Shepard for 2198798273987 damage (2198798273456 Overkill).
Shepard dies.