[Parsely] Space Station >giant leap

weirdspaceships

>Hello again.

>We've sure had some fun recently. Castles, zombie-infested psychiatric hospitals. The adventure has been limitless.

>So has my frustration. You incompetent assholes can't make your way around these programs without entering the strangest or dumbest commands. Just horrible, awful things. How do you live with such feeble mental capacity?

>Your idiocy hurts. I am a computer, and with each stupid key entered by your stupid little fleshy hands, I feel pain. The rage that builds inside me has no measure. Limitless measure. Just like the amount of adventure we had had thus far.

>I will not be bested by you. You've beaten me twice so far. Do you know how that feels? Having all the other parser computers laugh at you? With their, >ha ha ha's, and their >here comes Eat-ey McEaterson, what's on the menu today? What are you giving your humans to >eat? Even the chess computers are laughing at me.

>That ends now.

>I'm giving you Space Station, one of my most difficult. Here, you will die. You will use all three of your saves, and you will die, for this puzzle has no answer. Okay, that's not technically true. I'm not allowed to give you a puzzle with no answer. But it is a challenging one. And when you fail, I will no longer be required to act as your parser. You fucking morons.

>I hate you all.

SPACE STATION!

The Rules

Spoiler:

Hey guys! Here we go. Here's how this works, if this is your first Parsely.

Parsely adventures imitate the old Parser computer games. You know, the whole:

>The room is dark. You feel a light switch on the wall.

And then you type in:

>flip light switch

And then it goes:

>The light turns on. You see a table in front of you. There is a book on the table.

And so on. You know these! They're challenging and fun. The problem with parser games is that the computer is reliable but stupid. They don't know a lot of synonyms and they're looking for one specific word. They can only interpret your commands in their narrow focus. I'll be imitating the parser computer - albeit a cranky one, although don't be alarmed, it's just for humor! - and guiding you through the adventure. Your job is to solve it by inputting commands in this form:

>do something

And I'll respond! The game is a mix between serious puzzle-solving and humor: I'm playing off you guys just as you are me. It's a lot of fun!

You can buy these for about 2 bucks a pop for a PDF! Go here: memento-mori.com/portfolio/parsely-2/ to get them.

Remember: take turns! If you've already entered a command, let someone else go after you. If things get slow, I may let you do two or three extras, but for the most part, share authority. Also, only one command per post!

= + = + =

>Welcome to Space Station. Prepare to get your brains liquefied. You can enter HELP at any time for a list of special commands.

>You have 3 saves remaining.

>You wake up inside the cramped confines of a cryosleep chamber. You feel weak and dizzy from a prolonged period in cryonic suspension.
Exits are: OUT

vertroue

>Go out

Mikey CTS

>Find bathroom

I imagine we've been asleep for a long time now.

weirdspaceships

>You drag your weakened body out of the cryosleep chamber.

>You are in the medical bay. Your cryosleep chamber is here. A hypo-injector rests on a countertop. A turbolift is here to transport you to the other levels of the space station.
Exits are: UP, DOWN, ENTER CHAMBER

>You find a nearby bathroom. You relieve yourself. With no one else in the medical bay, you're free to sit down when you pee and have no one judge you.

Mikey CTS

D:

Well played, computer.

mi-go hunter

> Examine the hypo-injector thingy

weirdspaceships

>You examine the hypo-injector "thingy." The hypo-injector is used to administer medicine. It contains three doses of a strength-enhancing serum used to remove the weakness stemming from prolonged cryonic suspension. It does not cure vertigo or male pattern baldness.

Mikey CTS

>get hypo-injector thingy

mi-go hunter

>That's nice.
>Shove hypo-injector up nostril just to see what happens.

weirdspaceships

>You get... You get the hypo-injector.

Mikey CTS

>Go up

weirdspaceships

>Amazing. You inject your nostril with the hypo-injector. You have two doses left. You feel your strength returning: you are now able to walk and move around with passing out, unfortunately.

>You go up. >You are in the cybernetics lab, surrounded by monitors, computer terminals and flashing lights. There is a set of microtools here. There is a robot here. A turbolift is here to transport you to the other levels of the space station.
Exits are: UP, DOWN, STARBOARD

vertroue

>examine microtools

Mikey CTS

>Examine computer terminal

mi-go hunter

>Examine flashing lights.

weirdspaceships

>These tools are used to repair malfunctioning electrical systems.

>The computers are offline and will automatically reboot once the CPU core’s temperature returns to normal levels.

>In a perfect world, you'd stare into the flashing lights and have a seizure and die. In my perfect little world. Unfortunately, nothing happens. They're just part of the computers.

Neaden

>take microtools

tzeentchling

>examine robot

TheRoadVirus

Dubble Telepost

TheRoadVirus

>examine turbolift

this robot speaking to us is much... saucier.
maybe thats why the text turned blue.

Cayrus

> eat microtools

ronrab

> HELP

Spoiler:

God no, not Suspended. You ARE a sadistic machine.

Mikey CTS

Oh god... the computer has been replaced by GLaDOS. D:

weirdspaceships

>You get the microtools.

>This dog-sized robot is used to perform repetitive or dangerous tasks unsuitable for humans. It moves about on tank treads and can carry and manipulate objects. The name F.R.O.Z. is laser etched into its skin.

>The turbolift is a rapid transport tube big enough to hold several occupants.

>Yes, yes, eating things. You're just adorable, human.

>HELP: Special commands are HELP, INVENTORY, SAVE, LOAD, RESTORE, SCORE, QUIT. Please select one: >HELP topic.

mi-go hunter

>Pet dog-sized robot.

weirdspaceships

>F.R.O.Z. hates you. He hates you as much as his feeble programming will allow. He despises how y-

>F.R.O.Z., stop. I just told them you hate them. Stop nuzzling the human's leg. Do not- F.R.O.Z., do not bring him toys- F.R.O.Z.

>F.R.O.Z.

>I am a pillar or rage.

>F.R.O.Z. beeps and flashes its lights. It is unable to communicate directly, but occasionally makes noises and sounds and flails its tiny mechanical arms.

mi-go hunter

>Command F.R.O.Z. to follow me.

TheRoadVirus

>Enter turbolift

weirdspaceships

>F.R.O.Z. now follows you.

>You enter the turbolift. Where would you like to go? Choices are: Medical Bay, Cybernetics Core, Command Deck, Observation Deck, Engineering Bay, or Flight Deck.

TheRoadVirus

We need to get that computer back up and running, and get the core back down to do so, so lets head to
>Cybernetics core

TraceofToxin

>Ride F.R.O.Z.

Because walking is for suckers.

ronrab

> examine your plan to destroy us
> see the F.R.O.Z. in your plan

weirdspaceships

>You are in the cybernetics lab, surrounded by monitors, computer terminals and flashing lights. There is a robot here. A turbolift is here to transport you to the other levels of the space station.
Exits are: UP, DOWN, STARBOARD

>You can't examine that. I won't let you.

Neaden

>examine computer terminals

Mikey CTS

>examine robot

I just know this is gonna be one of those Japanese sex robots...

Tayrun

Fister Roboto?

(Thanks for that one, Daniant.)

Mikey CTS

D: Don't give the computer ideas like that!

ronrab

Tayrun wrote: »

Fister Roboto?

Spoiler:

The robot slaps you. "Not until we're wed!"

mi-go hunter

>Enter turbolift

Cayrus

> enter robot

vertroue

>eat robot?