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old games for people who don't value their free time

WaltWalt Waller Arcane EnchantedFrozen ElectrifiedRegistered User regular

Today you can buy almost every game Apogee ever made on Steam, because last October's Apogee Anthology has made it to your favorite platform.

Featuring 30 legendary games and also Duke Nukem Manhattan Project and Xenophage Alien Bloodsport, the fun just doesn't stop until you have one hostage left to rescue and you've been going in circles for 25 minutes where are they who designed this god forsaken maze and why do the enemies respawn as soon as I leave the screen?!

For those of you not in the know, thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Ser Apogee of Threedy Realms, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless computer software entertainment out of dino bone and his own waste, hurling them at chimp like creatures with crinkled hands. These so-called "computer video games" were copied as shareware, and distributed upon floppies, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. Today many of these computer video games can still be played using a sacred relic known as the DOSBox, and even today are peddled on street corners by purveyors of forbidden knowledge.

So anyways, I'm pretty excited to be let down by decrepit mechanics and the crushing realization that I will never be six years old again while rockin' out to a sweet soundtrack, are you?

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