Strangely enough, part of it is REAL. There are a lot of “The Cock Inns” in Europe but sadly there is no village or town named “Erbum” or “Tillet” that has a cock inn in it.
Jacques L'HommeBAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered Userregular
And infectious disease walks into a bar, the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here." The infectious disease says, "well you're not a very good host."
Late one night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.
Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.
Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........
BUMP........BUMP......
BUMP........BUMP.....
BUMP........BUMP......
The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .....
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and jumped into his comfy chair.
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges....
The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...S CREECH...
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......
He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came .
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ..... Still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it, still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
A circus is a frequent visitor to a town, every six months or so. A young man loves this circus, and buys a ticket every time. One performance, there's a new clown, and something about the young man catches his eye, so makes him the butt of a joke:
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
Everyone laughs, including the young man.
Six months later, the same clown recognises the young man, and repeats the joke.
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
Everyone laughs again, although the young man less so.
And a routing is established for a few years. The young man laughs less and less, albeit endures this part of the show for the rest of the circus, which he still loves. However this joke is starting to be whispered about him in town, and he fears for his reputation.
So he hits on an idea: His uncle is a famous writer, known for witty and snappy comebacks. Maybe he can make a clever rebuttal to the clown to get him to break the cycle. So the next time the circus is in town, he invites his uncle to go along.
The night of the show, the clown comes on. He eyes the young man, but before he starts the joke, he immediately recognises the uncle as a relative, so decides to mix it up with him.
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
As before, the crowd laughs, although the uncle is silent. After the laughter dies away, the uncle emerges from thought, stands to his feet, and delivers his reply:
The version of that I saw years ago went on for ages, with the guy going off to clown school (can't remember the reason for that) and training to deliver the perfect comeback, then stands up and shouts
a man is selling water at a convention. the man has had a good experience with the con-goers until he sees them:
a horde of furries making a beeline for his humble stand. he picks up the cooler of water and runs.
he catches a glance behind him, and sure enough, they are in hot fursuit
Gvzbgul on
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Jacques L'HommeBAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered Userregular
Have you guys heard about that new workout routine?
You do diddly-squats all day.
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Posts
If it's real? She'll get it. :winky:
If not, you'll get a return.
you could just look it up and prove them wrong instantly
what would be the point? so it must be true
I shit you knot!
I dyed a little inside.
He died in the wool.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Dyed-in-the-wool is a turn of phrase that means the thing you're describing is a typical embodiment of the group it belongs to.
It's a pretty good yarn.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Huh. I don't think I've ever heard that before.
I'll go with an old one.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!
Late one night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.
Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.
Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........
BUMP........BUMP......
BUMP........BUMP.....
BUMP........BUMP......
The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
BUMP........BUMP......BUM P......
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .....
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP .
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and jumped into his comfy chair.
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges....
The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...S CREECH...
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......
He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came .
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ..... Still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it, still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
r/matey
Stealing this
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
Everyone laughs, including the young man.
Six months later, the same clown recognises the young man, and repeats the joke.
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
Everyone laughs again, although the young man less so.
And a routing is established for a few years. The young man laughs less and less, albeit endures this part of the show for the rest of the circus, which he still loves. However this joke is starting to be whispered about him in town, and he fears for his reputation.
So he hits on an idea: His uncle is a famous writer, known for witty and snappy comebacks. Maybe he can make a clever rebuttal to the clown to get him to break the cycle. So the next time the circus is in town, he invites his uncle to go along.
The night of the show, the clown comes on. He eyes the young man, but before he starts the joke, he immediately recognises the uncle as a relative, so decides to mix it up with him.
"You sir! Are you the front end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Are you the back end of a donkey?"
"No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
As before, the crowd laughs, although the uncle is silent. After the laughter dies away, the uncle emerges from thought, stands to his feet, and delivers his reply:
I can't be sure, but I think it's some kind of record.
Satans..... hints.....