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The American Presidency Battle Royale: Coliseum Edition

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  • AstaerethAstaereth In the belly of the beastRegistered User regular
    Well, we can always try to suss out who far other Presidents get. I mean, it seems to be widely agreed upon that TR and Jackson fight for gold while Lincoln takes bronze.

    My candidates for sleeper President might actually be surprising. William Henry Harrison and Harry Truman.

    Truman is a far easier case to make. He's mild mannered. Anything he does was overshadowed by one of the greatest president in history- FDR. But he did one thing that FDR never did. He (metaphorically) had his finger on the button and pushed it. Say what you want about whether it was more ethical to use the bomb or to invade Japan, he's proven very pragmatic. He might just have enough of that to last into the top 15.

    William Henry is an odd one to say he'd survive. But this requires a strict note to the rules- all fatal maladies are cured. He doesn't have the flu, complications from the flu are gone, and complications from shitty 19th century medicine are also out the window. So what does he bring to the table?

    >Harrison was a general, and a fairly good one. He fought in Tecumseh's War, which was one of the most serious attempts by Indian tribes to unite and pose a threat against US expansionism. The penultimate battle- the Battle of Tippecanoe- was a major victory for the US Army, and propelled him to the White House.
    >He fought in the War of 1812 as well, and was one of the big generals. In a war that the US didn't do well in, Harrison had one of the major victories in the Battle of the Thames, where he killed Tecumseh and ended his confederacy.

    The guy clearly knows tactics and might still have enough in the tank to surprise.

    Sure, Harrison fought in Tippecanoe. But does he stand a chance without Tyler too?

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  • DehumanizedDehumanized Registered User regular
    How about the same tournament, except Vice Presidents?
      John Adams Thomas Jefferson Aaron Burr, Jr. George Clinton Elbridge Gerry Daniel D. Tompkins John C. Calhoun Martin Van Buren Richard Mentor Johnson John Tyler George M. Dallas Millard Fillmore William R. King John C. Breckinridge Hannibal Hamlin Andrew Johnson Schuyler Colfax Henry Wilson William A. Wheeler Chester A. Arthur Thomas A. Hendricks Levi P. Morton Adlai Stevenson I Garret A. Hobart Theodore Roosevelt Charles W. Fairbanks James S. Sherman Thomas R. Marshall Calvin Coolidge Charles G. Dawes Charles Curtis John Nance Garner Henry A. Wallace Harry S. Truman Alben Barkley Richard Nixon Lyndon B. Johnson Hubert Humphrey Spiro Agnew Gerald Ford Nelson Rockefeller Walter Mondale George H. Bush Dan Quayle Al Gore Dick Cheney Joe Biden

    I think there's some notable gladiators, but I'm not sure about a lot of their qualifications. Dick Cheney will probably kill quite a few despite being a very old man. Aaron Burr has a proven killer instinct.

  • TaramoorTaramoor Storyteller Registered User regular
    How about the same tournament, except Vice Presidents?
      John Adams Thomas Jefferson Aaron Burr, Jr. George Clinton Elbridge Gerry Daniel D. Tompkins John C. Calhoun Martin Van Buren Richard Mentor Johnson John Tyler George M. Dallas Millard Fillmore William R. King John C. Breckinridge Hannibal Hamlin Andrew Johnson Schuyler Colfax Henry Wilson William A. Wheeler Chester A. Arthur Thomas A. Hendricks Levi P. Morton Adlai Stevenson I Garret A. Hobart Theodore Roosevelt Charles W. Fairbanks James S. Sherman Thomas R. Marshall Calvin Coolidge Charles G. Dawes Charles Curtis John Nance Garner Henry A. Wallace Harry S. Truman Alben Barkley Richard Nixon Lyndon B. Johnson Hubert Humphrey Spiro Agnew Gerald Ford Nelson Rockefeller Walter Mondale George H. Bush Dan Quayle Al Gore Dick Cheney Joe Biden

    I think there's some notable gladiators, but I'm not sure about a lot of their qualifications. Dick Cheney will probably kill quite a few despite being a very old man. Aaron Burr has a proven killer instinct.

    Burr would be a target from moment one because he already killed a President. Not to be trusted, that guy.

    Quayle would probably trip and fall on his own knife.

    Of course, Teddy's in this group as well, and that skews the curve.

  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Registered User regular
    That list highlights what a singularly useless position the Vice Presidency is.

    Self-righteousness is incompatible with coalition building.
  • DehumanizedDehumanized Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    Here's also a list of all of the VPs that have vacated the office, for informational purposes:
      George Clinton (death) Elbridge Gerry (death) John C. Calhoun (resignation) John Tyler (ascension) Millard Fillmore (ascension) William R. King (death) Andrew Johnson (ascension) Henry Wilson (death) Chester A. Arthur (ascension) Thomas A. Hendricks (death) Garret A. Hobart (death) Theodore Roosevelt (ascension) James S. Sherman (death) Calvin Coolidge (ascension) Harry S. Truman (ascension) Spiro Agnew (resignation) Gerald Ford (ascension)

    7 dead, 7 ascended, 2 resigned.


    Dehumanized on
  • Solomaxwell6Solomaxwell6 Registered User regular
    Taramoor wrote: »
    How about the same tournament, except Vice Presidents?
      John Adams Thomas Jefferson Aaron Burr, Jr. George Clinton Elbridge Gerry Daniel D. Tompkins John C. Calhoun Martin Van Buren Richard Mentor Johnson John Tyler George M. Dallas Millard Fillmore William R. King John C. Breckinridge Hannibal Hamlin Andrew Johnson Schuyler Colfax Henry Wilson William A. Wheeler Chester A. Arthur Thomas A. Hendricks Levi P. Morton Adlai Stevenson I Garret A. Hobart Theodore Roosevelt Charles W. Fairbanks James S. Sherman Thomas R. Marshall Calvin Coolidge Charles G. Dawes Charles Curtis John Nance Garner Henry A. Wallace Harry S. Truman Alben Barkley Richard Nixon Lyndon B. Johnson Hubert Humphrey Spiro Agnew Gerald Ford Nelson Rockefeller Walter Mondale George H. Bush Dan Quayle Al Gore Dick Cheney Joe Biden

    I think there's some notable gladiators, but I'm not sure about a lot of their qualifications. Dick Cheney will probably kill quite a few despite being a very old man. Aaron Burr has a proven killer instinct.

    Burr would be a target from moment one because he already killed a President. Not to be trusted, that guy.

    Hamilton was not a president. No presidents were killed by Burr.

  • TaramoorTaramoor Storyteller Registered User regular
    Taramoor wrote: »
    How about the same tournament, except Vice Presidents?
      John Adams Thomas Jefferson Aaron Burr, Jr. George Clinton Elbridge Gerry Daniel D. Tompkins John C. Calhoun Martin Van Buren Richard Mentor Johnson John Tyler George M. Dallas Millard Fillmore William R. King John C. Breckinridge Hannibal Hamlin Andrew Johnson Schuyler Colfax Henry Wilson William A. Wheeler Chester A. Arthur Thomas A. Hendricks Levi P. Morton Adlai Stevenson I Garret A. Hobart Theodore Roosevelt Charles W. Fairbanks James S. Sherman Thomas R. Marshall Calvin Coolidge Charles G. Dawes Charles Curtis John Nance Garner Henry A. Wallace Harry S. Truman Alben Barkley Richard Nixon Lyndon B. Johnson Hubert Humphrey Spiro Agnew Gerald Ford Nelson Rockefeller Walter Mondale George H. Bush Dan Quayle Al Gore Dick Cheney Joe Biden

    I think there's some notable gladiators, but I'm not sure about a lot of their qualifications. Dick Cheney will probably kill quite a few despite being a very old man. Aaron Burr has a proven killer instinct.

    Burr would be a target from moment one because he already killed a President. Not to be trusted, that guy.

    Hamilton was not a president. No presidents were killed by Burr.

    You are correct in this. I am a fool. Don't know why I thought that.

  • TTODewbackTTODewback Puts the drawl in ya'll I think I'm in HellRegistered User regular
    Because his face is on currency. Thus he must have been the president of something.

    Bless your heart.
  • TaramoorTaramoor Storyteller Registered User regular
    TTODewback wrote: »
    Because his face is on currency. Thus he must have been the president of something.

    President Franklin should've done something about that.

  • DehumanizedDehumanized Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    And finally, cause of death for the VPs that did not live to see the end of their term:

    George Clinton - Heart Attack, 1812 (3 years into second VP term)
    Elbridge Gerry - Heart Attack, 1814 (1 year into VP term, also the guy from where the term gerrymandering comes from... surely would die quick and dirty)
    William R. King - Tuberculosis, a few weeks into his VP term. He was mostly appointed the position as recognition of his other service to government. Also owned like 500 slaves.
    Henry Wilson - Stroke, 1875 (2 years into office, he had additional strokes and a heart attack prior to the fatal one)
    Thomas A. Hendricks - Not sure, 1885 (6 months into office, not sure on exact cause of death but he'd had very poor health for his entire term. Died in his sleep.)
    Garret Hobart - Heart Disease, 1889 (2 years into office)
    James S. Sherman - Bright's disease, 1912 (3 years into office. Died shortly after giving an acceptance speech for the position of VP on next year's election ticket against medical advice. This left Taft with no VP on the ticket for the election, and the office vacant for almost 6 months. Because he was just the VP, I doubt anyone noticed or cared.)

    Dehumanized on
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    Cheney is the Dark Lord of the Sith.

    He's so evil that his heart tried to flee his body, but was caught by Cheney, tortured, then placed back in his chest and forced to keep him alive like a sweat shop worker in India.

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    Battlenet ID: MildC#11186 - If I'm in the game, send me an invite at anytime and I'll play.
  • DehumanizedDehumanized Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    Yes, but Cheney has a track record of having shot someone in the face and not killed him, so perhaps he would just strike a lot of glancing knife blows.

    Of course, since his (real, flesh) heart is not in his chest, he could perhaps get stabbed there (in the cold, mechanical one) and keep on fighting.

    Dehumanized on
  • TTODewbackTTODewback Puts the drawl in ya'll I think I'm in HellRegistered User regular
    "the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States." puts Franklin in a place to be a unforeseen contender in the presidential Royale due to some weird loophole that may or may not exist.

    Bless your heart.
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    Yes, but Cheney has a track record of having shot someone in the face and not killed him, so perhaps he would just strike a lot of glancing knife blows.

    Of course, since his (real, flesh) heart is not in his chest, he could perhaps get stabbed there (in the cold, mechanical one) and keep on fighting.

    Yep.

    Also, he didn't shoot that man to kill him. He shot him to tell everyone else that he could have killed him, but he just wanted to send a message to the world that he'd rather cause you unbelievable pain and make you wish for death.

    To Darth Cheney, death is a mercy.

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    Battlenet ID: MildC#11186 - If I'm in the game, send me an invite at anytime and I'll play.
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    TTODewback wrote: »
    "the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States." puts Franklin in a place to be a unforeseen contender in the presidential Royale due to some weird loophole that may or may not exist.

    I love Franklin, but he'd probably take a hit of blow and confuse Taft with a big-boned chick (he likes em thick) and end up crushed when Taft falls on him accidentally.

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    Battlenet ID: MildC#11186 - If I'm in the game, send me an invite at anytime and I'll play.
  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    The main thing I see on that list is that Teddy is on it but Jackson is not, so there's not much of a contest.

    Biden might put up a good show.

    I don't know much about a lot of them.

  • PantsBPantsB Fake Thomas Jefferson Registered User regular
    TTODewback wrote: »
    "the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States." puts Franklin in a place to be a unforeseen contender in the presidential Royale due to some weird loophole that may or may not exist.
    That's another point... what about the other Presidents? Hancock, and St Clair and such

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    QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
  • TTODewbackTTODewback Puts the drawl in ya'll I think I'm in HellRegistered User regular
    Hancock would die almost instantly because he would try to be all showy and give his opponent enough time to recover and and counter him.

    Bless your heart.
  • Harry DresdenHarry Dresden Registered User regular
    Yes, but Cheney has a track record of having shot someone in the face and not killed him, so perhaps he would just strike a lot of glancing knife blows.

    Of course, since his (real, flesh) heart is not in his chest, he could perhaps get stabbed there (in the cold, mechanical one) and keep on fighting.

    Cheney then convinced the guy to go on national tv and apologize to him IIRC. That's an impressive feat.

  • TaramoorTaramoor Storyteller Registered User regular
    We're also forgetting David Rice Atchison

    Favored President of the smug trivia douche.

  • AManFromEarthAManFromEarth Let's get to twerk! The King in the SwampRegistered User regular
    TR might win the VP thing, but he's going to have to harness the power of mintberry crunch to send that antediluvian horror back to the pit.

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  • MazzyxMazzyx Comedy Gold Registered User regular
    I forgot about maladies being cured. Zachary Taylor is easily overlooked but would put up a hell of a fight if his pneumonia was cured. Tough old bastard. Blackhawk War, War of 1812 and the American Mexican War. In the military right up to just before his election. Fucker would be a mean bastard.

    For VP? Van Buren. Anyone who could stand Jackson long enough to be his VP could probably outlast most VPs in a knife fight.

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  • LolkenLolken Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    TTODewback wrote: »
    "the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States." puts Franklin in a place to be a unforeseen contender in the presidential Royale due to some weird loophole that may or may not exist.

    I love Franklin, but he'd probably take a hit of blow and confuse Taft with a big-boned chick (he likes em thick) and end up crushed when Taft falls on him accidentally.

    Franklin would quietly disappear and surreptitiously meet his 75-years old mistress while the other old white men kept going in this silly game..

  • CrayonCrayon Sleeps in the wrong bed. TejasRegistered User regular
    edited September 2012
    nm

    Crayon on
  • ShadowhopeShadowhope Baa. Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    I'm assuming that they come out in a ring, ordered by the time of their presidency, so Obama and Washington are side by side.

    It would begin with a number of grudges being settled. Taft would start lumbering towards Teddy, Carter would attack Reagan like a crazy man, Nixon and Kennedy and LBJ would get into a three-way duel to the death. Clinton would try to opportunistically attack Bush Sr., but W would come to his father's aid. Obama would start running immediately, as John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, and John Quincy Adams began running in his direction (in all fairness, it isn't all "kill the black man"; a large part of it is fear of Andrew Jackson).

    Andrew Jackson would draw first blood by brutally murdering Martin Van Buren, and then throwing his knife to take out William Henry Harrison as Harrison tried to flee. Jackson would pick up Van Buren's knife and then retrieve his own knife from Harrison's back. John Tyler would be looking agape at Jackson's murderous ways, and would completely miss James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, and Ulysses S. Grant charging towards him. His body would suffer more stab wounds than any other President involved in the competition.

    Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, and Chester A. Arthur would form a temporary alliance and encircle and kill Grover Cleveland. William McKinley would be stabbed by Benjamin Harrison as he slowly backed away from Teddy Roosevelt, who had first killed Taft and who was now in the process of gutting the corpse and pulling out the entrails. Woodrow Wilson would be set up by the alliance of Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover; that alliance would be short lived as Coolidge attacked Harding, and then Hoover made an attack of opportunity on Coolidge.

    Barrack Obama would run by this scrum, chased by several presidents.

    Truman would assure FDR that he had his back, and then stab him as Roosevelt turned to watch his Republican predecessors battle it out. Disgusted by his old boss's actions, Eisenhower would attack Truman, and then perform a mercy kill on JFK (the survivor of the three way battle with Nixon and LBJ).

    Having torn out Reagan's throat with his teeth, Carter would be cautiously approached by the duo of Bush Jr. and Sr. Carter would feint towards Bush Sr, and then pivot and stab Bush Jr. in the throat. He wouldn't recover fast enough to prevent Bush Sr. from stabbing his arm, causing him to drop the knife. Bush Sr. would pick up his son's knife and finish off Carter.

    As Bush Sr cradled his son's body, ignoring the fray as tears slid down his cheeks, Barrack Obama would run by, chased by several Presidents. As Obama and the chasing Presidents passed the corpse of Taft (lying face down on the floor of the arena) James Monroe would step in a circle of Taft's entrails. The circle would quickly tighten around his ankle, knocking him to the ground, and pulling him screaming towards Taft's corpse.

    Ford would walk up behind Bush Sr and put him out of his misery.

    Andrew Jackson would jump at the Presidents still stabbing the body of John Tyler, taking out Polk with his right knife and Taylor with his left knife. The other Presidents in that pack would flee, past a sprinting Barrack Obama. Andrew Jackson would casually kill Thomas Jefferson as he passed by, then lick the sweet, sweet blood from the knife blade.

    Barrack Obama would sprint past George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, who would be having a polite conversation. As he circled past the corpse of Taft, chased by a pack of Presidents, the pack would shrink by one as John Adams was dragged under Taft’s corpse. Distracted by the sound of his father’s death, John Quincy Adams would stop and turn, and an expertly thrown dagger would appear in his chest.

    Barrack Obama would sprint too close to the pack of Presidents fleeing Jackson, and they’d pick up the chase. Benjamin Harrison would look over the bloodshed in horror, taking small stumbling steps. Sensing weakness, Jackson would kill him. Herbert Hoover would cautiously approach Eisenhower, lowering his knife and offering to make a deal. Having seen what Hoover did to his former allies, Eisenhower would know better than to trust the man at his back. He would take Hoover’s hand, and then throw him to the ground and stab him. Ford would then approach Eisenhower, who would sadly agree to an alliance. Together, they killed Rutherford B. Hayes as he ran past chasing after Obama.

    Franklin Pierce and Millard Fillmore would be dragged screaming under the mound of corpses growing around Taft’s corpse. James Buchanan would be stabbed in the back by Ulysses S. Grant as they chased Obama, as would James A. Garfield. Andrew Jackson would take Andrew Johnson’s head off when he fell behind, and then throw Johnson’s head at James Madison with enough force to kill him instantly.

    At this point, there would be eight Presidents standing on the field. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln would be politely talking next to Washington’s entrance. Andrew Jackson, eyes wild, would be searching for his next victim. Ulysses S. Grant and Chester A. Arthur would be chasing Obama. Dwight Eisenhower and Gerald Ford would be considering their options. And Barrack Obama, running for his life.

    The Ford and Eisenhower team would decide that Jackson was the largest threat remaining and would go after him. Even working together though, they’d be no match for him. Jackson would cut out Eisenhower’s eyes, then hamstring Ford, and then finish them both. Meanwhile, Obama would slip on a patch of blood. As Arthur and Grant closed in, knives would appear in their throats.

    Lincoln and Washington would have saved Obama. As Washington recovered his own knife from Arthur’s body and Lincoln’s knife from Grant’s body, Lincoln would help Barrack Obama to his feet. “I want you to know, son, that I am truly and deeply honored that the country has come to a point where a man such as yourself could become President.” Washington would nod as he handed Lincoln back his knife. “You’ve been a credit to the office,” George Washington would add, shaking Obama’s hand.
    “Thank you, sirs, I-“ Obama would start to say, and then trail off as Lincoln and Washington murdered him.

    Cackling mad laughter would ring out across the arena as Jackson approached Lincoln and Washington. The battle would be epic. Legendary. But in the end, Jackson would win. Bleeding from dozens of minor wounds, his rage unabated, he would stand over the corpses of Washington and Lincoln and howl in victory, the last President standing.

    Ignoring the jeers and the catcalls from the audience, he would look over the carnage for the corpse of John Quincy Adams so he could piss on it. Seeing it atop the pile of corpses in the center of the arena, he ambled over, flourishing his blades. And as he undid his breaches, THEODORE FUCKING ROOSEVELT burst out from his hunter’s blind, duel-wielding battle axes he had fashioned himself from the thigh bones of McKinley and the knives of the other fallen Presidents. Screaming in fury, his fly down, Jackson would attack Roosevelt with his bare hands.

    Roosevelt’s left axe would be knocked away by Jackson, his right axe would embed itself too deeply in Jackson’s leg to be removed. They’d fall to the arena floor, and Jackson would stab Roosevelt in the side. Roosevelt would sneer through the pain, and then close his hands around Jackson’s neck. With a twist, he’d snap Old Hickory’s neck, and then raise his foe’s corpse over his head before smashing it down on his knee to break Jackson’s back. Lying bleeding and broken on the ground, Jackson could only glare in hatred as Roosevelt would finish the job.

    The victorious President Theodore Roosevelt would raise his hands and shout “BULLY!”

    Shadowhope on
    Civics is not a consumer product that you can ignore because you don’t like the options presented.
  • AManFromEarthAManFromEarth Let's get to twerk! The King in the SwampRegistered User regular
    Taft would have no grudge toward TR, unless it was for making him president: Taft hated the office, he wanted SCOTUS. Which he eventually got and was much happier with.

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  • BagginsesBagginses __BANNED USERS regular
    And that's a severe underestimation of Jackson's hatred of JQA. Not only did Jackson hold insane grudges for relatively minor shit, he blamed JQA for stealing the presidency by promising Clay the position or SoS and the death of his wife. He would immediately start chasing JQA and never stop. JQA would of course run, and make a good chase of it, given that he was no stranger to violence or terror (his mother had made him watch the Battle of Bunker Hill when he was seven), but would eventually fall, being the last president to embody the full nerd/geek/dork trifecta. After that point, it's anyone's guess whether Jackson would ever stop stabbing.

    I don't think Jackson would be able to take both Washington and Lincoln, either. He's have a tough time with them individually. Lincoln especially would be tough, as he was hilariously strong even after accounting for his tremendous size.

    For Obama, I think he's smart and level headed even by presidential standards, and his basketball background would give him good experience with navigating a hostile scrum. Several conservative presidents would discover fatal wounds shortly after Obama passed by, and he sure as hell would slip between the Bushes just to make sure the mob passes over them.

  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    I still think Jackson would win. He wasn't just a man or even just a president. He was a force of nature. Remember, the other presidents would be able to read about him and all the others prior to the battle. Some would be wary, others would want to form an alliance to take him out. The others will know fear, unknown in its infathomable depths.

    Lincoln, Washington, Eisenhower, and Roosevelt would be, "Challange accepted."

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  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    We are also forgetting about the first Emperor of the United States.

  • ShadowhopeShadowhope Baa. Registered User regular
    Fencingsax wrote: »
    We are also forgetting about the first Emperor of the United States.

    He was an Emperor, not a President. And he would have picked up Reagan's severed head and talked to it in Chinese until Washington killed him.

    Civics is not a consumer product that you can ignore because you don’t like the options presented.
  • KanaKana Registered User regular
    Fencingsax wrote: »
    We are also forgetting about the first Emperor of the United States.

    Who do you think this battle is being held in honor of?

    A trap is for fish: when you've got the fish, you can forget the trap. A snare is for rabbits: when you've got the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words are for meaning: when you've got the meaning, you can forget the words.
  • jothkijothki Registered User regular
    I'm a fan of the theory that Obama would try to cooperate with his opponents and get immediately shanked.

  • Captain UltraCaptain Ultra low resolution pictures of birds Registered User regular
    Question: Are there two different Grover Clevelands from different points in the time stream?

  • ShadowhopeShadowhope Baa. Registered User regular
    Question: Are there two different Grover Clevelands from different points in the time stream?
    ...good question?

    And would they try to kill each other, form an alliance, or rip each other's clothes off and make passionate Grover-love amidst the carnage?

    Civics is not a consumer product that you can ignore because you don’t like the options presented.
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    It's definitely Andrew Jackson. No other President actually beat the shit out of his own assassin.

  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    It's definitely Andrew Jackson. No other President actually beat the shit out of his own assassin.

    That just shows how he can't control himself. When someone tried to assassinate Teddy he didn't lose his cool at all. "Oh, look, I've been shot. What was I saying? Oh, yes..."

  • AbdhyiusAbdhyius Registered User regular
    I don't think Jackson would win.

    He's a berserker.

    He would keep killing successors in a blood-rage that would not diminish until his last neuron has gone dark.

    Eventually, he would be so damaged that it would be physically impossible for his body to continue killing.

    My money's on TR

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  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    I see Bush Jr. as trying to set up an alliance and getting murdered nearly immediately, Clinton suffers a similar fate.

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited September 2012
    The thing that makes Jackson dangerous also makes him bad at this. If it was a tournament, single elimination, one on one, he'd win solidly, even Teddy probably wouldn't be a serious stumbling block for him.

    But you don't win last man standing by body count. He'll get tired, small injuries add up to larger ones, blood loss takes its toll. He'll make a spectacle of himself and provoke alliances against him while also discouraging alliances with him (only fools would ally with somebody they'd have no chance against later, and those fools are the first ones Jackson would kill off). If those alliance can't overwhelm him, they'll still hurt him. You don't walk away from a knife fight unharmed.

    You win last man standing by biding your time - let others take the risk, conserve your strength, prepare yourself, eliminate opponents you're able to catch unawares, but don't draw attention to yourself, don't be a target. You wait until the real opponents have eliminated each other or expended their strength clearing the field. Only then do you enter the fight, still fresh and strong like the opening bell. In short, you HUNT. Teddy might only make one kill, but it will be the last one: a tired, bleeding, delirious Jackson versus an unscathed and rested Roosevelt.

    Hevach on
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    I see Bush Jr. as trying to set up an alliance and getting murdered nearly immediately, Clinton suffers a similar fate.

    Perhaps by each other!

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