Trying the Critique

David Barrentine

I wanted a chance to try this out and see what kind of criticism I could attain that might make my artwork better and at the same time maybe bring my work to more people's attention. I'm still fairly new at this so I don't have the greatest connections made yet. Here is a link to my comic strip and this is the latest one up right now. There should be another come up Wednesday. http://www.teamasunder.com/2012/03/21/amazing/ Any comment is welcome. I'm just looking for an honest opinion, and I love my friends, they just aren't the best place to acquire that opinion.

David Barrentine

Also, if anyone can tell how to post the strip directly onto here so I don't feel like I am just whoring my site, that would be appreciated as well. I have a tendency to be a techno tard sometimes.

amateurhour

Right click your image on your site, select copy image location, then use the little picture tag in a post and input that link.

edit: example (remove the "*" when you do it)

[img]*http://www.teamasunder.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Big-Toe-55.jpg*[/img]

David Barrentine

[img][/img]http://www.teamasunder.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Big-Toe-55.jpg

So like that?

m3nace

Not quite. The link needs to be inside the tags

David Barrentine

Maybe? Sorry for all the complications.

David Barrentine

HOLY CRAP THAT'S BIG!

amateurhour

Much better, and welcome to the AC!

First off, what are your goals. Are you looking to be the cartoonist for this site which does a lot more than just cartoons? I only ask because your comic is buried within a lot of random stuff on that site and it's almost impossible to navigate, so no one that comes there to read your strip exclusively will be able to, and that's important.

Second, and this is something I never thought I'd say, and it's honestly not something that's been said here in a while, but your artwork is eerily similar to Mike's, and that's not really a compliment. You need to focus more on developing your own style rather than trying to work from someone else's.

Do you have any more strips or other art you've done you can post here?

David Barrentine

I've got some that I have done for the Herald at the college I'm attending but I would have to dig them up. The site itself is more of a collaborative effort from people here at college that are really still learning how to run it. Here is something.

David Barrentine

As for something not done on a tablet

amateurhour

I really dig that Dr who piece. That's very, very awesome.

You're obviously pretty talented, so I have to ask. Why do yellow shirt and Daniel look 95% identical to Gabe and Tycho?

Take some time to really sketch out those characters and make them your own. Your color, perspective, anatomy etc isn't bad at all. Honestly that's the only thing really holding you back at this particular point.

Nappuccino

That's a pretty sweet Dr. Who piece.

I will say you should pay attention to your general structure a bit more. The hands are fairly nice, but they becfome a bit blobish at points. I would just push the contrast a little bit more to get some definition in there.

David Barrentine

The Doctor Who piece was a rush. I had to pop it out in about 6 hours between some classes. It's the time constraints that really make me appreciate the piece. I can start pushing to find my own style, the Daniel I was really wanting to show more of a lanky quality, jagged angles and all, as for the guy in yellow, yeah I got no excuses. I'm still trying to find my style. I learned how to use the tablet from watching Mike do the Gabe Art stuff. I'm still trying to learn how to use it to better suit me.

Iruka

If one influence is dominating your work, the best thing to do is consume more art. Watch videos of different people drawing and painting, not just Gabe. Varied styles come from varied interests, try to make sure you are looking at new things everyday. Sit down every now and then and try drawing something in an unfamiliar way. You'll find your own style in time.

amateurhour

I don't want to linkspam in your thread, but just hit up google and search the following things.

Speedpainting, environment digital painting, Danielle Corsetto drawing Girls with Slingshots, Joel Watson drawing Hijinks Ensue, Dave Kellett drawing Sheldon, Scott Kurtz drawing pVp, Kris Straub drawing Starslip, and Meredith Gran drawing Octopus Pie...

That's a HUGE pool of both traditional and digital cartoonists and painters that all have process videos online. It'll give you a good feel for art materials, digital tablet and photoshop settings, styles, etc.

Like Iruka said, consume more art.

Also in the tutorial thread I think a lot of talented people here have posted process videos.

Pukio

Something that really helped me when I was first learning to use my tablet was doing really simply exercises to familiarize myself with how the movements of my hand translated to the tablet/to the screen (there's definitely a learning curve to drawing with your hand when you're looking elsewhere). Doing little things like this are a great way to not only build confidence in your line quality and orient yourself to your tablet, but are also a good warmup for when you sit down to draw:

David Barrentine

The curve thing would help me out a lot. I can check out some of the other videos too and see what I can pick up. I am about to give pause for a little bit so I can put some serious work into a thesis I'm doing for school. When I get done I hope to consume art.

David Barrentine

This is the latest comic that I have done. I have started looking into the youtube things that were suggested to me. This one was done before I posted the initial comic so the style is still dealing with the reminiscence of Gabe's art. My main concern is with the writing style. Critics on the art are still desirable but I was wondering what is thought about the writing style. Also, sorry that these keep coming up so big.

Nic

That's a pretty solid joke there, the dialogue hits the right beats, although I think once you establish that it's a monthly rate they're talking about, you should drop the subsequent uses of "a month," it's a bit cluttered.
Maybe her bit about collateral fees should be a bit more colloquial as well. When it comes to words, only use what you need to get the point across.

As far as art style, just draw how you draw. If Gabe's influence is in how you normally draw, work in some other influences on the side. Eventually the other stuff will also show in how you naturally draw. That's really all there is to having a style.

David Barrentine

The style I plan on working with when I get out of school, try and amalgamate more to it to create something more my own, but the guy that is editor of the site keeps telling me my writing is sub par without explaining why so I thought I would try here. I seem to be getting really good feedback here.

m3nace

You should make the speech bubbles where the speaker is off panel more distinctive, as to distinguish them from in panel speech bubbles easier. The classical way to go around this is to make jaggy speech bubbles. The colors are also really saturated - your guy looks like he has a serious tan.

squidbunny

Bwuh. Get a different font. Go to Blambot. Pick yourself out something nice.

What is with the triple decker dialogue balloon in panel 2? Hers, the one that begins "Unfortunately". Usually when you break up dialogue like that it's for independent thoughts; that's one sentence. It's pointless and it's visually distracting.

On the art side, your smudgy, textured background (and smoke) look jarringly disconnected from your hard-edged characters and middle ground. If you don't want to draw undue attention to background elements then don't use the thick black outlines on them, but stick to harder-edged objects more in keeping with the style you've chosen, and if you're gonna use textures then apply them to everything, not just the sky.