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Forming a More Perfect Onion

MKRMKR Registered User regular
edited April 2012 in Singularity Engine++
A scientist calls you off the street and into a dark alley. He shows you his plan to create the perfect onion. He wants you to help him. What do you do?

Your answer to this question will decide the fate of humanity.

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Posts

  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
    The perfect onion has already been made, it is called the bloomin' onion

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  • SeriouslySeriously ˈpɛrɪ ˌdɒt Registered User regular
    I jump him, take the plan and leave him for dead

    I am going to be rich

    iq16sKi.png
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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    Seriously wrote: »
    I jump him, take the plan and leave him for dead

    I am going to be rich

    Ten years later you learn he survived and turned himself into an multi-layered onion-fueled apocalypse machine.

    MKR on
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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    WiiU: munkusbeaver and Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Twitter which gives health updates and the like: https://twitter.com/MunkusBeaver
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
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  • KrunkMcGrunkKrunkMcGrunk Registered User regular
    The best Onion article

    mrsatansig.png
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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    Get Bill O'Reilly to sponsor it.

    "We'll do it five!"

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  • SeriouslySeriously ˈpɛrɪ ˌdɒt Registered User regular
    MKR wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    I jump him, take the plan and leave him for dead

    I am going to be rich

    Ten years later you learn he survived and turned himself into an multi-layered onion-fueled apocalypse machine.

    By then I am a different person, a wiser person.

    I've seen things, I've done things


    I try to make peace

    iq16sKi.png
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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    Seriously wrote: »
    MKR wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    I jump him, take the plan and leave him for dead

    I am going to be rich

    Ten years later you learn he survived and turned himself into an multi-layered onion-fueled apocalypse machine.

    By then I am a different person, a wiser person.

    I've seen things, I've done things


    I try to make peace

    You must peel back the layers with force until you find the broken man at the center, before you can attempt to mend the damage. Could be a video game.

    MKR on
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  • crwthcrwth IDIOT NEWS Registered User regular
    but onions are perfect already...

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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    crwth wrote: »
    but onions are perfect already...

    That's the kind of uninnovative thinking that holds this company back.

    MKR on
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  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User regular
    crwth wrote: »
    but onions are perfect already...

    You delusional apologists are what's wrong with onions today

    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
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  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    We wore onions round our neck, which was the style at the time.

    twispandcatsbysigsmall.jpg
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  • LarlarLarlar Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited April 2012
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    Larlar on
    iwantanswers3.png
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  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User regular
    I don't care what everyone likes

    This reference isn't worth pursuing

    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    Anti-onion propagandist

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  • masterofmetroidmasterofmetroid Have you ever looked at a world and seen it as a kind of challenge?Registered User regular
    How perfect are we talking here

    Like, increased resistance to disease and pests, improved taste, or you don't get blinded every time you try to cut one fresh?

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  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    yo, real talk, fuck cakes

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
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  • LarlarLarlar Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Silmaril wrote: »
    We wore onions round our neck, which was the style at the time.

    Belt. Around our belt. Wearing an onion around your neck was never in style, because that's just silly.

    On another note, do you have change for a quarter? Gimme five bees if you've got 'em.

    iwantanswers3.png
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  • Slacker71Slacker71 Registered User regular
    Parfait!

    s6e07BlueSig.png
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  • crwthcrwth IDIOT NEWS Registered User regular
    i dare

    DARE

    anyone to make an onion more perfect than it already is because it is IMPOSSIBLE

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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    How perfect are we talking here

    Like, increased resistance to disease and pests, improved taste, or you don't get blinded every time you try to cut one fresh?

    The scientist wanted an onion that made you cry fuel.

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  • NerdgasmicNerdgasmic __BANNED USERS regular
    Onions do rule

    Especially in ring form

    @nealcm @faynor
    nerdgasmic.gif1420 6068 6113 - XBL Atomoclassic
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  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    crwth wrote: »
    i dare

    DARE

    anyone to make an onion more perfect than it already is because it is IMPOSSIBLE

    What about an Onion with Garlic already in it


    They're already related. Its just like cousins.


    That's legal right? Right?

    twispandcatsbysigsmall.jpg
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  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    Silmaril wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i dare

    DARE

    anyone to make an onion more perfect than it already is because it is IMPOSSIBLE

    What about an Onion with Garlic already in it


    They're already related. Its just like cousins.


    That's legal right? Right?

    it is in Shelbyville

    but to get there you need to tie an onion to your belt

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
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  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    Shorty wrote: »
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    yo, real talk, fuck cakes

    cheesecake >>>>> cake

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  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    Shorty wrote: »
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    yo, real talk, fuck cakes

    cheesecake >>>>> cake

    so are cookies, mousse, pie, and pretty much every dessert I've ever had

    cake sucks

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
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  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    Langly wrote: »
    The perfect onion has already been made, it is called the bloomin' onion

    I had this the other day, haven't had one in like 5 years. It was so good.

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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    Cake is more receptive to having things put on top of it than most other desserts.

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  • Big Red TieBig Red Tie if dreams can't come true then why not pretendRegistered User regular
    cookies in cakes
    in icecream

    3926 4292 8829
    Beasteh wrote: »
    *おなら*
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  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    Shorty wrote: »
    Shorty wrote: »
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    yo, real talk, fuck cakes

    cheesecake >>>>> cake

    so are cookies, mousse, pie, and pretty much every dessert I've ever had

    cake sucks

    I will stab you with cake.

    lets see how much it sucks then.

    twispandcatsbysigsmall.jpg
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  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    ya'll wanna hear a story

    so there are lots of inchworms in my neighborhood, like to the point where if you walk a mile you will have at least 20 of them on you if you refuse to pick any off while you're walking. minimum 20. motherfuckers are errywhere

    so i walk to / from work 'cus it's only a 20 minute walk, i don't like killing things, so i've spent the past two weeks gingerly picking inchworms off myself and putting them outside on leaves and stuff

    anyway so i get home from a long shift at work and i go to change into some shorts

    and there is literally an inchworm like a centimeter away from my junk, just hanging out on my thigh. i guess the pants-pulling-off freaked it out 'cus it's just writhing horribly
    i flicked the shit out of it
    horrible creatures

    reposig.jpg
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  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood Falling Up the Stairs. A Doll's House.Registered User regular
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    but...but the cake is a lie

    IaKQjyC.png
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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Most people call 'em green onions but they're really scallions.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    but...but the cake is a lie

    You are banned from the onion fuel utopia. You are doomed to a brief existence powered by increasingly scarce fossil fuels.

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  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    Silmaril wrote: »
    Shorty wrote: »
    Shorty wrote: »
    Larlar wrote: »
    I tell him that not everybody likes onions, and I'd rather have a plan for creating the perfect cake. Everybody loves cakes.

    yo, real talk, fuck cakes

    cheesecake >>>>> cake

    so are cookies, mousse, pie, and pretty much every dessert I've ever had

    cake sucks

    I will stab you with cake.

    lets see how much it sucks then.

    that sounds like the blandest, dryest stabbing ever

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
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  • LarlarLarlar Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Shorty wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    i dare

    DARE

    anyone to make an onion more perfect than it already is because it is IMPOSSIBLE

    What about an Onion with Garlic already in it


    They're already related. Its just like cousins.


    That's legal right? Right?

    it is in Shelbyville

    but to get there you need to tie an onion to your belt

    Just settle your differences over a nice, tall glass of turnip juice.

    iwantanswers3.png
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  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    Most people call 'em green onions but they're really scallions.

    at first I was all BULLSHIT

    then I realized I was thinking about shallots, not scallions

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
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  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    once a guy i knew got really really stoned and ate all the wild onions in his yard

    it was pretty gross

    reposig.jpg
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