As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options
[Far Cry 4] My Week as a Lowly Golden Path Outpost Guard
cwiggins
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I'm enjoying this game but I love messing around in Kyrat more than the story. I didn't feel like I was getting to really appreciate the details of this world while I was sprinting all over it with my hair on fire, running all those errands for people that I barely know and don’t even like very much to be honest (I wish I could join Pagan Min's team). So I decided to take an extended vacation from missions and enjoy just living in Kyrat. I was going to stop being Ajay the savior hero for a while and just be Ajay the average-joe-outpost-guard for an entire game-week. I'd get intimate with one little area and its inhabitants.
I kept a journal of my experiences:
Day One: Settling in
Morning
My new Kyrati home was going to be the recently liberated Royal Raski Brewery in South Kyrat. It was late in the day when I arrived and the whole area looked great in the light of the low sun. The first thing I did was take a good look around to start getting to know the place. I even took an inventory of our assets so I know what exactly is at stake here.
1 Medium sized bunkhouse/Storage Shed
1 Large Building containing nothing but a large moonshine still
(the brewery proper, I presume)
1 Small outdoor moonshine still (a backup I guess)
1 Covered area for supplies with an animal cage (empty)
1 Alarm (destroyed)
2 small guard houses, at the camp’s only two entrances
(one on the North end by a wooden bridge and one to the South)
1 Luxury apartment for me
(with 1 gun vending machine, per my rider, and a 3rd moonshine still!)
There’s an idyllic little pond just to the east, and beyond that, the rocky face of a huge mountain. There will be no attacks coming from that direction obviously. The pond is really beautiful. One of the elephants with a painted face was taking a bath in there, and it’s fed by a huge waterfall from high up the mountainside. All this beauty inspired me to clean up the place a bit before doing anything else. There were dead enemy guards stinking up the joint so I scooped them up & plopped them in the pond. I felt bad about that however when I saw it annoyed the Elephant who trumpeted & stomped into the woods.
Afternoon
This brewery seems super peaceful so far. I think this job might end up being more like a vacation at a resort which is fine by me. I took a long casual stroll around the grounds, admiring the views, and enjoying the sounds of rustling leaves, chirping birds and our flapping prayer flags.
I spied a lone beer bottle sitting on the sill of an open window begging to be shot by my crossbow. I nailed it, but instead of the sound of glass breaking there was a huge “BOOM!” wha..? I went inside to investigate and realized the bolt had gone through the bottle and stuck the big moonshine still blowing it to pieces. Hahahaha oops. Good thing we have two backup stills I guess.
Evening
The calm broke as the sun started to set. Our first attack on the outpost came in the form of a very pisssed-off leopard who caught me day-dreaming by the pond. He came out of nowhere and nearly killed me but I was so startled I fell into the water. Cats hate water. He was pacing on the shore when a teammate sniper on a roof took care of the little shit for me so I could come out and dry off. I took his skin out more of anger more than need.
Then the first actual invasion came shortly thereafter. A civilian car and an enemy jeep sped into camp at the same time from opposite directions. My guard teammates and I pounced hard the bad guys but both vehicles exploded (the quick-thinking civilian couple had jumped out in time to save themselves, but I’m not sure how they’ll get home now). Then while I was inspecting the wreckage in the road, two more jeeps zoomed in so I let loose a couple explosive arrows and dispatched them in spectacular fashion. The back one flipped completely over the front one. Michael Bay would have loved it. But now we have a problem because the only road through camp is totally clogged by all the charred vehicle wreckage, and civilian cars keep speeding in and crashing into them and getting stuck. I can’t figure out how to move the all the wreckage off the road. I tried blasting it off with some C4 but that just made the jeep husks bounce around. It’s a mess.
There were more bodies lying around too of course. The elephant was back in the pond so I didn't want to dump them in there again. If there's a Brewery policy about how to dispose of corpses I don't know what it is so I just loaded them all onto the beds of our two pickup trucks. Maybe whoever takes the trucks out next will know what to do with them. The day may might have started slow, but after this afternoon's action I’m pretty exhausted and thinking this won’t be such a cake walk after all. Going to bed.
Day Two: More Downtime
Morning
VERY windy today! Trees bowing and prayer flags flapping wildly. Gorgeous sunrise though, with a lovely reflection on our pond.
Looks like overnight someone replaced the still I blew up yesterday. Cool, cool.
Someone also got all the blown up jeeps out of here somehow, thank god. There’s still a shocking amount of civilian traffic barreling through camp today for some reason. Everyone seems to be in a huge rush to get somewhere which is weird since this outpost isn’t on-the-way to anywhere. Oh well at least they can make it through now.
Speaking of weird, all my fellow outpost guards seem to have disappeared. Couldn’t find them anywhere and the trucks are gone too. Maybe they all went to dispose of those bodies? Oh well, I don’t mind having the run of the place.
It stayed quiet all morning again. Maybe the bad guys around here sleep in. I indulged in a little dip in the pond and found a treasure chest. No elephants this morning though. Man our waterfall is awesome. It looks a little like there might even be a cave at the top of it. It’s hard to be sure from down here and there’s obviously no way to grapple up. What our camp could really use is a Buzzer to fly around and check out stuff like that. Maybe I’ll go get one for us sometime.
Afternoon
Wind has calmed down. Still no sign of my guard-mates. hope they’re ok wherever they are. I explored the area some more and just spent some time just goofing around. I shot some vultures who were eating on a dead buffalo. I threw a rock at an unsuspecting honey badger and instantly regretted it. But after a ridiculously long and drawn-out fight I ended up taking his skin. I saw a hostage situation far in the distance. A single soldier making his hostage hike towards me at gunpoint. Being careful not to hit the hostage, I scored a headshot with my sniper rifle but by the time I ran over there to untie the hostage I couldn’t find him anywhere. Finally I saw him in a bush being devoured by a wolf. Unlucky bastard. Then I went for a hike myself. Our pond feeds a creek that runs under our bridge and I hiked the length of it. I discovered that it terminates at a manhole sized opening in the rocky ground. I jumped in to discover a pretty sweet cave that someone had furnished with a statue, some plush mattresses and some treasure. Obviously someone has been living in there but no sign of them so I took all the loot.
Evening
The quiet was broken once again around sunset. I took out an enemy a jeep by myself with my trusty custom-painted MG42 this time. Man that thing is efficient. The baddies were were all dead in seconds before they could even jump out of the jeep. Their jeep was one of the nice ones with the machine gun and it wasn’t busted beyond repair so I started welding it up to add it to our own vehicle collection. But while I was working on it a second jeep zoomed in & easily ran me down because I was caught holding my blow torch instead of my MG42. A closeup of thier grill was the last thing I saw before lights out. God damn it. Dumb way to end the day.
Day Three: The Goat Thief
Morning
Woke up wondering why the hell I haven’t been putting landmines at the outpost’s two entrances. I keep forgetting about those things. I put a few down on on the road to the south and then while I was putting some on the north bridge, the southern ones blew up two jeeps. Holy shit, that was quick. And then while I was replacing those, the ones I had just installed on the bridge took out another one, flipping it dramatically into our pond. Wow. Lucky there were no Elephants in there. Now I have to go buy more mines. What the hell is going on with all these jeep attacks anyway? Seriously, Royal Raski Brewery is on the very edge of the map. It’s kind of a cul de sac of an outpost so I assumed it’d be a lot safer than than it seems to be. I’m not sure I can afford to keep our road mined if it keeps up like this.
Afternoon
Thankfully quiet again. Happy to see my guard teammates all came back from wherever they were. Spent some time on a roof with a skinny sniper in a yellow hat. We were trying to shoot some pesky eagles that were swooping around but we couldn't hit a single one. I watched a van drive over the bridge and realized civilian cars (and our own jeeps) can evidently roll right over land mines with no problem. I guess the little guys have some kind of IFF system built-in? I had no idea.
Hung out with the other guards a little. The guards here at the Brewery are almost all women which I think is cool. Also they don’t really patrol, at least not not like the enemy guards patrol. Seems like the Golden Path version of patrolling is to just kind of just meander around lazily and smoke cigarettes (they all smoke pretty much non-stop). I meandered right along with them and listened while they talked about all kinds of trivial stuff not at all related to guarding outposts. One bragged about her soup making, another was complaining about the sorry state of the outpost which offended me a little, since I’d kind of appointed myself head of the clean-up crew. Most of them are really, really chatty but there’s one tall, stern-looking woman in the camp though who is much more serious. She carries a rocket launcher and never says a god-damned word—all-business, that one. Glad she’s on our side. I think I have a crush on her.
Oh I noticed all the body’s are gone from the trucks. Good.
Evening
Around sunset I was on the bridge next to a young guard who was griping about something or other when I saw an eagle trying to fly off with what looked like a pretty big goat through my scope. Crazy! I’d heard a rumor that this happened sometimes but I hadn’t really believed it. I tried to shoot it of course since all those face-mauling assholes need to die but I missed. I don’t think I’ve managed to hit a single Eagle my entire time in Kyrat. The gripey guard alongside me said she could have made that shot in her sleep. That so? I considered shooting her.
Still no enemy activity since the morning landmine party. A civilian sedan came careening wildly through camp and drove himself off our bridge for no apparent reason which was bizarre to watch happen. But nobody got hurt so I just kind of shrugged about that one. But yeah I guess the bad guys knocked off early today so I decided to follow suit. I spent the rest of the day hunting leopards in the woods just to the west. Got face-mauled by a fucking eagle while I was out there but ended up with a clean kill on two cats with my bow. Later a sherpa jingled by with some “good deals for me.” I was just about to sell him my new leopard skins and buy some landmines for tomorrow when another crazy-driving civilian sedan unceremoniously ran him down before I knew what was going on and sped off to the South . Why do some of these people drive like they’re drunk & being chased by a rhino? Oh well. I loaded the poor sherpa in a pickup and headed back to the outpost.
All things considered, it was actually a pretty relaxing, quiet evening tonight at the old Royal Raski Brewery. I watched the moon rise over the pond for a bit before heading to bed.
Day Four: Samantha
Morning
Haha. As soon as I left my apartment this morning I found a guard on my stoop complaining to me about all the enemy jeeps which I found hilarious.
“Back and forth! Back and forth! Enemy convoy, enemy convoy! when will it stop?!”
Beats me, lady. Beats me.
Oh that couple whose car blew up on the first day? I saw them in the Brewery this morning. They never left. I guess instead of finding a new way home they thought it’d be easier to just start living here.
Happy to see that our pond elephant has forgiven me for my dead-soldier-dumping incident and has returned to the pond. I named her Samantha.
Afternoon
I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t think of this earlier. We’ve had a perfect solution to the problem of clearing exploded jeeps off the road sitting under our nose this whole time. More accurately, she’s been bathing in our pond. I just rode Samantha into camp and let her knock them all out of the way for me. Easy peasy. It was super fun too. It terrified everyone in the outpost, who ran around screaming their heads off. And to be fair, Samantha did accidentally flip one truck onto a guard. But I had a blast and I think maybe Samantha did too.
Evening
I’ve been riding Samantha around pretty much all day long. I love this elephant! I think she’ll be a great companion. As far as I’m concerned she’s now an official member-in-good-standing of the Royal Raski Brewery guard squad. She stopped three invasions today pretty much all by herself. All I had to do was sit on her back and gently suggest which jeeps should be flipping violently through the air and she’d make it so. Plus she seems totally cool about me being on her back all day, even if my human guard teammates aren’t cool about it at all. Maybe they’ll chill out when they start to see she really is friendly & totally on our side. I rode her into the pond afterwards to thank her before bed. Oh, speaking of the concept of animals having “sides,” I noticed today that goats don’t seem to set off my land mines but leopards and wolves do. Is it possible the IFF systems in our mines can even tell the difference between good-guy animals and bad-guy animals? That’s bizarre and amazing if true.
Day Five: Tragedy on the Bridge
Morning
Oh my god.
Ok I was obviously wrong about the land mines never blowing up good animals. This morning one killed Samantha. I saw her crossing the bridge into camp, as if to come say good morning to me. Then boom.
Ugh. I can’t even move her body and I refuse to skin her of course. I’m going back to bed. No guarding for me today. Ugh.
Day Six: All Out War—The Battle of The Brewery
Morning
The mysterious night shift cleaning crew we seem to have took care of Samantha’s body overnight. I decided to try to get my mind off of her with a road trip to get a Buzzer for the camp. I remembered that I have one parked back at my homestead which isn’t very far, but its far enough that I didn’t feel like walking. I picked out a confiscated jeep from our ever-growing fleet and headed out. But I’d barely crossed the bridge when I got a radio distress call that we were being invaded so I slammed on the brakes and sped back. I stopped the jeep with a cool little drift in the middle of camp, jumped on the jeep’s 50-cal and started pounding on the scores invaders who were now rushing in. I’m glad I came straight back because it turned out to be our biggest attack by far. I couldn’t even count how many enemy soldiers there were. Many were coming up the south by road but most were busting out of my hunting forest. They brought regular soldiers, those sneaky hunter guys with bows (who I hate), and those giant armored dudes with flamethrowers. This was a really intense, bloody battle and it lasted quite a while. Very heavy casualties all around. At one point a crazy leopard even sprinted in and joined the fray. He added to the death toll on both sides before someone or something set him on fire. I didn’t see it happen, but at one point I noticed the flaming cat running around in circles causing everyone nearby to give it a wide berth. I almost got killed myself when when my jeep blew up. I was distracted, gawking at the stern silent rocket launcher woman. She was up on a roof, nonchalantly wreaking all kinds of havoc with her rockets. I was watching her demonstration of baddassery and didn’t notice that some grenades had landed nearby until it was too late. I went through more health injections in this one battle than in all the previous attacks combined.
When the enemy finally retreated and my heart rate started slowing back down, I toured the camp & surveyed the damage. Wow. We lost the main moonshine still (again) and backup too. Four or five of our trucks were on fire or ruined. Loads and loads of casualties. All but a few of our camp citizens and guards lay dead in awkward poses over the place. I saw one woman lying next to the blackened dead leopard in what almost looked like a tender embrace. One survivor ran up thanking me profusely and let me know he thought he was a goner for sure. It was the same guy who is always whining about the sad state of the outpost. You’re welcome, buddy, but you can thank me by shutting up about how shitty you think our outpost is. I’m the guy who cleans it up, asshole.
As I was standing in the road watching the stern silent woman walk around poking at bodies with her weapon, a couple in a brown sedan sped into camp & bumped into me. They were really pissed that I was in their way... and man... I was NOT in the mood for this bullshit right now. I was suddenly aware I was holding a landmine. I looked straight at the driver and casually tossed it onto his hood. I don’t know what I expected to happen, I just did it. The driver screamed “What the fuck??!” He sped off the way he came with the thing stuck fast to his car. Heh. Good riddance, asshat. When I could barely still hear his motor I heard a distant boom, and immediately got admonished for killing an innocent person. Maybe it was mean but it did take my mind off Samantha and the massacre for a minute. I must say I’m curious what finally triggered that mine since it was a friendly car obviously. Maybe he crashed into an enemy jeep?
Anyway, I decided that was more than enough action for one day. I blew off my Buzzer errand and the clean up. Honestly I don’t know why I even bother with the dead bodies since they’re always all cleaned up by morning.
Day Seven: Harold
Morning
When I woke up the place was indeed spotless again. I treated myself to another swim in the sadly empty pond. Later I had to deal with a mid-morning attack all by myself again but my MG42 made made short work of it. During the fight one of our parked jeeps exploded and, maddeningly, that made all the rest of them blow up too like exploding dominoes. I guess I shouldn’t have parked them all so close together but I just thought they looked cool all lined up like that. Bah. So our vehicle fleet that it had taken me all week to build up was all gone. Whatever. I still wanted to make a run for the Buzzer so when a young woman drove by in a van I commandeered it. She told me to drive carefully but she was being sarcastic. I zipped up to the homestead, swapped the van for the Buzzer and flew back in no time flat. The woman from the van was walking around sulking. You know, if she hadn’t given me all that attitude I might have gone back to get it for her.
Our pond has a pier on it and I decided that would make a cool heliport so I parked the buzzerd out there and I have to say it looked really good sitting there ready for action.
I rounded out the morning by putting out some landmines again. I don’t know why but they always seem to go away overnight. Maybe the over-achieving night shift?
Afternoon
Hey! Another elephant showed up! Sweet! He was throwing dust around with his trunk and lumbering down the road towards the brewery. I’m going to name this one Harold. I rode Harold around and showed him the pond which he seemed to love since he stayed in it to play. Then I scrambled around frantically removing all the mines I put out this morning. I figure with Harold’s help defending the place they aren’t really needed anyway.
Evening
Around sunset a bunch of shiny new Golden Path jeeps and trucks rolled loaded with reinforcements so we’ve finally got all our firepower back and our parking lot has a fresh trucks sitting in it again. And thanks to me we even have an air force now. Nice way to finish off the week I thought. I started to give Harold one last ride around but I forgot it would make everyone scream so I got right back off. I wish there was a "pet elephant" button. I noticed somebody abandoned their broken four-wheeler in a bush so I fixed it up and headed out. One look at the big S and A on the map and I decided I just wasn't ready deal with Amita and Sabal and the rest of my day job again. So instead I set the GPS for Varshakot to go apply for a job guarding a big fortress & see what that's like.
I kept a journal of my experiences:
Day One: Settling in
Morning
My new Kyrati home was going to be the recently liberated Royal Raski Brewery in South Kyrat. It was late in the day when I arrived and the whole area looked great in the light of the low sun. The first thing I did was take a good look around to start getting to know the place. I even took an inventory of our assets so I know what exactly is at stake here.
1 Medium sized bunkhouse/Storage Shed
1 Large Building containing nothing but a large moonshine still
(the brewery proper, I presume)
1 Small outdoor moonshine still (a backup I guess)
1 Covered area for supplies with an animal cage (empty)
1 Alarm (destroyed)
2 small guard houses, at the camp’s only two entrances
(one on the North end by a wooden bridge and one to the South)
1 Luxury apartment for me
(with 1 gun vending machine, per my rider, and a 3rd moonshine still!)
There’s an idyllic little pond just to the east, and beyond that, the rocky face of a huge mountain. There will be no attacks coming from that direction obviously. The pond is really beautiful. One of the elephants with a painted face was taking a bath in there, and it’s fed by a huge waterfall from high up the mountainside. All this beauty inspired me to clean up the place a bit before doing anything else. There were dead enemy guards stinking up the joint so I scooped them up & plopped them in the pond. I felt bad about that however when I saw it annoyed the Elephant who trumpeted & stomped into the woods.
Afternoon
This brewery seems super peaceful so far. I think this job might end up being more like a vacation at a resort which is fine by me. I took a long casual stroll around the grounds, admiring the views, and enjoying the sounds of rustling leaves, chirping birds and our flapping prayer flags.
I spied a lone beer bottle sitting on the sill of an open window begging to be shot by my crossbow. I nailed it, but instead of the sound of glass breaking there was a huge “BOOM!” wha..? I went inside to investigate and realized the bolt had gone through the bottle and stuck the big moonshine still blowing it to pieces. Hahahaha oops. Good thing we have two backup stills I guess.
Evening
The calm broke as the sun started to set. Our first attack on the outpost came in the form of a very pisssed-off leopard who caught me day-dreaming by the pond. He came out of nowhere and nearly killed me but I was so startled I fell into the water. Cats hate water. He was pacing on the shore when a teammate sniper on a roof took care of the little shit for me so I could come out and dry off. I took his skin out more of anger more than need.
Then the first actual invasion came shortly thereafter. A civilian car and an enemy jeep sped into camp at the same time from opposite directions. My guard teammates and I pounced hard the bad guys but both vehicles exploded (the quick-thinking civilian couple had jumped out in time to save themselves, but I’m not sure how they’ll get home now). Then while I was inspecting the wreckage in the road, two more jeeps zoomed in so I let loose a couple explosive arrows and dispatched them in spectacular fashion. The back one flipped completely over the front one. Michael Bay would have loved it. But now we have a problem because the only road through camp is totally clogged by all the charred vehicle wreckage, and civilian cars keep speeding in and crashing into them and getting stuck. I can’t figure out how to move the all the wreckage off the road. I tried blasting it off with some C4 but that just made the jeep husks bounce around. It’s a mess.
There were more bodies lying around too of course. The elephant was back in the pond so I didn't want to dump them in there again. If there's a Brewery policy about how to dispose of corpses I don't know what it is so I just loaded them all onto the beds of our two pickup trucks. Maybe whoever takes the trucks out next will know what to do with them. The day may might have started slow, but after this afternoon's action I’m pretty exhausted and thinking this won’t be such a cake walk after all. Going to bed.
Day Two: More Downtime
Morning
VERY windy today! Trees bowing and prayer flags flapping wildly. Gorgeous sunrise though, with a lovely reflection on our pond.
Looks like overnight someone replaced the still I blew up yesterday. Cool, cool.
Someone also got all the blown up jeeps out of here somehow, thank god. There’s still a shocking amount of civilian traffic barreling through camp today for some reason. Everyone seems to be in a huge rush to get somewhere which is weird since this outpost isn’t on-the-way to anywhere. Oh well at least they can make it through now.
Speaking of weird, all my fellow outpost guards seem to have disappeared. Couldn’t find them anywhere and the trucks are gone too. Maybe they all went to dispose of those bodies? Oh well, I don’t mind having the run of the place.
It stayed quiet all morning again. Maybe the bad guys around here sleep in. I indulged in a little dip in the pond and found a treasure chest. No elephants this morning though. Man our waterfall is awesome. It looks a little like there might even be a cave at the top of it. It’s hard to be sure from down here and there’s obviously no way to grapple up. What our camp could really use is a Buzzer to fly around and check out stuff like that. Maybe I’ll go get one for us sometime.
Afternoon
Wind has calmed down. Still no sign of my guard-mates. hope they’re ok wherever they are. I explored the area some more and just spent some time just goofing around. I shot some vultures who were eating on a dead buffalo. I threw a rock at an unsuspecting honey badger and instantly regretted it. But after a ridiculously long and drawn-out fight I ended up taking his skin. I saw a hostage situation far in the distance. A single soldier making his hostage hike towards me at gunpoint. Being careful not to hit the hostage, I scored a headshot with my sniper rifle but by the time I ran over there to untie the hostage I couldn’t find him anywhere. Finally I saw him in a bush being devoured by a wolf. Unlucky bastard. Then I went for a hike myself. Our pond feeds a creek that runs under our bridge and I hiked the length of it. I discovered that it terminates at a manhole sized opening in the rocky ground. I jumped in to discover a pretty sweet cave that someone had furnished with a statue, some plush mattresses and some treasure. Obviously someone has been living in there but no sign of them so I took all the loot.
Evening
The quiet was broken once again around sunset. I took out an enemy a jeep by myself with my trusty custom-painted MG42 this time. Man that thing is efficient. The baddies were were all dead in seconds before they could even jump out of the jeep. Their jeep was one of the nice ones with the machine gun and it wasn’t busted beyond repair so I started welding it up to add it to our own vehicle collection. But while I was working on it a second jeep zoomed in & easily ran me down because I was caught holding my blow torch instead of my MG42. A closeup of thier grill was the last thing I saw before lights out. God damn it. Dumb way to end the day.
Day Three: The Goat Thief
Morning
Woke up wondering why the hell I haven’t been putting landmines at the outpost’s two entrances. I keep forgetting about those things. I put a few down on on the road to the south and then while I was putting some on the north bridge, the southern ones blew up two jeeps. Holy shit, that was quick. And then while I was replacing those, the ones I had just installed on the bridge took out another one, flipping it dramatically into our pond. Wow. Lucky there were no Elephants in there. Now I have to go buy more mines. What the hell is going on with all these jeep attacks anyway? Seriously, Royal Raski Brewery is on the very edge of the map. It’s kind of a cul de sac of an outpost so I assumed it’d be a lot safer than than it seems to be. I’m not sure I can afford to keep our road mined if it keeps up like this.
Afternoon
Thankfully quiet again. Happy to see my guard teammates all came back from wherever they were. Spent some time on a roof with a skinny sniper in a yellow hat. We were trying to shoot some pesky eagles that were swooping around but we couldn't hit a single one. I watched a van drive over the bridge and realized civilian cars (and our own jeeps) can evidently roll right over land mines with no problem. I guess the little guys have some kind of IFF system built-in? I had no idea.
Hung out with the other guards a little. The guards here at the Brewery are almost all women which I think is cool. Also they don’t really patrol, at least not not like the enemy guards patrol. Seems like the Golden Path version of patrolling is to just kind of just meander around lazily and smoke cigarettes (they all smoke pretty much non-stop). I meandered right along with them and listened while they talked about all kinds of trivial stuff not at all related to guarding outposts. One bragged about her soup making, another was complaining about the sorry state of the outpost which offended me a little, since I’d kind of appointed myself head of the clean-up crew. Most of them are really, really chatty but there’s one tall, stern-looking woman in the camp though who is much more serious. She carries a rocket launcher and never says a god-damned word—all-business, that one. Glad she’s on our side. I think I have a crush on her.
Oh I noticed all the body’s are gone from the trucks. Good.
Evening
Around sunset I was on the bridge next to a young guard who was griping about something or other when I saw an eagle trying to fly off with what looked like a pretty big goat through my scope. Crazy! I’d heard a rumor that this happened sometimes but I hadn’t really believed it. I tried to shoot it of course since all those face-mauling assholes need to die but I missed. I don’t think I’ve managed to hit a single Eagle my entire time in Kyrat. The gripey guard alongside me said she could have made that shot in her sleep. That so? I considered shooting her.
Still no enemy activity since the morning landmine party. A civilian sedan came careening wildly through camp and drove himself off our bridge for no apparent reason which was bizarre to watch happen. But nobody got hurt so I just kind of shrugged about that one. But yeah I guess the bad guys knocked off early today so I decided to follow suit. I spent the rest of the day hunting leopards in the woods just to the west. Got face-mauled by a fucking eagle while I was out there but ended up with a clean kill on two cats with my bow. Later a sherpa jingled by with some “good deals for me.” I was just about to sell him my new leopard skins and buy some landmines for tomorrow when another crazy-driving civilian sedan unceremoniously ran him down before I knew what was going on and sped off to the South . Why do some of these people drive like they’re drunk & being chased by a rhino? Oh well. I loaded the poor sherpa in a pickup and headed back to the outpost.
All things considered, it was actually a pretty relaxing, quiet evening tonight at the old Royal Raski Brewery. I watched the moon rise over the pond for a bit before heading to bed.
Day Four: Samantha
Morning
Haha. As soon as I left my apartment this morning I found a guard on my stoop complaining to me about all the enemy jeeps which I found hilarious.
“Back and forth! Back and forth! Enemy convoy, enemy convoy! when will it stop?!”
Beats me, lady. Beats me.
Oh that couple whose car blew up on the first day? I saw them in the Brewery this morning. They never left. I guess instead of finding a new way home they thought it’d be easier to just start living here.
Happy to see that our pond elephant has forgiven me for my dead-soldier-dumping incident and has returned to the pond. I named her Samantha.
Afternoon
I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t think of this earlier. We’ve had a perfect solution to the problem of clearing exploded jeeps off the road sitting under our nose this whole time. More accurately, she’s been bathing in our pond. I just rode Samantha into camp and let her knock them all out of the way for me. Easy peasy. It was super fun too. It terrified everyone in the outpost, who ran around screaming their heads off. And to be fair, Samantha did accidentally flip one truck onto a guard. But I had a blast and I think maybe Samantha did too.
Evening
I’ve been riding Samantha around pretty much all day long. I love this elephant! I think she’ll be a great companion. As far as I’m concerned she’s now an official member-in-good-standing of the Royal Raski Brewery guard squad. She stopped three invasions today pretty much all by herself. All I had to do was sit on her back and gently suggest which jeeps should be flipping violently through the air and she’d make it so. Plus she seems totally cool about me being on her back all day, even if my human guard teammates aren’t cool about it at all. Maybe they’ll chill out when they start to see she really is friendly & totally on our side. I rode her into the pond afterwards to thank her before bed. Oh, speaking of the concept of animals having “sides,” I noticed today that goats don’t seem to set off my land mines but leopards and wolves do. Is it possible the IFF systems in our mines can even tell the difference between good-guy animals and bad-guy animals? That’s bizarre and amazing if true.
Day Five: Tragedy on the Bridge
Morning
Oh my god.
Ok I was obviously wrong about the land mines never blowing up good animals. This morning one killed Samantha. I saw her crossing the bridge into camp, as if to come say good morning to me. Then boom.
Ugh. I can’t even move her body and I refuse to skin her of course. I’m going back to bed. No guarding for me today. Ugh.
Day Six: All Out War—The Battle of The Brewery
Morning
The mysterious night shift cleaning crew we seem to have took care of Samantha’s body overnight. I decided to try to get my mind off of her with a road trip to get a Buzzer for the camp. I remembered that I have one parked back at my homestead which isn’t very far, but its far enough that I didn’t feel like walking. I picked out a confiscated jeep from our ever-growing fleet and headed out. But I’d barely crossed the bridge when I got a radio distress call that we were being invaded so I slammed on the brakes and sped back. I stopped the jeep with a cool little drift in the middle of camp, jumped on the jeep’s 50-cal and started pounding on the scores invaders who were now rushing in. I’m glad I came straight back because it turned out to be our biggest attack by far. I couldn’t even count how many enemy soldiers there were. Many were coming up the south by road but most were busting out of my hunting forest. They brought regular soldiers, those sneaky hunter guys with bows (who I hate), and those giant armored dudes with flamethrowers. This was a really intense, bloody battle and it lasted quite a while. Very heavy casualties all around. At one point a crazy leopard even sprinted in and joined the fray. He added to the death toll on both sides before someone or something set him on fire. I didn’t see it happen, but at one point I noticed the flaming cat running around in circles causing everyone nearby to give it a wide berth. I almost got killed myself when when my jeep blew up. I was distracted, gawking at the stern silent rocket launcher woman. She was up on a roof, nonchalantly wreaking all kinds of havoc with her rockets. I was watching her demonstration of baddassery and didn’t notice that some grenades had landed nearby until it was too late. I went through more health injections in this one battle than in all the previous attacks combined.
When the enemy finally retreated and my heart rate started slowing back down, I toured the camp & surveyed the damage. Wow. We lost the main moonshine still (again) and backup too. Four or five of our trucks were on fire or ruined. Loads and loads of casualties. All but a few of our camp citizens and guards lay dead in awkward poses over the place. I saw one woman lying next to the blackened dead leopard in what almost looked like a tender embrace. One survivor ran up thanking me profusely and let me know he thought he was a goner for sure. It was the same guy who is always whining about the sad state of the outpost. You’re welcome, buddy, but you can thank me by shutting up about how shitty you think our outpost is. I’m the guy who cleans it up, asshole.
As I was standing in the road watching the stern silent woman walk around poking at bodies with her weapon, a couple in a brown sedan sped into camp & bumped into me. They were really pissed that I was in their way... and man... I was NOT in the mood for this bullshit right now. I was suddenly aware I was holding a landmine. I looked straight at the driver and casually tossed it onto his hood. I don’t know what I expected to happen, I just did it. The driver screamed “What the fuck??!” He sped off the way he came with the thing stuck fast to his car. Heh. Good riddance, asshat. When I could barely still hear his motor I heard a distant boom, and immediately got admonished for killing an innocent person. Maybe it was mean but it did take my mind off Samantha and the massacre for a minute. I must say I’m curious what finally triggered that mine since it was a friendly car obviously. Maybe he crashed into an enemy jeep?
Anyway, I decided that was more than enough action for one day. I blew off my Buzzer errand and the clean up. Honestly I don’t know why I even bother with the dead bodies since they’re always all cleaned up by morning.
Day Seven: Harold
Morning
When I woke up the place was indeed spotless again. I treated myself to another swim in the sadly empty pond. Later I had to deal with a mid-morning attack all by myself again but my MG42 made made short work of it. During the fight one of our parked jeeps exploded and, maddeningly, that made all the rest of them blow up too like exploding dominoes. I guess I shouldn’t have parked them all so close together but I just thought they looked cool all lined up like that. Bah. So our vehicle fleet that it had taken me all week to build up was all gone. Whatever. I still wanted to make a run for the Buzzer so when a young woman drove by in a van I commandeered it. She told me to drive carefully but she was being sarcastic. I zipped up to the homestead, swapped the van for the Buzzer and flew back in no time flat. The woman from the van was walking around sulking. You know, if she hadn’t given me all that attitude I might have gone back to get it for her.
Our pond has a pier on it and I decided that would make a cool heliport so I parked the buzzerd out there and I have to say it looked really good sitting there ready for action.
I rounded out the morning by putting out some landmines again. I don’t know why but they always seem to go away overnight. Maybe the over-achieving night shift?
Afternoon
Hey! Another elephant showed up! Sweet! He was throwing dust around with his trunk and lumbering down the road towards the brewery. I’m going to name this one Harold. I rode Harold around and showed him the pond which he seemed to love since he stayed in it to play. Then I scrambled around frantically removing all the mines I put out this morning. I figure with Harold’s help defending the place they aren’t really needed anyway.
Evening
Around sunset a bunch of shiny new Golden Path jeeps and trucks rolled loaded with reinforcements so we’ve finally got all our firepower back and our parking lot has a fresh trucks sitting in it again. And thanks to me we even have an air force now. Nice way to finish off the week I thought. I started to give Harold one last ride around but I forgot it would make everyone scream so I got right back off. I wish there was a "pet elephant" button. I noticed somebody abandoned their broken four-wheeler in a bush so I fixed it up and headed out. One look at the big S and A on the map and I decided I just wasn't ready deal with Amita and Sabal and the rest of my day job again. So instead I set the GPS for Varshakot to go apply for a job guarding a big fortress & see what that's like.
0
Posts