I don't know what to do with my life, and I'm getting scared

Vonnegut2

Hey H/A, throwaway here. TL;DR at the end.

Some basic info: 26 year old guy living in the SF Bay Area(east bay). Working part time at a small coffee shop, as a "manager". I make a dollar above minimum wage(though it just went up, so now I make min. wage), and since the company is in the red, I can't get raises. I live with my parents still, because I don't make anywhere near enough to move out. I have over 60 units at a community college, with a pretty bad GPA(a bit above 2.0), and could finish my transfer requirements in a semester or two(lots of electives taken).

So... I'm getting older. Not old, but at the point where I shouldn't be living with my parents, working part time at a minimum wage job with no benefits. A job I have 5 years experience in, I'd like to point out. My parents are really supportive, but... I want to be an adult, damnit. I don't need to make six figures or whatever, I just want a regular job, where I can make an ok living, hold down a place, and all that. I'm typically a very frugal person, I'd do great at like 25k a year.

But I'm scared. I can't see opportunities. I could finish up school, probably taking 2-3 years and accruing ~25k in debt. I've been heading towards communication, since I did really well in those classes and enjoyed them. But even if I do that, I'll be entering the job force at nearly 30, with no experience, and I'm worried I won't be able to get a half-decent job.

I would happily start at the bottom of a company, and work my way up. But this doesn't even seem possible, without knowing someone and having an "in". I applied at a number of places to be a barback, thinking my experience with making drinks would make it an easy in. Never called back, or considered. Even when I follow up, I get nothing. Hell, I interviewed at starbucks, and didn't get picked. With 5 years of experience as a barista.

I don't know what to do. I really don't. My ideal situation would be working in an office, 9-5, making a living wage. I do have lots of interests, but they're all long shots. I love 3d modeling, but my texturing and UV mapping skills are atrocious, and my portfolio is very outdated. I enjoy music, even put out an EP, but I'm not very good(yes, artists critique themselves all the time, but even being generous I am mediocre at best). I love computers, and tend to be everyone's "techie" friend, but I have no qualifications or experience.

I just need some real guidance. I've checked job boards, craigslist, tons of times. I don't qualify for anything that isn't retail. I've applied for jobs that I don't qualify for, but feel I would do well in. Never hear back. I just wish there was a legitimate path. A piece of paper in front of me, that said "Do A, B, C, D, E and then you can get started in this career". But as it stands, I feel like its "Ehh, be good at A, do B, try C or D, hope one of them works, and then maybe you can at some point get considered for a position".

TL;DR: I work a shitty retail job, live with my parents, and can't figure out a way to get myself into a job situation where I can go out on my own and have a living situation on my own where I don't work 60+ hours in retail. Ideally not retail at all.

The Ender

I would first say that there is nothing inherently wrong with living with your parents (you can be like me and loathe sharing that space so much that it's just not healthy to do it, but there's nothing wrong with it as long as you're comfortable around each other). It's a big money saver.


Setting goals and a realistic path to achieving those goals is always a good first step if you feel totally lost. What career / job path are you interested in? What qualifications / education do you need for that job, if any? What is an appropriate timetable for going to school so you can get the education you need for the job you want (or, if you don't need qualifications, what have you done to go about trying to secure the job you want)?


It's entirely possible that you can't get the job you want, of course, even if you get the education. But being scared that the opportunity isn't there before you even attempt to chase a career path is just destructive; you don't know until you give it a shot (of course, you should also be realistic about things like cost vs benefits when setting these kinds of goals. Going 25k into debt for a liberal arts degree is probably not a good investment. :P )

schuss

Things aren't as bad as they seem. You're living with your parents in the BAY AREA, a place with ridiculous rents, so no worries there. You know you want change, which is good. If you want an office job, start by finishing your school and looking for random positions in startups. Startups will often need a gofer or "grunt" labor for data entry etc., so it's an excellent place to start, as you'll likely have a better chance of moving up in that environment vs. a more established company. Just keep your eyes on the prize and work on getting better every day at things in the working world - research programs that are used, concepts around things like data analysis, then do exercises on your own.

Gizzy

One of my first days in a tiny in-state college in the middle of nowhere alabama in the business track the professors swore "If you major in accounting, you'll have a 99% chance of getting a job." So that's what I did (I wasn't really passionate about anything, just wanted to be financially stable), and I got a 9-5 office job. Other fields, no idea. But accountants are apparently needed everywhere.

edit: The part the professors did not say was that it's a 99% chance if you can maintain at least a 3.5 GPA, it lowers after that. Also, audit firms gravitate towards beautiful people with charming personalities, which in hindsight makes sense as they deal directly with people and getting information out of people.

TPSou

Have you thought about using your coffee shop experience to apply for a manager job at a bigger chain? They generally have more straight forward career paths with ok salaries. That will at least give you the cash you need to finish school/move out while you apply for more ambitious jobs.

As a teacher I actively recommend students go for jobs with big chain companies like Macdonalds and Asda (Walmart) because they do a pretty good job or giving people opportunities to prove themselves with advancement.

Calixtus

I think its also worth remembering that, well, life is a lot about luck. But you can't be lucky if you don't try.

Maybe you need to be lucky to get a good job even with a degree. Maybe you need to be lucky to get people to look over your resume. But you only need to get lucky once to get your foot through the door. Having a plan that needs a bit of luck to be good isn't a problem when the plan is as broad as your life, it's to be expected. Don't stop trying! There is no set plan to life, sometimes you just need to wing it and seize the opportunities when they do appear - and hang in there while they don't.

(I say this as someone who lived with his parents til I was 26)

wonderpug

You're in better shape than you think. Living with your parents at 26 is way more common nowadays than it used to be. It's fine if you want to find a way to move out, but don't do any self-shaming over the situation.

Your time in the coffee shop as a "manager" is excellent. Workplaces love seeing management experience of any kind. Don't think of your time in your current job as wasted time, even if it feels like it. Even though you're not getting as much money as you like, you are building a resume and getting honest-to-goodness skills and experience.

If managing is what you like to do, I highly recommend you go finish your degree. My brother-in-law is a hard worker and has worked his way up the management chain in several retail companies, but his lack of degree has directly held him back. He finally got a job as a full-on manager of his own store, but it took a lot of job applications and a lot of hard work getting his talents recognized despite the degree roadblock.

You can have a successful career and life without a degree, but you'll get more doors and doors that open faster if you do finish it. It also hardly even matters what your degree is in, just that you have one.

So my armchair advice would be to maintain your coffee shop job or see if you can get a better management job elsewhere, stay living with your parents, and finish up your degree at the same time in nights/weekends or whatever other off time you can find.

see317

Do you have a resume? If so, post it here with identifying information edited out (or give a dropbox link to it or something). People here are great at reviewing resumes and providing direction for them. For example, you've got years of management in a customer service environment under your belt, that should look great on the resume.

Any in you can get, take it, the job hunt is not a place for feeling bad about asking for help. If you have friends that that might be able to give a resume to their boss or HR department, get them a copy of the resume. Talk to your parents, see if their employers have any job postings that you might be able to send a resume in for (it's only a conflict of interest if you wind up reporting to them).

Hahnsoo1

How much debt do you currently have? If you currently have zero debt or debt in the low thousands, you are miles ahead of most people your age at this point. If you do have debt and you have a steady job right now, the first thing you should do is pay down any debt that you have. Write that down, make a plan, and achieve that first.

The job hunt everywhere sucks, but the Bay Area is pretty terrible for jobs. You'll have to consistently be applying for jobs every day to get a handful of responses by the end of the month (if that). As someone who has been through that in the Bay Area, I definitely sympathize with you. But take heart! I did eventually find one, although I was on the hunt for months before it happened.

I second the advice that a critique of your resume might help you out here. Strip out your personal information, post it here, and I'm sure some folks have ways to help you out on this forum.

At 25K a year, I'm not really sure you could hold down your own place in the Bay Area, at least without a really long commute (which also costs money). If you want to stay in the Bay Area, more power to you, but I would also consider looking for a job in an area where the cost of living is peanuts. I used to live in Indiana, where a nice large apartment with its own washer/dryer and dishwasher and free FIOS internet was 400 bucks a month. You can't find anything like that in California.

breton-brawler

I'd like to chime in here, that I did university, had trouble finding work that was fulfilling, went back to school at 29. and am starting back into the workforce at 31. its possible, and its challenging. I want to suggest you try and find something you really are passionate about, and go after that. If you can find that, you can also have the drive and stubbornness to succeed.
"I would happily start at the bottom of a company, and work my way up. But this doesn't even seem possible, without knowing someone and having an "in". "
This is especially what I want to address. When you find something you want to do, these roadblocks are there but they don't matter because you are going to do it hell or high water.

As for school, if you are currently without debt and live with your parents, you have a chance to finish school, work while attending, and possibly graduate with little to no debt. That is a great situation to be in especially with the management experience you've built up. Management skills transfer to just about every career skill-set.

NotYou

There are jillions of jobs you could be applying to every day. You could apply to be the manager or office manager of any number of places. You can apply to HR, you can apply to whatever random positions you see on craigslist, you can do practically anything. Eventually you'll get hired doing something you didn't expect you'd be doing and you'll get good at it, and you'll use that experience to get a job somewhere else.

Going to school isn't a bad idea, but don't do it without a very specific goal about what you want to get out of it.

Learning a trade is an awesome way to find a good paying job. There's all kinds of professions you probably never even thought about. I know of a pipe fitter making 6 figures easy. He apprenticed to get that job.

You're not bad off, but you definitely need to start deciding things and making moves. It's a problem we all have

Pacificstar

Hahnsoo1 wrote: »

How much debt do you currently have? If you currently have zero debt or debt in the low thousands, you are miles ahead of most people your age at this point. If you do have debt and you have a steady job right now, the first thing you should do is pay down any debt that you have. Write that down, make a plan, and achieve that first.

The job hunt everywhere sucks, but the Bay Area is pretty terrible for jobs. You'll have to consistently be applying for jobs every day to get a handful of responses by the end of the month (if that). As someone who has been through that in the Bay Area, I definitely sympathize with you. But take heart! I did eventually find one, although I was on the hunt for months before it happened.

I second the advice that a critique of your resume might help you out here. Strip out your personal information, post it here, and I'm sure some folks have ways to help you out on this forum.

At 25K a year, I'm not really sure you could hold down your own place in the Bay Area, at least without a really long commute (which also costs money). If you want to stay in the Bay Area, more power to you, but I would also consider looking for a job in an area where the cost of living is peanuts. I used to live in Indiana, where a nice large apartment with its own washer/dryer and dishwasher and free FIOS internet was 400 bucks a month. You can't find anything like that in California.

I really disagree with the idea that having education related debt is BAD, and that having education debt puts you BEHIND.

I also don't think you should obsess about what you want to do FOREVER. Not everyone is passionate about their work. That's OK. Pick something you feel like you'd be OK doing and will give you the quality of life you're looking for. If you need to take some student loan debt to do that, it's fine.

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

if you're currently working part time, you could try pursuing temp work. Lots of places have need for a short-term data entry/secretarial types of employees and it can, if nothing else, get you out there seeing what kinds of things you're looking for in an office job. It's not terribly stable employment but it occasionally leads to a more stable situation. If you have basic computer skills and can use MS Office at a reasonably competent level this might be a good option.

Unfortunately there isn't much in the way of generalized advice that addresses 'I'm in my 20s and my career prospects suck.' I was there, lots of people are there; despite the financial market rebounding a bit, hiring is still in the tank in most places.

And yeah, depending on what your actual responsibilities are in your current job, it's potentially a really good resume point. Even if it's pretty much grunt work, management at the retail level demonstrates that you can work with other people without them hating you and that you can be trusted to handle angry customers and money in a responsible way. You might be surprised how valuable a track record of doing that actually is.

ed: anyway a lot of people are gonna tell you that they're sympathetic, they were in that boat etc, and they got lucky and found a better job. That can be really frustrating to hear, but understand that luck is best defined as the coincidence of prepardness and opportunity. i.e., have a good resume and elevator pitch about your work, and put yourself in as many situations as possible where people might be interested.

Pacificstar

Pacificstar wrote: »

Hahnsoo1 wrote: »

How much debt do you currently have? If you currently have zero debt or debt in the low thousands, you are miles ahead of most people your age at this point. If you do have debt and you have a steady job right now, the first thing you should do is pay down any debt that you have. Write that down, make a plan, and achieve that first.

The job hunt everywhere sucks, but the Bay Area is pretty terrible for jobs. You'll have to consistently be applying for jobs every day to get a handful of responses by the end of the month (if that). As someone who has been through that in the Bay Area, I definitely sympathize with you. But take heart! I did eventually find one, although I was on the hunt for months before it happened.

I second the advice that a critique of your resume might help you out here. Strip out your personal information, post it here, and I'm sure some folks have ways to help you out on this forum.

At 25K a year, I'm not really sure you could hold down your own place in the Bay Area, at least without a really long commute (which also costs money). If you want to stay in the Bay Area, more power to you, but I would also consider looking for a job in an area where the cost of living is peanuts. I used to live in Indiana, where a nice large apartment with its own washer/dryer and dishwasher and free FIOS internet was 400 bucks a month. You can't find anything like that in California.

I really disagree with the idea that having education related debt is BAD, and that having education debt puts you BEHIND.

I also don't think you should obsess about what you want to do FOREVER. Not everyone is passionate about their work. That's OK. Pick something you feel like you'd be OK doing and will give you the quality of life you're looking for. If you need to take some student loan debt to do that, it's fine.

Why is Geth Hyra-ing my post

Vonnegut2

Thanks for everyone that's posted so far. Nothing I'm saying below is dismissive, or at least not intentionally so.

I don't currently have a standing resume, I tend to write a new one when I go on applying spree's. But they generally go "Coffee shop X years, then same coffee shop X years, then same coffee shop X years", and I tailor it to the types of positions I'm applying it for(changing around responsibilities and accomplishments, etc).

I currently have 0 debt. I've always avoided it hardcore. I've borrowed money from my parents a couple times, where I saved as hard as possible until I could pay them back, but that's it. Going back to school is a goal of mine, but I've been having trouble actually doing it. Completely my fault, I'm just really bad at getting on top of things. Which is where a lot of these issues stem from in general, but I'm really trying to be better about it.

I know that a lot of people my age still live with their parents. I also know that if I keep telling myself that, I'll stay in the same rut I've been in for two plus years now, and not improve my situation. I'm more scared of being 35 and living with them, because I keep making excuses for myself. Part of the fear is also that I have no health care, dental care, etc... and I haven't for a long time. I know those things will really bite me in the ass if I don't get them taken care of now.

I know that my manager experience looks good on paper. That's the main reason I've stayed at my job. But even with all my experience, I couldn't get a job as a min. wage barista at starbucks. A starbucks that was hiring, and interviewed me. Long term, I definitely don't want to work retail. I'd work in a corporate office, but I don't want to actually manage a store, other than as a stepping stone.

Again, I appreciate the advice guys. I guess I just have to put my nose back on the grindstone, keep applying, and hope I get lucky. It just makes me feel so damn helpless sometimes.

Local H Jay

This is gonna sound dumb but maybe try applying to different types of jobs? I worked in warehouses,as a delivery guy, as a showerdoor installer, as a cashier, as a bank teller, and finally a cook. It's not easy to find something you actually want to do. I never could decide what I wanted to go to school for, so I kept trying things. I settled on making food because it allows me to be creative but still have a social life. I almost went to culinary school, but instead I moved to a new city with $1000 in my pocket... and two years later I have a decent career! It's not glamorous and I am not -quite- making 25k a year, but I am not far off either. Sometimes you just have to throw yourself at something, and don't be afraid to fail a little (or a lot). I fucked up a lot to get here but, hey I am only 24 so far so good!

Entriech

Stop killing yourself over that Starbucks job that you didn't get. For all you know, the person who got that job had an inside track on the position. It may have nothing to do with you, your experience, or the application you turned in. Keep applying for other jobs. Even if you migrate into another retail position, you might be able to get one with a more profitable company, with better benefits. Look at positions that utilize retail skills that aren't retail, like bank tellers, etc. With companies like that, sometimes its your foot in the door allowing you to transfer to something better in a few years.

Regarding going back to school, be pragmatic about it. If you're going to invest the time and money, do it in a field that's got a better chance of securing you a future. Lots and lots and lots of people don't get to have jobs they love and are passionate about, but most of us manage to have jobs that aren't too bad and keep a roof over our heads, and food on the table. As someone mentioned earlier, look into accounting, or perhaps a trade. Don't overlook assistance from the government. I'm unfamiliar with what's available in California, but almost every body of government from state down to municipal have initiatives in place to help with job seeking, vocational training (sometimes at a discount or free depending on qualification), and job demand projections which you can use to chart a course.

Maybe consider moving to another part of the US, where demand for employees may be higher, and cost of living may be lower. You seem like you're on good terms with your parents, which could help provide a safety net for something that drastic. Have you talked to them about how you're feeling? Obviously they're at least somewhat aware of your current situation, since you live with them. You've got a lot of potential courses to pursue, try drawing on their wisdom and experience. You might both get some needed reassurance out of the conversation.

Draken50

Move. You're in a stagnant position, you have no particular passion it seems you want to pursue. Look at certification for other jobs. HVAC and the like pays better than you've got. You can also look at computer certs. Look for ways to make money, and get up and moving. It sounds like you're reliable and capable and in a rut.

If your mindset to the suggestions were "I can't move because...", or "I don't want to do that kind of work." Then you may be limiting yourself based on expectations that at this point I don't see any reason for you to have. As you said, you're 26. Opportunity doesn't just drop into a persons lap, and there is no set path to success, what works for some doesn't work for all.

Make the decision to be uncomfortable, and you will find the horizon just keeps going. Stay with comfort, and ease and you'll likely wrestle with the same feelings forever.

Quid

Have you considered the military at all? It's definitely not for everyone but it's an excellent opening to training, experience, and college if it does fit you.

imdointhis

my company pays a really talented guy to do a lot of our program coding around 90k/year and he learned everything starting from http://www.codecademy.com/

cannot reccomend self-taught coding enough for someone that wants to jumpstart a career.

I'd also start here if jumping right in to codeacademy seems intimidating http://www.reddit.com/r/learnprogramming/wiki/faq#toc_1

Nightslyr

It sounds like you like to dabble in a lot of things (various forms of media), but you've never forced yourself to focus on one thing.

I think you need to get your degree if you're dead set on getting that 9-5 office job you mentioned, for a couple reasons. First, many businesses won't even look at you if you're applying for a white collar job without one. Yeah, you may get lucky, but you should do whatever you can to stack the deck in your favor. Second, you'll force yourself to complete a goal, which seems to be a crucial 'adult' skill you're lacking.

And yes, school debt sucks. Get over it. It's (unfortunately) part of the deal. But, on the bright side, you'll have something tangible to hang your hat on. More importantly, community colleges tend to be designed to put people in the workforce. There are doubtless a myriad of internships and job fair/placement situations available through the school.

So, long story short, stop dabbling and be focused and pro-active. You say you work part time. You have ample time and resources available to you to figure out what you want to do and actually do it. It's up to you to take advantage of that.

GnomeTank

imdointhis wrote: »

my company pays a really talented guy to do a lot of our program coding around 90k/year and he learned everything starting from http://www.codecademy.com/

cannot reccomend self-taught coding enough for someone that wants to jumpstart a career.

I'd also start here if jumping right in to codeacademy seems intimidating http://www.reddit.com/r/learnprogramming/wiki/faq#toc_1

Self taught programming is what my career is based on, and it's been going strong for 14 years now. There are far more jobs than programmers, and if you have the right mind, and are willing to grind at it for a few years, you can advance very quickly. Most developers with actual talent and drive go from junior to senior developer (with a stop at just 'developer') in five or six years, and once you put "senior" in front of your title, you can start demanding 80+K in most areas.

That said, it's not some catch all make money quick scheme. You need to have the mind to quickly digest programming information and put it to use. If you aren't actually very good at it, you'll get weeded out quickly from the top jobs (though the demand for people with the most basic knowledge of programming is still high enough you can keep yourself employed, but you'll be the first on the chopping block and not have the best jobs open to you).