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Rings: I want to buy her one, or do I?

Torso BoyTorso Boy Registered User
edited March 2007 in Debate and/or Discourse
So apparently when you have "feelings" for someone, you go out and you purchase a band of precious metal to put on their finger.

I am in such a situation, but I want to put some thought into it before I blow god-knows-how-much on one. I am looking for something that will look good (subjective, I guess, but you know) and not turn my beloved's skin green. Price is another thing- there are well-defined limits since I'm a part-timer, but neither of us are all about extravagance anyway.

I dunno if there are even pointers to be had, but if there are, let's have them. Any words about different metals, diamonds (:?), good and bad places to look, previous experiences, stylistic suggestions, etc. would be appreciated.

ADDENDUM: So since this is D&D, how about the nature of rings in general? Excess or romance? Proof of affection or shallow, physical gesture? What do you think? What does your significant other think?


How many of you hoped this was a Tolkien thread? Seriously?

Torso Boy on
Rent wrote: »
So that's what having no idea what you are talking about looks like
«1

Posts

  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Seems like an H/A thread.

    But since this is D&D, the gifting of over-priced rings to commemorate marriage is a garish tradition and I encourage you to do your part in ending it. Gifts that symbolize commitment, even rings, are cool, but putting all kinds of thought into all that materialistic bullshit is just consumer culture warping your brain and making you think it matters. If you love each other, you should be happy to get married over a pair of spider rings, never mind all that other materialistic, capitalist, consumer crap

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • Torso BoyTorso Boy Registered User
    edited March 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Seems like an H/A thread.

    But since this is D&D, the gifting of over-priced rings to commemorate marriage is a garish tradition and I encourage you to do your part in ending it. Gifts that symbolize commitment, even rings, are cool, but putting all kinds of thought into all that materialistic bullshit is just consumer culture warping your brain and making you think it matters. If you love each other, you should be happy to get married over a pair of spider rings, never mind all that other materialistic, capitalist, consumer crap

    (Mostly I'm just not comfy in H/A yet)

    BUT ALSO: I agree. I'm gonna add a little to the op and open it up to general discussion on the idea of rings. Maybe prove a point to my girlfriend*.



    *And save a few bucks.

    Rent wrote: »
    So that's what having no idea what you are talking about looks like
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Every woman I've ever seriously dated has been all "fuck diamonds." Seriously, I think if I bought my girlfriend a diamond she'd probably start crying, and not in a good way.

    There is a lot of really beautiful jewelry out there that doesn't involve subsidizing De Beers' artificial monopoly, their intelligence-insulting marketing campaigns, and the political unrest they fuel.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    There is a lot of really beautiful jewelry out there that doesn't involve subsidizing De Beers' artificial monopoly, their intelligence-insulting marketing campaigns, and the political unrest they fuel.
    Right -- ostensibly it's about the symbol, not the status. Price tag does not dictate aesthetic quality, nor the quality of the symbol shared.

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Talk to an honest-to-god jeweler.

    And not one of those guys in the chain stores.

  • IncenjucarIncenjucar QA Tester -> Game Producer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Man.

    Don't do the traditional crap.

    Never use a gift as a relationship bribe.

    Never buy a gift that doesn't express an understanding, or a memory.

    When I bought a girl a necklace, it was one that resembled a ruby tear, because it was a symbol of the RP character she developed a crush on me through.

    When I went for a gift for another girl, I aimed for a music box, because on our first date we found a place selling music boxes, and it was all foggy out, and the discovery made her feel like the world was magical.

    Gifts should be ABOUT your feelings.

    --

    Also, I would seriously recommend you not buy things that required a horrible, diabolical organization to obtain.

    There are better ways to tell a person that their happiness means more than a small village in Africa.

    freefallagentad_zps635a83ed.png
  • ElkiElki hegemon globalSuper Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited March 2007
    I hate diamonds. Nothing to do with their origins, or the expense. I just think they're ugly. I'm all for the nicely shaped, expensive metal, though. I mean, as long as it's customized.

    Torso Boy wrote: »
    How many of you hoped this was a Tolkien thread? Seriously?
    I thought it was going to be about the Japanese movies. :P

  • ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    There is a lot of really beautiful jewelry out there that doesn't involve subsidizing De Beers' artificial monopoly, their intelligence-insulting marketing campaigns, and the political unrest they fuel.
    Right -- ostensibly it's about the symbol, not the status. Price tag does not dictate aesthetic quality, nor the quality of the symbol shared.

    I want so hard to turn on the TV someday and see a commercial following money from a jewelry store all the way up the corporate ladder, then back down and into the pockets of a Sierra Leone mercenary as he rapes a 14 year old girl infront of her terrified little brother; closing on his catatonic facial expression with the line "How else can 2 months salary last forever?"

    That would make my day.

    Automata-Sg.png
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    There is a lot of really beautiful jewelry out there that doesn't involve subsidizing De Beers' artificial monopoly, their intelligence-insulting marketing campaigns, and the political unrest they fuel.
    Right -- ostensibly it's about the symbol, not the status. Price tag does not dictate aesthetic quality, nor the quality of the symbol shared.

    I want so hard to turn on the TV someday and see a commercial following money from a jewelry store all the way up the corporate ladder, then back down and into the pockets of a Sierra Leone mercenary as he rapes a 14 year old girl infront of her terrified little brother; closing on his catatonic facial expression with the line "How else can 2 months salary last forever?"

    That would make my day.

    Sigfried.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Diamonds have always seemed like a big fat waste of money to me when you can get cubic zirconia which looks almost identical.

  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Elkamil wrote: »
    I hate diamonds. Nothing to do with their origins, or the expense. I just think they're ugly. I'm all for the nicely shaped, expensive metal, though. I mean, as long as it's customized.

    My girlfriend wants to get a kiln someday so she can start working with metal clay. It's just like it sounds - clay where the dominant mineral is a precious metal like gold or silver. It shapes and fires just like clay and you can do some amazing jewelry with it.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar QA Tester -> Game Producer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    Elkamil wrote: »
    I hate diamonds. Nothing to do with their origins, or the expense. I just think they're ugly. I'm all for the nicely shaped, expensive metal, though. I mean, as long as it's customized.

    My girlfriend wants to get a kiln someday so she can start working with metal clay. It's just like it sounds - clay where the dominant mineral is a precious metal like gold or silver. It shapes and fires just like clay and you can do some amazing jewelry with it.

    It's pretty awesome stuff. I've seen ads for it in the hands of art students.

    --

    Yeah. I find diamonds overrated myself. Same with gold.

    Give me platinum and rubies instead any day.

    freefallagentad_zps635a83ed.png
  • ElkiElki hegemon globalSuper Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited March 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    Elkamil wrote: »
    I hate diamonds. Nothing to do with their origins, or the expense. I just think they're ugly. I'm all for the nicely shaped, expensive metal, though. I mean, as long as it's customized.
    My girlfriend wants to get a kiln someday so she can start working with metal clay. It's just like it sounds - clay where the dominant mineral is a precious metal like gold or silver. It shapes and fires just like clay and you can do some amazing jewelry with it.
    Man, that sounds awesome.

    How does it feel feel when it's done, compared to other jewelry?

  • IncenjucarIncenjucar QA Tester -> Game Producer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Elkamil wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Elkamil wrote: »
    I hate diamonds. Nothing to do with their origins, or the expense. I just think they're ugly. I'm all for the nicely shaped, expensive metal, though. I mean, as long as it's customized.
    My girlfriend wants to get a kiln someday so she can start working with metal clay. It's just like it sounds - clay where the dominant mineral is a precious metal like gold or silver. It shapes and fires just like clay and you can do some amazing jewelry with it.
    Man, that sounds awesome.

    How does it feel feel when it's done, compared to other jewelry?

    rinngss%20111.jpg

    Awesome.

    freefallagentad_zps635a83ed.png
  • FeralFeral Who needs a medical license when you've got style? Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Elkamil wrote: »
    How does it feel feel when it's done, compared to other jewelry?

    It's slightly softer than you would expect, but you can't really tell unless you're looking for the difference.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch, man" fallacy.
  • GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    One question, Torso Boy, that I don't think has been asked yet: is this an engagement ring, or just a ring? Big difference in meaning and symbolism. Personally, I agree that the whole "2 months salary/look at the big rock he gave me" is rather ridiculous, but there's nothing wrong with tradition as long as it's a tradition that means something to the two of you.

    Is it possible to sneak a peak at her other jewelery to get an idea of what she likes? Or talk to one of her friends in private?

    steam_sig.png
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  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy Fighting the War on String Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I don't think you can really go wrong with the simple bands of some kind of precious metal.

    75trafim7bi2.png
  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    If this is an engagement/wedding ring type thing then this is no time to challenge the status quo of tradition. Those who say "Curse the diamond monopoly!" and "Damnable traditions be damned, I do as I want" need to remember that this proposal lark is a serious business and no time to be making a political statement.

    People who dont like diamonds, don't have any :) I'll agree that its probobly the least exciting of all the fully precious stones, but its not like ruby miners arent damaging the earth to get at rubies.

    Your puny weapons are useless against me
  • TorgoTorgo Registered User
    edited March 2007
    No one says you HAVE to get rings with diamonds if the whole "It could be a BLOOD DIAMOND!" thing bothers you that much.

    My wife and I went shopping around at SEVERAL dozen places and saw all the common styles and settings before deciding on designs we both liked. We got her engagement ring in an impulsive week, but the wedding rings took some time. We spent something like 3 months causally shopping for rings. Remember a rule: No certificate of authenticity, no sale.

    We wanted something that was a symbol for us, as well as something we liked aesthetically. Setting a pricing limit or "MUST BE MORE THAN X" sort of rule is probably a bad idea. Just find a jewelry store that you can trust. Ask married relatives, or people with jewelry with good taste where they bought their stuff. (Don't go to the mall.)

    Don't go below a certain percentage of gold if you have metal allergies. Make sure you size the rings correctly the first time too. Nothing sucks more to have a finger want to fall off because of a tight ring.

    History is a spoiler for the future. (Me on Twitter)
  • Tucanwarrior13Tucanwarrior13 Registered User
    edited March 2007
    I think that diamonds are out-dated. Not to mention all of they mixed feelings they bring with them these days.

    I really like how the titanium wedding bands look personally. In my eyes simpler is much better. Don't go extravagant (sp?)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • JohannenJohannen Registered User
    edited March 2007
    White gold is always a winner. It's expensive like gold, but doesn't look like you're shouting "LOOK I'M MARRIED!". I don't really care much for jewels or gems in the band, but I guess that's each to his own.

    I do like how everyone turns into unmaterialistic commies when they're asked to help someone else with this, but when they get married they'll be buying her whatever the fuck she wants.

  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Could be? It's damn near impossible to find a non-blood dimanond seeing as DeBeers monopolizes almost the whole market and pretty much has a set policy of using slave labor.

  • TachTach Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    My wife's engagement ring was my grandmother's gold ring with two blood rubys. Since her favorite color is red, she loved it. Her wedding ring is a white gold setting with with a tanzanite between two small diamonds. She got the stones from her mother.

    Saved us a ton of money.

    BNsig.jpg
  • EtchEtch Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    LadyM wrote: »
    Diamonds have always seemed like a big fat waste of money to me when you can get cubic zirconia which looks almost identical.

    Word, unless it's marriage or something, just get a nice little white gold ring with a cubic zirconia stone in it. They look really nice, and I bought one for like $50 for a girlfriend, which is only a couple day's work anyway.

    My girlfriend now though, I just buy her Monster energy drinks. She loves those things, so i pick them up every now and again. I generally just tend to buy her little things that she mentions. Like for Valentine's day I got her some CD because I remember her saying she was going to get it eventually. Little things go a long way, they show that you really do listen and care.

    So for a ring, buy her one that symbolizes something special to the both of you, and don't worry about it being something inexpensive.

  • FencingsaxFencingsax Bondage Discipline Spider-Man Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Etch wrote: »
    LadyM wrote: »
    Diamonds have always seemed like a big fat waste of money to me when you can get cubic zirconia which looks almost identical.

    Word, unless it's marriage or something, just get a nice little white gold ring with a cubic zirconia stone in it. They look really nice, and I bought one for like $50 for a girlfriend, which is only a couple day's work anyway.

    My girlfriend now though, I just buy her Monster energy drinks. She loves those things, so i pick them up every now and again. I generally just tend to buy her little things that she mentions. Like for Valentine's day I got her some CD because I remember her saying she was going to get it eventually. Little things go a long way, they show that you really do listen and care.

    So for a ring, buy her one that symbolizes something special to the both of you, and don't worry about it being something inexpensive.

    Yeah, but then you have to listen to her. Who wants to do that?

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited March 2007
    You know, going by the "2 months salary" thing, someone who makes minimum wage in California should buy his chick a $2400 ring. That's just fucking unreal.

    I bought my wife a $600 1/4 carat solitaire. It was simple and shiny and she loved it. If you're to the point in your relationship where marriage is actually a good idea, the girl will love any ring you get her. If you propose and all she can think about is how disappointing the ring is, then fuck her; you don't want to marry that bitch anyhow.

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA
    edited March 2007
    I think that diamonds are out-dated. Not to mention all of they mixed feelings they bring with them these days.

    I really like how the titanium wedding bands look personally. In my eyes simpler is much better. Don't go extravagant (sp?)

    Titanium rings can't be re-sized, but at least won't distort over the years either.

    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    tbloxham wrote: »
    If this is an engagement/wedding ring type thing then this is no time to challenge the status quo of tradition. Those who say "Curse the diamond monopoly!" and "Damnable traditions be damned, I do as I want" need to remember that this proposal lark is a serious business and no time to be making a political statement.

    There is always time to challenge the status quo of tradition. Weddings and wedding rings in general are horribly outdated (the ceremony, not the actual act of marriage, I hasten to add) and often cause more undue stress and fall-outs than they really ought to.

    The 'two months salary, must be diamond' is disgusting as are other similar traditions. Sure, the majority of people online participating in debates like this do not follow tradition, but many more people do and occasionally a post will be made by some hapless person (usually male) whose other half is all in a tizz because their friends are deriding something as petty as a piece of jewellery.

    I have no problems with people who follow tradition when they're mature and have reached a compromise and are funding the wedding between themselves; I do have a problem with a minority of people - especially girls - who feel entitled to an expensive ring, dress and reception which at the same time they expect not to have to pay for.
    Johannen wrote: »
    I do like how everyone turns into unmaterialistic commies when they're asked to help someone else with this, but when they get married they'll be buying her whatever the fuck she wants.

    Not necessarily. I have more faith in my fellow forumers than you do, obviously.

    To the OP:

    1. Whose idea was it? The way you have phrased the post suggests that it isn't yours.

    2. If you're getting her something as a proof of your affection, what is she getting you? She is getting you something too, right?

    My view on rings:

    I like jewellery. I like shiny things, and I'm not exactly going to go so far as to reject all rings in their entirety. I don't like diamonds but like Elkamil says, that has more to do with me thinking they're ugly and preferring other stones instead. I understand that some people do like the look of diamonds and there are very decent synthetic alternatives if you want to boycott DeBeers. The resale value of diamonds is shocking.

    Since when one person buys another person a ring it's usually for engagement/marriage purposes, my rules for rings as gifts in that case apply as follows:

    1. No engagement ring, unless the man receives a gift of equal value. Engagement rings are especially stupid if the woman doesn't intend to wear it after getting married.

    2. Wedding bands - chosen together, paid for together; isn't it more special this way anyway?

    As for other rings - my parents insisted on buying me jewellery as my 18th birthday present. Apparently it's something of an unknown tradition here, as my female friends also received rings for their 18th birthdays too. My initial reaction was 'a ring...I'd rather have computer parts' but in retrospect I'm glad I was given a ring as it's now the only birthday present I can still remember. It wasn't anything too expensive and it was no more than my parents would've spent on any other present. It was from a little independent store in the Brighton Laines and is silver (with some gold plating) and amethyst:

    ring_4.jpg

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Black Hills Gold is a safe way to go; it's inexpensive and there's no slave labor or death involved.

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  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    This article is really interesting re. diamonds

    The scary thing is that it was written in 1982 and it's still applicable today.

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Heh I work right down the street from he diamond district here. I can't imagine how badly people who sell jewlery to the dealers there get fleeced.

  • FencingsaxFencingsax Bondage Discipline Spider-Man Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Earrings or necklaces might also be a good way to go. or perhaps a brooch. Jewelery is not limited to fingers.

    It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    You can buy very nice earrings for very decent prices. After all, earrings are common and nearly anyone with pierced ears will own several pairs - but rings are usually associated with relationships in some way and so the prices, on a per-ounceage-of-metal basis, are much higher.

    But this is all moot if she's not buying you anything in return, and you're feeling obligated to buy this for her.

    sharasugar_80.png sharanomsugar_80.png
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited March 2007
    While engagement rings that get tossed when you get a wedding ring are stupid, wraps are a nice solution to this. Take a nice solitaire, add a $200 wrap to it, and you have, effectively, a brand new ring for the wedding that doesn't make the engagement ring obsolete. This is the route Julie and I took, and the finished ring cost about $800, and is very pretty, if simple.

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I think the safest way to buck tradition is to propose w/o a ring and then have her select what she actually wants. Maybe she really likes gold. Maybe all of her other jewelry is gold and she wants platinum or silver. Perhaps she has a diamond necklace from her grandma and would like it to match on the wedding day.

    Diamonds are artificially overpriced, artificially associated with weddings, and usually not as interesting as other gems. That doesn't mean that everyone hates them -- a lot of women do, and want a very generic engagement ring. It's far worse to propose to such a woman with the wrong ring, despite logical arguments about how stupid diamonds are.

    My wife has a single wedding/engagement ring. She didn't like the idea of a separate band, and she hates diamonds. So I have a band and she has a ring w/ sapphire that are in a similar style (hammered gold). Normally she likes silver-looking jewelry but she ultimately decided that she would like the wedding ring to stand out from the rest. Hence it's the only yellow gold jewelry ring that she has and it's perfect -- because it's exactly what she wanted.

    If this is just a gift I would recommend a bracelet, necklace, or earrings. If you're absolutely set on a ring, look into birthstone rings.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited March 2007
    EggyToast wrote: »
    I think the safest way to buck tradition is to propose w/o a ring and then have her select what she actually wants. Maybe she really likes gold. Maybe all of her other jewelry is gold and she wants platinum or silver. Perhaps she has a diamond necklace from her grandma and would like it to match on the wedding day.

    I would think that if you're at the point where you're ready to spend the rest of your life with her, you should be aware of such things as her jewelry preferences.

    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • precisionkprecisionk Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Take my advice to heart as I know from experience.


    Jewelry is the road to the devil.


    Don't do it.


    Buy her a nice cheese grater or something.


    Or you could buy one of my rings.....

  • an_altan_alt Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    If you're concerned about 'blood diamonds', know that Canadian diamonds are getting quite popular. We shipped over 12 million carats in 2004 and the Polar Bear diamonds are known for their brilliance.

    As for the "should I" part of the question, it would really come down to your girl. Personally I wouldn't be interested in someone who "needed" an $8000 ring, but I can completely understand if she always had the idea of a nice enough diamond ring. As someone earlier said, it's not the time to make a political statement.

    Pony wrote:
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  • FunkyWaltDoggFunkyWaltDogg Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Janson wrote: »
    This article is really interesting re. diamonds

    The scary thing is that it was written in 1982 and it's still applicable today.

    The last two pages of that article make it sound like the diamond market was on the verge of collapse due to Israeli stockpiling and new Australian sources. What happened after that, I wonder?

    Burnage wrote:
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  • evilmrhenryevilmrhenry Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    an_alt wrote: »
    If you're concerned about 'blood diamonds', know that Canadian diamonds are getting quite popular. We shipped over 12 million carats in 2004 and the Polar Bear diamonds are known for their brilliance.

    As for the "should I" part of the question, it would really come down to your girl. Personally I wouldn't be interested in someone who "needed" an $8000 ring, but I can completely understand if she always had the idea of a nice enough diamond ring. As someone earlier said, it's not the time to make a political statement.

    Another suggestion: Artificial diamonds. They are actual diamonds, where the "artificial" part comes from being made in the lab instead of dug from the ground. Don't know how they compare in cost, though.

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