What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
Feyoncé.
That is one of the better running 30 Rock jokes. I think my favorite is, "Hey, that's like the remake of 'An Affair to Remember' I was in. 'A Blafair to Rememblack.'"
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer found themselves transported in time and space to Paris in the winter of 1794. Quickly realizing they were trapped in the middle of the Terror, they did their best to blend in and avoid the wrath of the political factions vying for control of the Revolution. Unfortunately one of the group being a holy man drew the attention of Robespierre and, upon his refusal to swear loyalty to France above all else, all three were sentenced to execution by guillotine.
Their last day dawned and, amid a rabid crowd of Jacobins, the executioner brought forward the priest. "Citizen," he said, "your final choice: you may be placed in the guillotine face down, or face up. Which do you choose?" The priest replied, "face up, that I might look upon Him as my last act." The priest was placed into the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch before beheading the priest. The crowd roared in approval, and the executioner cried, "why it is sign from God! This Citizen shall be spared!" The priest was released and set free.
Next the executioner brought forward the doctor. "Citizen, your final choice: face down, or face up?" The doctor, calling upon her medical training replied, "face up, for I shall see for myself how long a head may remain conscious after decapitation." She was placed in the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch early. "Another sign," the executioner exclaimed. "This Citizen shall also be spared!" The doctor was released and set free.
Finally the executioner brought forward the engineer. The same choice was offered, and the engineer chose face up. After all, it had worked twice already. The engineer was placed into the guillotine and the blade dropped...and stopped in the same place as before. "Alright," the engineer said, "I think I see the problem now."
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer found themselves transported in time and space to Paris in the winter of 1794. Quickly realizing they were trapped in the middle of the Terror, they did their best to blend in and avoid the wrath of the political factions vying for control of the Revolution. Unfortunately one of the group being a holy man drew the attention of Robespierre and, upon his refusal to swear loyalty to France above all else, all three were sentenced to execution by guillotine.
Their last day dawned and, amid a rabid crowd of Jacobins, the executioner brought forward the priest. "Citizen," he said, "your final choice: you may be placed in the guillotine face down, or face up. Which do you choose?" The priest replied, "face up, that I might look upon Him as my last act." The priest was placed into the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch before beheading the priest. The crowd roared in approval, and the executioner cried, "why it is sign from God! This Citizen shall be spared!" The priest was released and set free.
Next the executioner brought forward the doctor. "Citizen, your final choice: face down, or face up?" The doctor, calling upon her medical training replied, "face up, for I shall see for myself how long a head may remain conscious after decapitation." She was placed in the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch early. "Another sign," the executioner exclaimed. "This Citizen shall also be spared!" The doctor was released and set free.
Finally the executioner brought forward the engineer. The same choice was offered, and the engineer chose face up. After all, it had worked twice already. The engineer was placed into the guillotine and the blade dropped...and stopped in the same place as before. "Alright," the engineer said, "I think I see the problem now."
Heard that as "you know, you put a little grease in the grooves..."
Posts
.. this joke has a lot of levels.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I can't tell if you're being facetious or not
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Q: What does a cannibal call a clown?
A: Happy Meal.
Because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
Something about taking over the reader's mind as they read more? If they read for long enough it commands them to [REDACTED]?
And April 1st is dosed with Smilex.
That's not even a joke, their first major album hit at a good time for me and was basically everything I wanted and needed in music at the time.
Basically same, just college years (not that I actually went to college, but yeah)
That is one of the better running 30 Rock jokes. I think my favorite is, "Hey, that's like the remake of 'An Affair to Remember' I was in. 'A Blafair to Rememblack.'"
... wait...
Even the cake was in tiers.
Who is Fred Durst's favorite actor?
Q: Why do people who throw away feather pillows get depressed?
A: Their down is in the dumps.
I imagine his entire room is padded.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Their last day dawned and, amid a rabid crowd of Jacobins, the executioner brought forward the priest. "Citizen," he said, "your final choice: you may be placed in the guillotine face down, or face up. Which do you choose?" The priest replied, "face up, that I might look upon Him as my last act." The priest was placed into the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch before beheading the priest. The crowd roared in approval, and the executioner cried, "why it is sign from God! This Citizen shall be spared!" The priest was released and set free.
Next the executioner brought forward the doctor. "Citizen, your final choice: face down, or face up?" The doctor, calling upon her medical training replied, "face up, for I shall see for myself how long a head may remain conscious after decapitation." She was placed in the guillotine, and the blade dropped...and stopped not an inch early. "Another sign," the executioner exclaimed. "This Citizen shall also be spared!" The doctor was released and set free.
Finally the executioner brought forward the engineer. The same choice was offered, and the engineer chose face up. After all, it had worked twice already. The engineer was placed into the guillotine and the blade dropped...and stopped in the same place as before. "Alright," the engineer said, "I think I see the problem now."
Cannibals like to meat people.
Another cannibal joke. That's ok I guess.
Heard that as "you know, you put a little grease in the grooves..."