I'm having trouble sleeping.

Ronin356

My father pass away from a stroke this year. So I have been having very bad nightmares.
I'm not sure how to get though this. So, I don't sleep until 4 am.

It's been a rough year.

k-maps

First off, sorry for your loss.

I have a lot of experience with insomnia. Real insomnia like the one you're talking about. The type that keeps you consistently up until 4-6AM, not the "I only slept for 6 hours last night " (go fuck yourself) type that cheapens the term. It's unfortunate that most advice you'll find is diluted by sources targeted for the latter.

Are you seeing a therapist? It didn't make a HUGE difference for me, but I generally noticed that the less I carry around inside, the easier it is for me to quiet my brain when it's called for.

IANAD, but I avoid hardcore sleep meds like the plague because they ultimately done a lot more harm than they have helped. The only drug that's relatively safe that's actually been effective for me is Valerian; but, that's probably my own weird brain chemistry more than anything.

I won't regurgitate everything that's been said about sleep hygiene and exercise because it's been done to death and it's sometimes just a way of guilting the sufferer into feeling like they're "not trying hard enough". From experience, I've had times where I'd regularly run 5Ks and have a bed that would essentially be as sterile as a Petri dish (that I would occasionally have sex on) and would not be able to sleep AT ALL. Conversely, I've also had times where I haven't showered in days, never change the sheets, have the cat sitting on my head, and sleep like a baby on Quaaludes, but YMMV.

The most important takeaway I can give you for someone with vast experience in this topic: ride the storm. If you can't sleep, change your mentality to that of a kid who's staying up late despite his parents' wishes. For example, if I know it's one of those nights that I can't sleep I'll just be like "fuck it" and go to the living room to eat (insert favorite non-caffeinated snack or drink) and read a book, or watch a funny show I like (yes, I know TV is stimulating, but that never made any difference for me). Not only will this reduce stress and make you feel less shitty in an immediate level, it will also probably help you fall back asleep. At worst, it might not help, but at least it will attenuate the misery a bit. As the worst part of not sleeping is guilting and punishing yourself as if it's your fault. It's not, sleeping is not that difficult for humans if your brain chemistry is right, but unfortunately we don't know that much about how to fix that right now. Be patient with yourself.

The Ender

I have had sleeping problems for a long time: my body really, really wants to go to sleep midday, refuses to sleep at night, wants to crash early in the day, and so on. I also have semi-regular night terrors and sleep paralysis.

I solved my sleeping problem with off the shelf sleep aids. Right now I'm using 'Sleep-eze' brand Diphenhydramine / Hydrochloride tablets, but I've used different brands in the past and almost all of them have been equally effective.


As k-maps said, seeing a therapist could also definitely help.

Very sorry about your father.

Hewn

You're not alone. I never slept well, but now I dream of my father constantly since his passing. I don't feel down or anything during the day, but he'll show up in my dreams, and it makes it difficult to get back to sleep or want to start at all.

Disciplined early morning exercise and Ambien are the only solutions I've found to work with any regularity. If I force myself to run, walk, whatever early in the day I'm usually physically exhausted enough to get to sleep at a decent hour. I has to be fairly intense, though, like enough to push your limits a little. A casual stroll is nice, and I'd recommend it, but it won't help tire your body enough. And Ambien is there when I'm not tired at all and simply have shit to do in the AM. I've had some strange Ambien trips, no doubt (nothing scary, just weird), but it's sometimes the only way I'll be functional if I have an important job to do in the morning.

To piggyback the other suggestions, therapy is a wise option, if you're having nightmares. Talking things out with folks goes a long way, especially if they know the right questions to ask, as professionals tend to do.

And finally, you can try to find activities that might help you "pay it forward" and help you come to terms with the situation. For myself, I've started volunteering for local hospice care. That's been quite a therapeutic experience. Maybe there's something you feel you can do to help others who might be in a tough spot, and turn your experience into a boon for others.

Hang in there and always remember this isn't something you have to tackle alone. I spent a lot of sleepless nights alone because I didn't ask for help, but when I did, I was surprised at the lengths people go to chip in.

Sacrilicious

I've had insomnia since I was around 16. I tried so many sleep meds - ambien (not good for me, didn't fall asleep just acted strange), risperidone, ativan, xanax, remeron, and trazadone. Remeron worked well but gained a shit load of weight - went from 150-160 to 200 pretty fast, then I lost it all as soon as I switched meds. All the others had diminishing effectiveness. Trazadone has worked like a miracle for me - been on it a year, no weird feeling I just gravitate toward my bed, no weight gain, no head zaps if I miss a dose, and no tolerance build-up. Hear it can be hard to get off of but so far so good. It's also an older (and safer because it's got more of a track record) medication from what I hear.

Xanax and Ativan provide incredible relief in the short-term, but some people have serious problems getting off them. I felt nervous being on them personally, so I tried other things.

Medication has helped me cope a lot. You might need to experiment with what works for you, and definitely beware of side effects. Frankly doctors can downplay side-effects which is bullshit but as long as you are self-aware and educate yourself I think you should be fine.

Pacificstar

I had severe insomnia for quite a while. There are a number of things you can do aside from therapy that will also help you sleep. A combination of the following plus some basic meditation helped me to go to sleep. For me (and maybe for you) the issues was an inability to clear my mind when I closed my eyes in bed. These three things went a long way for me:

1) Go to the bathroom before you go to bed. Poop and everything. This sounds silly but when you subconsciously are tensing muscles when you have even a little bit of poo/pee in your body.

2) Use your bed only for sleeping. Don't read in bed, don't watch movies, don't do homework. Only sleep in your bed, if you do other activities there, when you get in bed your mind will be drawn towards those activities rather than going into rest mode.

3) Meditiation. You don't need to be a yoga master or anything. The goal is to just clear your mind of the random thoughts that are keeping you awake at night. What I used to was imagine a black volcanic rock. Imagined each and every nook and crevice. Once I had it totally in my mind, I'd zoom in on a little section of that rock and do it over again. This helped me keep my mind off the stuff that was really stressing me out.

Al_wat

Melatonin is something ive heard of people using - it is what naturally exists in your brain to make you tired (this is probably an extremely over simplified explanation). I think it is over the counter but even still, maybe ask a doctor about it?

TehSpectre

Eat sweet things.

A sugar rush is not a real thing. A sugar crash, however, is real.

firewaterword

Al_wat wrote: »

Melatonin is something ive heard of people using - it is what naturally exists in your brain to make you tired (this is probably an extremely over simplified explanation). I think it is over the counter but even still, maybe ask a doctor about it?

Melatonin is incredible for jet lag as well. Good for sleeping but, if you're anything like me, it'll give you insanely vivid dreams (something it sounds like you may want to avoid). Use it sparingly if it works for you though.

Ambien is pretty amazing but I personally won't take it anymore. Like others have said, it can have some... uh... interesting side-effects.

Talk to your doctor if you haven't already.

HeraldS

I think step one is definitely to talk to a professional. It sounds like your sleep issues are more mental than physical, which is something a good therapist could help you work around.

For the actual sleeping issue, I have an unorthodox suggestion. If you live in an area where it is legal, try marijuana. A bowl before bed always puts me right out, and I don't dream when I smoke. This may not be an option for you depending on your location and personal stance on smokeable plants, but if you have the chance to do it legally I urge you to give it a shot. If you are unused to the plant's effects make sure to test it first on an evening when you don't have to do much the following day. First time or infrequent users often report feeling lethargic or out of sorts the following morning but I find that goes away quickly. Frankly I doubt it will be worse than how you feel now after a night of little to no sleep.

The important thing is to find a solution that allows you to get a good night's rest. Don't lose hope if the first things you try don't work. Good luck.

Dr_Keenbean

Talking to a doctor is absolutely the first thing you should do.

I am dumb and haven't done that in spite of having some pretty long-standing sleep issues. While not nearly as bad as your sound, and not nearly as consistent. My answer has been regular exercise (releases dopamine), eating a little better, and taking over-the-counter sleep aids. Also I try to only sleep when in bed and the lightbulbs I use in the bedroom are all soft, low-wattage bulbs with a warm color temperature.

I swear by the exercise thing though, it improves your life and your outlook in so many ways it's nuts.

seabass

Dr_Keenbean wrote: »

Talking to a doctor is absolutely the first thing you should do.

I am dumb and haven't done that in spite of having some pretty long-standing sleep issues. While not nearly as bad as your sound, and not nearly as consistent. My answer has been regular exercise (releases dopamine), eating a little better, and taking over-the-counter sleep aids. Also I try to only sleep when in bed and the lightbulbs I use in the bedroom are all soft, low-wattage bulbs with a warm color temperature.

I swear by the exercise thing though, it improves your life and your outlook in so many ways it's nuts.

Doctors are definitely good at this sort of thing. When I went in for my complaints of insomnia they did some blood work to make sure there wasn't anything physically wrong with me, gave me some tranquilizers so I could 'sleep' in the short term, and gave me a referral to a psychiatrist since everything initially pointed to stress (during my dissertation year).

I never found the exercise helpful, nor did melatonin / triptophan / other over the counter products seem to do the trick for me. In my case, I had thyroid issues, which the blood work caught, and they started treating those and I started sleeping as a result. My point is that not being able to sleep can be indicative of serious medical problems, and you should go get that shit checked out by a physician sooner rather than later.

zagdrob

Before I was diagnosed with epilepsy and put on Dilantin I had lots of trouble sleeping. It would frequently take me hours to get to sleep, I'd be up throughout the night for hours at a time, and I would have a very hard time getting up in the morning.

The things I found worked best for me were the usual rules of routine. Get up at the the same time every day - weekend or not. Eat at about the same time every day. Go to sleep at the same reasonable hour each day. Take a short (15-30 minute) nap in the afternoon if needed. Exercise early in the day to get awake and alert. Don't drink caffeine / eat sugar close to bed. Only sleep in bed. Etc. I found as long as I stuck to that religiously I could usually get pretty good sleep.

In your case though, it sounds like there may be more issues that you need to discuss with your doctor and a therapist. Meditation exercises may help you relax, and I'm sure there are exercises you can use to help manage your nightmares better. If that doesn't work, there are always sleep aids that could help you get sleep, although of course a natural method is probably better.

Someone suggested smoking weed, which - depending on your attitude and where you live - may not be the worst idea.

I'd definitely suggest though going to some therapy / counseling or at least talking to someone if you aren't already. I've got the greatest sympathy for you, and can't imagine how hard it is losing your father. I don't know what other stresses you've taken on in life as well, but reducing stress might also be helpful to you if there are other stressful things or obligations you can temporarily cut out of your life.

Ronin356

Thanks to everyone for the support. I really need it in this stage of my life.
While people have suggested weed, I'm not really into drugs. My father never approved of them. I share the same sentiment.
I'm taking an antidepressants right now. While there is something to be say about legal drugs vs illegal ones:
That is a whole new can of worms.

I went to the Pitchfork Music Festival and the music made me feel better.

firewaterword

Cannabis is probably a bit of a nuclear option for you at this point anyway.

Glad you enjoyed the festival - sounds like it was a good time.

HeraldS

You will have to find a solution you can live with, and it sounds like smoking marijuana may not be something you can live with. That is fine. I will say one last thing though: I have never experienced any of the side effects on pot that people apparently experience routinely on sleep medications. I hope whatever solution you choose brings you the peace you are looking for.

The Ender

I HAVEN'T HAD ANY SIDE EFFECTS FROM MY OFF THE SHELF MEDICATION, ASIDE FROM SLIGHT DROWSINESS.


...I didn't realize caps lock was on (thanks, awkward Kerbal Space Program hotkeys) until just now.

The caps stay.