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Need help with the final joke for my best man's speech
darleysam
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I'm all done with the thing, delivering it at my brother's wedding on Saturday, but I can't quite finish off the last line. The whole thing's basically about how the number of head injuries he received as a child, and I want to close with a remark about how he was raised in a family that treated him quite roughly, so I've got
Except I really hate 'crash test dummy'. It's just not funny enough, and I feel like I need something quicker like 'raised him with all the care and attention of a monster truck' or 'normally afforded a pinball', but I've gone completely blank over how to say it. Does anyone have a good analogy I can use?So, to the three of you, if at any point he starts acting weird, forgetting plans he’s made or remembering things that just didn’t happen, it’s probably down to the family that raised him like a crash test dummy.
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ugh that might be lame. Man, this is hard.
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Not so much about the whole family, more about your brotherly relationship, but it also has the jokey implication of a typical semi-dysfunctional-functional family. If you don't have stairs, use running in to the wall or whatever. I think the reason your first joke isn't working is that it tries to encompass the whole family, but I think the moment ends better if it's sort of a more brother-to-brother moment, while implying the family joke.
Any future infidelities with younger women or men are not due to lack of love or satisfaction, but only that he has forgotten this glorious day we are part of now. As we have forgiven him for the years of changing diapers as he is part of our family, so you will now as the two of you start your own family and becomes a symbol of your love. And now, may I introduce you to our friends and family gathered today; I give you, The Aristocrats!
Apologise that it's not all down to the hits to the head he got as a child as clearly he's made at least one good decision, so probably the majority of brain damage has to be shared between you and sister booze?
scrap the joke bit. trust me. i've been to plenty of weddings to know that the heartfelt sappy shit is the route to go. i mean, if you want it to be memorable and well received. if you don't give a crap and don't mind hearing what a bad speech it was, then keep it jokey.
As for the joke you posted... I am not really sure how to make it funny.
There is nothing worse than a wedding reception where the joke falls flat.
My advice is end with something heartfelt and if you use jokes, do them earlier in the speech.
Taking a shot at the groom is only really appropriate if you're using it to build up the bride. Otherwise short and sweet is the way to go.
Thank everyone for coming
Compliment the bride on how beautiful she is
short story about your relationship with your brother
short story about how your brother is a better person for meeting the bride
Raise your glasses
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Something like "and even though he may have taken a lot of blows to the head growing up, he still has the good judgement to marry Y" that makes everybody go "d'awwww" and call for a kiss (not from you).
If something like that feels too forced or glurgy, don't cram it in there.
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This.
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When I did my best man speech this fall I centered it largely on how sappy the two are. To prove it I used a social media monitoring platform to look at their back and forth conversations, counted the amount of times they mentioned one another, documented their first exchange, their last exchange prior to getting married, etc. It was embarrassing for them but quite genuine and sweet too (people were "awww"ing and there were some tears). I then made a comment about how, while embarrassing, this really showed how much the two loved one another and how I was happy that my best friend had found someone so perfect for him. My closing comment was, "So let's raise a glass to these two wonderful people. To a wonderful couple, a wonderful wedding, an awesome party, and an amazing life. Please don't unfriend me on Facebook."
Good luck man! It's super fun.
If you can't, best to leave that stuff to the beginning and leave everyone with a nice feeling.
"So, to the three of you, if at any point he starts acting strange, experiences short term memory loss, or begins hallucinating, it's probably our fault for treating him like a crash test dummy. Though, when I see you two together, I know he's in good hands."
Your joke is good, light hearted, and cute. I just changed the wording to be a little cleaner. Oh and I added the ending for a nice heartfelt feeling.
Find some way to make the wedding an exception or do not go with this joke.
"So, my advice to the three of you: if at any point he starts acting weird, forgetting plans he’s made, or remembering things that just didn’t happen...[pause briefly with a glazed look on your face]...wait, what were we talking about again?"
Also, I third that if you're going to joke about him having diminished mental capacity due to childhood injury, throw in a line or two about how he absolutely made the right choice marrying the bride. "But in the end, he still seems to string together coherent thoughts most of the time and he managed to ask [BRIDE] to be his wife, so I think he turned out OK."
I know it's the same phrase, but it makes you culpable and so it's a little self deprecating, and that lets you softball into the "no, really, this guy has been a huge influence in my life and I wish you both all the best" line that you're basically required to go out on.
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To love and laughter and a happy ever after. To Afty and MrsAfty!
Which while soppy I thought was really nice, considering the rest of his speech was about my penis.
Be careful when following a punch-line with a clause that relies on it. You're going to pause for laughter, and that last line is going to lose its oomph because people will have to calm down from laughing and think back at what "though" is referring to. More a timing issue than a problem with the joke.
The job of the Best Man's speech is to both give a heartfelt and funny story, and to make sure the Maid of Honor squirms at the thought of following you.
That said, when I was best man for my friend, I ended (after several jokes about things like his hiding his D&D habit from his fundamentalist mom) with something along the lines of "to "man and wife," today is the happiest day of both of your lives. Here's to tomorrow being even better."
When in doubt, you're better off deprecating yourself than the groom on the end joke. Something like "even though I'm losing a wingman, I'm gaining a wingwoman" if you're still single.
But really, unless you're practiced at giving speeches, you should probably stick to that formula in like the second post.