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Girlfriend just announced she's leaving in 15 days.
noir_blood
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Some might remember my last thread about my gf possibly moving to California, I guess this is sort of a continuation of that one.
She was all set to go to California, she got the offer from the boss over there, but unfortunately, the boss's boss kiboshed the whole thing. So Cali was out. and after talking about it, she decided that she would stay put till the beginning of next year, and then we would move together.
Then this week, she got offered a job in New York and it looks like she's going to take it. They need her to be there by April 15.
Right now, I'm just angry. A big part of it is that it took me a long time to originally get used to the idea of her moving, and yeah, when things fell through, it sucked, but at the same time, I'll admit that I was relieved. The other reason why I feel angry/resentful is that she's leaving me in the lurch in regards to somethings. We have a two bedroom apartment, as(ironically considering this thread) we both like our spaces. With her leaving, I'm going to have to move out to a one bedroom, which comes with costs. Finances also come into play in that we were both saving up for this upcoming semester where I'll be doing student teaching, and now..well, it sort of feels like it's going to be more difficult, as even though she gets money to move, there's going to be extra finances that are going to suck up the money.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling right now, it just really sucks. I guess maybe I need some people to tell me I'm overreacting. I'm trying to be happy for her, but right now I can't get over this other feelings I'm having.
She was all set to go to California, she got the offer from the boss over there, but unfortunately, the boss's boss kiboshed the whole thing. So Cali was out. and after talking about it, she decided that she would stay put till the beginning of next year, and then we would move together.
Then this week, she got offered a job in New York and it looks like she's going to take it. They need her to be there by April 15.
Right now, I'm just angry. A big part of it is that it took me a long time to originally get used to the idea of her moving, and yeah, when things fell through, it sucked, but at the same time, I'll admit that I was relieved. The other reason why I feel angry/resentful is that she's leaving me in the lurch in regards to somethings. We have a two bedroom apartment, as(ironically considering this thread) we both like our spaces. With her leaving, I'm going to have to move out to a one bedroom, which comes with costs. Finances also come into play in that we were both saving up for this upcoming semester where I'll be doing student teaching, and now..well, it sort of feels like it's going to be more difficult, as even though she gets money to move, there's going to be extra finances that are going to suck up the money.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling right now, it just really sucks. I guess maybe I need some people to tell me I'm overreacting. I'm trying to be happy for her, but right now I can't get over this other feelings I'm having.
noir_blood on
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This. See if you can't turn this into a nice change of lifestyle/opportunity.
Have any friends who want to move out on their own? Or maybe just put up a classified ad and start interviewing prospective roommates.
Nothing says you have to downgrade.
We don't know the full story, but it seems....problematic that she would leave you alone to deal with the current apartment, and having to move to a new apartment, without making a decision, as a couple, with respect to how to deal with the current living situation and transition to living apart.
From your post, it seems like she said, "Yeah, see ya, I'm heading to New York."
That's...maybe not the way a couple does things.
No, it's not like that. I was overzealous and angry in my first post.
It's more like...I know she wants to go. It's a step up work wise, she's been getting burned out on her current role, and more importantly, NYC has always been a sort of dream city for her. Knowing all that, how exactly can I tell her to stay? She definitely did not just say "I'm leaving, bye", I guess it just feels that way to me.
I have considered a roommate, but since I don't have any friends that need a new place, it would have to be a stranger, and I'm a bit wary, but I am keeping it in mind.
You don't need to but you should make sure to let her know that you don't want to see her go. Just to make sure she knows.
I was also thinking along these lines, sort of. If she is suddenly moving to NYC and you need to downgrade to a smaller apartment, then is that going to require you to break a lease? is there a buy-out option? When does the lease expire or is it a month-month.
I think it entirely appropriate to ask her to pay any costs occurring to her running out on a possible lease and causing you additional expenses.
If you're not planning on moving up (as in, to NYC), especially within the next year or less I would highly suggest you consider ending the relationship when she moves if you aren't already.
A long distance relationship is doable, but you need an end date for when it will no longer be long distance, otherwise you may as well kiss the relationship goodbye now to save yourself months of heartache.