Possible Stalker. Police not much of a help.

Sagroth

I'll try and keep this brief.

Last week, my spouse and I found our passenger side tires were flat. Taking them to the shop revealed that they had been slashed by someone(punctures in the side wall). We reported the incident to the police. Last night, someone left a red rose on our windshield saying "I miss you" on the card. We reported this to the police as well, but they can't really do anything.

So either there is a case of mistaken identity(this person thinks the car belongs to someone else), or my spouse or I have a stalker. Neither of us are having an affair or anything, either, so we don't know who it could be. As I said, the police aren't doing much. There are no distinguishing brandings on the flower card, so tracing the flower won't help. We're going to put a note on our windshield every night for the next few weeks saying they have the wrong person. We have also spoken with our apartment complex, but they cannot help and don't know who else in the complex has a car like ours. We're going to ask some neighbors who are nite owls and spend time on their balconies if they have seen anything. Other than they, we have no idea what to do here and no idea how dangerous this person is. I'm freaking out. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Pinfeldorf

Is the local department willing to send a black and white through the area at night every so often to check for suspicious activity?

Maybe you could set up a camera with a motion sensor in your car? Could just be a neighbor kid fucking with you. Could also be serious.

see317

Is there anyway you can set a camera to watch your car/parking space? I don't know if that would jive with the apartment management, so you should probably clear it with them first.

If they say no, you might want to look into a dash cam like system. Something you can mount inside your car to take photos if it detects motion nearby.

dispatch.o

Sagroth wrote: »

I'll try and keep this brief.

Last week, my spouse and I found our passenger side tires were flat. Taking them to the shop revealed that they had been slashed by someone(punctures in the side wall). We reported the incident to the police. Last night, someone left a red rose on our windshield saying "I miss you" on the card. We reported this to the police as well, but they can't really do anything.

So either there is a case of mistaken identity(this person thinks the car belongs to someone else), or my spouse or I have a stalker. Neither of us are having an affair or anything, either, so we don't know who it could be. As I said, the police aren't doing much. There are no distinguishing brandings on the flower card, so tracing the flower won't help. We're going to put a note on our windshield every night for the next few weeks saying they have the wrong person. We have also spoken with our apartment complex, but they cannot help and don't know who else in the complex has a car like ours. We're going to ask some neighbors who are nite owls and spend time on their balconies if they have seen anything. Other than they, we have no idea what to do here and no idea how dangerous this person is. I'm freaking out. Any ideas would be appreciated.

What day of the week is this going on? The sad possibility exists this disturbed person is doing it on their night off, or when they don't have to work the next day. You may be able to figure out when to expect it next and contact the cops ahead of time or set up a camera.

ceres

Pinfeldorf wrote: »

Could just be a neighbor kid fucking with you. Could also be serious.

I think when we're to the point of slashing tires it's already well into serious territory.

I can also tell you that if I were stalking someone the absolute LAST thing I would expect to find is a note left in return saying "uhhh, I think you have the wrong person there buddy."

TheZK

What sort of advice are you asking for here? Is the concern your car, or general safety? Do you have reason to belive someone knows you rather than your car?

For general parking safety, I'd suggest in general:

1. Park somewhere else if you can. Park somewhere where you can clearly see if anyone is waiting for you when you're both walking away from and especially walking to your car.
2. Don't spend tons of time sitting in the car with the car parked. If you have to fix makeup or fill out a time card or read your cars manual or duck with your phone, do it somewhere else.
3. Don't leave personal documents, beyond what you have to, in the car. You'd prefer someone breaking into your car doesn't get your apartment number.

Leaving a 'wrong person!' note sound amusing but it's hard to predict how tire-slashers are thinking to begin with.

Sagroth

dispatch.o wrote: »

What day of the week is this going on? The sad possibility exists this disturbed person is doing it on their night off, or when they don't have to work the next day. You may be able to figure out when to expect it next and contact the cops ahead of time or set up a camera.

First time with the tires happened after 1:30 Thursday morning. The most recent happened at some point between 6pm and midnight(though I am assuming after dark) on Thursday. We're considering staying up and monitoring Wednesday night and Thursday evening next week in case the culprit comes back.

dispatch.o

Just don't sit around waiting to confront someone mentally unstable or drunk enough to leave crazy notes who obviously carries a knife.

Cambiata

dispatch.o wrote: »

Just don't sit around waiting to confront someone mentally unstable or drunk enough to leave crazy notes who obviously carries a knife.

I expect he and his spouse would be waiting around to call the police, not confront him directly. Police can probably do a lot more when they catch someone in the act.

dispatch.o

Cambiata wrote: »

dispatch.o wrote: »

Just don't sit around waiting to confront someone mentally unstable or drunk enough to leave crazy notes who obviously carries a knife.

I expect he and his spouse would be waiting around to call the police, not confront him directly. Police can probably do a lot more when they catch someone in the act.

Absolutely. I was just saying if you are doing this with the intention of a confrontation, do not do it. Absolutely keep an eye out for them and call the cops. Don't flip your shit if he decides to smash a window and go confront him or escalate.

Inquisitor77

Unless the cops are going to be waiting there with you, staying up to call them is kind of a waste of time and effort. By the time a patrol rolls around the person will be long gone. Leaving a note is not a good idea. The #1 rule of crazy is that You Do Not Engage With The Crazy, and in this case you have no idea what is going on. Don't assume that this is just a case of mistaken identity. It could be someone who is literally insane and believes you are the reborn spirit of their long-lost loved one (who also happens to be Unicorn Satan!).

If you can, just set up a camera so that you can record anything weird going on. Make sure that your home is secure at night, whether you are there or not. If you are seriously in fear for your life, then carry around pepper spray or something similar (assuming it's legal to do so). Other than that, there's not much you can do beyond what you are already doing, which is being vigilant and reporting everything that happens to the police. Unfortunately, they can't do much until an actual crime is committed.

iRevert

Inquisitor77 wrote: »

Unless the cops are going to be waiting there with you, staying up to call them is kind of a waste of time and effort. By the time a patrol rolls around the person will be long gone. Leaving a note is not a good idea. The #1 rule of crazy is that You Do Not Engage With The Crazy, and in this case you have no idea what is going on. Don't assume that this is just a case of mistaken identity. It could be someone who is literally insane and believes you are the reborn spirit of their long-lost loved one (who also happens to be Unicorn Satan!).

If you can, just set up a camera so that you can record anything weird going on. Make sure that your home is secure at night, whether you are there or not. If you are seriously in fear for your life, then carry around pepper spray or something similar (assuming it's legal to do so). Other than that, there's not much you can do beyond what you are already doing, which is being vigilant and reporting everything that happens to the police. Unfortunately, they can't do much until an actual crime is committed.

Ooooh you don't engage crazy....man where were you when my ex-wife was around [/rimshot]

I would mention that IR security cams can be purchased and while the lower cost ones might not give you the best picture it can give you an idea about what's happening and keep you safe while doing so (as well as possibly record something to be handed off to the cops)

Nbsp

Set up a Nest cam it has night vision and motion detection.

Terrendos

Looks like you can get a low-end game camera (the kind hunters use for tracking wildlife) for around $60. They'd be easy to mount in your car or outside, but most of them are camouflaged so they might stick out in an urban environment.

Cabezone

I've set up and used Arlo cameras. They are very easy to work with and you could place inside the car. Nest cam has very poor night vision.

zepherin

Also as a practical safety measure, since you aren't totally sure who the target of the stalking is (it could be either of you and from either sex), both you should assume that the person knows where you two work and you should make sure you and your spouse are both going to your cars after work with a group or another person. Explain the situation with your boss, so you aren't the only person staying at work at 4am walking to your car.

tinwhiskers

A Smith and Wesson M&P Shield 9mm with Speer Gold Dots, a training course, and a CC permit for each of you. Do not go out and confront them, but you need to go to work/shop etc and if they are slashing tires they might be slashing you. The whole property damage to "I miss you" swing does not suggest a stable person.

dispatch.o

tinwhiskers wrote: »

A Smith and Wesson M&P Shield 9mm with Speer Gold Dots, a training course, and a CC permit for each of you. Do not go out and confront them, but you need to go to work/shop etc and if they are slashing tires they might be slashing you. The whole property damage to "I miss you" swing does not suggest a stable person.

What the fuck? No.

Gaslight

I don't see why the suggestion that now might be a good time for OP and his spouse to think about taking measures to protect themselves - you know, while they have an unknown, probably unstable person who is apparently obsessed with one of them vandalizing their property - would be out of bounds. It's not a solution to the immediate problem of "How do we make this person cut it out and go away" but it could prevent much worse problems in the future.

Nbsp

There is nothing wrong with keeping a gun close by for self defense. Depending where the op lives he may be able to keep one in his car without any kind of permit. Considering the focus that the stalker has on the car it should be the minimum the op should do, not saying he has to carry it around 24/7.

Plus we know the stalker carries a knife, which is already more dangerous than a gun.

Better to be safe than sorry.

ceres

This is not a thread for arguing about guns and further posts here along those lines will result in infractions.

Nija

If you setup video cameras, you need to be aware of unintended things being captured on video, such as the camera pointing into a (bedroom) window.

bowen

I assume the video camera would not be permissible evidence so much as a way of identifying the culprit.

I would argue the camera is the best way to go about this.

Do you have a garage where car can be kept, or maybe a driveway (sounds like the car is parked in the street) that's easier to get a camera trained on to record the person?

tinwhiskers

What are your arrangements for going to work? Do you drive together, one of you bus, etc? I'd start working your schedules so you leave/arrive together, and also drive some weird routes to work. Drive past and U turn, go around the block, etc. Just to see if they are following you.

Is your apartment ground/1st floor?

dispatch.o

How long have you lived in that location? Do you have assigned parking?

It may be worthwhile letting property management in the area know about this in the event the stalker has the "right" apartment number but wrong complex/building. There could already exist a restraining order in place by someone a block away or on another property.

tinwhiskers

Does the property allow dogs? My dog scares away at least 3 burglars/murderers an hour when awake.

Gnizmo

tinwhiskers wrote: »

A Smith and Wesson M&P Shield 9mm with Speer Gold Dots, a training course, and a CC permit for each of you. Do not go out and confront them, but you need to go to work/shop etc and if they are slashing tires they might be slashing you. The whole property damage to "I miss you" swing does not suggest a stable person.

Not to get into the guns debate, but anything you carry for self defense should be chosen very carefully. You need to be competent, comfortable, and most importantly willing to use whatever it is you carry without hesitation. Any weapon you can't or won't use is your attackers weapon. To that end I tend to advise against any immediate changes to what you carry for self defense, but looking into classes and training for long term isn't a terrible idea if you think it will give you future peace of mind. Truthfully your best bet is self defense courses, but that is not to say it can't be combined with something else.

Kilgore Trout

Gnizmo wrote: »

Not to get into the guns debate, but anything you carry for self defense should be chosen very carefully. You need to be competent, comfortable, and most importantly willing to use whatever it is you carry without hesitation. Any weapon you can't or won't use is your attackers weapon. To that end I tend to advise against any immediate changes to what you carry for self defense, but looking into classes and training for long term isn't a terrible idea if you think it will give you future peace of mind. Truthfully your best bet is self defense courses, but that is not to say it can't be combined with something else.

As a former martial arts instructor, I would stress that this rings true any self defense course too. There is a big difference between having knowledge regarding how to disable an attacker, and having the presence of mind in a real-world situation. Any good instructor will tell you that the best self defense is avoiding an altercation altogether, and the next best thing is to run the hell away from an attacker. It is all about ending and escaping a fight scenario as quickly as possible - or better yet, avoiding it all together.

I've given this advice before and will repeat it again: don't take classes from instructors who claim that you will be able to break bones or knock people out in a few weeks or months. You can learn to protect yourself in a short timespan, but not how to kick ass and take names. Anyone who tells you otherwise is putting more value on their wallet than your safety and isn't worth your time.

I will also echo what has already been said and stress that whatever you do, take steps to avoid coming face to face with this person (e.g. walking with someone else, calling the police if you see anything) for your own safety.

Sagroth

Thanks for all the help, folks.

We're looking into buying the suggested camera. In the meantime, we've used a note on the car and also informed the complex of what is going on. So far this week, we have not had any new incident(the last two happened roughly around Thursday each a week apart). There has not been anything on our doorstep or in our mail either, just the two incidents with the car, so we are hoping this is still a mistaken identity issue.

As for the rest:
-We've lived at our current location for 3 years. Parking is not reserved.
-My wife works evenings and I work overnights. I pick her up from work whenever she works. I, on the other hand, do go to work at night alone.
-Neither my wife nor I want a gun.
-I'd rather avoid self defense training unless this stalker acts out again. Also, my spouse has some actual MMA training(though admittedly not all THAT much).

Anyways, we're going to remain pretty vigilant about this for the next month at least.

Lilnoobs

I would keep him. He allows a shaman archetype that isn't just grind out totems, and with some eventual doomhammers, you'l have a shaman deck with lots of reach. Otherwise, you'll just be dependent on bloodlust (lol) to finish games or the RNG jesus from crackle.

ceres

Okay, first of all I'm pretty sure it's RNGsus. Second, I'm guessing you have the wrong thread. :P

Space Pickle

Lilnoobs wrote: »

I would keep him. He allows a shaman archetype that isn't just grind out totems, and with some eventual doomhammers, you'l have a shaman deck with lots of reach. Otherwise, you'll just be dependent on bloodlust (lol) to finish games or the RNG jesus from crackle.

amazing

well done

Gnizmo

Sagroth wrote: »

Thanks for all the help, folks.

We're looking into buying the suggested camera. In the meantime, we've used a note on the car and also informed the complex of what is going on. So far this week, we have not had any new incident(the last two happened roughly around Thursday each a week apart). There has not been anything on our doorstep or in our mail either, just the two incidents with the car, so we are hoping this is still a mistaken identity issue.

As for the rest:
-We've lived at our current location for 3 years. Parking is not reserved.
-My wife works evenings and I work overnights. I pick her up from work whenever she works. I, on the other hand, do go to work at night alone.
-Neither my wife nor I want a gun.
-I'd rather avoid self defense training unless this stalker acts out again. Also, my spouse has some actual MMA training(though admittedly not all THAT much).

Anyways, we're going to remain pretty vigilant about this for the next month at least.

The crazy behind stalkers is interesting and disturbing. Short version is I wouldn't expect a note saying you are someone else to work. Stalking would be much less of an issue if it was that easy. They can be slightly erratic though in their behavior, and can lose interest in a target for want of a better term. I have known some to go back to their favorites from time to time though and I am guessing this is the current situation. That is someone who used to live in your aparment, or at least had a similar car in the complex moved away and now they are acting out on you.

I am hoping I am wrong about the note, but I am glad to hear you are staying vigilant just in case. It could be that the person has located the true object of their desires and has moved on accordingly. Disturbing thought on many levels, but would keep you and your wife safe at the least.

Lilnoobs

ceres wrote: »

Okay, first of all I'm pretty sure it's RNGsus. Second, I'm guessing you have the wrong thread. :P

Indeed, my bad.

Djeet

tinwhiskers wrote: »

Does the property allow dogs? My dog scares away at least 3 burglars/murderers an hour when awake.

Don't get a dog unless you want a dog. He is a life and not a gun or a security system or a dashcam.