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Opposite weight goals

AnomeAnome Registered User regular
So, my boyfriend and I have both set a goal weight of 150 lbs. The problem is I'm trying to get there from 185 while he's starting at 135.

I've been fairly sedentary for the past longer than I care to admit, so I'm starting to run (using Couch 2 5K program I think I learned about from someone on these forums) and I found an app that sets caloric goals and helps you track eating. It's day 2 and I'm liking it, though it'll take some getting used to as apparently my eating habits and portion sizes were atrocious.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, can't seem to put on any weight at all. He has been getting back into martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) for the past 5 months after not having time for a few years and is loving it. He goes to train 3-5 days per week. Without such consistent exercise, he's always been skinny. With it, I swear he's burning calories faster than he can consume them. He wants to build more muscle, so he needs to put on some weight somehow.

We live together and have been trying to cook at home more but it feels like out current dietary needs are incompatible. What can I make that will fill me up at least somewhat without blowing my calorie limit but won't leave him hungry? I know portion size plays a huge role but it seems like things calorie dense enough for him will allow me only a few bites. Is it a good idea to make things that fit my restrictions for dinner and just have him snack a lot and consume things with protein powder?

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any suggestions gratefully received!

Posts

  • InxInx Registered User regular
    It looks to me that for the time being, you might want to consider cooking separate meals. I can't think of a lot of things, aside from basics like grilled chicken, that will fit both of your dietary needs.

    One thing he needs to remember, however, is that he shouldn't try to put on weight by eating poorly. Chips, cookies, and the like will only help him get fat, rather than big and strong. He should be eating nuts as a snack, with some low-fat cheeses like mozzarella.

    NightDragon
  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    you're both undergoing radically different diets

    expecting that you will be able to eat the same meals is lunacy

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  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    bullshit. good food is good food, for any and all. if you want to lose weight, eat good food (whole grains, heaps of vegetables, eggs, fruit, yoghurt, meat) but use an energy calculator to make sure you're not eating too much of it. if you want to gain weight, eat good food, do lots of training, then eat more good food. you don't have to eat different things. just different amounts of it

    i assure you that if you go on different specialized diets your progress will be shortlived. figuring out something that's sustainable must be a priority - even if you have to work into it gently

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    chrishallett83
  • wonderpugwonderpug Registered User regular
    Anome wrote: »
    I'm starting to run (using Couch 2 5K program I think I learned about from someone on these forums)

    Couch to 5k is awesome. I hope it works as well for you as it did for me.

    As far as coordinating your meals, having him snack a lot isn't a great way to go if you mean things like potato chips. You want quality food going into both of you.

    It sounds like cooking food for the two of you and eating together is a part of your routine already, so I wouldn't lose that just because you have different calorie needs. You're both trying to get healthier together, so eating together seems like a mutually supportive thing to do.

    Do you usually eat more meals together than just dinner? If he's eating other meals away from you, he can make those be his higher calorie meals. He can also get a lot more calories than you in liquid form. I've heard of people using the GOMAD (gallon of milk a day) approach when they struggle as much as your boyfriend to put the pounds on. A full gallon seems a bit extreme to me (I'm no expert) but even just having whole milk more regularly at meals while you have zero calorie drinks will make a big difference. Just two 20 ounce glasses of milk a day will give him 700 more calories.

  • JuliusJulius Registered User regular
    Anome wrote: »
    Is it a good idea to make things that fit my restrictions for dinner and just have him snack a lot and consume things with protein powder?

    As long as the snacks aren't bad. Go for nuts, chocolate and such. Or he can do an extra meal for himself if possible. When you do 3 meals a day he does 4, plus snacks.

    Also, you can do extras with your meals. Like a good calorie-dense side or extra piece of meat for him while the rest of the meal is the same.

  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    I agree with the awesomeness of couch to 5k. BSJezz. Eat well together and maybe eat more to gain weight. Also eating nuts and avacados are a healthy way to add calories. Heck honey roasted nuts (not as good as regular nuts, but still good) are pretty cheap and delicious. 10 servings of nuts (about a 3rd of the 7 dollar bigger containers), is actually pretty easy to do, and will bring in 1600 calories, 20 grams of fiber and 70 grams of protein.

  • GorkGork Registered User regular
    BJJ is not a particularly effective way to put on weight. It's essentially cardio with light resistance.

    If he really wants to put on muscle, strength training with a caloric excess is the way to go.

    Gnome-Interruptuschrishallett83ZombiemamboRocketSauce
  • GorkGork Registered User regular
    edited January 2013
    Edit: double post

    Gork on
  • ThunderSaidThunderSaid Registered User regular
    I don't see any reason that the two of you can't eat the same thing for the meals you have together. Make good food for both of you. My personal recipe for success is meats and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch, and no sugar, but there are lots of reasonable approaches. For losing weight, I'd strongly recommend something in the low-carb family.

    Your boyfriend pretty much only has one option if he wants to gain healthy weight - a calorie surplus (hopefully not from french-fry-equivalents) combined with significant strength training. He might want to look into the book "Starting Strength" by Mark Rippetoe. It's a pretty good basic plan. As for the calorie surplus, I think it's easiest to just go with a protein shake. Some chocolate protein powder, a can of coconut milk, and 2 tbsp. of peanut butter tastes pretty darn good and will tack on about1000 calories.

    Gork
  • mrt144mrt144 King of the Numbernames Registered User regular
    edited January 2013
    Anome wrote: »
    So, my boyfriend and I have both set a goal weight of 150 lbs. The problem is I'm trying to get there from 185 while he's starting at 135.

    I've been fairly sedentary for the past longer than I care to admit, so I'm starting to run (using Couch 2 5K program I think I learned about from someone on these forums) and I found an app that sets caloric goals and helps you track eating. It's day 2 and I'm liking it, though it'll take some getting used to as apparently my eating habits and portion sizes were atrocious.

    My boyfriend, on the other hand, can't seem to put on any weight at all. He has been getting back into martial arts (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) for the past 5 months after not having time for a few years and is loving it. He goes to train 3-5 days per week. Without such consistent exercise, he's always been skinny. With it, I swear he's burning calories faster than he can consume them. He wants to build more muscle, so he needs to put on some weight somehow.

    We live together and have been trying to cook at home more but it feels like out current dietary needs are incompatible. What can I make that will fill me up at least somewhat without blowing my calorie limit but won't leave him hungry? I know portion size plays a huge role but it seems like things calorie dense enough for him will allow me only a few bites. Is it a good idea to make things that fit my restrictions for dinner and just have him snack a lot and consume things with protein powder?

    Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any suggestions gratefully received!

    Your BF needs to know 1 acronym: GOMAD

    Gallon of Milk a Day. Thats something like 2000+ calories, 128 grams of protein.

    Also, depending on where you live that can be a lot cheaper than protein powders. 2.79X30=83 bucks a month. I'm using 3 different powders (Optimum Nutrition's Whey, Casein, and Hydrobuilder) plus creatine and that runs over 100 bucks a month.

    mrt144 on
  • minirhyderminirhyder NYCRegistered User regular
    Work that milk into some smoothies and shakes. It's more delicious than just gulping down milk all day.
    Not that milk isn't delicious, but I can't imagine drinking a gallon a day without being unable to look at it anymore.

    Gnome-Interruptus
  • cookiekrushcookiekrush Registered User regular
    For him a diet of lean protein would be good and raising the intake of calories (in a healthy way) if he's doing so much activities, but he'd get a bigger portion than you would since he's trying to gain and you're trying to lose.

    For you, lean protein and portions are very important. Cut some sugar and salt out. Just adding a pinch instead of a tsp can do wonders over a long period of time.

    Like if you had a roasted chicken breast with steamed veggies, you could take one chicken and a cup and a half of veggies, while he could have two chicken and two cups of veggies.

    In my personal experience because I'm trying to gain lean muscle, don't count calories as much because you burn it off depending on your activities. According to my BMI I'm overweight, but in terms of body fat I'm on the line between normal and skinny. It's because lean muscle is heavier than fat.

    Another thing too, can be genes. His body is constant overdrive of burning the foods he eats. Some people have trouble gaining weight (and it's not always a good thing). How many meals/snacks do you eat per a day? Sometimes that has an effect as well.

  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    I will agree that his workouts are not going to really cause him to gain weight. If he wants to gain weight, have him look into kettlebell routines. If he does 30-60 min of kettlebell 4-5 times a week, he will begin putting on muscle/weight.

    As for diet, you can definitely do this. He should be eating healthfully anyway, so if he's eating the same as you, but a larger portion (say, 2/3 1/3), that's one option. Another is for your boyfriend to eat before and after his workouts, and when he's away from you. If he eats his high-protein meals in front of you, it's going to make your dieting difficult, and it's going to make him feel bad, and so on. So encourage him to eat his additional, larger portions when he's naturally away from you, and encourage him to eat nuts and proteiny things in a greater amount. But he does need to do harder exercising to actually gain muscle, and not just get "bigger."

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  • Casually HardcoreCasually Hardcore Registered User regular
    You don't lose weight to get healthy. You get healthy to lose weight.

    If you're eating good healthy foods and doing exercise, then losing weight is a byproduct.

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  • mrt144mrt144 King of the Numbernames Registered User regular
    minirhyder wrote: »
    Work that milk into some smoothies and shakes. It's more delicious than just gulping down milk all day.
    Not that milk isn't delicious, but I can't imagine drinking a gallon a day without being unable to look at it anymore.

    I would do GOMAD myself but I want to lose weight and Protein powders are easier for lean muscle gains. I fucking love milk though, oh my god. I can drink .75L at a time.

  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    Your dietary needs aren't incompatible; your SO should be consuming a lot of protein which can then be worked into muscle mass (you should both be aware, however, that this is a slow process) and both of you should be trying to avoid carbohydrates where possible (and, like you've already said, make sure your portions are reasonable). Eat meats, avoid white breads, avoid most pasta, avoid soft drinks, avoid sugary condiments.

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  • [Michael][Michael] Registered User regular
    Bulks on purely healthy food are pretty rough. I would not recommend it if he's got a lot of weight to gain. You can gain muscle just fine eating what is generally considered shitty food, you just need to make sure there's some good nutritional value in what you're eating on top of the shitty part. Stuff like fried chicken, chicken fried rice, burgers, tacos/burritos/fajitas, etc.

    Some of that can be made to be pretty healthy. Chicken tacos without a bunch of cheese, fry some chicken and bake some chicken, stir fry some veggies and maybe add a bunch of beef to his. You'd be eating mostly the same thing, just prepared a little different.

  • AnomeAnome Registered User regular
    Thanks for all the suggestions guys, I feel like I'll be able to get handle on this. My boyfriend doesn't snack on too much unhealthy stuff. There's a chocolate bar here and there for both of us because we're only human but I've moved to snacking mostly on fruits and vegetables and he adds whole wheat toast with non-sweetened peanut butter to that. GOMAD probably won't work because he's mildly lactose intolerant - a glass here and there is fine but a gallon a day would be some pretty ugly indigestion at best!

  • JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Registered User regular
    Nuts and plant fats are good for healthy bulkers. Mixed nuts, avocados, nut butters made without too much extra sugar

    "Maybe we're here to eat the sandwich." -- Joe Rogan
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    Feed that man some meat, and get a barbell set. You too, only your portion sizes are going to be smaller.

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  • JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Registered User regular
    Seriously, if you're not lifting think about it. You can do it together, just not on exactly the same lifting program.

    "Maybe we're here to eat the sandwich." -- Joe Rogan
  • Inquisitor77Inquisitor77 a.k.a. Nubmonger/Antaeus#1352, 2 x Penny Arcade Fight Club Champion Oakland, CARegistered User regular
    I think you guys are on the right track. He definitely should be having larger portions, and having him add something like shakes, smoothies, or similar protein-rich snacks in between meals will help his goals without affecting you too much. Honestly, though, you may just need to set different expectations regarding portion sizes. Give yourself a smaller plate and limit yourself to one setting. Give him a larger plate and force him to eat two or three. Eventually you can focus on eating more of one thing over another in any given meal (he focuses more on the chicken, you fill up on the salad). Something along those lines should work better than actually cooking completely different meals.

    Regarding the exercise, you guys could totally go to the gym or work out at the same times while doing different things (his "bjj time" is your "running time"). That might help you guys support each other in general, as well.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.
  • AnomeAnome Registered User regular
    Seriously, if you're not lifting think about it. You can do it together, just not on exactly the same lifting program.

    I joined a gym last year but found that it was tough to find the time to go and really felt that I had wasted my money. There's one at my school now that I can use for free but to be quite honest, it's not very welcoming. Every time I've thought about going it's full of the kind of muscle bound meat heads that are fodder for stereotypes everywhere. Plus, I really feel like I don't know what I'm doing (making it that much less tempting to flail around in front of said jocks). I would be totally open to trying to do some stuff at home though. What is the minimal amount of equipment I could buy and still get some good results? Do you have any good websites that you could point me to for basic technique type stuff?

  • focusFIREalarmfocusFIREalarm Registered User
    If you want to know what to make I have some quick meal ideas that are in the 100s of calories difference: chicken salad (no mayo) for you vs chicken salad sandwich (no mayo) for him, then switch to tuna salad or egg salad again skipping the mayo, pack them with baby spinach and maybe some onions and that's half a week of lunches or light dinners right there with a calorie difference between 200-300 a meal. Skipping bread or at least having two types bread around is an alternative to having to make different meals all together. Some slices of bread are in the 50-60 calories range and some are well over a hundred, don't under estimate the open face sandwich either. Aside from that, learn to love the many naturally low calorie forms of mustard and since most Americans are dehydrated, drink more water.

    RocketSauce
  • SaammielSaammiel Registered User regular
    Anome wrote: »
    Seriously, if you're not lifting think about it. You can do it together, just not on exactly the same lifting program.

    I joined a gym last year but found that it was tough to find the time to go and really felt that I had wasted my money. There's one at my school now that I can use for free but to be quite honest, it's not very welcoming. Every time I've thought about going it's full of the kind of muscle bound meat heads that are fodder for stereotypes everywhere. Plus, I really feel like I don't know what I'm doing (making it that much less tempting to flail around in front of said jocks). I would be totally open to trying to do some stuff at home though. What is the minimal amount of equipment I could buy and still get some good results? Do you have any good websites that you could point me to for basic technique type stuff?

    The best advice is to get over your aversion to the gym. The chances that those meat heads really care about your presence in the gym is pretty low and stereotypes are destructive whether you are mocking someone for supposedly being a nerd or for being a meathead. If you want to actually learn good form and a routine, you can start with Starting Strength and ask people at the gym for help if/when you feel comfortable. Don't lift heavy until you have form down.

    As far as doing things at home, you can do some stuff with a pullup bar and some bodyweight excercises, but it is going to pale in comparison to using a bench press and squat rack with some nice heavy iron IME. Any sort of movement is probably better than no movement.

  • BlazeFireBlazeFire Registered User regular
    Is getting a trainer at a gym for a couple sessions out of the question? Great way to get more comfortable in the gym environment.

  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    Anome wrote: »
    Seriously, if you're not lifting think about it. You can do it together, just not on exactly the same lifting program.

    I joined a gym last year but found that it was tough to find the time to go and really felt that I had wasted my money. There's one at my school now that I can use for free but to be quite honest, it's not very welcoming. Every time I've thought about going it's full of the kind of muscle bound meat heads that are fodder for stereotypes everywhere. Plus, I really feel like I don't know what I'm doing (making it that much less tempting to flail around in front of said jocks). I would be totally open to trying to do some stuff at home though. What is the minimal amount of equipment I could buy and still get some good results? Do you have any good websites that you could point me to for basic technique type stuff?

    Basic Crossfit Exercises

  • JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Registered User regular
    exrx.com - good for basic terms, how to use machines, etc
    stumptuous.com -- GREAT site for women in particular; has the perfect attitude

    and personally I highly recommend http://startingstrength.com/ - it's run by a very low-bullshit human being

    jocks are way to into themselves to care what you do at the gym...and most are actually pretty helpful with questions, although they will segue directly into "mansplaining" if given half a chance. Beware of the advice of anyone in a gym

    "Maybe we're here to eat the sandwich." -- Joe Rogan
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