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Awesome: 'how'd ya fancy a night oot on the randan wae A CUCUMBER Q...' by .Tripwire.

.Tripwire..Tripwire. FirmanRegistered User regular
edited March 2012 in [2008-2012] Awesome Posts?
Edcrab wrote:
Firman's shields can protect against the coruscating shockwave of an Atomic Hate detonation but the Dismissive Meh will penetrate his defences

Be sure to circle strafe and hold down the fire button

There is a goblin in a generic fantasy RPG that spent its entire life training its combat skills at the goblin camp, overseen by abusive orcs. All its goblin friends would go out partying and gnaw live birds and fuck but this one stayed in the tent, sharpening his blades. Some day his time would come. He would spend YEARS roaming the expansive veldts of random encounters, just hoping for the one-in-a-million chance to stumble across a party of three to six heroes on their way to save the planet. He even carried a small potion on him, plus the 5 GP in his goblindaddy's old satchel. And he would fight the heroes, and they would slay him, and it would be good! True goblin glory! His soul would break free of his wretched body in a splash of experience points and go forth to the paradise that awaits all true fallen warriors.

And he meets them. He finds the party, fully loaded and blazing across the wilderness on their way to the final boss. His last chance to complete his Goblin Quest. He unsheathes his weak dagger and flashes a fanged grin at the heroes.

They coldly scrutinize the goblin in a moment, then check their fantasy watches. They say "Meh", hold down both shoulder buttons, and flee the encounter.

The dagger falls into the grass. The goblin looks up at the sky. The tears fall into the grass.

He is nothing.

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