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The Batarian Hegemony Presents: The Mass Effect Thread

Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's StockingNorth PoleRegistered User regular
edited April 2012 in Social Entropy++
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Mass Effect 3 is the long awaited conclusion to the human terrorism saga of hated enemy Commander Shepard. While the Hegemony looks down on the game's attempts to portay Shepard's vile acts as heroism, the game is a useful tool in determining the tactics of our enemies.

Shepard_renegade.jpg

This is Shepard. His crimes against the Hegemony are well known throughout Batarian space. He will destroy us all, seemingly to stop the "reapers." We know this is simply a convenient excuse for him and the rest of humanity to try and crush the Batarian people.

WE WILL NOT ALLOW THIS.

We have sent agents, ostensibly to "aid" the humans against the Reaper threat.

But we have plans for them. Do not worry. The Hegemony will remain strong for all time.

Here is a list of known enemies of the state. Be wary of them.

and here is a list of the latest weapon reports. Never let a human catch you without a weapon!

FOR KHARSHAN

FOR THE HEGEMONY!

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Kuribo's Shoe on
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Posts

  • KwoaruKwoaru Registered User regular
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    (this thread brought to you by Batarian State Arms)

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  • Speed RacerSpeed Racer I'm Speed Racer and I drive real fast. I drive real fast, I'm gonna last.Registered User regular
    in other news, my mother wants to make pornographic films starring minor Mass Effect characters

  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    You sir, are a blight!

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  • RainfallRainfall Subcommander Argon CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2012
    You sir, are a blight!
    And you!

    Rainfall on
  • crwthcrwth IDIOT NEWS Registered User regular
    in other news, my mother wants to make pornographic films starring minor Mass Effect characters

    mom...

  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    I always wanna say "Hedge-a-Money"

    but apparently, it's "hed-JEM-mon-ee"

    1JM7Sqi.jpg
  • biggitiobiggitio Registered User regular
    Speed, I mean no offense, but your mom might be a sociopath.

  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    I messed up my original thread

    this was the best I could do on short notice

    for

    the

    hegemony

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  • biggitiobiggitio Registered User regular
    Also, I made a tumblr account just to contribute to the Mom Effect War Assets.

  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    biggitio wrote: »
    Also, I made a tumblr account just to contribute to the Mom Effect War Assets.

    I made two!

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  • PeccaviPeccavi oh... oh my!Registered User regular
    crwth wrote: »
    in other news, my mother wants to make pornographic films starring minor Mass Effect characters

    marm...

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  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    literal death to all batarians

    STEAM
    Spoiler:
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    you will die first, human scum

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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades His love is a prize Rantin' and RavenRegistered User regular
    I feel the same way about Batarians as I feel about cockroaches

    They're good for one thing and one thing only

    Squishing

    It was said in the G&T thread that cannibals are a blessing since it means a batarian gets to die twice

    I think that's pretty accurate

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    You see! The humans regard us as less than insects! Their arrogance will be their downfall!

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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades His love is a prize Rantin' and RavenRegistered User regular
    Also, I will totally use a mic in multiplayer from now on so I can sneak up behind Batarian teammates and whisper

    "Yer workin' too hard"

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    the thing the infiltrator uses in melee looks somewhat like the thing that filthy human used to torture that batarian mechanic

    so if you wanted to roleplay a remorseless sociopath, that'd be the way to go

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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades His love is a prize Rantin' and RavenRegistered User regular
    You're only a sociopath if you don't feel remorse about killing things that have souls

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades His love is a prize Rantin' and RavenRegistered User regular
    Also, fuck people who are tired of all the Batarian hate

    And fuck Batarians too

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    all batarians have souls

    and when they die, the soul leaves through the eyes

    your ignorance of our religious beliefs is typical of human behavior

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  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    I will always give every batarian I meet a fair shake

    and I

    will probably end up shooting most of them

    but still!


    but fuck the vorcha

    ugh

    ugh

    3DS: 2337-4267-8661
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    Humans desecrate our corpses! What purpose does that serve?

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  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    Seriously wrote: »
    I will always give every batarian I meet a fair shake

    and I

    will probably end up shooting most of them

    but still!


    but fuck the vorcha

    ugh

    ugh

    A fair shake means blinding all four eyes before you execute them

    just fyi

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • CambiataCambiata I'm an alchemist and the beat is my base metal Registered User regular
    And fuck Batarians too

    Oh yeah, we all know what happens in those N7 squads. They're in the trenches. They're lonely, hurt, and afraid. Sometimes you just need another biped to rest your quads up against, it doesn't matter how many eyes they have.

    -Tal wrote:
    If you don't develop Stockholm Syndrome, it's not a real RPG.
    Steam
    Origin ID: jazzmess
    Wishlist
  • TankHammerTankHammer Extreme Ghostbuster Registered User regular
    I can finally enter this thread now that I've beaten the game.

    This might sound crazy but I was completely on-board for the ending. It struck me as a very true-to-form 1960s sci-fi kind of idea and that meshed well with Mass Effect for me.

    Anyway, gotta save up some cash so I can unlock those characters when the resurgence pack is released. Anyone not have me on their ME Multiplayer friends list? If not, send an invite (but identify who you are). I want to play more!!

    4icmw.jpg TankHammer | 2zivq6q.jpg
  • TurambarTurambar I'd flash you my business card, but my hands are too full of gunsRegistered User regular
    Also, fuck people who are tired of all the Batarian hate

    And fuck Batarians too

    hot

    Origin: Turamb | Steam: Turambar | 3DS: 3411-1109-4537
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  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    give every Batarian baby a fair shake

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  • VeretasVeretas Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    More like

    Buttarians

    B-)

    Veretas on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    a proud batarian would never willfully submit to the sexual advances of any human or human sympathizer

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  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    Cambiata wrote: »
    And fuck Batarians too

    Oh yeah, we all know what happens in those N7 squads. They're in the trenches. They're lonely, hurt, and afraid. Sometimes you just need another biped to rest your quads up against, it doesn't matter how many eyes they have.

    Salarian? Dat cloaca. Krogan? Quads. Geth? There was a hole.

    Batarian?

    You deserve to die, species traitor.

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • AegofAegof Registered User regular
    ME3 really could've used a Batarian squadmate.
    One you can't kill.

    I'm providing ambience.
  • CambiataCambiata I'm an alchemist and the beat is my base metal Registered User regular
    Orca wrote: »
    Cambiata wrote: »
    And fuck Batarians too

    Oh yeah, we all know what happens in those N7 squads. They're in the trenches. They're lonely, hurt, and afraid. Sometimes you just need another biped to rest your quads up against, it doesn't matter how many eyes they have.

    Salarian? Dat cloaca. Krogan? Quads. Geth? There was a hole.

    Batarian?

    You deserve to die, species traitor.

    Oh come on, how can you ignore the most sexy space aliens in the game? The one that everyone falls all over themselves to salivate over. You know the race I mean.
    Spoiler:

    -Tal wrote:
    If you don't develop Stockholm Syndrome, it's not a real RPG.
    Steam
    Origin ID: jazzmess
    Wishlist
  • LanglyLangly Registered User regular
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    Aegof wrote: »
    ME3 really could've used a Batarian squadmate.
    One you can't kill.

    When the multiplayer drops

    teabagging batarian teammates that die all day

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • TankHammerTankHammer Extreme Ghostbuster Registered User regular
    I think most Batarians are assholes as much as the next Krogan but sometimes you need a guy that isn't afraid to tread deep into enemy territory and plant a bomb that may or may not kill a few hundred civilians to take out a military target. Batarians will take that mission every time and won't bat an eye at the loss of life.

    That's a useful resource to have.

    Sometimes you just have to murder them when pay day comes so you can give your other troops a nice bonus.

    4icmw.jpg TankHammer | 2zivq6q.jpg
  • Emperor KermitEmperor Kermit Registered User regular
    What purpose could those extra eyes serve? All they seem to do is stare menacingly (and / or full of desire).

  • JoolanderJoolander It's like Christmas But with more ... ME!Registered User regular
    Orca wrote: »
    Aegof wrote: »
    ME3 really could've used a Batarian squadmate.
    One you can't kill.

    When the multiplayer drops

    teabagging batarian teammates that die all day

    ... how?

    1JM7Sqi.jpg
  • NerdgasmicNerdgasmic __BANNED USERS regular
    I grew up in the suburbs of terminus space, where I had the opportunity to meet and befriend many batarians

    they are a fine people who deserve our respect, not this foolish rivalry

    @nealcm @faynor
    nerdgasmic.gif1420 6068 6113 - XBL Atomoclassic
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    Joolander wrote: »
    Orca wrote: »
    Aegof wrote: »
    ME3 really could've used a Batarian squadmate.
    One you can't kill.

    When the multiplayer drops

    teabagging batarian teammates that die all day

    ... how?

    I guess by starting and abandoning the revive process, over and over

    3DS: 2337-4267-8661
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This discussion has been closed.