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[Cards Against Humanity] With your host, Guy Smiley! Round 5!

135678

Posts

  • Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    I admit I was rooting for bitches/raping and pillaging. This may make me a bad person.

    I was hoping "terribly, terribly obvious I am actually a horrible person" would score.

    Unfortunately someone one-upped me.

    sig.png
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    daniant wrote: »
    Which two, Bedlam?
    The Bitches and Republican ones.

  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    All of you are at the mercy of my completely conflicting taste. I say conflicting, because I haven't agreed with a judgement in either of these threads yet.

    Also, getting a message from Figgy that just contained card names confused the hell out of me. I thought I was being sexually accosted.

    "Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us?"
    "Big Damn Heroes, Sir."
    "Ain't we just."
  • LaemkralLaemkral Captain Punch King Registered User
    edited March 2012
    Those are your new cards. Cherish them. Also, answer turned in

    Laemkral on
    Avatar courtesy of MKR, and the strip I appeared in.
  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    edited March 2012
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    All of you are at the mercy of my completely conflicting taste. I say conflicting, because I haven't agreed with a judgement in either of these threads yet.

    Also, getting a message from Figgy that just contained card names confused the hell out of me. I thought I was being sexually accosted.

    The rules for this game are very vague and plyable. Or very simple and straight-forward. However you want to interpret them. So, I guess that's the former in any case.

    You draw to a 10-card hand every round, so whether or not the Card Czar is supposed to draw that round or not, I'm not sure. Either way, whether you get your cards this round or next doesn't matter all that much. You just won't get any cards when I send them out next round. Because you'll already have your 10.

    I might be injecting bonus/lightning/whatever rounds here and there that play with the rules a bit. We'll see how it goes. If it's interesting enough as it is, I might just leave it.

    Figgy on
    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • TheRoadVirusTheRoadVirus ASK ME ABOUT MY PODCASTRegistered User regular
    I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

    TDPforumL.pngTDPforumR.png
    New ep. every Monday. On iTunes and Android podcast apps!. Subscribe by Email
    PM with questions/critiques, or if we are not showing up in your app of choice.

    PSN: The_Road_Virus Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

    As the judge who will rip the point right out of you, I highly recommend it.

    "Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us?"
    "Big Damn Heroes, Sir."
    "Ain't we just."
  • VanguardVanguard The system was breaking down. Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
  • TheRoadVirusTheRoadVirus ASK ME ABOUT MY PODCASTRegistered User regular
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

    As the judge who will rip the point right out of you, I highly recommend it.

    But you wont know!

    TDPforumL.pngTDPforumR.png
    New ep. every Monday. On iTunes and Android podcast apps!. Subscribe by Email
    PM with questions/critiques, or if we are not showing up in your app of choice.

    PSN: The_Road_Virus Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
  • AnialosAnialos RPG MPD patient #1 Registered User regular
    Yes, please gamble your point against my certainly foolproof submission.
    Spoiler:

    Dichotomy wrote: »
    I play a lot of video games but I wouldn't call myself a "gamer" because "gamer" has become a pretty fucking disgusting label

    like "skinhead" or "republican"
  • CayrusCayrus Registered User regular
    At this point my goal is to get a single point in either game.

    Former Secret Service Agent Nathaniel Ford in Call of Cthulhu: Whispers in the Darkness

    Henri Emmanuel Gratien St Pierre in Where No Man Has Gone Before

    Lord Augustus Cumberbatch in Eclipse Phase
  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    edited March 2012
    Someone, there is one card in your hand right now that is so god damned straight it's perfect. Are you a bad enough dude to play it?

    Edit: Actually, there are quite a few of those. Guess it's just one of those questions.

    Figgy on
    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • RiusRius Registered User regular
    That's funny, because I figured this is a time when pretty much any card could be called a straight play. It's just such an open-ended sentence blank that the winner will simply be whichever card tickles the Czar's fancy the most.

  • daniantdaniant Registered User regular
    To be fair, that's what Apples to Apples mainly is. I figure same with Cards Against Humanity. This is easier when you know the players a little better, so you can gear your cards towards things they think are funny.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Rius wrote: »
    That's funny, because I figured this is a time when pretty much any card could be called a straight play. It's just such an open-ended sentence blank that the winner will simply be whichever card tickles the Czar's fancy the most.

    Well, I'd consider "waiting 'til marriage" to be a much straighter card to play than, say, "another goddamn vampire movie."

    (Neither of those cards are currently in play.)

    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    daniant wrote: »
    To be fair, that's what Apples to Apples mainly is. I figure same with Cards Against Humanity. This is easier when you know the players a little better, so you can gear your cards towards things they think are funny.

    There is something lost in the inability to anticipate, "Oh, Darkewolfe will LOVE this one." Although the sheer offensiveness of the cards makes this novel enough that we're enjoying a thread on it.

    "Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us?"
    "Big Damn Heroes, Sir."
    "Ain't we just."
  • RiusRius Registered User regular
    I think also that Figgy's hosting style is adding a lot to this =)

  • LaemkralLaemkral Captain Punch King Registered User
    I've made people blush with embarrassment with this game. First time I played, one of my friends had their mom visiting, and the card "( I'm secretly doing kegels, right now)" came up. Her mom asks, "What are kegels?"

    Without missing a beat I turned towards her and go "Yeah, Jess, why dont you tell your mom what kegels are."

    This is a horrible, horrible game that is just downright awesome. Even without knowing each other. But yeah, played in person it is FANTASTIC. I'm bringing my copy to PAX East, and will round up people for a game after hours.

    Avatar courtesy of MKR, and the strip I appeared in.
  • MatevMatev I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE AS I WAS SAYINGRegistered User regular
    It's just flat out horrible, goofy fun and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • Majestic GoatMajestic Goat Registered User
    After seeing the latest result, suddenly I feel like my cards are just too "normal".

    What kind of hell hole have I ventured into?

  • CapfalconCapfalcon Tunnel Snakes Rule Capital WastelandRegistered User regular
    See, my giant lollypops/kids on leashes made sense in my head, since you needed kids on leashes to fight off the giant lollypops.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    One more entry and we're set!

    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Looks like time is ticking here, folks. Will I get to break out the Card-o-Tron for Reliable Automatic Card Selection© ? Time will tell.

    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Sorry folks, time is up! The wonderful, brilliant, ever-radiant Card-o-Tron has automatically--with great flourish--selected a card for the delinquent contestant. Page 12, section 4, paragraph 2 states that I can't reveal the name of said contestant, but I will say that we are all very, very disappointed. Actually, not really, since Card-o-Tron has a knack for selecting the worst, least hilarious option. I'm sure the other contestants are grateful for that.

    Without further adieu, here are the answers!


    boardtop-1.png

    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with steven Hawking talking dirty and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with seppuku and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the profoundly handicapped and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the American Dream and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with parting the Red Sea and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with that thing that electrocutes your abs and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with Skeletor and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with a sea of troubles and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with Sarah Palin and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with crystal meth and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with taking off your shirt and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the Kool-Aid man and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with puberty and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with picking up girls at the abortion clinic and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the Jews and would like your advice.
    Dear Abby, I am having trouble with concealing a boner and would like your advice.


    boardbot.png

    So. Everything good? Nothing of note? Guys?

    You're all fools! No one noticed that there is an extra answer! That can only mean one thing: TheRoadVirus has gambled his only point to submit an extra card! That's right. He did it in secret, but maybe he's just shy. That means if you win, you'll be awarded two points instead of the very boring, very ordinary one. It also means that TheRoadVirus will have his point yanked out of him like a string of beads. Bright, rubbery, Christmas ornament beads! Not the other kind, you sick puppies.

    Well, @Darkewolfe, what are you waiting for? What do the people walking around outside--who have no knowledge of the game whatsoever--have to say?

    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    Man I thought I had a decent shot at this one but nope

    sig.png
  • AssuranAssuran Is swinging on the Spiral Registered User regular
    If picking up girls at the abortion clinic doesn't win, I'll be one sad panda.

  • MatevMatev I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE AS I WAS SAYINGRegistered User regular
    Goddamn

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • RiusRius Registered User regular
    Taking off your shirt is hilarious in this context.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Dear Abby suggests just ripping it off of her. Don't worry, she has plenty.

    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    So, yeah, I was all prepped to do this in a more timely manner until when you actually posted it.

    Hmmm. Quite a few good ones in here. Some play it a bit too straight, maybe, and are sort of just actual things you might say. If, I guess, you were going to write Dear Abby for help with your meth addiction.

    I have to say, writing for help in ritual japanese suicide is pretty funny. "The profoundly handicapped" is just a funny phrase on its own merits, and that fact makes me vaguely uncomfortable with myself. Second place is definitely picking up girls at the abortion clinic.

    I'm gonna have to say, Guy Smiley, though, that the real winner here is the pick-up artist who knows his source.

    Dear Abbey, I'm having trouble with taking off your shirt and would like your advice. It makes sense. We've all wanted support. And Dear Abby is definitely into GMILF territory, which is just damn gross. +1

    "Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us?"
    "Big Damn Heroes, Sir."
    "Ain't we just."
  • TheRoadVirusTheRoadVirus ASK ME ABOUT MY PODCASTRegistered User regular
    FUUUUUUUUUUUU

    TDPforumL.pngTDPforumR.png
    New ep. every Monday. On iTunes and Android podcast apps!. Subscribe by Email
    PM with questions/critiques, or if we are not showing up in your app of choice.

    PSN: The_Road_Virus Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Dr. Doctor Oakland, CARegistered User regular
    See, I would have gone with picking up girls, parting the Red Sea, or Kool-aid man myself.

    TheRoadVirus - I can completely see your usericon saying that.

  • blahmcblahblahmcblah President Klepto In your Quorum, stealing your pensRegistered User regular
    I was pulling for concealing a boner or The Jews.

    Playing: "Caprica" Six in Exodus Game 12 of Battlestar Galactica
    President Romo Lampkin in BSG: Daybreak Game 1
  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    The results are in! Good work, Darkewolfe. I have no further need of you. You have exactly seven seconds to return to your podium before I open one of many trap doors beneath the stage. With Round Two drawn to a close, let's take a look at the score!
    board02.png

    TheRoadVirus has gambled away his life's savings for a chance at the big leagues, only to have his hopes and dreams smashed to pieces. Much like my career. But, look! Cerberus is now in the lead with two whole points!

    And that means tha---



    Wait, what's that? No, seriously. I don't know what that sound means.

    Hold on one second...

    I've just been informed that means it's time for our BONUS ROUND! In the bonus round, all contestants will remain at their podiums and submit an answer. Yours truly will be selecting the winners, this time. What's that you say? I must have misspoke? No, that's winners. This round, there will be five separate winning entries. Each winner is awarded a point.

    And Cerberus, you can still GAMBLE away your points, if you like.

    Contestants, you should have your new cards by now. Give me your best answer to the following question:

    Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to ____________.

    You're going to want to give it your all, this time, contestants!



    daniant wrote:
    Alright, looks like I'm giving up golden showers for Lent.
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
  • MatevMatev I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE AS I WAS SAYINGRegistered User regular
    In before smallpox.

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • CayrusCayrus Registered User regular
    oh man I wish I had genocide right now.

    Former Secret Service Agent Nathaniel Ford in Call of Cthulhu: Whispers in the Darkness

    Henri Emmanuel Gratien St Pierre in Where No Man Has Gone Before

    Lord Augustus Cumberbatch in Eclipse Phase
  • CerberusCerberus Registered User regular
    This is a good one, we are going to get some awesome answers...

  • AnialosAnialos RPG MPD patient #1 Registered User regular
    Mmm, yes, that should suffice.

    Dichotomy wrote: »
    I play a lot of video games but I wouldn't call myself a "gamer" because "gamer" has become a pretty fucking disgusting label

    like "skinhead" or "republican"
  • VanguardVanguard The system was breaking down. Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
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