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I am going to kill the cat - A Mike Blais Thread(tm)

T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATEDNAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
edited May 2012 in Social Entropy++
Last night I got home from work after closing by myself with the intention of eating some fried rice, watching Parks and Rec, and staying up until I got paid so I could go get McDonalds and be happy.

Got home, went and put my things in the bathroom and then went to heat up my fried rice so I could eat it while I showered.

On my walk back to the bathroom my foot caught on something and I tripped. "Egads!" I proclaimed, looking down to see that I tripped on a very pointy piece of ceramic. I did a quick check of my foot to see if I was bleeding because I am paranoid about this sort of thing.

Bleeding! Lots. I run to the bathroom and wrap it in toilet paper while I look for bandages or a first aid kit before I remember that my roommate and I are HARD AS FUCK and don't have either of those things. I wash it and can't see any ceramic in the cut but it's pretty deep. Doesn't stop bleeding. At this point my friend comes over and takes a look at it and says "yeah we need to clot that" so we jerry rig a band aid out of toilet paper and electrical tape, elevate it, and ask my roommate to bring gauze and band aids on the way home. I take three shots of Jack Danield and crack a beer to help the pain, which I'm now learning is actually not what you should do when you're severely bleeding, but being HARD AS FUCK it felt appropriate.

Cue two hours later, we're about ready to go to the hospital, and the bleeding suddenly stops. Hooray! We wrap it nice and tight (apparently too tight) and I go to bed.

Wake up, check the cut, immediately starts bleeding. "Egads" I say as I quickly wrap it too tight again. At this point i do what any sensible HARD AS FUCK man would do and i drove to my mom's house. She inspects the cut and gets me to bite down on some towels while she opens it to peek for glass. "Egads" says my mother, who quickly wraps it properly and says 'yeah we're gonna go get you some stitches now, you appear I have severed the vein and I think there's still glass inside'.

Now I'm at thebh

T4CT on
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Posts

  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    i punched some stuff and tore up my hand. it was pretty cool

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    Stupid phone.

    Now I'm at the hospital! Making a post from my phone. Please use this thread to cheer me up, talk about a time when a cat has ruined your life, find creative ways to kill the cat, or give me some ideas as to what to blow my paycheck on!

  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    blow your paycheck on blow

  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    T4CT wrote: »
    Stupid phone.

    Now I'm at the hospital! Making a post from my phone. Please use this thread to cheer me up, talk about a time when a cat has ruined your life, find creative ways to kill the cat, or give me some ideas as to what to blow my paycheck on!

    Blow your paycheck on your medical bill.

    Also we can play some Hero Academy if you're bored.

    TheStig on
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • alternatingAberrationalternatingAberration I am the milk man My milk is deliciousRegistered User regular
    Make a ceramic canopic jar while you're stuck there. And stuff your cat in it.

    xI8QS1g.jpg?1
  • JayKaosJayKaos Registered User regular
    I don't get where the cat falls in all this. Did it knock over a vase resulting in pointy trippable pieces of ceramic lying around?

    Steam | SW-0844-0908-6004 and my Switch code
  • TurambarTurambar Independent Registered User regular
    smugkitty.jpg

    Steam: turamb | Origin: Turamb | 3DS: 3411-1109-4537 | NNID: Turambar | Warframe(PC): Turamb
  • TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    Cats are out to kill us all.

  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    tumblr_m3uiyxGwYx1qg6gos.png

    this is the best i can do re; cheering up

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I found out today that I have type 2 diabetes and also got put on prozac for mild anxiety.

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    JayKaos wrote: »
    I don't get where the cat falls in all this. Did it knock over a vase resulting in pointy trippable pieces of ceramic lying around?

    Yes

  • TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    That sure is a CFNM porn.

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    Also the triage nurse happens to be the Mother(tm) of a girl I dumped in a less than gentle fashion in highschool and she dropped a phone on my foot and I'm at least seventy percent sure it was on purpose.

  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Uriel wrote: »
    That sure is a CFNM porn.

    much like the hospital

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    Actually typing the link out works.

  • JayKaosJayKaos Registered User regular
    T4CT wrote: »
    JayKaos wrote: »
    I don't get where the cat falls in all this. Did it knock over a vase resulting in pointy trippable pieces of ceramic lying around?

    Yes

    You are now Jon Arbuckle in my mind. I was going to post a garfield strip here to back this up but I can't find one of him breaking vases so just... picture that as your entertainment.

    Steam | SW-0844-0908-6004 and my Switch code
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    I found out today that I have type 2 diabetes and also got put on prozac for mild anxiety.

    :( man raijin that stone cold blows.

  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    Ahh, harming yourself and refusal to go to the doctor.

    I commend you, I probably would've done the same thing! Sucks though.

    Last night there were some hellacious rains going on and the water wasn't draining from behind the house, so it pooled up and started coming in through the backdoor, spreading out across half the living room. The water was over my ankles during the heaviest rains. The "backyard" is 2 feet of sidewalk, then a rockwall, which creates a convenient sluice for all the water to run down right by the door.

    Went outside, got some bricks and rocks, shored them up in front of the door, then got a bucket and started bailing water away from the door in the pouring fucking rain, for like an hour. Shit sucked.

    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    Sounds like this Dead Legend guy is also HARD AS FUCK.

  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    i haven't injured myself in a major way in a really long time. like, years and years. in college i took a dive on my rollerblades and got my knee/shin bleeding pretty good, but other than that i've been pretty lucky/unexciting for the majority of my adult life

    i did have to be HARD AS FUCK for my gf a few years ago when she sliced her thumb wide open with a paring knife. boy howdy did a lot of blood come out of that thumb

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    I have been informed by the Doctor(tm) that beer and jack Daniels thins my blood and thus makes the bleeding worse? Sounds like propaganda bullshit to me.

  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    That's why you're supposed to get hammered

    Then cut off the wounded extremity

    And Cauterize it.

    zkHcp.jpg
  • LarlarLarlar consecutive normal brunches Moderator, ClubPA mod
    T4CT wrote:
    Now I'm at thebh

    This is the best possible ending to a story that involves a lot of blood loss.

    You shouldn't have posted again for at least a day.

    iwantanswers3.png
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    So how many stitches was it?

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    I cut my hand open once, blood was like, everywhere man
    Except my non-cut hand was super swollen due to mosquito attacks
    So i shoved the bloody hand in my maw out of stupid instinct

    The receptionist at the walk in asked me if i was bleeding

  • NerdgasmicNerdgasmic __BANNED USERS regular
    Jesus, tact

    Hope you feel better

  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    Also tact blame the vase

    And um
    Feel better

  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    I cut my arm open really badly once. I had to have 31 stitches and that was an on-the-piss accident too. Luckily I've always got a 1st aid kit in the house so we bandaged that fucker up and got to the hospital.

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • SticksSticks I'd rather be in bed.Registered User regular
    edited May 2012
    One time, I stubbed my toe and it hurt REALLY BADLY. It was like, bleeding a bit around the toenail and everything.

    Thus concludes my contribution to this thread about injuries sustained and suffered in whiny, complaining, and childlike fashionsuitably manly silence.

    Sticks on
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    To be fair, stubbed toes hurt like hell. With exception of a broken collarbone and dislocated nose, stubbed toe is probably up there

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    one time i cut my finger when a thermometer broke in half in my hand

    and then i bled all over a chem lab because i didn't realize it was bleeding that bad until i noticed my pant leg was warm from all the blood

    zkHcp.jpg
  • StaleStale Registered User regular
    I had a chainsaw blade break one time and it came back and laid open my thigh.

    I used a rag and some duct tape and drove myself to the hospital, which was about 45 mins away.

    easysig2.jpg
  • SticksSticks I'd rather be in bed.Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    To be fair, stubbed toes hurt like hell. With exception of a broken collarbone and dislocated nose, stubbed toe is probably up there

    I don't really have anything to compare it to, having been lucky in the outcomes of the few dangerous stunts that I did attempt while growing up. I've only been to the ER once, and it was a false alarm. Took a soccer ball to the nose and the trainer thought it was broken. She didn't realize that my nose always looks that way, minus the blood pouring out of it.

  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    steam burns on fingers suck some ass

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    I got plenty of horrible stories that happened to other people and I had to respond to em. Full limb amputations, a few digit amputations, a gut puncture, a few fire and chem burns and two fatalities but it's late and I can't be fucked typing them up right now.

    Suffice to say, fuck that, Dan. I bet that tickled

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    I've never gotten a bad cut or broken a bone.

    I am a total wuss.

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    This is directly the cats fault

  • SticksSticks I'd rather be in bed.Registered User regular
    Are you an EMT Tef, because holy shit.

  • SticksSticks I'd rather be in bed.Registered User regular
    T4CT wrote: »
    This is directly the cats fault

    It's a well known fact that all cats try to kill their owners with regularity. They are just really really bad at it.

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