I've always been of the opinion that the asker should pay
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Is he ashamed to admit he's dating someone from the internet or what?
he said he's not. i even asked if he's embarassed of me cus of how i look.
his initial reaction to me asking about fb status was ignoring at first, and then something like"who cares about stupid facebook status?". yet he is using it, and has much more people on it than i do. eventually after me bringing it up a bunch of times, saying how it's making me anxious, he said he'd change it if we met irl. i don't get it.
The answer is that you care about a Facebook status. If he doesn't, that is also fine, but it matters to you, so there really isn't a good answer of why not do it since it is not a high about of effort on his part.
Back before when Vivienne and I first started dating, I didn't put on Facebook at all if I was single, because I didn't really care about using Facebook like that way. Then Viv said she wanted to change it to show that we were dating. (You can't just have one person show who they are dating explicitly, you need both people) I also said, "Why, who cares?"
She said that she cares, so I changed it.
She still puts on the toilet paper wrong though and I care about that despite her saying she doesn't care about it.
Just...split checks people. I really have never understood the resistance to the idea. Especially early dates. Neither of us is doing the other a favor, or a service, we are figuring out if we like each other! Hopefully we both do! But neither of us should be paying to figure that out. Exceptions include economic disparity or doing something early but expensive like a concert that one person really pushed for, then it might make more sense for the person more invested in the activity to pay for both. But dinner or drinks? Honey-child you can buy your own. On the flip-side, if your "masculinity" or similar concept is threatened by your date paying, feck off too.
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Also does anyone know if Facebook allows Poly people to list all their partners (if they choose to)
Facebook still does its easily weaponized real names enforcement right?
I'd be surprised if they were cool about poly stuff.
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Facebook's only strength is their ubiquity and Events system. They're not so great about anything else.
Also I wish they'd stop asking me to "complete my profile". Like seriously, shut up Facebook. You'll get what I give you, and not a single detail more.
i didn't say that about support?just said that's not why i posted here. thanks everybody for your comments, i thought no one would comment at all.
No you didn't say that. But it seemed like the implacation of the text on a screen comment.
Anyhow, my post was meant to point out that it is perfectly normal for people to talk about the ups and downs of love. So don't feel bad if you don't have happy news to post.
It's okay.
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
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MeeqeLord of the pants most fancySomeplace amazingRegistered Userregular
Poly support anywhere on the internet other than OKC is pretty terrible.
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MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
Poly support anywhere on the internet other than OKC is pretty terrible.
Fetlife
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Last time I was on that site I was struck by how... remedial their overall design scheme was.
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Last time I was on that site I was struck by how... remedial their overall design scheme was.
It definitely has a few kinks in the systen
WeedLordVegeta on
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
BOOOOOO
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I agree with Usagi but hate you all.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
maybe you guys were right. forum comments did nothing. i think he doesn't love me anymore and that he dumped me. he thinks that i hate him and is ignoring me again. does it look like i do?i just wanna crawl into bed and not come out entire summer.
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StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
maybe you guys were right. forum comments did nothing. i think he doesn't love me anymore and that he dumped me. he thinks that i hate him and is ignoring me again. does it look like i do?i just wanna crawl into bed and not come out entire summer.
It doesn't look like you hate him. It looks like you care about him quite a bit.
However, it certainly doesn't look like he cares about you.
I mean, I am assuming at this point that he has been lying to you about at least something for the past several months/years, which already implied that, but his reactions certainly aren't helping his case.
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I Win Swordfightsall the traits of greatnessstarlight at my feetRegistered Userregular
Yeah tbh this whole time I've been thinking "this is poisonous to you" but was letting other people say more than that one line
It sounds not only like he's hiding something, it further sounds like he is (whether intentionally or not) taking advantage of your anxiety/nerves about these sorts of things to deflect so that you're way more focused on your own brain spiders to notice what he's doing.
That may not at all be intentional but it's seems to me like that's what's happening
CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
So, grrmusha, it may not be related at all, but the way you're talking about this guy reminds me of a relationship I had about a year and a half ago - the guy was really dodgy, kind of ignored me a lot even when I sent him heartfelt questions asking him what was wrong. Turned out the guy was married and what I ended up calling a "lady collector." He likes having a lot of different women into him without having to put up much effort on his end.
Your guy may have a completely different reason for acting the way he is, but I would say he's definitely hiding something.
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
This guy might be hiding something from you, he might not be. Maybe there's some sort of intense social anxiety on his end, or something else, who knows.
It doesn't actually matter whether he is or not, the outcome of that for YOU has been to have your desire to be visible in his life ignored, to have your want to ACTUALLY SEE the person in 2 years to NEVER get fulfilled. To have your emotional self TREATED like it doesn't matter, repeatedly, even if he is saying the right thing. To treat you like your opinions on what's important and what you need are worthless, as if you yourself are worthless.
I'm sure there have been good times in your relationship with this person. There is in every relationship. But he doesn't have to be doing this conciously for the effect to still be real. There are relationships out there that have those same good times, and do not come with someone treating you like crap.
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
edited August 2015
See, and here I think, why not just be poly and honest about it, isn't it so much less trouble and so much nicer not to have to hide?
And then I remember that I don't want someone like that in my dating pool.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
See, and here I think, why not just be poly and honest about it, isn't it so much less trouble and so much nicer not to have to hide?
See, I don't think the guy I'm referring to is what you'd call poly, either. Because even if he were honest about it, he wouldn't want to spend any effort meeting anyone's needs except his own. That's the part that reminds me of grrmusha's dude.
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Posts
Also a good way to do things, with a few provisos.
The answer is that you care about a Facebook status. If he doesn't, that is also fine, but it matters to you, so there really isn't a good answer of why not do it since it is not a high about of effort on his part.
Back before when Vivienne and I first started dating, I didn't put on Facebook at all if I was single, because I didn't really care about using Facebook like that way. Then Viv said she wanted to change it to show that we were dating. (You can't just have one person show who they are dating explicitly, you need both people) I also said, "Why, who cares?"
She said that she cares, so I changed it.
She still puts on the toilet paper wrong though and I care about that despite her saying she doesn't care about it.
Satans..... hints.....
Satans..... hints.....
It does not.
Satans..... hints.....
I'd be surprised if they were cool about poly stuff.
Also I wish they'd stop asking me to "complete my profile". Like seriously, shut up Facebook. You'll get what I give you, and not a single detail more.
No you didn't say that. But it seemed like the implacation of the text on a screen comment.
Anyhow, my post was meant to point out that it is perfectly normal for people to talk about the ups and downs of love. So don't feel bad if you don't have happy news to post.
It's okay.
but they're listening to every word I say
Fetlife
Agree.
It definitely has a few kinks in the systen
I'm sure if you put some thought into that joke you could whip it into shape
Steam ID: Obos Vent: Obos
At least I am hated and not pitied
It doesn't look like you hate him. It looks like you care about him quite a bit.
However, it certainly doesn't look like he cares about you.
I mean, I am assuming at this point that he has been lying to you about at least something for the past several months/years, which already implied that, but his reactions certainly aren't helping his case.
That may not at all be intentional but it's seems to me like that's what's happening
Your guy may have a completely different reason for acting the way he is, but I would say he's definitely hiding something.
It doesn't actually matter whether he is or not, the outcome of that for YOU has been to have your desire to be visible in his life ignored, to have your want to ACTUALLY SEE the person in 2 years to NEVER get fulfilled. To have your emotional self TREATED like it doesn't matter, repeatedly, even if he is saying the right thing. To treat you like your opinions on what's important and what you need are worthless, as if you yourself are worthless.
I'm sure there have been good times in your relationship with this person. There is in every relationship. But he doesn't have to be doing this conciously for the effect to still be real. There are relationships out there that have those same good times, and do not come with someone treating you like crap.
And then I remember that I don't want someone like that in my dating pool.
See, I don't think the guy I'm referring to is what you'd call poly, either. Because even if he were honest about it, he wouldn't want to spend any effort meeting anyone's needs except his own. That's the part that reminds me of grrmusha's dude.
Well, society doesn't teach us that's an option
And, also, most of those people like cambiata describes aren't in it for the multiple relationships, but for the control it gives them over.others.