[Cards Against Humanity] With your host, Guy Smiley! Round 5!

Salvation122

tzeentchling wrote: »

I admit I was rooting for bitches/raping and pillaging. This may make me a bad person.

I was hoping "terribly, terribly obvious I am actually a horrible person" would score.

Unfortunately someone one-upped me.

Bedlam

daniant wrote: »

Which two, Bedlam?

The Bitches and Republican ones.

Darkewolfe

All of you are at the mercy of my completely conflicting taste. I say conflicting, because I haven't agreed with a judgement in either of these threads yet.

Also, getting a message from Figgy that just contained card names confused the hell out of me. I thought I was being sexually accosted.

Laemkral

Those are your new cards. Cherish them. Also, answer turned in

Figgy

Darkewolfe wrote: »

All of you are at the mercy of my completely conflicting taste. I say conflicting, because I haven't agreed with a judgement in either of these threads yet.

Also, getting a message from Figgy that just contained card names confused the hell out of me. I thought I was being sexually accosted.

The rules for this game are very vague and plyable. Or very simple and straight-forward. However you want to interpret them. So, I guess that's the former in any case.

You draw to a 10-card hand every round, so whether or not the Card Czar is supposed to draw that round or not, I'm not sure. Either way, whether you get your cards this round or next doesn't matter all that much. You just won't get any cards when I send them out next round. Because you'll already have your 10.

I might be injecting bonus/lightning/whatever rounds here and there that play with the rules a bit. We'll see how it goes. If it's interesting enough as it is, I might just leave it.

TheRoadVirus

I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

Darkewolfe

TheRoadVirus wrote: »

I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

As the judge who will rip the point right out of you, I highly recommend it.

Vanguard

Yes.

TheRoadVirus

Darkewolfe wrote: »

TheRoadVirus wrote: »

I am so tempted to gamble my card. SO TEMPTED. Should I?

As the judge who will rip the point right out of you, I highly recommend it.

But you wont know!

Anialos

Yes, please gamble your point against my certainly foolproof submission.

Spoiler:

God I hope I win.

Cayrus

At this point my goal is to get a single point in either game.

Figgy

Someone, there is one card in your hand right now that is so god damned straight it's perfect. Are you a bad enough dude to play it?

Edit: Actually, there are quite a few of those. Guess it's just one of those questions.

Rius

That's funny, because I figured this is a time when pretty much any card could be called a straight play. It's just such an open-ended sentence blank that the winner will simply be whichever card tickles the Czar's fancy the most.

daniant

To be fair, that's what Apples to Apples mainly is. I figure same with Cards Against Humanity. This is easier when you know the players a little better, so you can gear your cards towards things they think are funny.

Figgy

Rius wrote: »

That's funny, because I figured this is a time when pretty much any card could be called a straight play. It's just such an open-ended sentence blank that the winner will simply be whichever card tickles the Czar's fancy the most.

Well, I'd consider "waiting 'til marriage" to be a much straighter card to play than, say, "another goddamn vampire movie."

(Neither of those cards are currently in play.)

Darkewolfe

daniant wrote: »

To be fair, that's what Apples to Apples mainly is. I figure same with Cards Against Humanity. This is easier when you know the players a little better, so you can gear your cards towards things they think are funny.

There is something lost in the inability to anticipate, "Oh, Darkewolfe will LOVE this one." Although the sheer offensiveness of the cards makes this novel enough that we're enjoying a thread on it.

Rius

I think also that Figgy's hosting style is adding a lot to this =)

daniant

To be fair, I love this no matter what.

Laemkral

I've made people blush with embarrassment with this game. First time I played, one of my friends had their mom visiting, and the card "( I'm secretly doing kegels, right now)" came up. Her mom asks, "What are kegels?"

Without missing a beat I turned towards her and go "Yeah, Jess, why dont you tell your mom what kegels are."

This is a horrible, horrible game that is just downright awesome. Even without knowing each other. But yeah, played in person it is FANTASTIC. I'm bringing my copy to PAX East, and will round up people for a game after hours.

Matev

It's just flat out horrible, goofy fun and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Majestic Goat

After seeing the latest result, suddenly I feel like my cards are just too "normal".

What kind of hell hole have I ventured into?

Capfalcon

See, my giant lollypops/kids on leashes made sense in my head, since you needed kids on leashes to fight off the giant lollypops.

Figgy

One more entry and we're set!

Figgy

Looks like time is ticking here, folks. Will I get to break out the Card-o-Tron for Reliable Automatic Card Selection© ? Time will tell.

Figgy

Sorry folks, time is up! The wonderful, brilliant, ever-radiant Card-o-Tron has automatically--with great flourish--selected a card for the delinquent contestant. Page 12, section 4, paragraph 2 states that I can't reveal the name of said contestant, but I will say that we are all very, very disappointed. Actually, not really, since Card-o-Tron has a knack for selecting the worst, least hilarious option. I'm sure the other contestants are grateful for that.

Without further adieu, here are the answers!



Dear Abby, I am having trouble with steven Hawking talking dirty and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with seppuku and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the profoundly handicapped and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the American Dream and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with parting the Red Sea and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with that thing that electrocutes your abs and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with Skeletor and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with a sea of troubles and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with Sarah Palin and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with crystal meth and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with taking off your shirt and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the Kool-Aid man and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with puberty and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with picking up girls at the abortion clinic and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with the Jews and would like your advice.
Dear Abby, I am having trouble with concealing a boner and would like your advice.



So. Everything good? Nothing of note? Guys?

You're all fools! No one noticed that there is an extra answer! That can only mean one thing: TheRoadVirus has gambled his only point to submit an extra card! That's right. He did it in secret, but maybe he's just shy. That means if you win, you'll be awarded two points instead of the very boring, very ordinary one. It also means that TheRoadVirus will have his point yanked out of him like a string of beads. Bright, rubbery, Christmas ornament beads! Not the other kind, you sick puppies.

Well, @Darkewolfe, what are you waiting for? What do the people walking around outside--who have no knowledge of the game whatsoever--have to say?

Salvation122

Man I thought I had a decent shot at this one but nope

Assuran

If picking up girls at the abortion clinic doesn't win, I'll be one sad panda.

Matev

Goddamn

Rius

Taking off your shirt is hilarious in this context.

Figgy

Dear Abby suggests just ripping it off of her. Don't worry, she has plenty.

Darkewolfe

So, yeah, I was all prepped to do this in a more timely manner until when you actually posted it.

Hmmm. Quite a few good ones in here. Some play it a bit too straight, maybe, and are sort of just actual things you might say. If, I guess, you were going to write Dear Abby for help with your meth addiction.

I have to say, writing for help in ritual japanese suicide is pretty funny. "The profoundly handicapped" is just a funny phrase on its own merits, and that fact makes me vaguely uncomfortable with myself. Second place is definitely picking up girls at the abortion clinic.

I'm gonna have to say, Guy Smiley, though, that the real winner here is the pick-up artist who knows his source.

Dear Abbey, I'm having trouble with taking off your shirt and would like your advice. It makes sense. We've all wanted support. And Dear Abby is definitely into GMILF territory, which is just damn gross. +1

TheRoadVirus

FUUUUUUUUUUUU

tzeentchling

See, I would have gone with picking up girls, parting the Red Sea, or Kool-aid man myself.

TheRoadVirus - I can completely see your usericon saying that.

blahmcblah

I was pulling for concealing a boner or The Jews.

Figgy

The results are in! Good work, Darkewolfe. I have no further need of you. You have exactly seven seconds to return to your podium before I open one of many trap doors beneath the stage. With Round Two drawn to a close, let's take a look at the score!

TheRoadVirus has gambled away his life's savings for a chance at the big leagues, only to have his hopes and dreams smashed to pieces. Much like my career. But, look! Cerberus is now in the lead with two whole points!

And that means tha---



Wait, what's that? No, seriously. I don't know what that sound means.

Hold on one second...

I've just been informed that means it's time for our BONUS ROUND! In the bonus round, all contestants will remain at their podiums and submit an answer. Yours truly will be selecting the winners, this time. What's that you say? I must have misspoke? No, that's winners. This round, there will be five separate winning entries. Each winner is awarded a point.

And Cerberus, you can still GAMBLE away your points, if you like.

Contestants, you should have your new cards by now. Give me your best answer to the following question:

Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to ____________.

You're going to want to give it your all, this time, contestants!

Matev

In before smallpox.

Cayrus

oh man I wish I had genocide right now.

Cerberus

This is a good one, we are going to get some awesome answers...

Anialos

Mmm, yes, that should suffice.

Vanguard

Fingers crossed.