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Recently separated in Washington State. What now?

AtaxrxesAtaxrxes HellnationCursed EarthRegistered User regular
I live in Washington State and my Wife and I have recently separated. I have not been through anything like this before so I really have no idea what to do or what the laws are regarding, well, anything. This is all very amicable, at least for the moment but I'm just wondering if anybody can point me towards some information regarding the legalities of all the things that may or may not come up in the future. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Posts

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    You both really need to talk to a lawyer.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    Unless there are no children involved and finances are "we have no debt, we have no assets, and we both work and make equal pay" absolutely lawyer up, and from what I understand the first person to do so will usually come out "ahead." If there is a child between you and your future ex-wife you need to go back and get a lawyer last week. Do not even read any more of my post, just go get that lawyer.

    If you both are absolutely sure there will be no fights over who gets what and neither of you want to get lawyers involved, you can file and do everything yourself which is called a Pro Se divorce, but I would recommend you look for a Pro Se divorce service. They will send you the paperwork you both need to fill out, you send it back to them and they do all the filing. If anything else is needed they'll let you know and in the end they will aso make sure everything is done correctly. The last thing you want to find out X years down the line when you want to marry again is that you are still legally married because one of you forgot one set of initials.

    But if there is any doubt at all that either one of you may change your minds about who gets what, get a lawyer now as it will save a ton of headache later. When I got divorced we did the divorce on our own without any lawyers or services and it took something like 18 months to go from "we need a divorce" to the courts declaring me single again. 6 months or so to figure out the details before filing, then a court date a couple months after filing followed by a mandatory 6 month "Do you really want to get divorced" waiting period, and finally a final court date a couple months after that period. Washington may have a different timeline, and you wont have the same complications I had, but it leaves plenty of time for someone to change their minds about an agreement that doesn't mean anything legally until the divorce is final.

    Also, I hope it's alright I batgnomesignal you @GnomeTank‌ but since you mentioned you went through a Pro Se divorce in Washington in my divorce thread a couple years ago you'd probably have better info than me

  • spaboollyspaboolly Registered User regular
    edited August 2014
    When you talk to the lawyer (as if the previous two posts aren't enough of a hint... you need to talk to a lawyer), be sure to ask about legal separation filings. I don't know if Washington has these, but I know Illinois requires it for legal separation. Which I believe is a pre-requisite to divorce, but I'm not positive (my parents never got that far, because my father ran off and fucked us both over for life instead).

    On that note, if there is anyone else involved in this at all - Kids, dogs, fish, elderly dependent parents, random relatives who have interests in your shared property, whatever - you need to act accordingly and have respect for all parties and their welfare. Including your wife. You said it's amicable, which is great, but just remember that it's still a very drastic change in your life and personal affairs, from a legal perspective if absolutely nothing else, and any mistake you make now could potentially have lasting consequences. Again... lawyer.

    spaboolly on
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  • NoquarNoquar Registered User regular
    Is the end goal divorce or are you two separating and hoping to reconcile?

  • GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    edited August 2014
    I did in fact go through a Pro Se divorce in Washington, and would more more than willing to answer any questions anyone has, or offer any support I can.

    Remember one important thing: When you lawyer up for a divorce, every knob gets turned to 11. Your wife's divorce lawyer is going to push her to get us as much as she can, your lawyer is going to push you to get as much as you can. An amicable divorce can become instantly contentious when lawyers get involved...so if you can do it Pro Se, it's in you and your wife's best interest to do so.

    There is a great documentary out there, Divorce Corp, that goes in to why going to a divorce lawyer should be one of the last things you do, especially in an amicable split where everything is agreed on.

    e: I'd like to point out, we did our Pro Se divorce with a child involved, and because we were level headed adults who cared more about her well being than "getting ours", it was never an issue. It can be done, and if you and your wife really are splitting that amicably, you should try. You'll save yourselves thousands of dollars. If it can't be done amicably, fine, get a lawyer, but you owe it to yourself and your sanity to at least try to do it as adults.

    GnomeTank on
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    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
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  • Reverend_ChaosReverend_Chaos Suit Up! Spokane WARegistered User regular
    IANAL, but I have represented myself as my own legal counsel....and I had a fool for a client.

    I was married for 2 years, and it took me 4 years to get divorced. I had to fight tooth and nail, and my Ex got a lawyer and then I got to fight both of them, on EVERYTHING. I eventually won, but it was a long, hard road.

    If things are amicable, get the paperwork ASAP. Sit down together and fill it out and get it filed with the court. If you both agree to everything, the court will typically grant your divorce with whateve split of items you both agreed to.

    Also, if you have children, the court will put in a "temporary" custody order. The problem is, that this typically turns into the "permanent" custody order unless both parents agree to change it, because most judges don't want to change anything a previous judge did. So make sure that the temorary custody order will work for you long term.

    “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!”
  • AtaxrxesAtaxrxes Hellnation Cursed EarthRegistered User regular
    Thanks for all the input. @GnomeTank I may be sending you a PM if that's okay.

  • GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    edited August 2014
    I can't comment on every state, but I know in Washington where we did ours, it was relatively easy and cost us 350 dollars. We filled out a binder full of paperwork, including an agreed upon and signed parenting/custody plan. We used a state provided sheet to calculate my child support obligation and we had no property arguments.

    We used a law service (not a law firm, not a lawyer, it was a self-help legal service that provided pro se divorce services) in a different county than we lived in (I want to say it was Jefferson County, but could be wrong), who basically sent us the paperwork packet, and then reviewed it when we sent it back. They called us with a few questions and then submitted it to the judge, who I believe took less than a month to approve it and have the whole thing sent back to us with the final separation paperwork.

    It was a well oiled process for my ex and I, but I will caution by saying that my ex and I aren't your typical divorced couple. We're still friends and we still communicate regularly (multiple times a week regularly) about my daughter. I actually have her significantly more than the court ordered custody says I'm required to because my ex and I are that amicable, that we can work out a reasonable and flexible parenting plan. Basically the court orders for us were a bare minimum if everything fell apart and we started being nasty to each other. At this point that seems unlikely to happen. Not every couple is going to end up in that position after a split, some separations are much more acrimonious.

    GnomeTank on
    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
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