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Best Man duties (not bachelor party related, though)

embrikembrik Registered User
edited April 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
So, I know I have a few things I'm responsible for before/during/after my friend's wedding in May, but I've got a couple of questions regarding less clear issues.

1) I have to give a speech/toast at the reception - Do I need to get everyone settled for this? Should it be before/after food, etc? How long should it be? I'm not too concerned with material, as I've already been thinking about that.

2) Do I get a wedding present? I know where they're registered, but is it customary for the wedding party to purchase gifts for the bride/groom?

Anything I might be forgetting? Any suggestions for making the day more fun?

embrik on
"Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?

Posts

  • twmjrtwmjr Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    embrik wrote: »
    So, I know I have a few things I'm responsible for before/during/after my friend's wedding in May, but I've got a couple of questions regarding less clear issues.

    1) I have to give a speech/toast at the reception - Do I need to get everyone settled for this? Should it be before/after food, etc? How long should it be? I'm not too concerned with material, as I've already been thinking about that.

    2) Do I get a wedding present? I know where they're registered, but is it customary for the wedding party to purchase gifts for the bride/groom?

    Anything I might be forgetting? Any suggestions for making the day more fun?

    1) As far as I know, best man speeches are usually given once everyone is settled in at the reception and before the food is served -- at least that's when I gave mine. Try not to make it too long, especially if it's before, as people usually just want to eat.

    2) Yes, you should still get the couple a wedding present.

    As for suggestions, just make sure you're there for the dude beforehand and for both of them as the day goes on. Chances are the groom will be nervous and dealing with a lot, part of the best man duties are kind of to keep his head on straight and make sure he doesn't screw up. Also just be prepared to help out with anything that should come up that day that you can help with.

    PSN (PS4): twmjr85
  • embrikembrik Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Thank you, that's kinda what I thought for the present, but I figured I should ask in case it's a faux pas I didn't know about.

    Great advice! Anyone else have anything to add?

    "Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

    I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
  • JohannenJohannen Registered User
    edited April 2007
    twmjr is right in what he says.

    If you really don't know when to talk just ask the groom when he'd like you to give the speech, best to do it when everyones settled and before the food though, just stand up and tap your glass and then go hell for leather.

  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Woo, glad this topic is here.

    I'm the best man for my friend's wedding in October. What the hell am I supposed to do?

    xcomsig.png
  • CimmeriiCimmerii SpaceOperaGhost Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    1) You shouldn't be the only one making a toast, but you might be the first. Talk to the other toasters (Parents of Bride and Groom definitly) and see if you can come up with a plan.

    2) Yes.

    Since you are all in tuxes, you can fight over who is the sexiest 007.
    Also, when my grandma went to check on my dad pre-wedding, she caught him and his best man hiding behind furniture and chucking mints at each other.
    So yeah, just be relaxed and help the groom do the same.

    This has been a drunk post by SpaceOperaGhost.
  • embrikembrik Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Ooh, mint wars... that sounds mighty fun. Might have to get a big bag of them beforehand! That's a good point about asking the other toasters. Maybe we can come up with some kind of mass-embarrassment thing :) I'll make a point of discussing it at the rehearsal dinner (out of earshot of the couple, of course).

    "Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

    I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
  • ShadowfireShadowfire Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    1) As mentioned, speech as everyone is seated, just before food is served. Also, something I don't think people have mentioned... one of your responsibilities is to make sure your speech is better than the Maid of Honor's speech. This is highly important. ;)

    2) A gift is a must. There are lots of great gift ideas out there... for my best friend and his wife, I bought them two bottles of wine. I made sure that they needed to age. One was to be opened in 1 year, the other in 5. You don't need to spend tons of money, but if it's something that is not only nice, but accents the lifelong commitment they're about to make, bonus points.

    steam_sig.png
    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
  • embrikembrik Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    1) As mentioned, speech as everyone is seated, just before food is served. Also, something I don't think people have mentioned... one of your responsibilities is to make sure your speech is better than the Maid of Honor's speech. This is highly important. ;)

    2) A gift is a must. There are lots of great gift ideas out there... for my best friend and his wife, I bought them two bottles of wine. I made sure that they needed to age. One was to be opened in 1 year, the other in 5. You don't need to spend tons of money, but if it's something that is not only nice, but accents the lifelong commitment they're about to make, bonus points.

    1) That brings up a good question - Who goes first? I'd guess that it would be the Maid / Matron, but I don't know.

    2) Gift is taken care of. I went off one of their registries, but it definitely has a touch of "me". Plus I'll add something to go with it... the wine idea kicks ass. Might have to steal that.

    "Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

    I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    The best man went first at the wedding I just went to.

    Generally, the duty of the best man is to make sure everything goes smoothly on the groom's side of things. Basically, if anything goes wrong with the groom, it's your job to take the blame.

  • misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Usually the best man gives the first speech, then the maid of honor, then the father of the bride. Sometimes the mother of the groom gives a speech, too, but not always. It's best to ask the bride, however, since she's likely doing all the planning for this, and they may want something different.

    It's always best to ask the groom/the bride beforehand of anything vague. Don't just assume, because not every wedding follows a formula, and you may get caught off guard.

    Oh, also... Keeps "best man speech" jokes to a minimum and don't talk about his exes, no matter how funny you may think it seems. Remember, this isn't about you, so it's not your time to become a comedian. It's about the bride and groom and giving them a touching, semi-funny but semi-romantic send-off on a very romantic night.

    Also... YES, a gift is a must.

    Spoiler:
  • MuragoMurago Registered User
    edited April 2007
    I was best man for my cousin when i was 16 years old. It was a small wedding with close family. His real best man had to bow out the day before, and i was the only other groomsmen. I was lucky, as i didn't really prepare for anything. I figured that if you stress out and try to come up with everything on the day before, you'll just make your wreck that much more horrifying.

    I held the ring for him, and i passed messages between bride and groom. I gave my speech before the food, and it turned out pretty well. I belittled the groom a bit, for frivolity. Then i did something sentimental and everyone loved it.

    Its kinda hard to remember the whole thing, as i was freaking out. Anyway, just make sure everything you do is from the heart man, you'll be fine.

    Check out www.myspace.com/scarborough -- tell me what you think!
  • a penguina penguin Registered User
    edited April 2007
    There is usually someone coordinating the reception. Either an actual wedding coordinator or the DJ will handle it...usually. That should take care of who-goes-when.

    Besides that...speech, ring, all good. Sounds like you got that covered. Also, it's your job to tend to the groom.

    Chances are you'll get a little something for your efforts. Usually something like a flask or other exciting gift. Wedding party gifts I've gotten include a flask, a pair of sandals and a sword O_o .

    Have fun man :)

    This space eventually to be filled with excitement
  • JPArbiterJPArbiter Registered User
    edited April 2007
    I suppouse it would be kind of silly to bring this up, but the tradition of the best man was to be the person to marry the bride in the event of the grooms death prior to the cerimony (or being called to war).

    in the Germanic tradition you fought off the bride to bees family who objected the wedding.

    Anglo saxon Best Men were the personal bodyguards of the newlyweds

    Sinning since 1983
  • a penguina penguin Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Well, at least that explains the sword...

    This space eventually to be filled with excitement
  • embrikembrik Registered User
    edited April 2007
    JPArbiter wrote: »

    Anglo saxon Best Men were the personal bodyguards of the newlyweds


    Maybe I'll track down one of those Secret Service earpieces and some dark sunglasses...
    misbehavin wrote:

    Oh, also... Keeps "best man speech" jokes to a minimum and don't talk about his exes, no matter how funny you may think it seems. Remember, this isn't about you, so it's not your time to become a comedian. It's about the bride and groom and giving them a touching, semi-funny but semi-romantic send-off on a very romantic night.

    This is some good advice. I think I've got a good opening, and I need a little filler, but the romantic stuff is there. It's hard to remember sometimes that I may have to give a speech, but it's not for my benefit. Thanks.

    "Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

    I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Ask the bride. She will have already organised when everyone is going to talk.

    Your Job is to get all embaressing situations and head them off at the pass. Get rid of all overly creepy drunk uncles. And make sure people don't murder each other, you're the security for the night. The Groomsmen are your backup.

    Your other more important time is make sure the Groom has a good time. The dude wasn't throwing mints cause they were bored it was because the Groom was scared out of his wits and needed something to do. Which leads up to the important night before Best Man Job. Make sure you talk him into it (Unless you really think it's a bad idea but that's a different issue). One thing that really pissed me off at my friends wedding is the night before we all went out, I had to leave early (I had something to do I can't remember) but apparently my mate came down with a bad case of cold feet. The best man did fuck all and one of my other mates spent two or three hours talking him into it. Now I wasn't the biggest fan of the best man, but my opinion of him dropped drastically when I heard that the next day, cause that's his goddam job.

  • Eggplant WizardEggplant Wizard Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Around these parts, speeches are given at the rehearsal dinner rather than the reception. Just throwing it out there.

    Hello
  • embrikembrik Registered User
    edited April 2007
    Around these parts, speeches are given at the rehearsal dinner rather than the reception. Just throwing it out there.

    Man, that'd be a load off. Too bad I know I'm expected to deliver mine at the reception. That's a tradition I wouldn't mind starting, though.

    "Damn you and your Daily Doubles, you brigand!"

    I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
  • Eggplant WizardEggplant Wizard Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    embrik wrote: »
    Around these parts, speeches are given at the rehearsal dinner rather than the reception. Just throwing it out there.

    Man, that'd be a load off. Too bad I know I'm expected to deliver mine at the reception. That's a tradition I wouldn't mind starting, though.

    Just didn't want you to get caught with your pants down if it turns out the speech takes place the night before. :)

    Hello
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    For the speech, don't write the whole thing. Just write an outline, because you're going to end up doing some off-the-cuff stuff anyhow.

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