My girlfriend is in hell

DuinHalfmorn

uh. hi! I need some advice, and my grammar is shit sorry about that. my girlfriend is sort of in charge of supporting her family financially and physically supporting them. thay all do there part to help, but when you have a autistic younger brother, a dying mother, a teen mom younger sister, and now a grandmother with alzheimers. she is doing the lions share in her early twenties. and she doesn't even complain once, an amazing woman. the thing is she is one of those "I have to do it all alone" types of people, and wont accept my help(I have tried for weeks, it actually nearly ruined the relationship), in ether the physical or financial. her home has no room for another person inside it, but I really want to be there for her. along with being someone I love more then anyone, she also saved my life 4 months ago and I want to help her in turn, but I don't know how. maby there isn't a how to this one. thank you for reading.

Grunt's Ghosts

Just be there for her and when she ask for help, give it. Until then, being there for her emotionally is all you can do for now.

MichaelLC

Sounds like she needs some social services help. Are there any groups or agencies in her city, maybe try the city health department?

And i'm going to last down some real talk here. If she is the main support for all those people, a boy(?)friend may not be what she needs right now. Do you loved her or live that she is so giving?

DuinHalfmorn

first of all thank you for the reply's! I am aware that I may not be the thing she needs right now in her life, I will hope deep down that we can come out the otherside together but I care about her as a bestfriend as much as I do as a partner and I want to do what i can regardless of where that leaves me. as for my love of her its..i have to be careful to not get lost in trying to tell you all the things i love about her, but yes i love her for much more then just her giving nature. as for the social services you are probably right, getting this proud woman to do that however, is another challenge on its own, i will think on it. and meanwhile i will be doing as Grunt said and be there for her emotionally to lean on when it gets too painful. thank you again for the feedback :biggrin:

Hevach

I was in a similar situation to her a few years back - not as many dependents, but by the time I was 17 I was responsible for most of the care for my paraplegic father, and by the time I was 19 my mother was developing Alzheimer's. I did exactly what she's doing, and if I'd had somebody doing what you want to do I would have brushed them aside because NOT doing this was built up so far in my head as personal failure and betrayal of my family.

Ultimately, what I needed was to be overwhelmed. To accept I was in over my head, and admit defeat, even if I still believed that meant betraying my parents. And Alzheimer's will probably do that, it's incredibly trying to watch a loved one go through that, and it's probably one of the worst diseases there are because for a lot of its progression, it's not the afflicted but everyone close to them that does the suffering. It'll break even the strongest people, without everything else on her plate. I could have taken care of my father for another twenty years, as far apart as we were, but I could barely last a few years watching my mother's mind slip away like that.

She will need you then. And it will be hard.

DuinHalfmorn

this post blows me away, it is so helpful and lets me see it through her eyes, thank you my friend for sharing that! it means the world to me! i think i can work with this, thank you for the part about how its built up inside her mind especially! your right i wont be able to give her any direct aid if that's going on inside her. but i can be there, and i can be ready to hold her when the time comes. i cant say thank you enough for this insight.