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How much to spend on an engagement ring?
MegaMan001
CRNARochester, MNRegistered User regular
CRNARochester, MNRegistered User regular
This is kind of a touchy subject and I think it's difficult to ask people in real life, face to face, how much they spent on their engagement ring and what percentage of that was their total income.
I've been with the same girl for 3 years now, she's the one, and we've stuck together with one cross country move and me starting and finishing graduate school.
I graduate on May 21st and will start my new employment at $140k a year this July.
I've wanted to propose to her for a while, but never had the money to do so.
So, am I supposed to wait until October or so to save up the 'standard' 1/4th your annual income to propose? Is spending over 30 grand on an engagement ring even something people do?
I don't really feel that comfortable spending that much money, but I have no idea where I fall on this curve of what 'most people spend'.
Anyway, PA, thoughts? Any of you willing to do some information gathering on what you spent and how much you make?
I've been with the same girl for 3 years now, she's the one, and we've stuck together with one cross country move and me starting and finishing graduate school.
I graduate on May 21st and will start my new employment at $140k a year this July.
I've wanted to propose to her for a while, but never had the money to do so.
So, am I supposed to wait until October or so to save up the 'standard' 1/4th your annual income to propose? Is spending over 30 grand on an engagement ring even something people do?
I don't really feel that comfortable spending that much money, but I have no idea where I fall on this curve of what 'most people spend'.
Anyway, PA, thoughts? Any of you willing to do some information gathering on what you spent and how much you make?
I am in the business of saving lives.
MegaMan001 on
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Personally I'd shoot for $1000 max. I spent $400 and I make $50,000 roughly.
Bowen's got the right idea. Since you are making better money, 1-4K is nice, but nothing over that.
Edit: I used a family diamond that had belonged to my mother, so I didn't have to figure this out. However, even though my spending ability was pretty good, my fiance's mother wears a $200 wedding ring like it's the hope diamond, and she'd never have asked me to spend a penny more. If I'd spent huge chunks, she'd have been pissed. This really, really comes down to your lady.
She owns no diamonds, wears real simply jewelry - nothing extravagant at all.
If I were in your situation (granted I don't have your whole financial picture) I'd spend somewhere between $2-5k. Also, she may not like the look of a giant rock on her finger, or may be uncomfortable walking around with anything more than 2k on her finger all the time. I know I wouldn't want to walk around with a 30k ring on my finger everyday.
I personally got this but didn't pay that much for it 6 years ago.
EDIT: As an aside, I don't make anywhere near 140k a year, so perhaps my input is suspect. But I overall maintain that her being happy with the item supersedes concerns about it being perceived as too cheap or expensive.
Then there's the stone. The whole diamond as engagement ring this is pretty much a marketing ploy from the 20s that's stuck. Prior to that various colored stones were the norm. This is something some women have very strong feelings about, so it's something you are probably going to want to figure out here exact feelings on. Because if you are getting the traditional engagement ring a huge amount of the actual cost will be THE ROCK.
But 30k is just pants on head insane. You could get a OMFG ring(for someone not raised as a socialite) for like 5k. But given that she's a nurse, I can see a real need to avoid a giant ass solitaire style ring. You know what a diamond cuts, everything.
Before I went shopping I spent a lot of time on bluenile.com. They have like a build your own ring app thing, that's a nice way to get a feel for all the various settings etc.
You sort of answered your own question. If she's got simple tastes, get something simple. Anything in the $1000-2000 will be great.
As well, she's a nurse. Pratically, is she going to want to wear a rock or something smaller and more practical?
but another way to look at it - it's also regional and income class based. for example, where I live where most people i run with make between 50-150 k a year, no one I know who proposed spent less then $20k on their ring within the last four years. This is about nine people all ages 25-30. on the other hand as i pointed out to my wife that is equivalent to a car. the next person we know got a mini cooper instead of a ring. a car gets you places and a ring does not. that was more right for them.
full disclosure my wife's ring cost i think 20k and she picked it out and was with me when she bought it. in the round bout way, her family paid for the ring and it came at very little cost to me so i am not sure i would use me as an example. i also got two very nice watches bartered out of the deal *at additional cost* so i had incentive to pick up the ring.
Well there's your answer then. Also, don't spend 30K on something that your wife to be will most likely be taking off for long periods of time daily.
I don't know exact stats or anything, but I've got a lot of family that works in the medical industry and losing rings isn't uncommon.
Someone earlier suggested synthetic diamonds, and I agree. They are just as real as ground diamonds, and in many cases, more brilliant with better clarity (less flaws). They also cost a hell of a lot less because "lulz sentimental value". With gold and platinum at the prices they are at, you're going to spend more on the band than the stone anyway.
but they're listening to every word I say
If you want to spend that kind of money, get her something she can wear all the time (a diamond necklace for instance), and spend less on the ring which is going to essentially be a costume piece, or lost.
Even if money was no object, I wouldn't spend more than 7-8k on a ring and I'll tell you why. I was a security guard for a gated community of rich jews. This one old guy who was a retired contractor, filthy rich, but had that way about him that you get when you do physical labor all your life, very pragmatic, very straightforward. He was hilarious and would stop and bullshit at the gate whenever he came through, bitching about being jewish, having to live with a bunch of other jews. Well, one night his wife called up in a panic. She had dumped some garbage down the chute they use in the 4-story condos and knocked her $30k diamond ring off when she pulled her hand out. She was not interested in being calmed down even a little bit, and I resigned myself to digging through the garbage, as the chute drops into a rather large dumpster. Took about half an hour, but finally dug it up for her, and yo could actually see the relief spread through her. Never mentioned it the guy, but a few days later he drops off an envelope with a good thank you note inside.
Anyway, you can spend some decent coin on a good ring with your phenomenal income, but if it's too valuable, it simply won't be practical to wear.
Steam
Only the strong can help the weak.
I'd not do this. As far as I am aware lab create diamonds arent currently made in gem quality. (Actually, there may have been one place, but I cant remember what it was off the top if my head. If you find one that is made it will be called "lab created" not synthetic. Ones they call synthetic arent real diamonds. And really, with all the money you make why bother putting the time into researching them? Your time is probably more valuable then the time you would spend.
but they're listening to every word I say
The reason he would go that route is two fold. One it saves him money on an artificially rare item. In addition, he could sleep soundly knowing he wasn't giving any money to DaBeers, which is probably one of the most vile, evil companies on the face of the planet. Who do you think owns all those blood diamond mines? At the very least, he should demand certification that the diamond he purchases isn't a western African blood diamond. Yes, people sell diamonds with this certification. It will cost you more.
Gnome does make an excellent point that it would be a great way to avoid moral quandries.
Edit: a bit more looking, there seems like there are a few other places that have them these days, but some of those are labeled, " lab created simulant" so once again, just whatch what you shell out money for.
but they're listening to every word I say
If a diamond ring is her and your thing, then more power to you, but figure out whats you both think is reasonable.
There are other options as well. Synthetic diamonds, other stones/gems (both entirely different and ones that look like diamond*), or antiques all are a ways you can get 'more' for a hell of a lot less.
*Moissanite for example is really pretty cool. Its got a higher refraction index so its more 'sparkly'. It got a pretty cool history - most of them are synthetic but the first discovered source of moissanite was from meteors.
Ultimately, spend what you feel comfortable with spending and fuck the haters.
Blue Nile is pretty boss. Here's a page that shows what other people have recently purchased.
http://www.bluenile.com/engagement-rings/recently-purchased-engagement-rings?track=tam
For what it's worth (nothing), I think a good range for stone size is .7c to 1.5c. 2 carats and over looks clownish, unless you are either royalty or the pope.
You might want to be talking about this with her, then. It's possible that she doesn't even care to have one.
I did do a google image search for '2 carat ring on hand' and yeah, that shit looks absolutely bonkers. I think 1 - 1.5 is the maximum.
The only thing I know about the moral quandary is from that movie, Blood Diamond. I would prefer that my money wasn't going to go support an industry built on exterminating a population.
Moissanite sounds really cool so I'll look into that.
I appreciate the information guys, but I was hoping NOT to talk it over with her because that kind of ruins the whole exercise of me thinking about what she wants and what would fit her most, right? Also, she told me she thought it was tacky when a girl just tells the guy what kind of ring to get (a mutual couple we know had the bride just tell the groom what she wanted). So I'm trying to stretch myself here.
Spend whatever you're comfortable spending, then, and she'll love it since it's from you.
We stayed under 1ct originally for my wife as she has tiny midget hands (being a decently tall midget and all) we did end up with a 1.2ish stone after some fighting over quality of the original stone... anything bigger would have been comically oversized like cocktail jewlery on her hand.
Otherwise get a simulant.
Lab made diamonds are laser etched just so they can be distinguished from mined diamonds. To a jeweler the difference is basically indistinct. To some women, the difference is very important.
http://www.diamondreview.com/forum/topic/4339-where-to-buy-synthetic-diamonds/page__pid__17818#entry17818
I suggest you share this information with your hopefully future fiancee, but no one will actually be able to tell the difference between a simulant, a lab made diamond or a real diamond with the naked eye.
Also correct is that this really comes down to what your fiancée-to-be wants. I can understand if you want this to be a surprise, but you really should either consult with her to find out what she wants, or, barring that, check with her family (mother or sisters are probably ideal) or friends of hers who can keep their mouths shut.
Alternatively, propose with a simple gold "placeholder" band, and then go shopping for a fancier wedding ring later with her. It's one thing if you're a dude who knows jewelry and knows his girlfriend's tastes, but trying to buy something like this in the dark is really not something you should be doing. It's something she's going to be wearing for the rest of her life, so you want her to think it's awesome.
Since she'll never be able to wear it at work anyway, don't go crazy. My wife is also an RN, and she's gotten so used to not wearing her ring at work that she hardly ever wears it all.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it is absolutely fair for her to expect you to know things about her, and have consideration in some respects, like if you talk to her and know she's having a bad day, you pick up some of her favorite flowers on your way home, or something like that; she is basically expecting you to be a fucking wizard here, though, and I think it's much better to be seen as unromantic and/or tacky than it is to drop a few thousand dollars on a ring she doesn't like, that she's going to be expected to wear for the rest of her life.
This.
Also this.
A smaller, high quality diamond is much better than a giant, ugly rock. At $30k you could certainly have both, but it'd be silly. Making up a number for example, 80% of the budget should go to quality, and 20% to the quantity.