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garryjlee
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The story also seems very scattershot and it's kind of a weird way to introduce us to all of the characters. The pilot should just be the first day Linda starts at the paper and the flashbacks in the phone conversation would work as a way to reintroduce characters in the second episode or so to remind viewers of who the characters are. The flashbacks also make it seem like Linda is seeing those scenes, but there is not way for her to do it.
The other people who work at the tabloid seem overly uncaring and bad at their jobs. Their over the top incompetence doesn't jive with the problems that Linda has dealing with the job she has, that she doesn't like.
You're also giving Linda too many things to do, when you should be focusing on one assignment she is given and use that as the plot of the show. Minor characters can be given side stories to deal with, but Linda needs one story to work with and finish writing at each episode. I'll be honest the script wasn't doing much for me, and I stopped halfway through.
{Twitter, Everybody's doing it. }{My Rambling Blog}
That is actually quite interesting, as maybe this script won't crossover well to an overseas audience, which is fine, but something to be aware of. The script is almost purely influenced by British TV that never really was a big crossover hit in the US (The Thick Of It, Green Wing, etc).
Hmm...I agree that it might be unconventional, but I dislike the "first day" episode as the pilot. I thought it'd be better to start it as her first opportunity for a big story. I much prefer what they done with Frasier, and showed it as a flashback episode in a later season.
They are overly uncaring, because in a tabloid vs. broadsheet world, a tabloid is considered the nasty, exploitive one, reporting on trivial stories and taking advantage of people. Towards the end of the episode, you see that Tom is actually rather adept at his job, making a scene in a press conference to create the story for an article, but I agree that it does take a while for the humanity to appear in those people, and that is something I could work on.
She currently works on 2 stories in this episode, but I agree that could be easily drilled down to 1. But even in shows like 30 Rock, the main character often has several storylines and it's easy enough to follow. Maybe it's just that I don't yet have the writing capacity to make that work for you, and that is something I can work on. I think perhaps what I've done, and what you're suggesting, is I've tried to pack too many stories because I'm under the impression that less is not more, and this might be the only episode of the script I actually write.
I was disappointed that you stopped halfway through, but I thank you for giving it a chance up until that point. You've given me a lot of food for thought. Thank you Magell!