edit: fuck it, I'm spoilering this because of h-scroll rape. Newer stuff near the bottom.
So yeah, I made a comic called
It's About Time. I've gotten to the point where just looking at it makes me confused, you know the feeling, and I need you guys to give me some criticism.
Here it is:
It's About Time
Posts
I cant believe this has no comments because its totally cool. I just don't think I caught everything. visually though, I think you are doing cool shit with heavy blacks, and that is not an easy thing to really get right. Awesome dude.
I think a comma would help here in at the start of the first page, I had to read it three or four times... Because I thought it was saying ice had gathered on his window due to his noticing something, which doesn't make sense. I think this is more clear: Also, just one L in marveling.
The second panel of page 2 is confusing, there isn't much form or shape. In contrast I really like the next panel, so I think panel could use some detail to make it look more like the side of a ship instead of two color patches with white windows floating around.
End of page 3, "If I just" is the common phrasing, though you could keep this structure by replacing "just" with "only" e.g. "If only I hadn't been..." To me saying "If I just" is more colloquial and "If only I" sounds more proper. Which to use will depend on how you want the character to sound.
On page 5, the big "KLIK" text-panels on either side of the center panel - I didn't realize they were text until my third read-through. I may have been reading too quickly, but the roundness of the L and the very fullness of the Ks made it take a second to resolve. That may well just be me, though.
Same page, this guy's face seems strangely droopy on his left side? I'm at work so I just did a quick facelift with paint.net to show you what I mean.
I really like the comic, it made me think and told an interesting story without being too long. Great work.
Giving the way time travel generally seems to confuse a lot of people it couldn't hurt to add the epilogue with the panels you mentioned.
As far as the art, I think everything works the best when you are working with the limited palette of colors, like the cool blue and black pages, or the sepia tones of the first page. Sometimes the skin tones just looked a bit too harsh or flat.
But overall bravo man, this is really amazing!
It seems the question of whether to add the epilogue page or not is split 50/50 so far.
Yeah, that was going to be one of my main recommendations. It's funny, but I had to read it twice, to figure out what was going on.
Here's a few more thoughts I had.
Page 2, Panel 3; Compress the lettering from Panel 4 into this panel, making it, "Into infinite space." It works better with the panel's art, where we see the character surrounded by all this empty, bleak darkness. I think that'd make the FWOMP SFX of Panel 4 work better too, by making it stand by itself. It ends the page in a clean, visual way.
Page 4, Panel 2; The lettering in that word balloon feels really cramped.
Page 4, Panel 4; Lettering in this balloon almost feels like it has too much space. If you shrank the lettering a bit though, it could give it the feel that he's sort of trailing off, his voice going quieter as he finishes his thought.
Page 4, Panel 8; I really love how you dropped out the spotted blacks here, signalling the scene change. I actually think it would have been really effective to keep that up, doing Page 5 the same way. You could take it even further, making the protagonist's visit to Cavor's workshop, all in sepia tone. Essentially using the change in color palette, to clearly signal each time there's a time-jump.
Page 6, Panel 7; I feel like this would be more effective, if the blueprints on the floor were lightened to a more visible shade of blue. I didn't really notice them, on my first read-through. I really like how you used them on Page 10, with the protagonist sitting among piles of bright, crumpled blueprints. It adds this sort of dreamlike quality to their presence.
In any case, it's a good comic, with a great title. Those are just some things I noticed, that you may want to look at.
Tumblr Twitter
I'm doing some world building right now (as you may have noticed from the doodle thread), so anyways here's the scenario:
Taskforce leader:
We3 inspired dogbot madness: Laika's brother is back with a vengeance
edit: and the environments I've been posting in the doodle thread:
(I'm in the middle of opening this one up to the left right now, as Cyber suggested, it's doing wonders)
Does it read well?
Our first game is now available for free on Google Play: Frontier: Isle of the Seven Gods
Also, part of the problem (for me) is that my monitor here at work is super dark so I brightened it up a bit.
Lightning bolt leads the viewers eye off the page. Doesn't enhance the design. It might work if it went from top left to bottom right and there was a focal point in the lower right corner.
Is the title Prometheus? My immediate thought is the recent Ridley Scott movie.
What's the significance of KD-2125?
I think I've got my background, ty DMAC.
I'm partial about turning the lightning bolt the other way, I would have to flip the bird around too and I'd like it to face in the reading direction. Opinions?
Prometheus: The God and The Machine
preface (to avoid confusion with the annoying Ridley Scott who has virtually patented the name): Prometheus
In Greek mythology, Prometheus (Greek: Προμηθεύς, pronounced [promɛːtʰeús]) is a Titan, culture hero, and trickster figure who is credited with the creation of man from clay and the theft of fire for human use, an act that enabled progress and civilization. Zeus, king of the Olympian gods, sentenced the Titan to eternal torment for his transgression. The immortal Prometheus was bound to a rock, where each day an eagle, the emblem of Zeus, was sent to feed on his liver, which would then grow back to be eaten again the next day.
post reading questions:
Did the last page make sense when you read it the first time? Did it seem like he was looking for his past self?
How about the beginning, was it confusing? Should I make it more clear that he was about to present timetravel to humanity?
That glass shard panel is fucking brilliant.
Oh, I just noticed, the panel that says "not this.. he must stop it" - you can see his wrists but no device (sleeves are rolled up)
Is the time machine meant to disappear and reappear? It looks like a mistake.
tumblrrr
deviantart
EDIT: Third last panel says "very wel prometheus"
I'd also suggest balancing all the text a little better. There are several moments when it scraps the edges of speech bubbles/boxes. I'm not sure whether its best to center the writing, box it, or keep it to the left like you've done. I suppose it can change, I'd suggest the type of vertical narrow panels you have at the end to have centered text.
Your style is pretty consistent. Though I think that Prometheus on the fourth panel on the fourth page doesn't fit. Though I suppose it could be argued that it has dramatic importance, he himself might have started to break apart and abstract as a result of this weird time travelling conundrum. But I don't think thats what you were going for, it wasn't immediately apparent nor is there progression in the next panels of this happening.
As to your questions which I didn't see before.
I got it pretty clearly. I always feel these twist stories are sort of streamlined narratives, the bare essentials and the fact you're telling all this in five pages is pretty good. I didn't get the time travel part until he said time travel. I don't know if its important to hint at that earlier or not. I don't know how you'd do it....newspaper headlines in the crowd? some cryptic narration about time in the first page? eh, What did other people think?
I'd like to know if anyone else was confused on the first page by the second dialogue box, I read it as a continuation of Zeus' dialogue. I understood that the change from dark grey to light grey was indicating a change in character, but it sounded like the same voice in my head, the way the sentence was structured.
tumblrrr
deviantart
edit: also, I had already made a little preface page thing although I didn't bother translating it, it looks like this:
And I should also like to grant a tip of my hat to you Lewis for your magnificent critique. It is always a good thing to know the nature of one's shortcomings, when one has been staring himself ever more blind in those pages, with each passing day.
edit: also, I went in and had this printed today as a small comic, I shall post the results in the morning.
here's the previous one (unrelated) for anyone wondering edit: it's meant for print, not as a webcomic. It can sometimes be hard to look at crosshatching on a monitor...
and if anyone is better at latin than google translate go ahead, the title is supposed to read "death eternal"
You have to do November with me and @mynt